New Beginning-Different Character perspectives
by JennTH
Summary: One shots from random characters from New Beginning. Some might be a few parts long, but otherwise, it's just one shot chapters. All OCs so you likely won't like.
1. Turning 30 Part 1

A/N: This is the last of New Beginning stories that are already written. Anything uploaded after this will be newly written. I will not be mass uploading after today. Some of these are different character perspective one shots from New Beginning. Some are a few chapters long, while others are just one chapter.

These are all O/Cs and you likely won't like them.

I wrote New Beginning years ago, but then I moved it to a blog. I started this story just for fun while I worked on better projects. However, as much as it was just for fun, I grew to enjoy writing about these characters. So whenever I have writers block on my real stories, or even when I am feeling stressed, I write about these characters lives. Many people might not enjoy this since it's OC and all but this story as bad as it might be actually got me through stressful times. Whenever I was feeling upset, I would think about some happy things happening to them or even bad things. I would sit down, and write about them. I logged back onto this site recently and saw some recent requests for this story. So I've decided to resurrect it here since some people don't want to read it on my blog.

Turning 30-Ashley

Turning 30.

I walked into the kitchen with Hailey in my arms. Hayden and Ben were sitting at Island. The moment we entered, Ben quickly rolled up the piece of parchment that the two of them had been looking at. Hayden had grown inches in height that year. It wasn't surprising however. Rachel was a tall lady, and although I'd never met Hayden's father, I was sure the bloke had been tall. She had been shallow when it came to that kind of thing. She would never date someone the same height or shorter. So it was safe to say that his father had been tall. I was sure that someday, he'd be taller than Ben.

"What are you two up to?" I asked as I walked over and set Hailey on one of the stools.

"It's a secret, mummy," Hailey answered and I smiled at her.

"And you know what it is?" I asked her.

"Uh huh," she answered with a cute grin.

I was sure I knew what they were actually up to, and I wasn't going to ruin the surprise. My thirtieth birthday was coming up in September. The entire family had been quite secretive lately, even the kids. Ben hadn't had a surprise party for my birthday in years, but I was sure they were planning one. If I really wanted to, I could get it from Hailey, or even Cameron but I wouldn't. It wouldn't be right to trick my children into spilling the secret.

"You'll never guess mummy," she continued.

"I'm sure I can't," I said and then I smiled at Hayden and Ben.

I was sure they knew that I knew, or at least Ben did. He had to know that I was expecting he'd do something for the big three-o. It was something we'd talked about since we were teenagers. A time that had seemed so far away at one point, and now it was only a month away.

"Please don't try to get it out of her," Ben pleaded.

"I wouldn't do that," I said. "I am surprised you're entrusting a four-year-old with your secret."

"We didn't mean to," Hayden said.

Every time he talked, I felt some surprise. His voice was slowly changing from boyish to a young mans. It had started shortly around Christmas, and it seemed to be getting deeper all the time. It seemed strange to me since I only seen him on holidays now. It took some time getting used to the changes in him. With the other kids, I saw them everyday, so the changes weren't as noticeable. I only noted them when I looked at old pictures of them.

"William and Cameron wanted to know what was going on, and Hailey overheard," Ben explained. "But I know my little girl will keep the secret, right Hailey?"

"Yes daddy," Hailey answered. "I won't tell. I promise."

"Where are the twins anyway?" I asked.

I knew where Alyssa was. It was the weekend, so she was over at Ellen's. The girls always took it in turns on the weekends for sleep-overs. She likely wouldn't be home until that evening, or the next morning. It depended on if Ellen wanted to keep her all weekend. Usually she loved having Alyssa over all weekend. We all loved taking each others kids.

I wanted Michelle at some point since she would be starting Hogwarts that year. That was hard to believe. I still remembered the day that Ellen found out she was pregnant with her. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she was now going away to school, just as it was hard to believe that Hayden and Minnie were starting the third year.

"Flying," Ben told me. "They know the rules," he added when I raised my eyebrows.

I knew they did, and I knew they likely wouldn't get hurt. The kids rarely fell off the brooms. I still felt protective however, even though I tried not to hover. I knew they wouldn't appreciate it, and they wouldn't be able to grow if their mum watched their every move. They were now seven, and they could handle flying or playing on their own outside. I didn't get stressed as much as I had two years ago, but I did still worry at times because of Hailey. That experience had changed me a lot, and even though I was learning to let them go, I would always be scared something bad could happen.

"I know they do," I said.

"I can go out and watch them if you want," Hayden told me. "You interrupted us after all," he added with a wink.

"You can if you want, but I trust them," I told him.

"I want to go too!" Hailey shouted and she jumped off the stool, causing me to wince but I didn't say anything.

I watched as she rushed over to Hayden who got up off his stool. He easily lifted her into his arms, and carried her out of the kitchen. I watched the two of them go. He was growing into a responsible young man. He would be fourteen-years-old soon. He had his moments where he caused us problems, but for the most part, he was a good kid.

The worst he had done was the beginning of the summer when he'd snuck out to Diagon Alley. We'd told him he couldn't go because he had to be up early the next day to baby-sit. He'd gone anyway, and we wouldn't have known except he'd chosen to floo back home. We had our fireplaces set to alert us when people came through after what had happened almost five years ago. Ben had gotten up from to bed to find a guilty Hayden. It was the first time he'd really mouthed off to either of us. He'd told Ben that he wasn't his father, and he couldn't tell him what to do. He'd apologized for it later on. I knew he still felt guilty about it.

Ben had been hurt even though he wouldn't admit it. The two of them were good now, but I had a feeling it was something that Hayden would regret for a long time. At times when he didn't think anyone noticed, he would look over at Ben with such a sad expression on his face. He didn't really hug us often, but lately he'd been showing us affection. Often he would hug Ben before bed, or before he went to a friends. It was as if he wanted to show him how much he loved him, and he regretted what he said.

"You know I know that the two of you are planning some kind of party," I told Ben with a smile. "I'm not trying to ruin the surprise, but it's not hard to put two and two together. I'm turning thirty in September, and you have everyone acting all secretive around me."

Ben grinned at me and got off his stool to walk over and hug me.

"Yes, but you don't know how it's going to go," he told me. "I knew you'd guess that we're having a party, but you don't know when or what we're doing. It was Hayden's idea by the way. For once it wasn't mine. I knew you'd guess a party, and I even told him that, but he was insistent about it. So please don't mention it around him."

"I'll be happy with whatever you two are planning," I said and I stood on tippy toe to kiss him. "We really should be planning one for you too. I don't know why we've never done a joint birthday party, especially with Hayden in school. I'm sure he'd love to celebrate with you as well."

"I'm sure we'll celebrate that as well," he answered. "You're the oldest out of us though, so it's yours that we're working on right now. Perhaps you should plan your own party if you want it that bad."

"Maybe I should," I agreed.

We began to kiss. I was sure the kids would be busy for a while. Hayden could keep them entertained for a bit. It would be fourteen years in September that we'd been together and we still had it. We'd been married for ten years. We'd been through so much together, and our love was still deep. I believed it was likely deeper than it had been when we'd married.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been worried two years ago. We'd fought so much, and I'd worried that Ben had some resentment for me because of Hailey, and for going that Halloween night. I knew he'd been stressed out by my own stress. We'd kept so much from each other to the point of blowing up at each other. Our trip to Florida had been much needed. We'd talked about everything and without fighting. Ever since then, we remained honest with each other. We'd promised each other that we wouldn't hold back anymore because it clearly wasn't working. We just stressed each other out more by doing that.

Of course we still had fights. All normal couples argued, but it was nothing like the blow up we'd had the night of our party. It was usually just minor disagreements that talking and making up could fix. In fact, we'd had one a few days ago about letting Hailey and the twins having more freedom. Alyssa and Hayden had been younger than the twins when I'd started to let them go to friends on their own, but I got worried about the boys. As for Hailey, Ben didn't see anything wrong with her going over to Ellen's or Michael's on her own. Alyssa had been allowed at her age. I drew the line when it came to anyone elses houses though. More of our friends lived out there, and I didn't want the twins or Hailey going over alone until they were a little older.

Ben had told me that I being protective, but we managed to come to a compromise. Ben did have to remind me at times, especially when it came to Hailey. I knew even he had his worries when it came to her though, but deep down I knew we couldn't smother her. She needed to grow up independent too.

"Get a room," someone said which caused Ben and me to pull apart.

Jared stood in the kitchen with a huge grin on his face.

"Well we did have a room, in fact a house, until you walked in," Ben said with a smile. "I think you keep forgetting that we do live here. Even if you do walk in whenever you want."

Jared continued to smile. He walked over to lean on the island.

"Hmm, really? 'Our door is always open Jared. Just walk in or floo in whenever you want. You know you're always welcome,' I guess the welcome mat has wore out," he joked.

"You know you're always welcome here," I told him. "We weren't expecting you though were we?" I glanced at Ben who gave a shrug.

"Nah, but I figured you'd be home. It's Saturday afternoon. I haven't seen my goddaughter for a couple of weeks anyway. I might have to steal her for the night you know," he answered.

"I'm sure she'd love that," I said and Ben nodded.

"She has been asking about you. I think that little girl loves you more than she loves me," he told Jared.

"Doubtful," Jared said with a grin, "but I do love to spoil her. I can't help it, especially when she looks at me with those innocent eyes. It doesn't seem to affect her though."

He was right about that one. Everyone had a special spot when it came to Hailey. With Alyssa or the twins, it had gone to their heads and we had to be careful. At times they would have temper-tantrums when they were told no. With Hailey, it was different. If we told her that she couldn't have something, she didn't ask again. With Alyssa, she had pestered Ben for months about teaching her to fly. Hailey had asked him not too long ago, and when he told her in another year, she'd accepted it and didn't ask again. William had been even worse than Alyssa had been. He'd wanted to do everything his big sister did.

"So far," Ben said. "We do have to be careful about that though. She's a modest and humble little girl, but someday that could change. She's only four-years-old right now after all. Alyssa wasn't much older when she began to get demanding."

"She was four when she started to get demanding. The twins were even younger," I said. "Hailey just accepts things as they are."

"Where are the rugrats?" Jared asked.

"Outside," Ben told him. "The twins are out flying, and Hayden just took Hailey out. Chances are he is flying with her on the broom, or they're playing on the playground. Alyssa is over at Ellen's, but that is nothing unusual. That girl practically lives over there sometimes. I've barely seen her lately."

"Just wait until she is a teenager," Jared said. "It's only going to get worse."

"Alyssa is nine going on sixteen," I said. "She's already trying to get into the makeup. She is no longer satisfied with pretending to put it on, she wants the real stuff. She's been angry with me lately because I won't let her wear it. I told her that before she starts Hogwarts I will teach her how to put it on properly. After that, she can choose to wear it. Not that I think she should wear it at eleven either, but I get the feeling that she'll sneak it on once she gets to school. Girls usually do. Jess, Anne and Erica most certainly did. At least she'll be able to wear it properly. The three of them always wore enough makeup for the whole first year class back then."

"You're going to have your hands full with that one," Jared said. "Just as Ellen is going to have her hands full with Michelle."

"I don't think she'll have problems with Michelle," I said. "Things could change, but Michelle has always been a good girl. Clarissa on the other hand might be a problem. It's hard to say with the boys right now."

"It's hard to say right now with any of the kids," Ben said. "We always talk about this, but we really don't know. I mean, you were this shy little girl in the first year, and look how much you grew. We never thought you'd drink alcohol, but you certainly surprised us over the years. Hailey is a sweetheart right now, but she's four. She could be our problem child ten years from now. Personalities change."

"That's true," I said. "I know it's wishing for too much, but I hope we don't have problems with any of them. Hayden has his problems, but given his background, he's actually a very good boy. Sneaking out is normal for a fourteen-year-old. I still worry he'll go down the Michael route."

"I don't think he will. Hayden has more emotional support than Michael did," Jared said. "The kid was poor and he was beaten. He also had the usual insecurities that all teenagers have. Add hormones to that, and you have a disaster."

"I think it could have gone down that road because of Rachel, but once Hayden told her off in his first year, she started to treat him better," Ben said. "I think if she had kept stringing him along, he would have had a hard time."

"How's that going anyways?" Jared asked. "You two don't really talk about that anymore. You two used to make a big deal about all that."

"Well, I still don't like him writing to her," I said. "But I do have to admit that Michael is right. Hayden does need communication with that woman. Now she knows that he has the power in this relationship, and she doesn't. I think it means too much to her that he is letting her know what is going on in his life. She doesn't want that to end, so she goes by his rules now. He wants us as his parents, and not her. He doesn't even want to see her."

"It wouldn't have gone that far anyway," Ben said. "If she had hurt him anymore in his first-year, I would have gone for another meeting with her. Luckily I haven't had to see her again. She hid at the train station again last year, and I expect it will happen again this year. Hayden is fine with that though."

"I still can't imagine someone just giving up their child," Jared said. "If I ever have a child, I wouldn't give them up for anything. I don't care what happens. Hell, I love Hailey, well, actually all five of your children as much as I could love my own."

It was actually sad that Jared hadn't had a child yet. He was so good with all the children in our lives. He was even good to Timmy and June's child, and they had another on the way. He didn't really know them that well. He'd only talked to them when they came over for our parties. However, there were times he'd even volunteer to take care of the kids. He would be thirty-one soon. I hoped he'd find a nice girl and settle down with his own family soon.

"Let's take this party outside shall we," Ben said. "It's too nice out, and I'm sure they'll all be excited to see you. I'll just grab some butterbeers."

"Let's go," I said to Jared. "Maybe I can convince Ellen and Keith to come over with the girls, and we'll actually see Alyssa."

"I'd like to see Michelle too. I have a hard time believing that she is starting her first-year already. I still remember when Ellen and Keith announced to everyone that she was pregnant with her," Jared said.

"I feel the same way. I was there when Ellen took the pregnancy test twelve years ago. My mum suspected she was pregnant, and so she bought her the test," I said. "And then we went on our trip after seventh year, and I was shocked to see her when she was almost one. Now she's eleven and she is about to go to Hogwarts. In two years I'll be saying good-bye to my own little girl."

We walked outside to the deck. The twins were busy racing each other on their brooms. Hayden had grabbed his own broom, and he had Hailey in front of him on it. He had been doing this with her since she was about eighteen months. The first time he had done it, I'd nearly had a panic attack. He'd done it with the other kids too, but I'd been anxious with her. She was a bit slower than the other kids had been at that age. She'd always been a bit behind and I wasn't sure if it was because she was premature or because of what she'd endured when I'd been pregnant with her. Ben told me it was normal for premature kids, but the twins hadn't been that far behind.

"I'm going to be all emotional when she goes to Hogwarts," Jared told me as he watched Hailey as well.

"We all will be, I think Ben will be worse than me. He was sad when we had to buy her a normal bed. He's not too happy that she'll be going to school in September," I said. "I for one am relieved that they'll all finally be in school, but Ben isn't ready for it."

"Stop! Stop!" Hailey shouted at Hayden. She'd just noticed that Jared and me were outside. I knew it was Jared who she wanted to see. Once Hayden stopped, she jumped from the broomstick. "Jared!"

She ran over to us as fast as her little legs would let her. Jared opened his arms for he. Once she reached him, he lifted her up and then tossed her up in the air. I'd been nervous the first time I'd seen him do this when she was about a year, but as I was used to Hayden taking her for rides, I was used to this as well. Hailey let out a squeal of excitement.

"I haven't seen you in a long long time!" Hailey said excitedly. "I missed you."

"Well that's why I am here," he told her. "Would you like to sleep-over tonight?"

"Yeah!" She shouted excitedly and then she looked at me. "Can I mummy? Please?"

"Of course you can," I told her.

"Are we going now?" Hailey asked him.

"In a little bit. I'm just going to visit with your parents for a little bit," Jared told her. "So why don't you play with your brothers until then."

He set her down. William, Cameron and Hayden had joined us by this point. Hailey ran back over to Hayden.

"Let's fly some more Hayden," she said.

"When can we go over to your place?" William asked Jared. "We haven't for a long time."

"Maybe next weekend," Jared said. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the two of you. We'll have a boy's night again."

"We can stay up until midnight again!" Cameron said excitedly which caused William to elbow him. They looked at me and then looked away.

I knew that Jared let them stay up until midnight, but I didn't mind when it was the weekend. I just pretended I didn't know around the boys. Whenever Jared took them, I'd tell him to make sure that they were in bed by ten. Jared and the boys would wink at each other.

"Midnight?" I said now with amusement. "Oh I don't think so. Jared and I discussed that. I think it will be eight when you're in bed."

William and Cameron exchanged incredulous glances, but they didn't say anything. I was sure they were wondering if I was joking or not. They didn't even go to bed at eight on school nights.

"You're lying," William finally said.

"Maybe, maybe not," I told him with a smile. "Go on and play. You two can go to Jared's next weekend."

"Can we go swimming?" William asked. "You're outside now. Please?"

"Sure," I said.

Ben came out with three butterbeers and handed them out to us. We headed over to the patio table while the boys ran inside to change. I pulled out my message parchment to write not only to Ellen, but to Michael as well. Tara and Aaron had moved out here recently too. I wondered if they were home, and if they'd want to bring over the kids as well. Emma was good friends with Alyssa and Clarissa even though she was a year younger. When Mackenzie came over, they were all inseparable. I knew Emma was going to miss the girls when they went to Hogwarts. She had her own friends, but she was closer to our girls since they'd grown up together.

"Planning a party?" Ben asked as he glanced at my message parchment.

"The more the merrier," I said with a shrug. "Do you think your your siblings would want to come over? I'm sure the girls would like to see Richard."

"I'll write them," Ben said as he pulled out his own parchment.

"Good to know my presence still starts up parties," Jared said with a smile.

"I remember when you always had Firewhiskey on demand," I said. "Every single party we had in the Common Room, you'd always have a bottle of the stuff."

"I still have quite a bit of it," Jared told me. "Next weekend I am taking shots with the boys."

"They've tried it, they don't like it," Ben said. "I'm hoping that will stop them from drinking it when they're teens."

"You didn't actually give it to them?" Jared asked with surprise.

"Of course not," I answered with amusement as my message parchment vibrated. It was Ellen telling me that they'd be right over. "They snuck some a year ago. Ben and Michael were doing some shots, and they boys took some. They spit it out and then told Ben and Michael were mad for liking the stuff."

"Ah okay, considering it's you, I'd be surprised if you let them drink it," Jared said. "My parents didn't let me drink it, but they let me take a sip because I was curious."

Ben rolled his eyes. "I don't mind letting them take a tiny sip either. My parents did for me. It's not me who flips about that stuff. It's Brenda who is type A. Richard is going to rebel against her. He already is. Besides, I let Alyssa take a sip of Wizards Brew once. She hated it."

"Eventually they'll change their minds about it," I said. "I did. I hated the taste of alcohol."

"You refused to drink until third year," Jared said with a nod. "I remember that. We used to get in arguments with Michael about that."

"And you got drunk in first year," Ben said with amusement. "Hayden's been good about that. I was worried he'd drink, but he really hasn't."

"That you know of," Jared said.

"No, Hayden is always honest with us for the most part," I said. "Besides, we can always tell when he is lying. He is telling the truth. He's tried some, but he hasn't been drunk yet. He promised Ben he wouldn't drink in the first year, and he didn't. He told us he had some drinks last year when Gryffindor won the cup, but that was it. We've been lucky so far with him. He's a good boy."

Ellen and Keith were crossing the yard by that point. Michelle, Clarissa and Elliot went straight to the pool, but Alyssa rushed over to me. I pulled her into a hug when she reached me. She was still affectionate, but I wasn't sure how much longer that would last. She was nine after all.

"Mum, I want to stay at Ellen's tonight too," she said. "You said I could stay for the weekend."

"And you can," I said. "Just because you're here now it doesn't mean you can't go back later. I just want to visit with Ellen and Keith for a bit."

"Okay," Alyssa said and she turned to go to the pool, but Jared reached out to grab her arm.

"Aren't you even going to greet me?" He asked her. "I haven't seen you in a while. Don't you like me anymore?"

"Of course I do," Alyssa said and turned to give him a hug too. "I just wanted to go swimming. We were going to swim next door, but then Aunt Ellen said we were coming here."

"Well you can a spare moment for us can't you?" Ben asked. "You haven't even said hi to me, and I haven't seen you since Thursday."

"I'm sorry daddy," Alyssa said and she hugged him too.

The twins ran by at that moment. William paused for a moment to sneer at Alyssa.

"Daddy's girl!" He shouted and then he ran to jump into the pool.

"He can't go a minute without bothering me," Alyssa muttered as she pulled away from Ben. "It's why I stay at Ellen's all the time."

She walked over to the pool where she pulled off her sundress and then jumped in. There was some truth in that. The twins, especially William loved to bother Alyssa. Cameron didn't do it as much, but there were times when he'd join his brother in annoying her. So she would either lock herself up in her room, or she'd go to Ellen's or someone elses house.

"Can I swim too mummy?" Hailey asked as she and Hayden joined us.

"Do you need help with your bathing suit?" I asked her.

"Nope, I can do it," she said and she ran into the house. Hayden walked over to join us.

"Can I invite Minnie and the guys over?" He asked.

"They're coming over," Ben told him. "I wrote to Barry and Tasha. You can invite the blokes over too if you'd like. Just keep an eye on the little ones too."

Hayden jumped up from the table and rushed inside. I liked his friends. Andrew and Craig were both good boys, and I knew they looked out for him. He still had a little gang of friends who he usually invited over here. They usually preferred to come here instead of staying at their own places. The year before, Craig had spent a few weeks at our place when his parents had gone on vacation. He'd had the choice in staying with his grandparents or coming here, and he'd chosen our place.

"Looks like you're right about that," Ben said to Jared referring to his earlier comment. "We didn't have any plans today, and now the house is going to be full."

"Well this place is the party house," Ellen said as she and Keith finally reached us. "It's going to happen more once you have teenagers."

I noticed that she didn't have baby Mickey with her, so I was assuming her youngest son was either at one of her parents, or at Timmy and Junes.

"It already happens with Hayden," Ben informed her as he got up. "Sit down, I'll get more butterbeers. The others will here soon so I'm just going to bring out a cooler," he added to me as I went to get up. "Stay where you are."

The house was soon full of our friends and family. The kids were in the pool splashing happily while we all sat together and talked. It would seem after all these years we'd be tired of talking about old times, but that wasn't the case at all. We would always reminisce once we got together. Ellen was lamenting about the fact that her baby girl would be leaving her soon.

"It gets easier," Tasha told her. "I was a mess with Minnie, but now I'm used to it. At times it's hard because she prefers to be with her friends more, but I know it's normal for a thirteen-year-old."

"Just keep an eye on Hayden," Barry said as he eyed him and Minnie laughing in the pool.

"You don't need to worry about Hayden," I said. "He has it bad for Cynthia."

"Still?" Ellen asked with amusement. "I remember you mentioning that two years ago."

"Yes, he is still very much in love with her," I said. "He asked me if I thought he should ask her to Hogsmeade this year. I told him to go ahead. He is nervous about it, but he's asked out other girls out so I am surprised."

"It's different when it's a girl that you actually like," Ben reminded me. "The other girls he doesn't care about. If they reject him, so what? He'll just move onto the next one. Besides, they're going to Hogsmeade this year. It's different for a bloke to ask a girl to Hogsmeade then to just hang out around the castle."

"It's the right kind of attitude to have," Jared said. "It was me who gave you that advice in school."

"You gave that advice to all of us," Michael said. "You still seem to be following your own advice."

"Well I haven't met a girl I am truly interested in yet. Not since Leanne, and we all know how that ended," Jared said.

"Well I just hope Hayden does still keep his eye on Cynthia," Barry said. "I wouldn't want to hurt him since I like the kid and all."

"That doesn't mean there aren't other kids you have to worry about," I said as I focused on Craig who was staring at her. I decided not to mention this to Barry.

"I won't feel bad about hurting a kid that I don't know too well," Barry said. "Hayden is basically my nephew."

"You're not going to be scaring her boyfriends away," Tasha told him. "It will just make things worse. She'll go behind our backs. You were thirteen once you know."

"And I remember what I was like as a teenager," Barry said. "I know what's going on through their minds. I'm scared to think about what Trevor is going to be like."

"Or the twins," Tasha said.

"Where are they?" I asked noticing that they weren't around.

"Mum and dad's," Barry said. "Ben said it was going to be a full house, so I figured it'd be best to leave them there. They're too young still."

"I still can't believe there are two sets of twins in your family," Michael said. "I expected we would end up with twins, but we haven't."

"And two is enough right now," Shelly said. "Maybe when the kids are older we'll have more, but we have enough going on with the girls."

"We were surprised too," Tasha said. "I was surprised to get pregnant again in the first place. I most certainly didn't expect twins."

"Do they run in the Hoofer family?" Jared asked.

Ben shrugged. "Not that I know of. I think it's just one of those odd coincidences. It's the same as how everyone seems to get pregnant at the same time. You wouldn't think it would keep happening, but it does."

Richard walked out on the patio by that point. I looked up to see if Milton and Brenda were with them with the boys, but they weren't. Brenda didn't like to leave their place to often. Her pregnancy with Dakota hadn't been an easy one. Right after she'd had Anthony, she'd gotten pregnant with Dakota. She'd nearly had him too early, but the Healers had stopped her contractions in time. Afterwards, she had to stay in bed for the rest of the pregnancy. So she was very protective of him. I believed she was even worse than we had been when it came to Hailey. We didn't often get to see Dakota or Anthony very much.

"Mum sends her love, but she's going to stay at home," Richard said as he approached our table. "She said I could come over and play. She said if I want, I can stay overnight."

"You're more than welcome to," Ben told him. "You know that. Go on and play with the kids. We'll set up a room for you later."

I liked Richard. I'd almost expected that he would grow up to be a male version of Brenda, but he was the opposite. He had no problem telling her off when she was too overbearing. He hated going by her rules which could strict, and he would tell her that they were stupid and didn't make sense. He often stayed at his grandparents because he couldn't handle her. We'd told her many times that she had to stand back a bit otherwise he would rebel. Slowly she was relenting when it came to him. A year ago she wouldn't have let him floo over by himself, so it showed how much she was changing. I think it was because all her focus was mainly on the babies.

"Thank you. I'd like it if I could stay longer," Richard said. "I won't be a problem, I promise."

"You can stay as long as you want, as long as it's okay with your mum," I told him. "And we know you'll be good. You're always a good boy."

"Tell that to mum," Richard muttered as he walked over to the pool.

"That kid is definitely going to rebel against her," Brianne said. "We're going to have to have a talk with her again. He stayed at our place for two weeks. I think she's been ignoring him a lot as well ever since Dakota came. He hates being home lately."

"He was with for a few weeks too," Tasha said. "Expect for him to stay here for at least a week. Usually if she sends him over on his own, he ends up staying for a while."

"That's fine," I said. "He can stay for as long as he needs to. Besides, we're used to that too."

"I don't like the sound of that," Michael said. "It puts me in mind of Hayden."

"It's not the same thing at all," Ben assured him. "Brenda is more than stressed Ashley was. She's not pulling a Rachel. She just hovers over both Dakota and Anthony so much that Richard feels ignored. If she pays attention to him, she just piles these strict rules over him. I'm not excusing her behaviour because she hasn't been treating him right but it's the reason why. She's been letting him do more on his own fortunately. At first, she wouldn't even let him go anywhere besides school, not even to mum and dads. He rebelled against it, and we had to talk to her. She's just worried all the time, and she doesn't know how to handle two babies and a son his age at the same time. So she ends up sending him over to one of our places."

"But Richard just said that she thinks he's a bad boy," Keith said. "What does that mean? Anytime we've been around that kid, he's nothing but a polite and well behaved kid."

"Brenda piles all those rules on him, and he feels overwhelmed so he rebels against it," Barry said. "With the stress as well, she's always snapping at him. Apparently all he did was accidentally break a plate and she grounded him for a week. It's why we need to sit down and talk with her. The boy is going to resent her soon. She's almost pulling a Ben. Us Hoofer's can bottle things up to the brinking point unfortunately."

"So she's basically taking her stress out on him?" Ellen asked. "That's terrible. No child should go through that."

"We know," Brianne said.

"And we're not excusing it," Ben added quickly. "We're just telling you what's going on. We're going to sit down with her soon enough and talk to her about what she is going to him."

"But how doesn't Milton notice this?" Michael asked.

"Either he is never home, or he does whatever he can to please her," I said. "It's not the best environment right now for any of them. They're worse than we were," I added as I glanced at Ben who nodded.

"I don't understand that," Shelly said. "You and me went through that," she said nodding in my direction, "but we never took it out on anyone like that."

"Well what I did wasn't any better though," I said. "I stressed out myself, Ben and the kids. I never took it out on anyone, but I was too stressed out and overprotective. I got anxious over things I didn't need to. Ben bottled things up until we had a huge fight."

"And I took my stress out on Alyssa and Hayden when I was at St. Mungos," Ben reminded him.

"You were not nearly as bad as Brenda is right now," Barry said. "You weren't the best bloke to be around, but she's just being a bitch and it's affecting Richard more than it bothered Alyssa or even Hayden. It has to stop soon. I don't mind having him over at all, but he shouldn't have to feel that he isn't welcome at home."

Tasha ended up being right that Richard would end up being at our place for longer than a night. When we wrote to Brenda later that night, she told us to keep him until at least the next weekend. We still had some of Hayden's old clothes from when he was about that age for when the twins could fit in them, so we had some extras for him. We didn't like to throw clothes away when they could fit the other children, so we put them into storage, but every summer before school, we'd have the boys or Hailey try Hayden and Alyssa's old clothing.

Ben, Barry and Brianne were planning somewhat of an intervention for her with their parents. I'd wanted to be part of it too since I understood what she was going through, but Ben told me that it was just for the Hoofer siblings and their parents that time.

"You know what Brenda is like," he told me. "She won't like it if it involves everybody. I have a feeling she's going to be a bitch about it. I'd rather she didn't take it out on you. Barry feels the same way with Tasha, and Nick doesn't really want to be involved when it comes to Brenda."

"Really? After all these years?" I asked.

"It's like that with anyone with an ex," Ben said. "It is worse when it's family."

"Denver and me have always been good," I said.

"I think your situation with Denver is a lot different then theirs. Nick and Brenda put up with each other because they have to, but they don't like each other," Ben said. "Don't be too offended by this. I know you want to be involved, but we feel it should just be us. Besides, as I said, I don't want you at the end of her backlash. She throws things in peoples faces, and I will lose it on her if she tries to do that to you. I don't care if she does it to me, but if she tries to make you feel bad about Hailey, I won't be able to talk to her again for a very long time."

"Okay Ben," I said.

When I thought about it, I realized he was right and I was relieved. Brenda was a lot better than she used to be, but she had a temper and she could lash out on people. She liked to bring up the past when she felt cornered. She likely would try and throw it in our faces about Hailey, especially me. I did also understand why they wanted it to just be them.

Richard was a delight to have around the place. He got along well with all of the kids and he could intervene better than Hayden could when they fought. All he had to do was give the twins a look, and they would stop. I think they really looked up to him. William and Cameron tended to look up any older male, but they definitely admired both Richard and Hayden. It was hard to believe at times that he was the son of Brenda because of how laid back he could be. I couldn't imagine how she could treat him the way she did, especially when she said he was a bad boy. He was the opposite of that. Even though he didn't need to, he enjoyed helping out around the house.

In the mornings he would wake up when Ben and I did. He informed us that he was an early riser at home. I almost expected it was something that Brenda made him do, and he was used to it. Usually he would sit and talk with us until we left to go to work. He seemed quite secretive as well, so I wondered if Hayden had let him in on their little secret about my party.

I just wondered when it would be. The school year was fast approaching, and I knew they wanted to have it before we left. We still had to have Hayden's birthday party and the kids going away party at Ben's parents place. This time it would be for Michelle and Charles as well. That still seemed odd to me. Eleven years ago, I had to apparate Brianne to St. Mungos because she was in labour. She didn't seem to be as emotional about it as everyone else was, but maybe it was because it hadn't hit her yet.

In the meantime, I had to prepare the kids for school. Hayden liked to go to Diagon Alley with his friends to get his supplies, which I actually didn't mind. It made things easier for us. I was able to focus on the other children. All four of them were in the primary school now. Hailey was starting Primary one that year. Usually they just needed parchment and quills, but I also bought them all new school clothes too. We no longer had to with Alyssa, but with the twins and Hailey, we also had to label all of their belongings. So I was glad that Hayden wanted his independence.

The Saturday morning two weeks after we'd had everyone over, and a week before Hayden's birthday party and the children's going away party, Hailey woke me up.

"Mummy, I have a tummy ache," she told me.

"You don't look sick," I told her.

"Can you come to my room please," she said. "Come lay down with me."

So I got out of bed and picked her up. I felt her forehead but she felt normal. Usually when she was sick she was very pale and warm, but she had her usual healthy glow. Perhaps she just had gas or something. So I took her into her room to lay down with her.

"Do you feel like you're going to throw up?" I asked her.

"No," she told me. "Maybe I am okay now."

"Are you just playing around with mummy?" I asked her now with amusement. It was something the other kids had done, but I'd never expected it from her. Alyssa used to do it if she wanted to avoid something, and the twins did it just to distract me.

"I think I need a bath," she told me. "Mummy, can you give me bath please?"

"You are definitely distracting me from something aren't you?" I asked her. "You hate baths, but okay. Let's give you a bath."

I had a feeling I knew what was going on, but I wasn't going to ask anymore questions. If they'd really wanted to distract me, they should have sent the twins up instead. The two of them could distract me more then she could. Even Alyssa could. Hailey was the easiest child to get ready in the mornings. I decided to play along and take my time with her. They were likely setting up a surprise party downstairs at that very moment for me.

"Mummy, you should wear a nice dress today too," Hailey said after I finished dressing her and styling her hair.

"And what colour should I wear?" I asked her.

"Pink like me. Alyssa is wearing pink too you know," she said.

"That doesn't really surprise me when it comes to your sister," I said. "She'd wear pink everyday if she could, but okay. Let's go pick out a dress for me, and then I'll get ready."

"Okay," she said.

Once we had a dress picked out, I went into the bathroom to have a quick shower and to get ready for the day. In my room, it was to find her sitting on my bed and paging through one of her children's books. Alyssa had been teaching her to read, and she knew some words. When she didn't know a word, she would just read letters out loud.

"Let's go downstairs now mummy," she said. "You have to close your eyes when we get to the stairs. I'll hold your hand."

This definitely told me that there was a party waiting for me. I was surprised that they were having it so early on a Saturday. I wondered how many people were going to be there. I imagined it would be the old crowd, and the family. Chances are all the kids would be there too. When we reached the steps, I obliged and closed my eyes. Hailey took my hand and with the other hand I held onto the railing. We made our slow way down the steps. Once I was sure we were at the bottom, Hailey let go of my hand.

"Open your eyes now mummy," Hailey told me.

I opened my eyes to see that several people stood at the bottom of the steps waiting for me. All of my friends, some of my little sisters, the family including my mother, step father and my sister with Graysen and Chris. I was surprised to see Jaime and Chris since they rarely joined in on parties. All of the kids were there, including Hayden's friends.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY THIRTIETH!" They all shouted and they started to sing.

I couldn't help but grin. Once I stepped off the stairs, Ben, Hayden, Alyssa and the twins rushed over to join us. They each gave me a hug, and then others started to.

"I can't believe you're going to be thirty," mum said as she hugged me.

"I remember the day I met you when you were just fifteen," Terry added to me.

"You're the first one of us to get old," Ellen told me.

"Hey now," I said with amusement.

"It's the truth," Michael said. "You're going to be in your thirties, and you're the first of the four of us to turn it. It's a day we've been talking about for years."

"It's not so bad," Denver told me. "I don't feel any differently."

"Thirty-one is better," Jared said. "No one ever makes a big deal about thirty-one but I truly believe that's when you're really in your thirties."

"Yes, keep feeling proud of being the oldest," Ben told him with amusement. "Talk to us in ten years and tell us how you feel."

"We'll worry about that when the time comes," Jared said with amusement.

"Exactly," I said. "I don't want to think about being forty quite yet. Let me get through thirty first."

"Were you surprised mummy?" Hailey asked as she tugged on my arm and I knelt down to get to eye level with her. "Yes I was very surprised sweetheart."

Even though I knew it was coming, it was still a nice surprise for me. I hadn't known exactly when they were going to do it, and I hadn't expected the amount of people to be there. Even Brenda was there, and she hadn't come out for a while. The 'intervention' with the Hoofer family had actually gone better then they had expected. Her reaction had been the opposite of what everyone was expecting. She'd even apologized to Richard when we finally took him home. She actually looked more relaxed even though it had been less than a week ago, and she didn't have shadows under her eyes. The last time I'd seen her, she'd looked ready to drop.

I stood up and smiled up at Hayden.

"And I hear that you were the one behind all of this," I whispered in his ear.

"I knew you knew something was coming," he said. "But you just didn't know when. We have a bigger surprise, but that's for later. It's why we're doing this so early."

"Well I appreciate it," I said as I gave him another hug. "You're an amazing young man."

Hayden grinned at me. "You've done so much for me."

"Happy birthday Auntie Ashley," Minnie said as she joined us. "We left all of our presents for you in the kitchen."

"Thank you honey," I said.

They led me out to the patio where they had breakfast set up. Someone had set it up so that it was buffet style. I was assuming Mrs. Hoofer had done all of this. They'd added our extra patio tables. There was a fight amongst the kids about who was going to sit with me, so we ended up having to join tables so that everyone who wanted to sit with me could. I wasn't too surprised that Hayden had chosen to with his friends. He hadn't only invited Craig and Andrew, but a bunch of other kids he hung out with at school. I was pleased to see that he was still friends with most of the people he'd been friends with before Hogwarts, but there were also other kids he really hadn't. It was odd for me to see some of these kids as teenagers. I'd taught some of them when they were four-years-old. Now they were a group of thirteen and fourteen-year-olds. I did find it amusing that he'd used this opportunity to invite as many of his friends over as he could, including Cynthia who had grown even prettier over the last couple of years. No wonder Hayden liked her so much.

"Mum, in ten years when you'll be forty, I'll be almost twenty," Alyssa told me.

"Yes I know," I said. "You'll be nineteen and all grown up."

"Do we have to talk about that?" Ben asked. "Let's just enjoy the fact that you're nine."

"Almost ten," Alyssa told him. "Soon I'll go to Hogwarts too."

"How old will I be mummy?" Hailey asked.

I wondered why the conversation had to turn to when I'd be forty. Was it because of our earler conversation? I didn't exactly feel old to be turning thirty in a little more than two weeks, and forty seemed to be a far off age to me, just as thirty had once been, but it still seemed odd and off-putting to talk about. I still felt I could be in my early 20s. I thought back to Ellen's bachlorette party when her mother had lamented about being 18 again. At the time I'd found the comment to be amusing, but now I understood. Even as I looked over at Hayden's crowd, I understood how the adults had felt about wanting to be young again.

"You'll be fourteen and the twins will be seventeen," I said. I figured I'd add that bit so they wouldn't ask how old they'd be.

"We'll be of age!" William said excitedly.

"That's just odd," Ellen said. "I'll be thirty-nine. I'm still getting used to be twenty-nine. Let's visit this conversation ten years from now. I don't want to think about being that old or the fact that all my babies will be grown up. I'm having a hard enough time with the fact that Michelle is going away soon."

"Mum, you're not going to cry at the train station are you?" Michelle asked.

"We'll see when the times comes," Ellen told her. "I can't make promises. I'm sorry, but you're still my little girl, and I am not ready to let you go yet."

"I'm ready to go," Charles said. "I have my wand now."

"Me too!" Michelle said excitedly. "Mum and dad took me a few days ago. I have everything ready to go. I want to pack my trunk now, but I have to wait until we get back from-"

"Michelle, why don't you come sit with us," Hayden said quickly. "You too Charles."

I found that a bit strange. He never let her sit with them. I didn't think he exactly disliked her, but she was three years younger. He still saw her as a child. I doubted he even knew how she felt about him. However, this made her day. She forgot about me and the conversation and rushed over to sit with the teens instead. Charles seemed just as excited, but for a different reason. He was just happy that the teenagers were including him.

"I want to," William said.

"No, this is just for Hogwarts students," Hayden told him. "You sit with your mum. It's her birthday party after all."

William folded his arms and started to pout. I saw Alyssa roll her eyes. She leaned over to whisper something to Clarissa who giggled. I glanced over to see that Michelle had taken a seat beside Hayden who was whispering something to her. She appeared to look worried, and I wondered what that was about.

After breakfast, it seemed to turn into a pool party. I wondered what it was that they had planned for me. I didn't think this was the only party of the party, but I decided not to dwell on it as I found myself among the Hufflepuff's. Stan's hair was slowly thinning out which was hard to believe considering how thick it had been when we were teens. Some people looked younger then their age while others looked older. Jess was one of the people who actually looked as if she were in her late thirties while Anne could still be twenty-three.

Ben and Ellen were actually having a hard time with age and I didn't understand why. I thought they both still looked young, but they were both finding lines and grey hairs. Just the other day, Ben had complained to me that he was getting grey hairs in his eyebrows and in random spots in his hair.

"So am I," I'd said as I pointed to my own hair. "I keep finding them. What's the big deal?"

He hadn't been able to answer that.

Ellen had come over a few weeks ago in tears because she had crows feet. I couldn't find them, but she insisted that they were there, and she'd started to cry even harder about how her youth was over. I found some of the same things but my looks was the last thing I cared about anymore. There were more important things in life to worry about.

It was interesting to see how we aged however. Sometimes I thought we should have kept the scrapbook going. It'd be interesting to see pictures taken over almost a twenty year period of the four of us. As I looked around at everyone from Barry and Tasha to June and Timmy, it did dawn on me that Ellen was right. Our youths really were over. We'd all been through so much and we'd all grown from it. Some of us now had kids in Hogwarts or would be soon.

I headed over and sat down at the edge of the pool to watch some of the kids. Ever since Hayden had told Michelle to sit with him, she seemed to be his shadow. She was swimming with his group. The two of them were now talking animatedly. I glanced around to see Hailey, Elaina, Elliot and Mikayla playing around the smaller pool Ben had recently decided to add on the previous summer. We had the kids in swimming lessons, but sometimes the pool either got too crowded or some of the kids weren't comfortable in the big pool. It was knee deep for the smaller children and smaller in size. Brenda was trying to convince Anthony to go into it, but he wouldn't have it.

"Shouldn't you be socializing at your party," Jared asked as he sat down beside me.

"I was," I told him. "But I felt like sitting down and watching the kids for a bit."

"I can't think of you as thirty," Jared said. "You should still be twelve and whiny."

"You hate me when I was twelve," I said.

"Well I was an idiot," he said. "Still, it's hard to think of you starting your thirties. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day and we'll be back in our seventh year, and all of this was a dream."

"I hope not," I said. "I wouldn't want to give up any of this. I'm getting older, but I'm quite content in life. Sometimes I think it would be great to go back a carefree life, but I couldn't give this up... even if I don't have my eighteen-year-old body anymore," I added as I thought back to Mrs. Perenge's comment.

"Your twenty-nine-year-old body doesn't look bad, and neither will your thirty-year-old body," he said and grinned at me. "Of all the girls from Hogwarts who have had kids, or even the ones who haven't, you are about the same size as you were back then."

"Not really," I said. "I'm not fat, but I am slightly bigger than I was when I was seventeen, especially after having twins. My hips are wider. Four kids will do that to a person."

"You're still bony," Jared said he reached over to gently pinch my arm. "You don't have fat on your arms or legs. Ellen still looks amazing, but she is most certainly not the same size she had been at seventeen. She used to be such a tiny little girl. It's odd, I think Michelle will be taller than her."

"Michelle is going to be tall, and Clarissa is going to be short like Ellen. It's hard to say when it comes to Elliot or Mickey. They might shoot up the same way Timmy did. He was so small when he was eleven, but he certainly isn't now."

"Elliot is taller than Hailey and Elaina," Jared said as he looked over at the smaller kids. More little kids, including Anthony and Mickey had joined them. June and Timmy were putting their little girl Violet in the pool. Alana's little girl Belinda, and my god daughter was just putting a foot in and then shrieking before taking it back out again.

"So can you tell me more about this party?" I asked Jared. "I know that a pool party isn't the only part of it. I'm sure they have bigger plans."

"You are right young lady, but I'm not going to tell you the rest of it. This part is just for everyone to socialize with you, but later on is just for some of us lucky ones," Jared told me. "Which is why you should be socializing more instead of watching the kids. They're fine."

"I was just reflecting," I told him. "Kind of what you and me are doing right now. Anyway, it's some kind of trip isn't it? Now that I think about it, Michelle was going to reveal it, but Hayden distracted her. I thought it was odd that he invited her to his table."

I stood up however. I believed I was right. I wasn't sure who all was going to go with us, but I was sure that I was right about it. Were we going to go back to Florida? We'd already gone for a couple of weeks that summer. At the moment we were supposed to be renting the house out to a few friends of my sisters, so I was surprised that we were going back. Maybe it had all been a set up for me to think that we were renting the place out.

"Nothing gets past you does it?" Jared asked as he also stood up. He smiled at me.

"You and Michelle kind of gave it away," I said. "You know I over-analyze everything. I'll act surprised though."

"Good, now enjoy the first part of your party," Jared told me.

So I did just that. Eventually the party moved into the kitchen so that I could open my gifts. I was at a point in my life where I actually didn't care about gifts, but people still did buy them anyway. I appreciated it of course because all these people had gone out of their way to get something for me, but I usually just enjoyed having them with me. I didn't expect people to buy me things, but I did appreciate it.

There was a big pile of gifts that ranged from jewellery to some really expensive things. I felt like it was seventeen all over again. Ben of course had gone all out for me with expensive jewellery. I think he got a thrill out of buying these things for me, but I usually did when it came to him and the kids. Buying gifts for people were more fun than getting them.

"This gift is from most of us," Hayden told me as he handed me a thin but very big envelope after I'd opened everything. "It's for most of us too."

I opened the envelope and pulled out a long piece of parchment. I was confused about this. On it was scrawled: NIAGARA FALLS, ONTARIO in Hayden's hand writing.

"Niagara Falls?" I asked him.

"It's also a port key," he told me. "That's why it's so big. We have to all be able to hold onto it. It's set to leave at one. It will be eight in the morning in Ontario."

"You wanted to go there when we travelled, but we didn't get the chance to," Ben said to me. "You've been wanting to go ever since. I mentioned it once to Hayden, and he decided that we could go now. Then we're going to go to Tobemory. Your cousins mentioned that we should visit there, but we didn't get the chance to."

"How long?" I asked. "What about our jobs?"

"All cleared," Ben said with a smile. "We'll spend the rest of the weekend in Niagara Falls and then a few days down in Tobemory."

"And who is all coming?" I asked.

It ended up being Jared, Ellen, Keith, Tara, Aaron, Barry, Tasha, Nick, Brianne, Michael and Shelly and all of the kids. Brenda wasn't coming but she was letting Richard join us. Some of Hayden's friends had been given permission to go as well, and our parents were coming too.

"And where exactly are we going to end up?" I asked. "From what I've read, Niagara Falls is quite busy in the summers."

"There are some abandoned buildings though," Ben said. "I've always said that we're lucky that muggles leave old and abandoned buildings around. We're going to end up in a store that went out of business a couple of years ago. From there, we'll have to walk a little bit to a bus stop and we'll take a bus that will take us straight to the Falls. Our hotel is close to the Falls."

I was definitely not expecting this. I knew that we were going to have a party, but this was definitely not expected at all. I'd only seen pictures of the Falls, but my mother had been telling me stories about it since I was kid. It was a place that I had always wanted to go, but since we'd had so many places we wanted to go to, we hadn't been able to stop there on our trip. I thought this was better though. We were going to be able to share it with the kids. It would be stories for them to tell their classmates when they went back.

"We would like to have gone," Timmy told me. "But we couldn't get off work again. Not everyone is as lucky."

"How did you manage to get off work again?" I asked Ben. "We get the two weeks every summer, but how did you get us both off again."

"We've been planning the Niagara Falls trip for a while," Hayden told me. "It was just going to be Niagara Falls, but then I decided you should have a big party before we left."

"So we all managed to already get next week off," Barry said. "We planned it ahead."

"Not all of use were so lucky though," Alana said with a small smile. "But I'm sure you'll enjoy your vacation."

"And you managed to convince my Head of Department?" I asked Ben with disbelief.

"You know she loves you, and she will always grant you time off," Ben said.

"Well it depends," I said. "Usually a certain amount of time has to pass first. I just had two weeks off not that long ago."

"Yes but we had it planned a long time ago," Ben said and then he hugged me. "Don't worry about the why's. We took care of everything."

"We're going on a boat!" Hailey said excitedly.

"We'll be doing a lot of fun things," Ben said and he stooped down to lift her up. "I hope you won't be scared."

"Nope, I won't be scared daddy," she told him and then she smiled and reached to touch Jared. "I have Jared. He won't let me be scared."

"No of course not," Jared said and he reached over to take her from Ben. "There's nothing to be scared of, but I'll protect you."

"What boat?" I asked with confusion.

"There are cruises that take you to the Falls," Ben explained. "You'll see. That being said, everyone should get their stuff ready. It leaves in a couple of hours. We're going to get lunch ready, and then kids, I want everyone to change. It will only be eight in the morning in Canada."

"So we get breakfast twice!" Alyssa said excitedly. "Why is it only morning there?"

"They are five hours behind us," Ben told her. "You've learned about time zones in school. It's a different continent Alyssa. It's almost six thousand km from us."

"That's far away," she said. "Can we have breakfast again?"

"Well I'm sure we'll end up being hungry enough later on to eat more," Ben told her with amusement.

Alyssa turned to Clarissa excitedly. "We're eating breakfast twice!"

Out of all the things she could be excited about, it was the fact that we were going to eat breakfast twice. I felt it amusing some of the things that children got excited over. I was excited to finally see a place that my mother had been telling me about since I was a child, and she was happy about the most insignificant about the day. I reached over to pull her closer to me. I hoped she would always stay this innocent and sweet.

I wasn't allowed to make lunch for everyone. Mrs. Hoofer, my mother and Mrs. Perenge were the ones who prepared lunch for everyone. As soon as we ate, the people who weren't going on the trip began to leave. My sister wanted to go with us, but she refused to have anything to do with magic, so she couldn't. She didn't want Graysen who would be six soon to remember any of it. She'd wanted to take a plane there. Ben had told her that she was more than welcome to, but she wanted him to pay for her trip but he wouldn't do it. So she wasn't too happy. She gave us a bit of a cold good-bye. The kids all went inside to quickly change.

"If she would just be open about magic with him, she could have gone," Ben said with a shrug after they left. Chris had driven them there. "I would have even paid for their plane trip gladly but she was too demanding about it. All she had to do was ask nicely. I'm not going to do something because someone told me to do it."

"Unless it's Ashley," Michael joked.

"I don't tell him what to do," I said quickly.

"I think it's the other way around," I thought I heard Jared mutter.

"We don't tell each other what to do," Ben said. "Let's not get into this conversation."

"I'm just joking around," Michael said with a shrug.

"I wouldn't worry about Jaime," mum said. "She'll get over it. I'm sure she even knows that she was being too demanding, and she'll regret it. She always does. I just think she really wanted to go. We would have paid for them too if we'd known."

"Well no offence Darla, but I do get tired of it," Ben said. "There are so many times we've welcomed her here, and she acts like a spoiled child. The children aren't even as demanding as she can be, and it's almost expected from them. I've done her a lot of favours over the years. We even helped with the down payment for her house, and she still doesn't treat us with respect. This was a day meant for Ashley, and she ended it by bitching because she couldn't come with us."

"We know," Terry said. "She does the same to us. We helped put money towards her house too, but she can be that way. She always regrets it afterwards. I don't think she realizes she is doing it half the time. Unfortunately it's the way she is. We do apologize."

"It's not your fault," Ben said and then he turned to me. "I already have bags packed for you, but if you want to go through them you can."

"No I trust you," I said. Ben usually knew what clothes I would wear on vacation. When I didn't have time to do it, he would pack for Florida for me and he never forgot anything. Ellen thought I was lucky when it came to that. Keith had packed for her a number of times and he usually forgot something important, and she would have to pick it up.

"I'm lucky if he can even dress the girls in clothes that match," Ellen had once told me.

Alyssa and Hailey appeared wearing matching red sweater dresses and black leggings. I loved it when they dressed the same. I knew Michelle hated it when Clarissa tried to copy her, but Alyssa was different. I wondered if it was the age difference or because it was Hailey. The twins would usually wear the same clothes too, but that wasn't much of a surprise. I was sure someday they would outgrow it.

"That is adorable," Ellen said. "Oh I wish my girls would do that, but they won't."

"Michelle doesn't like it," Clarissa said as she too wore a sweater dress and leggings but in blue with white leggings. "She thought I was copying her now so she changed. I wasn't."

Michelle stalked onto the patio next. She shot Clarissa a glare and walked over to join Hayden and Minnie. She was wearing a summer dress that I had bought her not too long ago. I hoped the girls wouldn't be too hot in their outfits. It would be early morning, but it could get warmer later on.

"I'm just going to go check on Elliot," Ellen said. "He can take forever to get dressed."

Ben checked his watch. "Well we have a half hour. So I want everyone out here in twenty minutes."

"Well I think it's just the little ones anyway," I said as I gazed around the deck. Hayden and his friends really hadn't taken long to long to get dressed, not even the girls. I was surprised so many of them were allowed to come with us, but their parents did trust us. I could see Michelle eyeing Cynthia who had an arm around Hayden with jealousy. I felt bad for her and I truly hoped she would move on once they got to Hogwarts. At the moment, Hayden only had eyes for Cynthia and I had a feeling they would be together soon enough. I didn't want to see my god daughter get hurt.

"Where are the twins?" He asked just as William and Cameron walked out wearing shorts and t-shirts. I was glad to see that they had worn something practical and that for once all of our kids were ready on time.

Ellen walked out of the house carrying Mickey and holding onto Elliot's hand.

"Okay, I need everyone to gather around me please," Ben said as the time got closer. "Most of you have travelled by portkey before, but for those who haven't, all you need to do is put a finger on it. Make sure you have everything."

"I don't need you to hold me this time," Hailey told Jared with a smile as she put a finger on the parchment. "I can do it."

"Will Mickey be okay in my arms, or does he have to touch it? I haven't travelled with them when they're this young before," Ellen said.

"He's fine if you're holding him," Ben told her. "Someone could hold my hand and I'd take them with me. Come on, crowd in everyone."

I grinned with amusement when I noticed that Hayden was sandwiched in between both Michelle and Cynthia. Everyone else was trying to get a spot. It was a good thing Ben had made sure that the parchment was long a piece. All the kids were fighting for a spot beside a certain person.

"Where ever you are, just stay there," Ellen finally said. "We don't want to leave anyone behind. Just put a finger on the parchment. It's about to go. You can sit near each other later, it doesn't matter where you stand right now."

"It's almost time," Ben said.

Moments later, there was a jerk on my naval and then I felt my feet lift. It felt as if I was flying and all I could see was a whirlwind of colour. Moments later, my feet hit the floor. After travelling so much, I was able to land on my feet with no problem, but not everyone was so lucky. Half the people, particularly the children ended up falling over. I glanced worriedly over at Hailey, but she had a huge grin on her face.

"Again!" She shouted.

"No, not again," I said. "Not until later."

"I like doing that mummy, that was fun," she told me and I helped her up.

"I still don't like it," Clarissa stated. "I hurt my elbow. How come we fell over but you didn't mum?"

"We're used to it, and you've done it before," Ellen said. "Eventually you'll learn to land on your feet."

"I always hurt myself," Clarissa complained.

"Stop whining," Michelle said as she stood up. "You're just being a baby."

"Uh uh!" Clarissa said and she stuck out her tongue.

"Girls," Ellen said. "Can't you two go a day without fighting."

"Not when she always whines or copies me," Michelle said. "I'll be glad to get to Hogwarts and away from her. I'll miss Elliot and Mickey but not you."

"Mickey won't even remember you," Clarissa said. "You'll come home and he won't like you because you'll be a stranger."

"I really don't want to spend the first day here in a hotel room, but I guess we're going to have to," Ellen said.

"No!" Clarissa shouted with tears in her eyes. "Michelle started it. She's always so mean to me and she won't even miss me when she leaves. I don't want to talk to her ever again!"

"Michelle, come with us," Cynthia intervened quickly as Michelle opened her mouth.

"Clarissa over here," Richard said as he nodded towards Alyssa, Mackenzie and Emma.

I glanced around the store that we were in. It was quite dusty so that told me it had been closed for a while. There was nothing on the shelves and I thought there might have been a leak somewhere. There was a lot of mold. I didn't think it was a good idea for us to stay in here for very long. Ben walked over to glance out the glass door.

"Coast is clear," he said. "Let's go, and quickly. People can come down the streets at any time. Remember, this is a tourist city."

He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the door. It opened up and everyone rushed out.

"Everyone, please stick together," Ben said as we began walking down the street. He was saying it more to the kids then the adults. "No wandering off."

"Won't we be able to explore on our own once we get to the Falls?" Hayden asked meaning him and his friends. "Once we know which hotel we're staying in, we'll be able to find our way back to you."

"I think the Hogwarts kids will fine if that's okay with everyone else," I said. "I'm okay with Hayden and the others going off on their own. We used to."

"It's fine with me," Barry said with a shrug. "Just make sure all of you stick together. We've been entrusted with your care."

"Can't I go too?" Charles asked Brianne.

"As long as you stay with Hayden and Minnie," Brianne said. "I don't want you wandering off on your own Charles."

"You can go with them too Michelle," Ellen said quickly and I knew she wanted Clarissa and Michelle to be separated. "Just make sure you stick with them."

"We just have to buy the passes first," Ben said.

"What about us?" Alyssa asked. "We want to go with Hayden."

"No," Hayden said quickly. "We're not baby-sitting."

"You, Mackenzie, Clarissa, Richard and Emma are coming with us," mum said quickly. "That was already decided before we left."

"And Hailey, Elaina, Elliot and Mikayla are coming with us," Michael said.

"I want to go with Jared," Hailey said.

"And I am going with you," Jared told her.

"What about us?" William asked.

"You're coming with us," Tara told him. "You, Trevor, Cameron and of course Hunter."

"And we're taking the babies," Mrs. Hoofer said.

"Are you okay with that?" Tasha asked. "You'll be looking after three babies."

"We're giving you a break, it's why we made these groups," Mr. Hoofer told her. "It will be your turn later to look after the kids, but for now we're taking the kids around."

"Well, except Ben and Ashley that is," mum said. "This trip is for Ashley after all."

"I don't mind taking a group at some point," I said.

"Maybe later," Ben told me. "For now we're going to relax a bit."

"We were the ones who were supposed to take the teens," Tasha told me happily. "I am looking forward to a break. I know they'll be fine on their own."

"I remember being that age," I said. "I know they don't want to be led around by their parents," and then I turned to Ben. "Did you make sure to convert money for us? We need Canadian dollars."

"I know and I did," Ben said grinning. "This has all been taken care of for a while, we should get going. We need to catch the red line bus to get to the Falls. We need to find a bus stop."

"Mum, my bag is heavy," Alyssa complained.

"You're going to have to deal with it for a little while longer," Ben told her. "We're not carrying everyone's stuff for them."

We didn't have to walk long before we found a stop. There were already a few people there. I was going to try and lighten Alyssa's bag for her, but we couldn't with muggles around. Ben checked his watch.

"The bus should be here any time," he told Alyssa who started to make whiny noises. "It's supposed to get here at 8:09. We'll go to the hotel afterwards to drop off the bags."

"How many rooms do we have?" I asked as I took everyone in. "Is there going to be a bed for everyone?"

"Every room we rented has two beds in them," Ben told me. "But we're also letting the teens take a room. One for the boys and one for the girls."

"I want to be with the teens then," Michelle said quickly.

"That's fine with me," Ellen said quickly.

"We'll figure out room assignments when we get there," Barry said. "I can see the bus."

The people who were already there were staring at us. I wasn't sure if it was because of the conversation or because of our accents. It could have been a combination of the two, but I didn't like it. I was relieved when the bus arrived and we herded everyone on. Thankfully not too many people were on it. Hayden and his friends rushed to the back of the bus instantly while we found seats in the middle.

"I know it sounds bad, but I'm just happy to get away from the kids for a little bit," Ellen said. "All except Elliot that is. Mickey won't stop crying. I know he is a baby, but I feel like he cries more than the others did. Clarissa and Michelle won't stop fighting. I can't take their fighting for much longer."

"Michelle is going to be at school soon," I told her. "Speaking of which, even if this is my vacation, I want her for a night at some point. I'm the birthday girl after all. I don't know if we'll have time before she goes."

"Good luck getting her away from Hayden," Ellen said. "But you're more than welcome to take her. Talk to her later about it. I'm sure she will be happy to hang out with you. She was so close to revealing the secret you know."

"Yes I figured that out," I said with amusement. "Jared kind of gave the game away as well. Everything was still a surprise though. I definitely wasn't expecting any of this."

It had been over ten years since I'd last been in Canada, so it was strange to hear some of the accents. I'd forgotten how different they were. People obviously thought the same about us. As we went through the process of registering for our rooms and greeting people, every single one of them commented on our accents.

"When can we get some more breakfast?" Alyssa asked.

"Soon," mum told her. "Right now we need to get settled and then we need to get our passes. We'll got to one of the restaurants that we saw. You, Clarissa and Mackenzie are staying with us. So let's get to our room."

They'd all rented rooms that had two bedrooms suites in the Fallsview hotel so that everyone would have a bed to sleep in. We would have the twins and Richard in our suite. The only rooms that didn't have two rooms in them were the ones for the teens. They each had two king beds in them, and people would have to share. Hayden wasn't too happy about this.

"I can't share a bed with a bloke," he informed us.

"Well it's either that or you sleep in our suite," Ben told him. "You're lucky that we're letting you have your own rooms in the first place. There's no reason why you need two bedrooms. We only have them because of the younger kids."

"But there are more blokes than girls," Hayden said. "There are only four girls, but with Charles now there are eight of us."

"You know what, he has a point," I said. "Maybe we should rent another room for the boys. We can't expect eight of them to sleep in one room."

"Well hopefully we can get another on the same floors," Ben said with a nod. "It's what you get for inviting so many people."

"You told me to invite as many as I wanted," Hayden reminded him. "You did say there would be room for everyone."

"I can't argue that one, but you do know you'll still have to share a bed with one of your mates," Ben told him.

He ended up having to rent another room with two bedrooms. He wasn't too happy about this, but it cost less to rent one room for all the boys instead of two. He ended up just giving up the other room. I thought it was better this way. They could all still hang out. There was a fight between the boys about who would get the room with one bed in it.

"Well since it's my godparents renting it, I'm one of the people who will sleep in there," Hayden said firmly.

"Well, I am not in love with you, but you're my best friend, so I'll sleep in there," Andrew said.

"Then I am sleeping in there too," Craig said.

"We're wasting time with all of this," Alyssa said. "Decide that later. We want to go get breakfast."

"We can go now," Darla said. "We'll all meet up later," and she turned to the two of us. "You two just enjoy yourselves. The kids will be fine."

"Yes go on," Mrs. Hoofer told us. "We'll deal with the room situation. We'll meet up around six if you want. I know you want to spend time alone. So do Ellen and Keith, and Barry and Tasha, and Nick and Brianne. So go enjoy your alone time for now. We'll take care of everything else. It's supposed to be your birthday trip Ashley."

We all didn't need to be told twice. We quickly hurried down the corridors away from the arguing from the kids.

"I guess they are willing to deal with the passes too," Ben said with a shrug as we hurried off.

"The kids are going to want to be in bed by six," Tasha said with amusement. "What time will that be in our time?"

"Eleven," I answered. "We'll need to keep them up until at least eight or nine. They need to adjust to the time zone here. I'm surprised no one is jet lagged."

"It will probably hit later," Nick said. "Considering how whiny some if the kids are, they are probably feeling it."

"So are the two of you going to wander off on your own, or do you want to stick with us for a bit?" Ellen asked Ben and me.

Ben gave a shrug and looked at me.

"We can hang out for a bit," I said. "We don't have to be alone right now. We have all day for that."

"I'm just happy to have some free time. I don't think Mrs. Hoofer knows what she is getting herself into. She's planning on looking after the babies. It's a good thing Brenda didn't come too."

"Mum is used to babies," Brianne told her. "She raised us and then the other babies. A lot of the time she'd have Hayden, Minnie, Michelle and Charles all at the same time. She can handle the twins and Mickey."

"Mickey cries more than the others did. I don't know if it's colic or what," she said. "The Healer has said he is fine, but none of them ever cried this much and he's a year old. I feel like I am doing something wrong with him."

"Trevor cried a lot," Tasha told her. "Every baby is different. He'll outgrow it eventually. It wasn't until he was eighteen months before he stopped. I had many nights where I had no sleep at all."

"That's happening to me," Ellen said. "I'm so far behind on my articles and my party planning because of it. It's not just Mickey but the girls too. Their fighting is getting a lot worse. That's why I jumped at the opportunity for this trip. When your parents agreed to take the kids as much as they could, I was relieved. I'm fine with Michelle going off with the teens, and mum is coming tomorrow to help out too, so that will be one more person to look out for them."

"Well I'm off until the end of October now," Keith told her. "So I can help out more with Elliot until then."

"Why are you off?" I asked him with surprise. He hated taking time off work, even for vacations. He wanted to earn as much money as possible.

"To help out Ellen, she's getting too stressed," he told me. "So I took a leave for a couple of months. The kids will be in school soon, but we can take it in turns at night when it comes to Mickey."

"Ellen, you could have told us," I said to her. "You were there for me, I would have helped you out."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Ben asked her.

We left the hotel and walked down a road that would take us to the Falls. We were so close that I could already hear it. We could actually see the waterfalls from our rooms, and they were beautiful. I just couldn't wait to see it up close. It didn't take long to walk over. There were already a lot of people there. Most were leaning against the railings to look down at the waterfalls closely.

"I just didn't want to burden anyone," Ellen said. "Our problems aren't as bad as yours was. Besides, I felt I needed to help because I still feel guilty about what happened."

"You're my best friend, we would have been happy to take the kids," I told her. "Our daughters are best friends and your oldest is our god daughter."

"We would have taken Clarissa or even Michelle too," Brianne said. "Well any of the kids really."

"Us too," Tasha told her. "You've taken our kids."

"You do look exhausted," I said as I took in her appearance. I hadn't noticed earlier. "Just use this time to relax and then we'll do what we can to help out. If it's too much to have Alyssa over all the time, the girls can play at our place."

"Alyssa keeps Clarissa distracted, and she comes over because Cameron and William will annoy them," Ellen told me. "I like it when she comes over. They can usually distract Elliot as well. As much as I am going to miss Michelle, I think it will make things easier once she goes to school. It's their fighting that is getting to me more than anything. It's been worse this summer."

"Honestly, it's probably because they are going to miss each other," Brianne told Ellen. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm willing to bet that's the reason. They just don't know how to express it better."

"Are you going through the same thing?" Ellen asked.

"No, Charles and Mackenzie have always gotten along for the most part but I just remember how we were like growing up. Brenda turned into a nightmare the summer before Barry went away, and it was because she was going to miss him. She just didn't want to admit it. Michelle and Clarissa have always been close even if they have fought."

"Well, they were close when they were little, but once Michelle turned nine, she started to see Clarissa as a little girl and that's when it started," Ellen said. "But you're probably right about that."

"I imagine we'll go through the same thing in a couple of years with Alyssa and the twins. They fight a lot as it is, but I think it will be worse when she's about to go," I said.

"I'm not looking forward to that," Ben said. "I'm actually looking forward to them going back to school as well. If they aren't fighting with Alyssa, they are fighting with each other. I don't think we were that bad were we?" He added to Brianne and Barry.

"Not really," Brianne said. "It was mainly Brenda and me."

"We had our moments," Barry said. "But yes, it was usually Brenda who started the fights with everyone. Ben here could be too much, but I don't think we fought that much. We've been lucky so far with Minnie and Trevor, but I think it's because of the age difference. The twins are still too young obviously."

"My sister and I fought a lot," I said. "I know we drove mum nuts at times."

"Timmy and me drove our parents mad," Ellen said with a nod. "We weren't this bad though. It's almost non-stop with them. At least with this trip they're in different groups. Michelle will be thrilled to be with the teens, and Hayden."

Most of the day was spent talking about the kids, and just enjoying some freedom. We bought some passes so we could check out some of the sites. There was a Journey Behind the Falls which I didn't find as thrilling as it sounded, but it neat how muggles had managed to make a tunnel behind the Falls. A water walk down the Niagara river, and we watched a 4D movie. I'd never heard of a 4D movie before that day. Inside, we watched how the Falls were formed and we ended up getting wet from the special effects.

"Amazing what muggles come up with," Barry said once we were out of earshot. "I've been to muggle movie theaters, but that was brilliant. They even had foam for snow."

"What next?" Tasha asked.

"We still haven't done the cruise yet," I said.

We walked over to the guardrails to look down into the gorge. There were boats from the American and Canadian side that took people right into the gorge. I thought it would be amazing to see the Falls up close.

"We could do that," Ben said and he looked to the others. "Anyone else want to?"

"Sure," Ellen said. "It looks like fun. I wonder if the kids have been on it yet. I imagine it would have been the first thing the teens would do."

So we headed to the boats. As we approached the spot, I noticed that there was another attraction there. It was something called zip-lining and I wanted to try it. I pointed it out the Ben excitedly.

"That seems scary," Ellen said.

"I'm doing it," I said. "We have to do it," I added to Ben.

"You love flying and yet you don't want to try zip-lining?" Keith asked Ellen with amusement. "It's a lot safer. I used to go when I was kid. We'll be fine. You used to fly over the lake all the time."

"But we can't do you-know-what if something happens," Ellen muttered.

"Look at all the people doing it," Barry told her. "You'll be fine."

We stood back to watch the people zip-line down to the bottom of the gorge. I didn't care about anyone else, I wanted to do it. Just as we were contemplating this, the teens ran over to us.

"Mum, we want to do the zip-lining but we need parental permission," Michelle said as she ran over.

"It's now or never," Brianne said to Michelle before she turned to Charles. "We'll go with you. We were just thinking of doing it ourselves."

"Can we go on it," Hayden asked as he reached us. "Please!"

"Yes of course," I said. "Let's go. Ben and I are were just about to do it too. What else have you done?"

"Everything," Hayden said. "We're going up to Clifton Hill next. We want to try out the Sky Wheel and everything else up there. From what we've heard, there is a lot of fun stuff to do on that street."

"Do you need more money?" Ben asked him.

"We're still good," Hayden answered.

"Well just write to us if you need more," I told him.

We let the kids try the zip-lining first so that they could go on to do other things. Everyone but Ellen decided to do it. I couldn't understand the logic behind that one. As Keith had said, she used to fly over the lake on a broom, but she refused to go zip-lining. I thought it was a lot of fun and thrilling and I wanted to do it again. I had some nerves before they sent me down, but I didn't regret going.

Afterwards, we went to the Hornblower Cruise. When we reached there, it was to find Shelly, Michael and Jared with the kids. Hailey ran over to me.

"Mummy, we're going to go on the boat!" She said excitedly.

"I see that," I said. "Are you having fun?"

"I'm getting tired," she said.

"We're probably going to take them back for a quick nap," Shelly told me. "We're tired ourselves. It feels like it's been a long day."

I glanced at my watch to see that it was now one in the afternoon. We'd been so busy doing so much that we hadn't noticed how much time had passed. It would be six at home at the moment. So it was no wonder that it felt like a long day. I also realized just how hungry I was. We hadn't had anything to eat since we'd left home.

"After this we should get something to eat," I told Ben as I lifted up Hailey. "I'm hungry."

"We'll go up to one of the restaurants on Clifton Hills," he replied.

"Mummy, we went into a big wheel and everything looked small," Hailey told me. "Maybe we'll go mini-golfing later."

"That would be a lot of fun," I told her. "I think Hayden is going up there right now."

"We saw Hayden in the movie. Mummy, we watched a movie and we got all wet," Hailey told me excitedly.

"Yes we saw that too," I said. "It was snowing and it was windy."

"We might do that again too," Hailey informed me.

"This is a nice place. I'm glad we came here," Jared said. "Is everything living up to your expectations?"

"Well I never expected this, so it has exceeded them," I said. "I thought it was just going to be a house party."

"You know we're going to have another one on the actual day right?" Jared muttered as he stepped closer. "We actually need to get drunk."

"Well it's on a Monday, so we'll have to do it on the weekend," I told him.

I still thought we should do something for Ben with the kids since his birthday was just as important. He was telling me that he wanted a nap soon too, so I figured this would be the best time to try and gather as many people as I could. I didn't plan to sleep until later that night. My sleep could easily be disrupted and I knew when we returned I would have a hard time with sleep. It was hard to believe there was a time when I couldn't stay awake because I couldn't try that now if I tried. While he slept would be the only time we could make plans for a quick celebration with him while we were here. This actually should have been a joint party for us, but Ben always had to go all out for me.

Even after I set Hailey down, she decided to stick by my side when we boarded the boat. I was surprised by this because she had been insistent about being with Jared. We all stuck together regardless. We decided to go to the top of the boat. There was a spot in the middle where people could stand, and I figured this would be our best bet, so I led everyone up there. I didn't want the kids too close to the railings.

On the way to the Falls, Elliot started to cry. He didn't like the way the boat felt and when we started to get wet, he hated it even more. The three girls were excited about it though. Hailey refused to put the hood of the poncho up because she wanted to get her face and hair wet, even when we were closer to the Falls to the point that we were getting drenched. Mikayla really didn't like that part, but Elaina loved it as well.

A couple was actually getting married on the boat not too far from where we were standing. I didn't know that people actually did that.

"That's dumb," Jared muttered just for us to hear. I couldn't help but giggle.

"I think I am ready for a quick nap as well," Ben said as soon as we left the boat. "I've been up since six. Are you going to come back with me?"

I shook my head. "Not right now. I don't want to sleep until it's night. You know what my sleep can be like. I'm going to stay awake for as long as I can. I'll just hang out with everyone. We'll let you know where we are when we wake up."

"I'm going to stick around here," Jared told Michael and Shelly. "Can you get the rugrats back without me?"

"I'm sure we'll manage," Shelly said with a smile. "I'm ready for some sleep myself," and she stooped to pick up Mikayla who was crying. "They're definitely ready for sleep."

"I don't want to walk back," Hailey whined. "My legs are tired. Jared, I want you to carry me."

"I'll take you," Ben said as he lifted her up. "Don't you want to spend some time with your daddy?"

"Yes, I'll go with you daddy," she told him.

I was surprised Ellen wasn't going back with them. I figured she would have wanted some sleep as well, but she stayed with the rest of us instead of going to the bus stop across the road. I said this to her and she shrugged.

"I'm just doing what you're doing. I want my sleep kept on track. That being said, I do want a drink," she said. "Let's go somewhere that serves drinks."

"I'm assuming most places will," Barry said and we headed to Clifton Hill. He smiled at me. "I'm surprised you didn't want to go back with hubby to thank him for all this," and then he winked.

"Later, actually I wanted to talk to everyone without him here," I said. "His birthday isn't that much longer after mine. I know the kids will want a party for him too. So I think at some point we should do a quick celebration for him too. He's done so much for me."

"We could arrange a dinner at some point with everyone," Barry said. "We'll look around at some restaurants but you know he doesn't actually care right?"

"Well I do," I said. "He's always done so much for me, and I want to do the favour back. All of this is for me, not the kids, and not for any of you. It was strictly for me, and so it's only fair I do something back. We'll do an adult party later, but I want something with our kids involved. I know they'll want to help with it."

We found a place called Ruby Tuesday's and decided to eat there. I made the mistake of ordering some strawberry daiquiris with my meal. The alcohol just made me very sleepy.

"I shouldn't have ordered this," Ellen said as she drank her own. "This is just making me more tired."

"I don't know why you're surprised by that," Keith told her with amusement. "You get tired from drinking when you're not tired."

"I know, I just wanted a drink," she said.

"Well I think we should go back to the hotel as well after this," he told her. "You need some sleep. I won't let you sleep for too long."

"You look like you should have gone back with Ben as well," Jared said to me as I sleepily ate my burger.

"Well this was the only chance I could get to talk to everyone without Ben," I said. "I still have to tell the others."

"We'll take care of that," Jared told me. "I really think you should go back as well."

"You too," Nick told Brianne who also looked sleepy "I don't think it will hurt any of us to have a quick nap."

I knew that they were right. None of us would be able to enjoy ourselves when we were so tired. Eventually we were going to meet up with the kids at any rate, and we would need to be awake for them. So after we ate, we all decided to go back to the hotel for a quick sleep. When I reached my room, it was to find some of the kids sleeping in the beds. We were supposed to have the twins and Richard in our rooms, but it was Alyssa, Hailey, Clarissa and Mackenzie at the moment. The others must have decided to just put them in any bed for the moment. I walked through the hotel as quietly as I could and into mine and Ben's suite. It was to find him sprawled out and fast asleep. I crawled into the bed next to him and curled up closer. Even though he was fast asleep, he seemed to sense my presence. He pulled me closer even though he was still snoring. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep either.


	2. Turning 30 Part 2

Turning 30-Ashley part 2

Behind our backs, everyone must have went ahead with my idea even though I'd wanted to be apart of it. The next day, they told us to just spend the day to ourselves and we would all meet up again at Ruby Tuesday's again. So Ben and I took that opportunity. We decided to do everything we had done the day before again, but we also had a picnic in Queen Victoria park. We went zip-lining over and over again and then just strolled down the street at the Falls. We contemplated going over to the US side.

"Will we need passports? We didn't bring them with us because we used the port-key. We'd have to figure out somewhere to apparate over to," I said.

"Yes it might not be worth it," Ben said as he gazed across to the US side. "It was the Ministry that arranged everything. I don't want to apparate into a crowded area. I don't know what abandoned buildings they have over there."

"Well it's not as if this will be the only time we'll be here," I said. "We'll come back and next time we'll arrange it so we can over there too. Some of their attractions look like fun. I'd love to be able to walk that close to the Falls. I think this should be another place that should be regular. I think the kids love it here too."

We'd barely seen the teens since they preferred to stay on Clifton Hill. They didn't really care about the other attractions anymore. The other kids liked it up there as well. They liked playing mini-golf but there was also a water park and some of the theaters that they enjoyed. There were haunted houses, mazes, museums and arcades to keep them busy. The kids had never seen anything like an arcade before, but they loved them.

While Ben and I were enjoying ourselves, they were also planning a bit of a joint party for us. Afterwards I would be a little disappointed that I'd missed out on planning it for Ben, but I did also appreciate it. I just wanted to be involved when it came to Ben. We didn't know what they were doing until we showed up to Ruby Tuesday's. Everyone was there. It was the first time that we'd actually seen everybody at once since the day before. They had a bunch of tables connected up on the patio.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They all shouted as soon as joined them. I was surprised to see Mrs. Perenge there too, I'd forgotten that she was supposed to come today too.

"What's going on?" Ben asked as some people who were sitting nearby clapped along with them. I figured people liked to join in on events for the fun of it.

"Ashley mentioned yesterday that we needed to have a party for you too," Barry told him as we sat down. "So we're doing a joint birthday dinner for the two of you."

I smiled but kept quiet since I'd wanted to be part of the planning for him. I wasn't going to put a damper on anyone's plans by complaining. They were all happy and excited for us, so what good would it do? At least Barry told Ben that it was my idea.

"We're going on the boats again!" Hailey told me excitedly. "We'll see fireworks!"

"Fireworks?" I asked.

"We were going to reveal that later, but it's what we get for telling the little ones the plan," mum said with a smile. "We bought tickets for the Fireworks cruise tonight. They have Fireworks every Sundays, Wednesdays and Friday's."

"Can't even tell eleven-year-old's the plans," Hayden said as he nudged Michelle who was of course beside him. "She almost revealed it yesterday at breakfast."

"It's why Hayden invited me to their table," Michelle said. "I wasn't thinking when I said it. I'm sorry Aunty Ashley."

"Oh I don't care about that," I said with amusement. "I had no idea. It's the thought that counts. Even if you did say it accidentally."

"I basically gave it away and I am thirty-one," Jared said quickly jumping to her defence. "Don't feel bad about it. We all make slip ups sometimes."

"It's not a big deal at any rate," I said. "As I said, it's the thought that counts. We're looking forward to a Fireworks cruise."

It did actually end up being a good night, but as we ate, I thought about an adult party later on for Ben. This was for the kids after all. I knew they wanted to celebrate with him. Later on we'd have our own party for him, and I could make plans for that. His birthday was on a Friday, so it would be easy to do. I always got off early on Friday's. I could set up before he came home, and then send the kids off to my mothers or even my sisters. She was more willing to take them all now that they were all older.

On the boat, I thought it was even more amazing at night then during the day. They lit up the Falls. This time we didn't get wet because they didn't drive us as close to the Falls as they did during the day. We were all given these foam sticks that lit up when you pressed a button on the bottom. All the kids, even the teens waved them around excitedly. They drove the boats around until close to ten at night. Then the Fireworks started. I thought it was very romantic. I moved closer to Ben as we watched, and I felt my disappointment from earlier disappear. They had gone all out to give us a great night, and it was selfish of me to feel upset that I wasn't part of it. It was an amazing night and I loved my friends and family for doing this for us.

We ended up renting a few cabins down in Tobermory. I didn't know it, but Ben had bought some tents for the kids who wanted to sleep outside, which was all the teens. This made it easier for everyone who wanted to sleep in the cabins.

Tobermory was a beautiful little place. We went to an Island called Flower Pot Island on the first day. There we could all swim in the water, but we could also walk around the Island as well. It was extremely hot, so for the most part we spent the time swimming. We had to keep an eye on Hailey because she burnt easily, so we had to keep applying sunscreen on her. I wasn't sure why that was. The rest of us were usually good for one burn a year, but then we just tanned. Hailey never tanned. She would turn red, peel and then go back to her pale self. The other four kids, even Hayden were usually dark by the end of the summers. All I had to go was go for a walk outside, and I'd be slightly brown. Ben and the rest of the Hoofer siblings usually turned the darkest of anyone. So I couldn't figure out what went on with Hailey. She was certainly different than the family in many ways.

The kids were even more excited the next day when we went on the ferry. The Chi-cheemaun made the boats in Niagara Falls look tiny, but then again it was a ship. Most people drove up on it, but since we didn't have a vehicle, we walked onto the boat. The kids scurried up the steps to get on the deck.

"Farewell!" Craig shouted. "We're going off on a long voyage and we don't know when we'll get back!"

"I'm king of the world!" Hayden shouted as he spread out his arms causing some people to laugh.

"When did he see Titanic?" I asked Ben.

"I don't even know what that is," he said.

"You of all people don't know what Titanic is?" Ellen asked incredulously.

"I don't know many muggle movies," he reminded her.

"But the Titanic actually happened," she said. "It left from Southhampton and it was on it's way to New York when it hit an ice burg and sunk. I think half the passengers died. They made a movie about it. One of the main characters, Jack shouted the: 'I'm King of the World!' phrase when he stood at the front of the ship."

"I've never heard of that," Ben said with a shrug. "We don't really know much about some of muggle accidents."

"I just can't believe there is something that you don't know about," Michael said with amusement.

I turned to Hayden. "When did you watch Titanic? That's not a movie that we own."

"I do have muggleborn friends," he reminded me in low voice. "I've seen it a few times already."

"I'm surprised, that's more of a romantic movie," Jared said to Hayden teasingly.

"How if it's about a ship sinking?" Ben asked.

"We'll have to watch it when we get home," I told him and then I turned to Jared. "How do you know about titanic?"

"Watched it with some girls. I've seen my fair share of chick flicks," he answered.

"I wouldn't really call Titanic a chick flick," Ellen said. "Even if it is about a couple falling in love."

"A lot of people consider it to be one," I said. "I think it was even voted as the best one of all time."

I was actually surprised that Ben hadn't heard of Titanic. I would have thought that it's sinking would be something that the Wizarding World would know about too, but apparently not. We'd learned about it in school, and my sister and I had watched it in the cinema with some of her friends and Rachel. I remembered once in fourth year discussing the movie with Ellen and some of the other girls one evening in the dorms.

I was still surprised that my step-son knew about it, and so did his friends apparently. They were still talking about the movie and joking around about some of the scenes in it. I'd been eleven when I had first seen it. None of these kids had even been thought of at the time. I wasn't going to tell Hayden that it had been his mother who had taken us to see the movie. Even Michelle seemed to know the movie because she was quoting some parts from it.

"We should go on a cruise sometime," I told Ben. "I mean a real one. They usually take a week or so."

"Whatever you want," Ben told me as he wrapped his arms around me. "Maybe sometime when the kids are all in school. I think it should be a trip that you and me should take. I'll look into some cruises. It should be somewhere exotic."

Some of the little ones didn't like the ferry and they wanted to get off. Cameron who was usually anxious about things didn't like it, so we had pull him from the sides to reassure him.

"He didn't like the boat cruises in Niagara Falls either," William told me. "He's a scaredy cat. Baby, baby, Cameron is a baby!"

"Leave him alone William," Alyssa said. "I know that you were scared in the Skylon tower and the wheel! So don't make fun of him."

"I don't think you want to be stuck inside the cabin all day do you?" Ben asked William who folded his arms angrily.

"Pout all you want, but there is no reason for you to make fun of your brother," I told him.

William stalked off to stand with Richard instead. He hated when he was told off for making fun of someone. I really hoped it would be something he would outgrow soon. I was worried he'd be a bully. Not just to his siblings but to other kids too. He'd at least stopped using his magic to hurt people, but he could have a mean streak about him. We always told him it was wrong to make fun of people, and I'd even told him stories about myself growing up lonely, but he didn't seem to get it. Ben told me it was a phase, but I wanted to nip it in the bud before it got worse. He just didn't like getting in trouble. He didn't understand the consequences of bullying people.

"I'm not a baby," Cameron said once he was gone. "I just don't like the noises and how it feels. I don't want to fall in the water."

"You won't fall in," I told him. "And it's okay. Your brother doesn't mean it. You know he is just trying to get a rise out of you."

The rest of the trip went without anymore incident. Cameron kept his distance from William for the rest of the trip. He was very angry with him. Instead, he stuck around with Hayden who I was surprised didn't make him go away. He usually didn't like it when the little ones followed him around, but this time he kept him by the hand and let him stick around with his friends.

Manitoulin Island was beautiful with very nice hiking trails. Some were very scenic. We stayed there for most of the day. On the way back, Cameron didn't seem to mind the ferry as much as he had before. He just stayed away from the edge with the smaller children like Elliot, or the babies so he wouldn't have to look overboard.

"Michelle, I want you to stay overnight at my place when we get back," I told Michelle as I joined her side. I hadn't found the opportunity to spend time with her, and she just wanted to be around Hayden's crowd at any rate, so I just let her. "We won't be able to have sleep-overs as much anymore now that you're starting school."

"Okay," she said excitedly. "We can watch movies again. Ooh maybe we can watch Titanic," and then she hurried to Ben. "And we'll make you watch it since you haven't seen it!"

"Oh joy," Ben said but he gave her a wink. "Sounds like a fun night Michelle."

She gave him a teethy smile back. I was going to miss having her next door, and I regretted not having her over more. It had seemed like it would be a long time before she would go, but she was leaving in less than a week. I was used to Hayden leaving by this point even if I missed him, but it was harder when it was a new kid going away. I was sure in two years I'd having a harder with my first born going.

Not much longer than that, we were sending all of the kids to school. Two years ago, the kids had been quite tearful to say good-bye to Hayden, but they were used to it by this point. There were some tears when they said bye to Michelle, but we had no problem getting them to board the bus. Clarissa on the other hand didn't want to say good-bye to her sister. Brianne's theory about the girls was right. She ran straight over to her older sister and sobbed as she hugged.

"I don't care if you won't miss me, I am going to miss you," she said. "I don't want you to go yet Michelle."

"I'm going to miss you too," Michelle informed her sister. "I only said those things because you were annoying me. I will write to you as much as I can," and she pulled back a little. Tears were running down her cheeks a little as well. "But guess what? You're the big sister now. You're the one Elliot and Mickey will be looking up to. So be a big girl and big sister and help Elliot out. It's his first day of school. He'll need his big sister."

Clarissa nodded and stepped back to let Elliot hug Michelle too. I didn't know if he fully understood that she was leaving for good, but he seemed sad. Clarissa took his hand, and the two boarded the bus. I was having a hard time that day too. It was my last babies turn to start school. She was sitting in the front seat, and hanging out the window to wave good-bye to me. She had a huge grin on her face.

"Bye bye mummy, daddy, Aunty Ellen, Michelle and Hayden!" She called. "Have fun at Hogwarts!"

Michelle and Hayden both waved, and the bus started to pull away. Michelle wiped at her face and then turned to hug her mother.

"I'm really going to miss her," she said as she buried her face into Ellen's shoulder. "Elliot and Mickey too, but she's always been there."

"I knew you would," Ellen said as she hugged Michelle back and then she looked at us. "When are you taking him to Kings Cross? Are you apparating again?"

"Yes, we're going to apparate with him for as long we can," I told her. "It will be harder once the other kids are old enough to go, but with one, it makes sense just to apparate. I can't believe Hailey is on that bus now. My last baby is in school."

"I honestly can't wait for the day that Mickey starts," Ellen said and she pulled from Michelle. "Come on honey, let's go make sure you have everything. You should spend some time with your father and Mickey before we leave. Write to me when you all go," she added to Ben and me.

"Come on Hayden," I said. "I'm sure you have everything, but you should double check. Last year you forgot your secret box. It's not a big deal to send things to you, but I want to make sure we don't have to."

"Okay," he said with a shrug. As we headed back to our house Hayden grinned up at me. "I knew that Michelle was going to miss Clarissa. She didn't want to admit it, but I knew it."

"You've spent more time with her lately," I observed.

"I've noticed she was your little shadow on our trip," Ben added as he caught up to us.

"She doesn't seem like one of the kids anymore," Hayden said with a shrug. "Besides, I told her and Charles that I'd look out for them at Hogwarts. I told them that they can't sit with us on the train, but we'll help them out at school. She's actually not bad to talk too. When we were younger she seemed a lot younger but now it's not too bad."

"Well it's good you're looking out for her. I think she has always seen you as a big brother too," I told him.

I didn't know if Hayden knew how she felt about him, but I wasn't going to tell her. I'd promised I wouldn't. I'd told Ellen and a few of the other adults, but they'd promised not to say anything about to him. I thought she was probably obvious on our trip however. I could see the jealousy in her eyes when Cynthia had hung all over Hayden, especially during the fireworks on the cruise. However, she hadn't backed off. I could see her being persistent when it came to boys. I just hoped she would move on from my godson. I didn't want her to be hurt when Hayden and Cynthia finally actually got together. It was inevitable that they would by this point. Anyone could see they liked each other.

"I think she was just happy to hang out with teenagers," Hayden answered. "I know I used to think teenagers were cool at her age. It's why we let her and Charles hang out with us instead of the little kids. When I was that age I wanted to be treated more grown up. That's what we were trying to do for them," and then he smiled at me. "Well, originally it was because she almost let the secret slip but I saw how happy she was to hang out with us, so I let them stay."

"I hope you didn't give her too hard of a time about that," Ben said to Hayden. "I saw that and I knew she was sorry."

"No, I just told her to be careful next time," Hayden told him. "I'm just glad I was listening in to the conversation. I knew she felt bad so I just left it alone."

Upstairs in Hayden's room, which had changed quite a bit in the last two years, we went through his trunk just to double check everything. He realized as we went through it that he did have some last remaining things he wanted to pack from his birthday party. As he did this, I glanced around the rooms. The rooms were now Gryffindor red with some gold trimmings. He had the Gryffindor crest on one of the walls. He'd painted a Gryffindor lion on another. I'd charmed it so that it would move around. I thought it looked a lot better from the plain white from before. Even the bedspread and pillows were for Gryffindor. He was very proud of his house.

"I think that is everything," he said. "But I'll write if I've forgotten anything. You'll lock the door so the others won't come in right?"

"Yes just as we always do," Ben told him. "Ashley charmed it too because William managed to get in last year. Alarms will go off if anyone but you or us try to go in when the door is shut."

"That will be useful for later on," he said with a grin. "If I want to be alone, I can shut the door now."

"Yes we'll keep that charm on for even when you're home," I said and I pointed my wand at his trunk to send it downstairs. "We're leaving at 10:30, so if there is any last minute things you want to do, do it now."

"No, I'll come downstairs with you," Hayden said as we left the room with us. He shut the door behind him and I locked it. "Do you think mum will hide again this year?"

"Likely," Ben answered. "I don't know why she does that. We all know she is there by this point."

"I don't care anymore," Hayden said. "She knows how things are now."

We met up with the others at the train station later on. Brianne was already in tears about it, but Ellen seemed quite calm. I was sure she would start crying the moment Michelle boarded the train. She had changed from that morning. She was now wearing a pretty red dress and Ellen must have curled her hair. She had a red bow in her hair. I detected some makeup as well which I was surprised about. I didn't think Keith or Ellen would want her wearing it quite yet. She really didn't need it. She was a pretty enough girl without it.

"We got a compartment close to the back," Michelle informed Charles. "Catalina and Chris are already here and on the train. I don't know where anyone else is."

"Ours is in the usual spot," Minnie told Hayden. "We got here early just so I could get it for us," and she looked at Michelle and Charles. "We've managed to get the same compartment every year so far. We're hoping we're always this lucky."

"Well give us a hug and get on the train," Barry told her. "I know we don't have to tell you this, but be good."

Minnie hugged each of us and then we took it in turns with Hayden too.

"I hope we won't get any letters about your detentions," I said to him.

We hadn't gotten that many the year before, and they were over minor things, but I didn't want anything to jeopardize his school career. He hadn't said anything about being a prefect, but he could be in the running for it. He had decent marks and he was a good enough boy, but too many detentions could put a stop to that.

"I didn't have that many last year," he told me with a cheeky grin. "Don't worry, I'll try to be a good boy."

He hurried onto the train after Minnie, now it was time to give Charles and Michelle their last hugs. I could see that Ellen's eyes were full of tears by this point. She pulled her daughter close.

"Be a good girl, and write when you can," Ellen told her. "I love you so much honey."

"I love you too mum," Michelle said and then went over to hug her father.

"Tell us as soon as you can which house you're in," I told her once she hugged me as well. "We'll miss you so much sweetheart. We love you too."

"I love you too Aunty Ashley," she said.

Brianne was openly crying harder as she hugged Charles tightly. I could see the embarrassment in his eyes, but he kept quiet.

"I have to go mum," he finally said as Michelle turned to board the train.

"Give us a hug too," I told him before he could leave, "and make sure you write us too," I added when he hugged me. Although I had no doubt he'd be a Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. I really couldn't see him in Hufflepuff.

"Probably Ravenclaw," he told me as if reading my mind. "But I'll write."

"I'll be Hufflepuff," Michelle said. "Come on Charles, the others are here now."

Charles quickly hugged everyone else and then hurried onto the train. We stood back to watch. It was hard to pick a good spot to wave to all the kids since Hayden and his friends were at the front, and Michelle and hers were at the back. So we decided to move to the front first so that we could wave to Michelle and Charles last.

"Four down," Barry said. "How many more do we have to send?"

"There are still four of mine, three of yours, three of Ellen's, one of Brianne's and all three of Brenda's kids. That's just counting us. There is Michael and Shelly and their two."

"And however many other kids our friends have," Ben added. "Sixteen altogether but eighteen if you count Emma and Hunter as well."

"How did we end up with so many kids?" Barry asked. "We're almost as big as the Weasley's."

"We're bigger than the Weasley's now," I said. "Thank goodness they don't have to grow up with all that fame. There was a big write up in the Prophet because James Potter and Fred Weasley started this year."

"Yes they're in the same year as Michelle. It's too bad she never got close to them," Ellen said as she wiped her tears away. "They only went to her parties when they were little, but she really never talked to them as they got older. I won't lie, I did have fantasies of a Potter or Weasley wedding."

"They're only eleven, there is still a chance for that," I said with a shrug.

The train began to move at that point, so we started to wave. The kids all called out the window to us from Hayden's compartment, and some who recognized me as their old teacher. Ellen really let go as Michelle, Charles and their friends went by. Keith wrapped his arms around her. I felt tearful as well, but I held them in. In the distance, I could see Rachel hiding behind a crowd of people, but I ignored it this time.

"Come on," I said turning back to others. "Let's go. We always use this time to have some drinks since we don't have to go back to work. We'll go back to our place."

"Sounds good to me," Ellen said. "Mickey is at mums, but he can stay there for a bit longer. I still can't believe my first child is on her way to Hogwarts. She's going to forget about me soon. When I was that age, my friends always came first."

"It's not as bad as you might think," Tasha said. "They do put their friends first, but they seem more than willing to spend time with you as well since they won't see you as much."

"Hayden is like that," I said with a nod. "I'm glad. I didn't see mum much when I was their age. I always put these guys first," I said as I nodded to Ellen and Ben. "But it's also good when they make friends. I'd rather my kids have friends then to be lonely like I had been before Hogwarts. It's why I am thankful they went through with the Primary school."

"And that we've had kids at the same time," Ellen added. "They are lucky enough to be friends since birth."

"We should go," Tasha said and I noticed that she was looking in Rachel's direction. I could see the anger in her eyes. I wished Rachel would learn to hide better from us. I hated how she could bring out these emotions in us. We just wanted to say good-bye to the kids, and she always seemed to ruin it for us.

"I agree," Ben said quickly as he noticed her. "We'll see you at our place."

He took a hold of my hand, and then turned on the spot. We reappeared in the kitchen. Ben and I began to pull butterbeers out of the fridge. I also pulled some food as well. It was close to lunch and I was feeling a bit hungry. Tasha and Barry appeared just as we were doing this.

"The others will be here in a bit," Tasha told me as she took a carrot. "Ellen just wants wash her face and Brianne and Nick needed to pick a few things up. They said to expect them in a half hour. I really hate having to see Rachel every year at the train station."

"Well she's going to keep doing it," Barry said. "There is no point in working yourself up over it honey. I hate how much she upsets you. She's not part of our lives anymore. We just have to learn to ignore her."

"I just can't forgive her for what she put us through two years ago. She just keeps making things worse," Tasha said.

"But at least now she knows where she stands with Hayden," I said. "She won't be able to pull a stunt like that with him again. He told her if she tried anything like that with us again, then they're done."

"Yes, I am glad he finally stood up to her," Barry said. "Let's not think about her. She always upsets us."

"I agree," Ben said and he handed Tasha a butterbeer. "Let's just celebrate that we have four children in Hogwarts. We have eighteen to go."

"We're going to have a bunch of teenagers at once," Barry said. "Right now it's easy, but what's it going to be like in about five years?"

"I think it will be easier," I said. "On the trip we could send the teens off on their own. We didn't have to keep a constant eye on them. At that age they want to do their own thing."

"Yes but you know what teens can be like," Barry said. "You have a fourteen-year-old right now, but wait until Alyssa and the twins are teens. Hayden has already snuck out once. Alyssa snuck off to Hogwarts when she was seven. What will she do when she's sixteen?"

"Yeah that is true," I sighed. "I guess you have a point about it being easy right now."

We ended up going out to the pool later on to relax. I had a feeling we were going to have a long summer that year. I didn't think we would have to put the cover up quite yet. Sometimes I put it up after the kids went back to school, but I thought we could get away with leaving it as an outdoor once for a few more weeks at least.

Saturday night we sent all the kids away so we could have a real birthday party for me. I wanted to get nice and drunk. I had one full day left of being in my twenties. After that, I was going to be in the thirties. I couldn't drink as well as I used to be able to, but I took quite a bit of shots that night. I wanted to be in a nice drunk bliss. Everything was going well for us at the moment. We had nothing to stress about.

Ben managed to invite quite a few people to our place, even some of the little sisters who I had lost track of. I usually still talked to Alana, June and Madison, but the others I really didn't since I didn't know them that well. They were so much younger. However, they were all out of Hogwarts by that point. Darcy ended up being the last little sister, but she told me that the school seemed to be helping with the shy kids. As I talked to her though, I couldn't help but wish I could be her age instead of almost 30 years old. She was fresh out of Hogwarts, and had all this freedom still.

I wouldn't give up my life for anything, but sometimes I wish I could go back to that girl fresh out of Hogwarts. We'd had such a carefree summer and then we'd gone travelling. We had no responsibilities, we didn't have to worry about school or work. It had been such a nice feeling. Back then there had been so many possibilities.

As we drank together, I wondered how much longer we could or would have parties like this. Someday we were going to want to just settle down. I hoped it would be a long while yet. My mum still had her parties, and she had turned 50 back in March. I hoped twenty years from now we'd be doing the same thing. My mother had a party for her 50th.

"Hey old lady, you look like you're ready to hurl," Timmy said to me. "Maybe you should drink some water and pace yourself."

"Hey watch it with the old lady comments," I said to him with a smile. "Wait until you turn 30."

"You'll be 36 by then though," he said. "You'll always be old compared to me."

"We'll get to a certain age where that won't matter. When I am 80 and you're 74 we'll both be old," I said.

"Ugh, I don't want to think about that," Timmy said with a frown. "I'm having a hard enough time with knowing I'll be 25 next year."

"I'd be happy to be that age again... actually maybe not. Maybe in my early 20s," I said.

25 had been when I'd been pregnant with Hailey, so I hated to think of my 25th year. When I thought about it, I wouldn't want to be in my mid twenties at all. They had been rough years. If I could change things I would be those ages again, but I wouldn't want to go through all of that. If I had to admit it to myself, I was actually fine where I was in life. Ever since we'd gone to Florida that October two years ago, things had changed for the good.

"I'd be happy to be at Hogwarts again," Timmy said. "I love June and Violet, but sometimes I miss those days when we just hung out in Common Room. Fifth year was actually the best year even with OWLs. Alana, Rory and Derek were in the seventh year, and we basically had that Common Room taken over."

"Sixth and Seventh years were the best for us," I said. "We had our own corner and everything."

"We took it over when you left," Timmy said with a grin.

"What are you two doing over here?" Ellen slurred as she reached us. "Come on birthday girl. Let's do some shots."

"I think she should be cut off soon, you too for that matter," Timmy said.

"We're good," Ellen told. "We've been drinking long before you even knew what alcohol was. We don't need you telling us to stop little brother."

"Well good luck with that," Timmy said and he rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go find June. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I think he's right. I might have to drink some water after these shots," I told Ellen. "I'm not eighteen anymore. I can't drink like I used to."

"Same here, but I try," Ellen said to me. "We don't get nights like this as much as we used to. I need to enjoy a baby free weekend."

We took some shots together in the kitchen where Jared was playing bartender, and then we headed out to the deck. We walked over to dangle our feet into the pool. Some people were swimming, but I didn't think it was a good idea for us to be swimming at the moment.

"I think I am a bad mother," Ellen complained.

"Why?" I asked.

"I think I hate Mickey," she said and then tears started to stream down her cheeks. "What kind of mother hates her baby? We never planned to have another after Elliot. He was such a surprise, and the pregnancy was so difficult for me. He hasn't stopped crying since the day he was born."

"Ellen, you don't hate him," I said. "You are just really stressed out right now. I'll tell you something I didn't even tell Ben. I felt the same when it came to the twins. I resented the fact that I'd had them in the first place, and I felt like the worlds worst mother. But then I would tell myself to think about life without them, and I couldn't do it. I would take their crying over not having them. It's just the stress talking and I think every parent goes through it. Think about it. If you could go back in time, would you prevent your pregnancy with him?"

"No, I can't imagine life without with now," she said. "I feel the same way about him that I did with the others. I don't remember what life was like with three kids and that was just a year ago."

"Then you don't hate him. Like I said, you're just overwhelmed by it all. After Hailey was born, I felt guilty at times when I thought about my resentment for the twins. I was so relieved that she was there and I couldn't stop thinking about how happy I was that I had her. Then it made me question my love for them since I hadn't felt like that with Alyssa. I was already feeling like a horrible mother because of what I put Hailey through, and then I remembered by thoughts with the boys."

"But anyone seeing you with them would know that you love them," Ellen said.

"And anyone seeing you with Mickey would think the same thing," I said. "As awful as it sounds, I think a lot of people go through that. They don't actually feel that way, they just think they do because of the stress. I think it's postpartum depression to be honest with you."

"Even when they're a year?" Ellen asked.

"Even then," I said. "I think Shelly went through that with Mikayla, and from what Ben said, it seemed that way with Brenda and Dakota, but we all know how scared she was. We know she does love him."

"That's a relief," Ellen said. "I feel terrible thinking this way about him or even talking about it. I really hope he grows out of the constant crying soon. Elliot almost gets ignored because of it, and I think Clarissa is lonely without Michelle. I don't know how you do it with five kids."

"It gets easier. You remember how stressed I was two years ago. Now that Hailey is older, I don't worry so much. Once they all hit a certain age, it's not as bad. Three years from now you'll be laughing at all this."

"I hope so," she said. "I'm sorry for this serious talk at your party but I didn't know who else to talk to about it. I didn't want to tell Keith."

"Maybe you should," I said. "He's your husband. He'll understand. He knows you're stressed as it is. You don't hate Mickey though Ellen, so don't worry about that. And we're best friends, I'm here for you anytime, even when we're drunk... especially when we're drunk."

"Thank you," Ellen said. "I'm so glad I talked to you our first day of school. It was one of the best decision of my life. Did you ever think we'd still be friends 18 years later?"

"I didn't expect to have any friends let alone a best friend for 18 years. I can't believe we have known each other for this long."

"We'll have to do something for our 20th anniversary," Ellen joked.

"You're right. If we remember this tomorrow, we should talk about that. We should celebrate it. Now enough serious talk. It's time to have fun," I said to her.

The rest of the night was a blur of drinking and dancing. I knew I was going to hung over the next day, but I didn't care at the moment. I was looking forward to regretting the hang-over for once.

"Do you ever have any regrets?" I asked Ben the next day.

We'd been awake for a while, but we were waiting for the hang-over potions to kick in. Ben had been smart enough to put them on our nightstands the night before with cooling charms.

"Regrets?" He asked. "What do you mean?"

"Just in general. We're going to be 30 soon. Anything at Hogwarts or even afterwards. Do you ever regret being married too young, or even becoming parents too young?"

"Why?" Ben asked. "Do you have regrets."

"You know my number one regret," I said to him. "I just wondered about you."

"I regret many things, but not getting married at twenty or having Alyssa when we did," he said. "My regret is that I worked too hard at Hogwarts to get a job that I wasn't actually suited for. Even now when I am working at the Ministry as a Healer I wonder if I'm on the right path. It came in handy when it came to your accident or when the kids are hurt, but otherwise I wish I'd picked something else. I also regret going Halloween night."

"How can you regret that, you've never told me that before," I said wondering how he could be regretting that of all things.

"You're responsible for your own decisions, but I just feel if I hadn't gone you wouldn't have gone either," Ben said. "I could have convinced you to stay."

"Ben-" I began.

"I know we agreed we wouldn't play the blame game over that anymore or feel guilty but it's something that had actually been on my mind for years. I've just never brought it up because I knew you'd try and reassure me that it isn't my fault, and you'd start feeling guilty as well," he said.

"But we promised we wouldn't keep secrets anymore," I reminded him.

"Why are you bringing up past regrets anyway?" Ben asked.

I explained the conversation that Ellen and I'd had the night before, and about how I'd been reflecting a lot lately.

"It's just turning 30, seeing all the kids growing up, and Ellen's stress that brought it on," I explained.

"Well what else besides that night do you regret then?" Ben asked.

"That night with Jared of course, getting back with Denver, getting with you at first because it broke Ellen's heart," and when Ben raised his eyebrows at me I quickly added: "Not that I don't regret following my heart. It's just I hated that my best friends heart had to be broken for me to be happy, but I definitely don't regret the last fourteen years with you. I appreciate the fact that you've given me four beautiful children and allowed me to adopt Hayden. I regret some of the things in seventh year. I spent too much time wishing for the time to go quicker when I should have enjoyed being young. I regret the stress I put you through when you were just trying to protect me and I always accused you of being controlling."

"Well I didn't handle things properly with that," Ben said. "That's another regret of mine. All I ever did was demand that you not do something. Mum was right when I should have explained it to you better. Even back in sixth year you wouldn't have gone to Diagon Alley if I'd communicated better with you. I don't blame you for thinking that I was controlling you because it's the way I came off. You were right two years ago when you said I treated you like a child and you were right. I basically scolded you like a child or demanded you to do something or not to as if you were a child. In other words, I was just a major git."

"You're not so bad now though," I said.

"It took years to get it right," Ben said.

"Well we have the rest of our lives to get things right," I told him. "You're basically stuck with me until the day you die."

"Good," Ben said and he leaned over to kiss me. "You've made me happy for the last fourteen years, and I look forward to starting my thirties with you by my side. I'm grateful that you've given me four beautiful children as well, and I didn't allow you to adopt Hayden. I wanted him from the start. I'm grateful that I have him in my life because of you. I can't imagine life without him. He's a wonderful young man and I am glad I can take some credit for that."

He kissed me again. We both had stale alcohol breathe, but that had never stopped us before, and it wasn't going to that day. I hoped we would always be able to feel the love for each other that we had now. There had only been a couple of times that I'd been scared during our marriage that things could end, and I hoped those would be the only times. I was lucky to have a man like Ben because even five years later I felt guilty that he'd gone through that stress about Hailey because of my impulsiveness. He had thought he'd lost his wife and baby and that was all on me.

The next day, I was woken up by all four of the kids jumping into the bed. For a moment I wondered if Ben was up to this, but I felt him beside me. He let out a groan as he woke up. This was probably a first. None of the kids had ever gotten up before us, not even on Christmas. I figured Alyssa was behind it then.

"Happy birthday Mummy!" Hailey shouted.

"We brought you two breakfast in bed," Cameron said and they pointed over to our dresser.

On the dresser were two trays that had bowls of cereal and a glass of water on them. They had to have been up for a while to do this.

"Well I can get used to this," Ben said as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"We were just going to do it for mummy, but then Hailey said we should bring you some too," William said.

"Sit up mum," Alyssa said. "We can give you your breakfast. We'll get dressed and get breakfast for us too. You don't have to do anything."

"I feel spoiled lately," I said with a smile as I sat up.

Alyssa climbed out of the bed and went over to the dresser while Cameron did the same. Alyssa brought me my tray while Cameron gave Ben his tray.

"Enjoy," Alyssa told us and the four of them left the room.

"We have wonderful kids," I said to Ben.

"Yes we do," he said. "It's only five in the morning. They're going to be exhausted later."

Throughout the day my message parchment vibrated with birthday wishes from my friends and family, even from people I really hadn't talked to in a while. I felt that 30 was almost as big of a deal as 17. I knew I was never going to forget my 30th birthday for as long as I lived and it was because I had wonderful friends, family and kids. I had many regrets in my life, but I also had a lot of happiness too. The good memories outweighed the bad ones many times over.


	3. Sarah

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Sarah

"Why would you stay friends with Melanie for so long?" Ellen Perenge asked me.

"It took me a long time to come to my senses," I replied.

It was all I could come up with. It was a question I often asked over the last five years. Now as we entered the seventh year, it was long overdue. I knew I should have ended it back in second year when she'd started her drama. However, I couldn't let her go. Maybe it was that Hufflepuff loyalty in me. Maybe it was my hope that she would change. After all, not every moment with Melanie had been awful.

Often I would remind myself of her good traits, and that was why I stayed friends with her all those years. It was hard to let her go just because she was an outcast. Most people still liked me even if they disliked her.

"That's for sure," Ellen replied.

"Well, you stuck by Michael," I reminded her. "Michael had his moments as well."

"But we knew why he had his issues. Melanie just did it to be a bitch. She is just loyal to whoever she wants to be at the moment," Ellen said. "And you've always known that. From what Keith says, she was like that in first year too. I'm sure you had to have seen it even then. So why stay friends with her? Why be friends with her? How did you become friends anyway?"

They were fair questions. I thought back to first year to that very first meeting on the train.

My parents helped me get my trunk into an empty compartment and then hugged me good-bye. None of us were very good with good-byes; so they thought it was best if they left right away. I was still surprised they were letting me go. My whole life they'd been protective of me. I think it was because I was an only child, and mum had trouble giving birth to me. It wasn't just that though. During the last year; the world had seemed so scary. There had been unexplained accidents and disappearances. So my parents had made me stay inside unless I was going to or from school.

One day, everything went back to normal, and then an elderly lady came to visit us mid-summer. She explained that I was a witch and I could go off to a boarding school to control my powers. All this explained so much to me as I'd always noticed I did odd things. However, I was worried my over-protective parents wouldn't let me go. They surprised me though. They were even excited about letting me go.

Now I was sitting alone on a train and waiting to go to some far away boarding school. I was terrified. What if I was actually bad at magic? What if no one liked me? I'd gotten along with the kids at my primary school, but some had found me a bit odd. I'd also never been so far away from my parents before. The longest I'd been gone was a week at my grandparents.

I was deep in thought about all of this as a girl entered. Her entrance shocked me as an older couple (presumably her parents) put a trunk next to mine in the luggage rack. The girl smiled at me, and I gave her a once over. She was one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen. She had short blond hair and green eyes.

"Mum, dad, you can go now," she said turning to her parents. Her mother was an older version of her. "No need to wait for the train to go."

"We'll go, but we're watching the train go," her mum replied. "It's your first year Melanie. After the year we just had; we are watching the train go by."

"I should have been here already," Melanie said.

"Melanie, you know the circumstances," her mother said and then glanced at me and smiled. "Hi, sweetheart. Are you a first year too?"

I nodded. "Yes, this is my first year. I am Sarah. My parents already left," I added, and I wasn't sure why I did. Perhaps to let her know why they weren't around, or maybe it was because Melanie wanted her parents gone.

"See, her parents left too," Melanie said. "Now give me a hug and go on."

"I don't like this new attitude, Melanie," her father said, but he gave her a hug. "We can always teach you at home. Don't forget that."

After her parents had left; Melanie looked over at me and rolled her eyes.

"My parents are so annoying at times," she said. "Too overprotective; especially with you-know-who last year. I should have actually come to Hogwarts but you know, we had to go into hiding."

"I don't know who and what do you mean in hiding?" I asked.

"Muggleborn?" Melanie asked, and I nodded. "Sorry," she said with a shrug. "I suppose I shouldn't have assumed."

She then began explaining who exactly You-Know-Who was. As she did this, a few other people (two boys and a girl) joined our compartment. The newcomers stayed quiet while she did this. As she told her story, I thought things started to make sense from the year before. I listened so intently that I didn't even notice when the train began to move.

The new girl and one of the boys also put in their own input about it.

"So that's why weird things happened?" The other boy asked. "Even the really cold?"

"Dementors," Melanie said.

She seemed to love the attention that she was getting. She seemed so happy and confident and I instantly liked her. The talk soon turned to Hogwarts and the four houses. I honestly hoped that I would be sorted into the same house as her.

The other kids seemed nice too. I learned their names were Ted, Delilah, and Matt. My worries that no one would like me seemed silly. At least for now. Everyone was very friendly. I also thought that Melanie wanted to be my friend too. She smiled at me more than she did the others. It seemed as if she wanted to talk to me more than the others.

It wasn't that I was insecure, but I'd never been a popular girl. I'd always just been what people would see as a background character. I was neither popular or unpopular. Melanie seemed the type to be popular at school. She was the kind that would have her own clique like in movies. I was the type that would watch from afar. I would wish for her to be my friend, but while she was friendly with me, we would never be close. Yet, for some reason, this beautiful girl wanted to be my friend!

I also always believed I was just an average looking girl too. I knew I wasn't ugly, but I didn't think I was beautiful either. I had plain brown hair and brown eyes. A lot of people had my hair colour and eye colour. The brunettes of the world were always ignored in favour of the beautiful blonds like Melanie.

In short, I was very fascinated by Melanie, and during our first year of friendship, I thought I was fortunate that she had chosen me to be her friend. She could have opted for any of the girls like Ellen Perenge, another popular girl or Jess or even Erica but she didn't. She had chosen me! It might have sounded shallow, but to an eleven almost twelve-year-old girl, it didn't seem that way at all.

Thankfully, both Melanie and I were sorted into Hufflepuff. I was sorted there first. The hat didn't sort me right away as it did with some people. Some people it called out their houses almost instantly, such as the boy who had been sorted before. It seemed the moment the hat sat on his head; it made its decision. With me, it debated on Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor. I wondered if the hat had ever been that indecisive before. In the end, it said that it saw more Hufflepuff in me than the other two, and I was sorted.

I headed over to my house table. I glanced quickly at Melanie before I sat down beside the boy who had been sorted before me. I believed his name was Ben. After I'd taken a seat, I glanced around at my new housemates. These would be the people I'd be spending the next seven years with.

From what I saw so far, I liked what I saw. I know it was hard to go first impressions, but I had liked Melanie right away. I had liked the other kids in my compartment too. So I didn't think I was wrong with the new Hufflepuff's so far.

That is, except the one bloke. He seemed determined to be mean to one of the girls already sorted. She had brown hair and brown eyes like me. He kept calling her anti-social to anyone newly sorted (including me) to our table. Of course, she was anti-social. It was the first day of school. She was nervous. I glared at him before I turned to watch the rest of the sorting.

It wasn't long before Melanie was sorted into Hufflepuff. She took the empty seat beside me and grinned at me.

"I am so glad we were sorted together. I wanted it to be you out of the others in our compartment," she told me.

"Me too," I admitted.

A small and adorable blond girl was sorted into our house next. She looked like she was eight instead of eleven. She seemed annoyed by all the 'cute' comments, but I couldn't help but agree with them. Maybe she was some powerful eight-year-old who had been allowed to come. She asked Melanie and me to move down so she could sit beside Ben. I assumed they had met the same Melanie and me had, or else they had known each other before Hogwarts. I had no problem with moving down for her.

"I'm so glad we were sorted together," I heard her whisper to Ben, so that definitely confirmed it.

After everyone was sorted, and there were announcements, the first years all started to introduce themselves to each other. I learned that the mean boy's name was Michael, and he seemed determined to be mean to the brown haired girl.

"Her name is Ashley, but you will never get it out of her since she doesn't want to talk," Michael said. "It's the only thing she would say on the train."

He was started to make me really angry. It was the first day of school, and he was so mean. I hated bullies. I'd known plenty in primary school.

"Enough!" I finally said. "No one cares; so leave her alone."

"Exactly," Ellen said from beside me, and a few others murmured their agreement.

Michael looked really annoyed, but thankfully he stopped. Ashley remained quiet for the rest of the night. Everyone else talked. I decided that if she didn't make any friends, I would speak to her. I just hoped Melanie would be okay with this. She was busy telling me her life story growing up as a witch. I wished so much I could have grown up with magic, even with what had happened the year before.

"I bet I am the oldest in our year," she said with a sigh. "Since mum and dad made me stay home. My birthday was last March, so I am twelve."

"Probably more parents kept their kids at home. I thought I heard that Jared bloke say his parents made him stay at home too," I replied. "It will be odd not being the oldest though. I've always been the oldest in my class. My birthday is on the sixth."

"You would have been," Melanie. "I bet no one else has a September birthday this early. I guess it's good that I had to wait a year though. We can do something for your birthday later. Maybe we can get all the Hufflepuff's involved."

"I'd rather we didn't," I said. "We can do something, but I don't want everyone to be focused on my birthday. Not this early anyway. Maybe next year. That will be the big birthday anyway."

"Nope, the big birthday is seventeen. I mean, thirteen is a big deal because you're a teen, but seventeen is even better. You're an adult then."

"It's eighteen when you're an adult," I contradicted.

"Not in the wizarding world," Melanie sang. "Ooh, it's going to be so much fun teaching you everything."

And she was right; it was fun in the beginning. We were instant friends, and that had never happened to me before. I'd had friends in the past, but instead of love on first sight, it was a friendship on first sight.

The other girls in our dormitory seemed very nice too. Melanie thought that Jess, Anne, and Erica were ditzes but they were never anything but friendly to anyone. They never bad-mouthed someone unless they had a reason to do it.

That was something I didn't like about Melanie, even if she was fun to hang out with most times. Perhaps that should have been the first signs that for me to realize that our friendship was significantly flawed. It started the very first day of school when it came to Ellen and Ashley.

At some point (although I wasn't sure when) the two of them became friends. As we were entering the bathroom, the two of them were leaving and in deep conversation. I wondered what that Michael boy would say when he saw Ashley talking. He'd been calling her anti-social after all. She obviously wasn't.

The moment the two girls were out of earshot; Melanie let out a small giggle.

"Looks like a freak friendship. Perhaps that why they are friends. They both know they are freaks," she said as we reached the shower cubicle.

Later on, we would assign cubicles, but for the moment they were free for all. I hesitated before I stepped into one.

"That's not nice. What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her.

"One is really short, and the other one can break mirrors," Melanie answered.

"Ellen probably just hasn't had a growth spurt yet," I replied. "And that do you mean by break mirrors?"

"Ashley is incredibly ugly," Melanie said. "She probably scares small children."

"She isn't ugly," I said quickly.

"She has a unibrow, Sarah," Melanie said.

"Okay but besides that, she isn't ugly," I said.

It was true that she had a unibrow. However, all she needed was tweezers, but maybe she just didn't care. She was cute though. I didn't see ugliness. Perhaps Melanie was just nervous I decided. So I didn't say anything else. I just stepped into the cubicle. There was an area to get dressed or undressed and an area to shower. I touched the yellow fluffy towels that were already there before I went into the shower part. Why would Melanie say something so mean? I decided not to dwell on it for the time being though.

There were many moments like that as our friendship went on that I chose to ignore. Back in first year, it was because I was so much in awe of her. There were many times when she would say something very mean about the other girls in our dorms, and even the boys too. The only one she wouldn't say something bad about was Ben, but it was because she had the biggest crush on him.

I should have given second thoughts when she began making fun of Keith Wicks. He was one of the sweetest boys in our year, but according to her, he wasn't a real boy because of his shyness. How did that even make sense? She thought he was pathetic. It bothered me because we barely knew him. The only time I agreed with her was when she made comments about Michael.

I told myself often that the good times made up for the bad though. I loved when she would let her hair down and have fun. I loved doing the girly things together like make-up and painting our nails. I loved going through magazines, muggle and wizarding and having gossip sessions about celebrities. I loved discussion fashion and even homework with her. We both had the same goal to get good grades. We both wanted to be in line to be chosen for prefect someday. There were many times when things were cozy between us.

I believed other girls felt the same way about her I did too. I wasn't sure about the ones in Hufflepuff. However, I thought maybe the girls in the other three houses were in awe of her too. I didn't think Tara was, but her two friends Lydia and Natalie were. In fact, in the first year, I felt like I was part of the popular group. We were friends with people in all four houses even if we were best friends.

People liked me for me, and not just because I was Melanie's friend. At first, I thought it was because they wanted to be her friend, and I was just benefitting from that. However, by the end of our first year, I knew they liked me too. I would later find out that they liked me better.

It wasn't that I thought I was unlikeable, it was just that I believed that at the beginning she was more. I was someone people got along with, but I didn't stand out as she did. I was confident enough, but she was very outgoing, and she had a bubbly personality.

I had many reasons to like her in our first year. So it was very shocking to me for her to change in our second year.

We got together on weekends during the summer. I even spent a week at her place. She'd bought us some friendship necklaces. We'd seen Ashley and Ellen wearing them. Apparently, they connected if your friendship was real. Ours didn't connect, but Melanie blamed it on them being cheap.

The second year started, and we were both confident this time. The year before we had been nervous (although Melanie hadn't seemed like it) but now we knew what it was all about, and we knew everyone. We had friends in Hufflepuff and outside of it.

"Do you think Ben will notice me?" She asked. "I grew out my hair. Maybe he doesn't like girls with short hair."

"He might have liked you last year," I said. "You look pretty no matter what. Besides, we're thirteen. We're a bit young for dating, or we were last year."

"I had my first boyfriend when I was ten," Melanie reminded me.

It was something she liked to brag about a lot. Apparently, she'd already had three boyfriends, even if she didn't have one the year before. She did a lot of snogging though. She wanted me to do the random snogging too, but I only believed in kissing in a relationship. Not that I had ever had a boyfriend, but that was my rule. I hadn't even kissed anyone, and Melanie thought I was way behind. I didn't care though. I'd get a boyfriend someday and my first kiss.

"It wasn't a real boyfriend at ten," I said to her.

It was something I'd wanted to say for a while. A relationship could be real at ten. I had a hard time imagining us having real boyfriends at thirteen. I knew people our age started dating, and I did notice cute boys, but it still seemed strange to me. Even if she dated Ben, or if I got a boyfriend, it will couldn't be serious like the sixth or seventh years.

"We kissed and held hands," she stated. "I had my first kiss at nine."

"Relationships aren't serious until you're sixteen," I told her.

"Speak for yourself. If I date Ben, it will be real," Melanie said. "I'm a bit more grown up than you are though. So is Ben. He'll be happy to have a real woman to hang out. Ellen and Ashley are just children. Ellen is beautiful, but she's still too young. Ashley isn't pretty enough."

"I'm not immature," I said not understanding what she meant that she was more grown up than me.

"You're not immature. You're just very inexperienced. You're not ready for a boyfriend, which is okay. I am just more grown up than you are is all," Melanie said. "Don't take offense, Sarah. It's just you're more twelve than you are thirteen. I mean, of course, you're still twelve since you haven't had your birthday yet. I am just saying you're still a year younger in experience. You're like the rest of the girls in our year."

"If you say so," I said, but I didn't agree with her.

There wasn't that big of a difference between twelve and thirteen. The only difference was that you were officially a teen. Melanie liked to think that since we were the oldest in our year, we were somehow more superior. I'd never thought that because I got along with Ellen, Anne, Erica and Jess just fine. Ashley, as it turned out, was just a day older than me.

"You're not offended are you?" Melanie asked me.

"No, I just don't agree with you," I replied. "No one is more grown up than anyone."

"We're more grown up than the three ditzes from Hufflepuff," Melanie said. "And we're definitely more grown up than Ashley. She is one of the oldest and yet she seems like one of youngest. I don't see what Ben sees in her."

"She is a sweet girl, and they are friends," I said.

"I don't know why," Melanie said. "I know she isn't anti-social like Michael used to call her. She does talk, but not enough. She only talks to her friends. She doesn't even talk to the rest of us. When she does talk, a lot of it is whining. I don't understand why they became friends with her. Ellen seems so loyal to her though. Ellen is one of those girls who can be popular, but I think Ashley holds her back."

I felt annoyed with Melanie, but I didn't want to fight. She had always had something bad to say about Ashley, and I didn't know why. I got along with all the girls in our dorm. I'd had conversations with Ashley, and I liked her. She would be someone I'd be friends with if I hadn't befriended Melanie. I knew plenty of others liked her too, despite her shyness. The only thing Melanie was right about was the whininess, but I'd noticed she only did it when she was stressed.

"So how do you think classes will be?" I asked to change the subject.

I hated bad-mouthing people, especially people I liked. I felt like I was stabbing them in the back. Why be friends with someone only to bad mouth them later? It didn't make sense to me. Melanie let out a loud sigh, just as she always did when I changed the subject. She wasn't stupid. She knew what I was trying to do, and she hated it. I couldn't understand why she loved talking about people behind their backs. I wondered if it was why she liked hanging out Tara, Natalie, and Lydia though. They enjoyed gossiping about other students.

Another difference with second year was that we were past the basics in class. The teachers expected us to be already able to do new spells. People like Ben or Tara could almost do it right away. The rest of us struggled. I was able to do it by the end of class thankfully, but Melanie couldn't, and this annoyed her. What bothered her, even more, was that in Charms; Ashley was one of the ones who was first.

"How can she be one of the first?" Melanie asked me angrily. "She is one of the dumbest in the year!"

"She's one of the best in Charms," I pointed out to her. "And she isn't stupid. She has a learning disability."

"Either way, I am smarter than she and I should have gotten the charm first!" Melanie said and folded her arms in anger.

I resisted the urge to tell her that she wasn't very mature at the moment. I just shrugged and joined up with the others in our year. Melanie wouldn't bad-mouth anyone when the others were around.

A few days later, Ashley, Ben, Ellen, and Michael had their infamous fight. I called it that because everyone heard about it. They had a huge shouting match in the common room, and it was something we would still talk about even years later.

No one was surprised that they got in a fight with Michael. He'd always been a prat, but he'd gotten worse. Apparently, it had gotten horrible over the summer. For some reason, he had turned against Ashley. I would later learn it was because he thought she had turned Ellen against him. He, like a lot of boys, fancied Ellen.

Initially, I'd thought Melanie was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. However, Ellen was even more beautiful. She had been cute the year before, but she'd grown from cute to beautiful. Most boys had noticed this by the end of our first year, and Ellen had a line up of them who wanted her. This drove Melanie mad, even if she wanted Ben. She wanted all the boys to want her instead.

Anyway, Ellen didn't fancy Michael back, but he thought it was Ashley's fault. So he'd turned against her. Ben and Ellen were more loyal to Ashley then Michael. So, of course, they took her side. As it turned out though, they were all angry with each other, and it all came out. Unfortunately, it was on Ashley's birthday.

I wasn't there for it, but I guess it happened because Michael gave Ashley Skiving Snackboxes. She apparently had no interest in them, and Ben thought it was a lousy gift. He told him off for it, and that's when everything came out.

I didn't hear about it until much later. I was in the library with some of the friendlier Ravenclaw girls. Melanie didn't like Lindsay, one of the girls I was studying with and Lindsay didn't like her, so Melanie was off somewhere else. It wasn't until a couple of first year Hufflepuff girls came in talking about it. According to them, Ashley dueled Michael and won.

"No way is that true," I said. "She is horrible at dueling. Michael is the best in our year."

"Maybe he didn't want to hurt a girl, even if he was angry," Zoey said.

"That could be it," Lindsay said. "They must be very upset with each other if they dueled."

"I think I'll go find out," I said. "We're about done here, aren't we?"

"Yes, I think we are," Lindsay replied. "But let us know what happened if you can."

I quickly packed up my books. It was odd that everyone was talking about the four of them. Everyone knew them of course, but besides Michael, they weren't people that were the source of gossip. For the most part, people really didn't give them much thought, except maybe Ellen. Ashley was someone most people didn't think or care about. Not that they hated her, but she was so shy that she blended in.

When I entered the common room; all four of them were there, but they were sitting separately. I saw Melanie and Ben sitting together, and I couldn't help but smile. She had obviously heard about the fight, and she'd taken advantage of Ben being along. Considering how close they were sitting; I assumed that they were a couple now.

Michael and Jared were sitting alone in the middle of the common room. They kept sending glares over at Ashley, who was on her own. She appeared to be doing homework. How awful for her to get in a fight on her birthday of all days. I sure hoped I'd have better luck the next day for mine.

Ellen was sitting with Jess, Anne and Erica. She looked as if she were filling them in on what happened. She kept looking at each friend as she talked, but she looked sad. Her eyes lingered on Ben for a long while, and I wondered if maybe she fancied him. I had a feeling there would be a love triangle someday with Ashley, Ben, and Ellen.

I considered joining Ashley to hear her version of events, but I heard Hank calling my name. I glanced over at him to see that all the Hufflepuff boys except, of course, Ben, Michael, and Jared were sitting together. They were in a corner of the common room which shocked me. It was evening by this point, and usually, the older kids didn't allow anyone third year or younger to sit in the corners. In the future, this would be THE corner we would take over. Eventually, it would be known as Hufflepuff corner, which was silly since we all Hufflepuff's.

However, I am getting ahead of myself.

For the moment, I decided to talk to the boys. With one last look over at Ashley; I walked over and took a seat on the couch beside Hank.

"Did you hear the latest second year gossip?" Hank asked.

"Somewhat," I replied, and I told them what I'd heard the first year girls say.

"Well it's better than the rumor that Michael is trying spread around," Joey said as he shot a glare over at Michael and Jared.

"Well what exactly what happened then?" I asked. "And why would Michael spread rumours about the fight? How do you any of it's true then?"

"I got it straight from the mouth of Ellen Perenge," Hank said, and Stan started to laugh.

"We don't need details Ronent," he said. "What you and Ellen do on your own time is your business."

"You want to know," Hank replied laughing.

"Could someone fill me in? You've just confused me even more," I said.

"Hank is just happy in love with his new girlfriend," Stan said still laughing, but then he told me everything. When he was done, Joey told me the rumour that Michael tried to spread around.

It was some kind of bullshit about Ashley flipping about over her gifts, and then she called Michael poor, and then she rubbed some meeting with Harry Potter in his face. I didn't know her that well, but I knew none of that was true. I was sure most people wouldn't believe it. Why would Michael think anyone would believe that?

"And Jared actually believes that?" I asked as I glanced over at Jared and Michael again.

"I have my doubts. I think even Jared is getting tired of Michael. He is just loyal to him for some reason, and he dislikes Ashley. I think spending full time with that boy will make Jared come to his senses," Stan answered. "He's even admitted that Michael can be too much."

"I don't know why Ellen, Ashley, and Ben have hung out with him for so long," Keith said.

"He can have his good moments," Hank said. "Just lately he hasn't had them. It's the same with Jared. I wouldn't put him on the same level as Michael, but right now he isn't our favourite person either."

I glanced over at Ashley. She was looking over at us. As soon as she saw me looking at her, she looked down again. I figured since Melanie was with Ben now; I could try to get to know her better too. I knew she'd be lonely without her friends.

Melanie turned into a different person when she got with Ben. She acted as if she were superior because she had a boyfriend. I got sick of it. During the first week, I tried my best to hang out with Ashley, but she was never around. Either that or Ellen would try and hang out with me. When Ellen was around, Ashley wouldn't come near me.

Thankfully, the Ben, Ashley, and Ellen made up a week later. I thought that would make things easier. Unfortunately, Melanie was suddenly jealous of Ashley. When the two of us hung out, she would go on a long tirade about Ashley.

"You realize she has a boyfriend now too right?" I asked.

Ashley was now dating a Slytherin boy named Denver. Apparently, they had gotten together on her birthday. She'd told me this one evening in the dormitory when I'd asked. Everyone knew she'd fancied him, but we were all surprised he went for her. He had hated her the year before. It would be the same if Jared dated her.

"But for how long? I think she wants Ben," Melanie said.

"I don't think she does," I said.

It was something I reminded her about often. In fact, I had reminded her about right before Ben came to tell us he'd made up with the girls. I told her she needed to be careful about her jealousy because it was a turn-off. For once, she actually listened to me.

But I couldn't help but notice that Ben did stare at her a lot. When they had their fight; he talked about her a lot. Since Melanie was dating Ben, of course, I hung out with him too. He would talk about missing her a lot, but he didn't mention Ellen or Michael as much.

I think even his cute little cousin noticed. He had a cousin in first year Ravenclaw who was Ben all over again, but with blond hair. His name was Sam. He even asked me out. As flattered as I was, I didn't want an eleven-year-old. I thought Darren from Gryffindor was cute anyway.

When Melanie was all over Ben, and I couldn't find the other girls around, I would hang out with people from the other houses. Often Darren and I would study together after everyone else had left.

Melanie thought I should have taken Sam up on his offer. She didn't know about my crush on Darren. I'd decided to refrain from telling her quite yet when she'd said:

"You're not going to get another handsome boy like Sam, even if he is horrid, Sarah. You should have just said yes," she'd said the day he'd hit on me after Ben had gone to bed.

I hadn't responded to that comment. I'd been so angry with her though. I wasn't ugly, so why wouldn't I get another handsome boy? Not that there wasn't anything wrong with Darren. He was definitely cute, but Melanie wouldn't think so. She had very high standards. She thought Michael was ugly even though most girls found him very attractive despite his attitude.

It was Anne who I ended up talking to about Darren. Melanie was off with Ben. I was alone in our dorms and feeling awful about myself. It was about a week after her comment to me, and a couple of days after Ben had made up with his friends. Melanie had once again made a dig about me being alone and 'young.'

I was just painting my toenails while I looked over some Transfiguration notes. I stared off into space feeling sad. Maybe Melanie was right. Maybe I was just a loser. She hadn't said those exact words, but I felt like she was calling me that.

"What's wrong Sarah?" Anne asked, and I glanced at her with surprise. I hadn't heard her come in. "You look so sad."

I sighed and then for some reason; I found myself telling her everything. Melanie often said Jess, Anne, and Erica couldn't be trusted or that they were just ditzes. However, I'd always believed there was more to them than that. I didn't think Anne was going to rush off and tell everyone.

"Sarah, you are lovely," Anne said. "I've never really thought Melanie was all that beautiful. I mean, she certainly isn't ugly, but I've just always thought everyone made too big of a deal over her. It's the same with Ellen. Tara and Nancy are prettier than them, but for some reason, no one notices as much. You can get any boy that you want. Why would you let Melanie make you feel that way?"

"I don't know," I said. "She usually has comments like that, and I usually ignore them. It's just that boys aren't exactly pursuing me."

"Because they are shy," Anne replied. "Girls always think it's easy for blokes, but it's not. I just had this conversation with Ashley actually. In fact, you two are so self-conscious when you shouldn't be. Ashley is worse because she has Denver, but I can't really blame her either when people keep insulting her looks. No one but Melanie has ever said that about you before. I think you're prettier than Melanie. Boys do talk about you. I bet Darren would love to be with you."

"Why did you have this conversation with Ashley? I thought it was evident to her that Denver liked her," I said.

"I just told her she was lucky to have boy liked Denver already so devoted to her. She said she was surprised a boy like Denver would like her since she is so ugly. I've never thought she was ugly," Anne said. "Anyway, I think Melanie is more insecure than she lets on. I believe she knows you feel vulnerable, and she is using that against you. I don't want to say anything bad about her because she is your best friend, but she isn't all that nice."

"She isn't mean though," I said although lately, I wasn't so sure if that was true.

"Don't get me wrong," Anne said quickly. "I like her, but sometimes she goes too far. I've heard some of the things she says. I get so tired of hearing people call Ashley ugly, and Melanie is one of the worst offenders. She often says really mean things about Keith and Dan too."

"You're more insightful than I realized," I said to her.

"Yes, I know. The three ditzes from Hufflepuff," Anne said laughing. "We're actually not. I know we come off that way, but we aren't empty-headed."

"Doesn't it bother you that people think that?" I asked.

"No," Anne answered with a shrug. "If it did, we wouldn't act that way. It's been a joke for the three of us ever since we heard Ellen start to call us that."

"I would hate for people to think that," I said.

"Your problem is that you care too much about what people think," Anne said. "It's the same with a lot of people. I know it's easier said than done, but life is easier once you stop caring. You should only care what your friends think."

"But what if it's your best friend who is making you feel bad?" I asked her.

"Then you need to talk to her," Anne responded. "I had that with Jess last year. She kept making comments, and I thought maybe she actually didn't like me. Often it felt like Erica and Jess are closer and I am just an afterthought. I brought it up to Jess, and she was upset that I thought that. The three of us talked about it, and we felt a lot better. All you need to do is talk to Melanie and if she is a true friend; she'll understand. It was the problem with Ellen, Ashley, Michael, and Ben."

"Except Michael," I said.

"They'll make it up in time," Anne said. "I just wish he could move on from Ellen. There are other girls just as cute who would date him. She isn't the only girl."

"Like you?" I asked with surprise.

Anne nodded with a small smile. "I have for a while. I know he can be a prat, but he is also a good guy as well."

"You should tell him then," I said.

"And you should tell Darren," Anne replied.

"I will if you will," I said.

"Fine, we'll both try to get with them by Halloween," Anne said.

"Why Halloween?" I asked.

"Tri-Wizard Tournament and besides, Slughorn might have a party," Anne explained.

I felt nervous about telling Darren how I felt, but I felt even more nervous to tell Melanie how I felt. Her attitude was just getting worse. She was snapping at me more and more as time went on. She was getting bossy when it came to Ben as well. I was surprised he put up with it. He wasn't usually the type to let people boss him around.

"Melanie, you're going to end up losing Ben," I said one afternoon when she snapped at him in the Great Hall.

He wanted to spend time with his friends for his birthday, but Melanie wanted to hang out with him instead. It wasn't that her request was unreasonable. Most girls would want to spend time with their boyfriends on their birthdays. It was her reaction to it and the fact that she forbade him from hanging out with them. She didn't want him anywhere near Ashley. Anyone could tell that Ben was really upset about this.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Melanie snapped at me. "You are single and you probably always will be. I'm the one who has had boyfriends."

"And according to you, they've always dumped you," I said with annoyance. "You've always made yourself out to be the victim. I bet they dumped you because of your jealousy. I don't have to be in a relationship to know that Ben is getting fed up with you."

"Ashley and Ben aren't just friends!" Melanie growled. "Haven't you seen the two of them together? They might as well be a couple. I'm not just imagining things. I see it between them. I saw it at the end of last year too. I just don't get it because she is so ugly."

"She isn't ugly, and they haven't done anything wrong," I said. "Ashley only has eyes for Denver."

"But you can't deny that there is something between them!" Melanie said to me. "They just haven't realized it yet."

"Well, there is some truth to that," I admitted. "But right now Ben wants you and Ashley wants Denver. You don't actually think you'll marry Ben someday do you?"

"That's not the point Sarah," Melanie replied. "Look, just mind your own business okay?"

"Well just don't say I didn't tell you so," I said.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Melanie told me angrily.

"Melanie, I am getting really tired of you being mean to me," I told her. "I am just trying to be your friend here. All you ever do is snap at me or insult me. I don't deserve it. Just because you think I am ugly and pathetic; it doesn't mean I am!"

"I don't believe that," Melanie said. "You're a beautiful girl."

"So why tell me that I won't do any better than Sam? Why keep making me feel bad about myself because I've never had a boyfriend? We are thirteen Melanie. Speaking of which, we didn't even do anything for my birthday. All it's been lately is about you and Ben! I told you that thirteen is a big deal to me and you ignored my birthday. We had a party for yours."

I remembered the year before when I thought I was lucky to have Melanie as a friend. I wondered if she thought I was fortunate to have her as a friend. At times I wanted to be part of Anne's group or Ben's group. Despite some of their petty fights; they cared about each other.

Melanie just shrugged. "I didn't know you felt that way. Learn to speak up Sarah. Anyway, about Ben-"

She began rambling on about her relationship. Inwardly I was fuming. I had done as Anne suggested and Melanie acted as if she didn't care. That was the first time I began to question our friendship.

Melanie's attitude only got worse as time went on. Ben dumped her shortly after that conversation. For months after that, I had to endure her complaints about Ashley and listen to how heartbroken Melanie was. If I didn't want to hear it; she would accuse me of being a terrible friend.

I wanted to be there for her, but I also wanted to focus on other things too. Was that really so selfish? The Tri-Wizard Tournament was at Hogwarts. While some people in our year didn't think it was all that exciting; I believed it was.

I also wanted to cheer on our Quidditch team because Ellen and Ben were on the team. I wanted to hang out with my other friends and try to get to know Darren better. However, Melanie wanted my full attention.

Then to my dismay; Darren moved on. He started to date a girl in the third year. There wasn't anyone else I had my eye on, and Melanie didn't care anyway. Everything always had to be about her.

The Christmas holidays approached and I heard from Erica that her, Jess, and Anne were invited to Ashley's for New Years. In fact, almost half the Hufflepuff's in our year was. Jared was asked, and they had hated each other. I felt hurt because I knew that the reason Ashley didn't ask me was because of Melanie.

She basically confirmed it for me when Melanie confronted her about why we weren't invited. Ashley told Melanie exactly why she wasn't invited. I stood next to Melanie feeling hurt and angry as I listened to Ashley tell her off. As soon as Melanie stormed off, I turned to Ashley.

"Look, I understand completely why you don't want Melanie there, but you and I have always gotten along really well," I said to her. "I don't understand why I at least haven't been invited. I always thought Melanie was wrong about you and Ben."

"I know Sarah; I just didn't think of you because of Melanie. She's your best friend. I can invite you, but she is probably going to be really angry with you. It might start a fight between you two. Are you sure you want that?" Ashley asked.

"I can handle Melanie," I answered.

I knew Ashley was right. Melanie was going to be furious about this. I didn't care though. I didn't want people hating me because of her. A lot of people were starting to dislike Melanie, and some people lumped me in with her. It wasn't fair because I was nothing but nice to people.

"Look, you can come if you really want to," Ashley said. "You know Jess, Anne and Erica weren't initially invited either. It's because they confronted me about it too. I only invited the boys because Ellen is dating Hank. I invited the Slytherin's since I am dating Denver and Ben is with Claire. I didn't want Morgan left out. "So you see it definitely wasn't personal, although Ben definitely does not want Melanie there. I also don't, and I don't want to talk to her until she apologizes. I was not the cause of their break up. Anyone who gives ultimatums like that is responsible."

"I know, although Melanie is right. I am not saying she should have given him an ultimatum, and she is at fault for the breakup, but you and Ben are very close. She won't be the first girl who will get jealous. That's the problem with when people are friends with the opposite gender," I told her.

I decided not to add that people could see the spark between Ashley and Ben.

"I know, and I expected it, but I figured it would always be Ellen because she is so beautiful. She is one of the prettiest in our year," Ashley confessed.

"Ashley, you're not as ugly as you think you are," I told her. "I don't even think you are ugly. I get so tired of hearing people say you are. You have big beautiful eyes, and ever since you got your eyebrows done, you look even prettier. Don't let anyone else tell you that you're ugly. You got Denver didn't you?"

And before she could say anything else, I walked off. It was true. She wasn't beautiful, but she was cute. The year before she realized she had a unibrow and she fixed it. It had changed her face so much. I had never realized that eyebrows could do that. However, it was almost like she was a different person.

I waited until close to the last day of school to tell Melanie about New Years. We were working on a Potion's essay. Not too far from us, Jess, Anne, and Erica were talking about the party.

"We should have our own party," Melanie said to me. "I'll talk to the Andrew twins tomorrow. We will send out invitations to the Gryffindor's and Ravenclaw's. I think we could even convince the other Hufflepuff's to come too. Maybe even the ones who were invited to her party. I don't know about some of the Slytherin's, but I supposed Deliah and her friends would come?"

"I don't think so," I said to her. "It's last minute for one thing, for another, I don't believe that we should ruin her party."

"Any party we have will rival hers," she said. "And people just want to be invited to a party, Sarah. If people find out that there is a better option, they'll ditch her party and come to ours."

"No, I am not doing that," I replied. "Besides Melanie; I was invited to her party, and I am going."

Melanie stared at me. Reading her was hard. At times she could hide her emotions so well.

"You're joking right?" She finally asked.

"No, after you yelled at her, I told her that she should have invited me. I told her that just because you and she weren't getting along; it didn't mean I should be left out. She agreed," I responded.

"I can't believe you would that to me!" Melanie said furiously. "After everything that happened?"

"Melanie, the breakup with Ben was your fault. Not Ashley's! I told you that your jealousy would get you in trouble. She is a friend of mine, and I shouldn't have to miss out on a party because of you! Lately, people have been lumping me with you, and I hate it. I have friends outside of you, but I can't hang out with them because of you. I am tired of it," I told her.

And then I said everything that I had been holding back for a while. So many people disliked her now, but they liked me still. However, at times it seemed as if she was holding me back. I didn't only want one friend for the next five and a half years.

"You are selfish, and you are not a true Hufflepuff!" Melanie said to me angrily.

"I think it's the other way around Melanie," I said. "I've had enough."

"What are you saying? You don't want to be friends anymore?" Melanie asked.

And at that moment; I was seriously considering ending our friendship. However, for the first time in a year and a half, I sensed some vulnerability from her.

"I don't know," I finally responded. "All I know is that I am tired of you making me feel bad. I need some time away from you."

"Fine!" Melanie snarled. "Don't talk to me until you come to your senses!"

She packed up her books quickly and took off. I felt sad that it could be the end of our friendship, but I also felt relieved as well. That should have told me something in the early days.

Melanie and I ended up making up in the New Year. It was her who came to me, and it was then when I realized she needed me more than I needed her. I would be okay without her. Plenty of people liked me. It went from me being in awe of her to her needing me. No one was lining up to be her friend. It was my loyalty to my first friend that made me take her back. If I ended our friendship permanently the next day; I would survive.

A month later, I questioned our friendship again. It was when she did the unforgivable that would make her a pariah until the end of our fifth year.

During the summer, she had signed up for photography courses. When we had hung out on weekends, either I would be her subject, or else we'd go to different places for her to take pictures. She got really good at it.

After Ben had broken up with her, she joined the yearbook club. She ended up becoming one of the main photographers for events like the Triwizard Tournament, Quidditch or even just for fun. She would do her own work too, and she charged people a sickle per photo. So no one found it odd when she would go around and take pictures around the common room.

After the holidays; Michael started up poker tournaments every weekend. During these games; she would take pictures of everyone having fun. Not everyone played of course, and she took photos of other activities too.

No one noticed that Ashley seemed to be the primary focus of some of her work. Melanie took the time and effort to take different pictures of Ashley with several boys. She would then send them to Denver to make him think she was cheating. Her last photo was one of Ashley and Ben. She wanted to break Ben and Claire up as well as Ashley and Denver.

I didn't find this out until Jared came over to yell at her.

"Are you really that much of a crazy bitch?" Jared shouted as he approached us one Saturday evening.

"What are you talking about?" Melanie asked, but she had a smirk on her face.

I looked from Jared to Melanie with confusion and dread. I knew that smirk all too well. I'd seen her give it to others after she had angered them.

"You know what I'm talking about. Why would you do that?" Jared demanded.

"What are you talking about?" I finally asked as I continued to look at the two of them.

"I have no idea," Melanie answered. She folded her arms, but she had a big grin on her face.

I felt dread now. What kind of drama could she have caused now and how would I be blamed for it this time?

"You honestly have no idea that she broke up Ashley and Denver?" Jared asked me.

"No I-" I began, but then I felt nothing but anger. Not only because I was pissed off that Melanie would do that, but because I knew for sure that people would blame me for this too. "What did you do?" I demanded to Melanie now.

"I didn't do anything," Melanie answered. "Jared, what is it to you anyway? I thought you hated her. Why do you care so much if they broke up?"

"Because she is my friend," Jared replied before he turned to where his friends were sitting.

He beckoned to Michael who was holding something in his hands. Michael got up and walked over. He gave what appeared to be a stack of photos to Jared. Jared gave them to me. I looked through them, and I saw that it was Ashley and a different boy in each one, I knew what Melanie had tried to do. I also knew it was she who had taken them. I recognized her work. I'd seen so many of her photos; so I knew her style.

"You didn't Melanie," I finally pleaded as I got to the end of them. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I thought Denver ought to know what was going on," she answered, and she shrugged.

"That's a load of bullshit!" Jared shouted. "We are all aware you did this because you think it's her fault that Ben dumped you. You just can't accept the fact you're psycho, and he couldn't stand it."

I couldn't help but agree with Jared on this one. I thought Melanie had moved on, but apparently, she hadn't. I glared over at her and continued to shake my head, but she ignored me as she focused on Jared and Michael.

"Exactly!" Michael said. "Ben was miserable with you. We all saw the way you treated him. We all know that you were jealous of Ashley. You don't give a damn about Denver. You just wanted him to dump her. You are a bitch!"

"Melanie, I told you just to move on. I told you just to leave her be," I said. It had been one of my conditions when we'd made up.

Hank and Stan walked over to join us. I was relieved to see that they were glaring at Melanie and not at me.

"Why do you care so much?" Melanie demanded to Michael and Jared. She continued to ignore me. "At the beginning of the school year, and even last year you two hated her. I can't believe you can change your minds so quickly about her. Jared, you did whatever you could to turn Michael against her. You spent all your time bad mouthing her."

"And I realized I was a git," Jared said. "I had no reason to hate her. We're friends now, and as her friend, I am going to do what I can to make your life miserable. I promised her I would be there for her, and that's what I plan to do. That's why I am here telling you off right now."

"Whatever, she'll get over it," Melanie said to him. "She got what she deserved. She should have stayed away from Ben. Even if I don't care for Denver, I still think he had the right to know. Anyone who dates Ben or Ashley will find out eventually that it's pointless. The two of them want each other, but they just don't realize it. I was doing Denver a favor."

I didn't understand how she could justify what she'd done. It didn't matter if there was a spark between Ashley and Ben. What she had done was just plain wrong. Jared was right. It was psycho.

"You're going to regret this," Jared threatened, and then he turned and walked off.

Michael held out his hand to me to take back the pictures. I handed them over to him, and the three boys went after Jared.

"Why would you do that?" I demanded as soon as they were gone. "And don't give me any of the bullshit that you just gave Jared."

"It's the truth, Sarah!" Melanie said. "You've seen it between Ben and Ashley too! Most people have."

"But she was happy with Denver!" I retorted. "She didn't have eyes for Ben at all! It was because of you that Ben broke up with you. He wanted to be with you, and you ruined it for yourself. You even told me that you knew that when we came back."

"I lied. I am still very angry about it. I want Ben back," Melanie said.

"And you think that doing what you just did will get him back? He is going to hate you for this!" I said.

"I know. I didn't do it to get Ben back. I know I will never get him back. I wanted my revenge on Ashley, and I got it. I don't care what you or anyone else says. I am not sorry," Melanie said. "And if it breaks up Ben and Claire; that will be even better!"

"Melanie that is just pathetic!" I said. "Now you are just causing even more drama. People had better not blame me for this."

"If they do; I'll tell them it was all me. I am sure people know you weren't involved Sarah," Melanie said. "I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you are not blamed."

"That isn't the point Melanie," I said. "You shouldn't have done it at all. Lately, hanging out with you has been nothing but drama. I don't want people to hate me because you did something. This is unforgivable."

"Don't stop being my friend," Melanie pleaded. "I promise that I will make sure people know I acted alone."

And I might have stopped being her friend right there and then if she didn't seem so desperate. I decided I would stay friends with her, but I made it clear to her that I was on Ashley's side and not hers.

At times as the years went on, I would wish that I'd ended our friendship at that moment.


	4. Jared's Story Part 1

Jared's story. Part one.

"Ashley wants me to ask if you guys want to go to her New Years Eve party," Ellen Perenge, my best friend Hank's girlfriend said one evening.

"Sure!" Hank said excitedly. "It will be better than how we spent it last year. I've heard her New Year's parties are fun."

"Where did you hear that?" Stan asked. "They've only gone to one so far, and she only invited Michael, Ben and Ellen."

"But they were talking about it a lot last year, and Ashley said that her mother has been having them most of her life," Stan answered. "She told me that ever since her sister was about eight, she's been letting the girls invite people."

"It's true," Ellen said. "Her mum loves having kids over, but she invites her friends as well and their kids. Last year was the first year that Ashley had people to invite. It was so much fun. Oooh please say you'll go Hank!"

I didn't look up from the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework I was working on. I knew that Ashley hadn't included me in her invitation. I couldn't blame her however. I'd spent the last year hating her. I'd felt that I had a good reason for it. I'd told the others it was because I thought she was ugly that I hated her, but that wasn't it at all. I didn't think she was pretty, even if she had improved her looks a lot since the year before. It was just because she was this shy loner nice girl. I didn't trust people who acted as nice as she did. There had to be more to it than she let on.

Lately I'd been questioning all of that, especially after Ellen's group had gotten in a big fight. Ashley was one of Ellen's best friends and the two of them as well as their friends Ben and Michael had gotten into a huge shouting match. I couldn't help but feel responsible for it. I liked Michael, him and I had always gotten along, and I'd spent a good amount of time trying to convince him that she was no good. The problem with Michael was that he was insecure and impressionable. It hadn't been hard to convince him that she wasn't a good person.

I didn't do it just because I hated her; I truly believed a lot of what Michael told me was happening was her fault. I knew that she and Michael didn't get along for a while. I knew that she knew that Michael wanted to date Ellen. So I was sure it was her that was convincing Ellen to stay away from him out of revenge. I knew a lot of girls were interested in him. Why wouldn't Ellen Perenge be? She was a beautiful girl but not out of his league.

Everything came to a head one day however, and the four of them got into a huge fight. I wasn't there, but I'd heard enough about it. Apparently the four of them had been holding a lot back, and they finally got into a fight over it. Their fight had caused a fight between Stan, Hank and me as well. My two friends weren't impressed with my involvement in the fight.

For a while it was Michael and me just hanging out while the rest of the second year Hufflepuff's seemed to be angry with us. Eventually they made it up and I started talking to my friends as well. In the end, I realized I'd been wrong about her. Ellen had wanted Hank the entire time.

Now I felt terrible about everything. I even felt bad that I hated her and I was starting to realize that I was just a git for the last year or so. She had never done anything wrong to me, and I hadn't treated her right. I was just being paranoid because I did have trust issues. After the war and everything, it was hard not to have them. So many people had betrayed each other. I was surprised I was the only person who felt that way.

"Earth to Jared," Ellen said as she waved a hand in my face.

"What?" I asked as I looked up in surprise.

I was sure that she didn't like me too much either. She talked to me because she was dating my friend, but I believed she hated me for how I had treated Ashley. It always felt awkward when she hung out with us.

"Would you like to go as well?" She asked.

"I doubt I am invited," I answered.

"She told me to ask you as well," Ellen told me.

"She's invited Jared as well?" Stan asked with surprised. "Are you serious?"

"She told me to ask," Ellen insisted. "She knew I wanted you to come," she said to Hank and then she looked at Stan and me. "Then she said I could invite Hank's friends. She's letting Denver invite his friends as well."

"I don't know yet," I finally said. "I'd like to actually talk to her personally about it first."

"Well I am all for it," Stan said. "It's supposed to be the party of the year. The muggles are paranoid about the year 2000 and their computers."

I didn't say anything, I was deep in thought. I could not understand why she would want me at her party. It wasn't that I was suspicious of her; I just thought it was odd. I knew if it were me, I would not want someone who had tried to ruin my friendship at my party.

It was hard for me to get a moment to talk to her alone however. She was either with her boyfriend or she was with her friends. It wasn't until Slughorn's Halloween party that I found my opportunity. I wasn't in the club, but I always managed to find a girl to take me. This time Sheila Andrews was taking me. With the exception of Ellen, the Andrew twins were probably the prettiest in our year. I'd wanted a chance with one or both of them for a while. So when she had asked, I'd taken the opportunity without hesitation.

Ashley was just asking Ben to walk down with her to the party, but he couldn't go quite yet. So I took my opportunity.

"I'll walk down with you now if you want," I told her.

Ashley turned to look at me with surprise. She looked really nervous.

"You're in the club?" She asked shyly.

"No, Sheila Andrews invited me," I told her. "I said I would meet her in the Entrance Hall."

"Okay," she said nervously.

I tried to smile to reassure her. I couldn't blame her one bit for being nervous around me. I planned to change that however. Maybe we would never be good friends, but I couldn't help but be curious about her. We left the common room together in silence. A lot of people were staring at us in surprise. Everyone knew that we didn't like each other.

"So Ellen said you wanted to know if I wanted to go to your New Year's party," I finally said.

"We always throw a party at my place," she explained in a low and shaky voice. "My mum said I could invite some friends over. Last year I just invited Ellen, Ben and Michael. This year I want to invite Denver as well, so I thought he could invite his friends. Ellen asked if she could invite Hank as well, and I thought he'd want to invite his friends as well. If you're not doing anything you're more than welcome to come. There will be a lot of teens there. My sister always invites all her friends, so my mother shouldn't mind. I have to ask her first, but I really don't think she'll mind. You just have to remember that they're all muggles."

"I've been around muggles," I answered. "I am just surprised you're letting me come to your house given our past."

"I am ready to move on," she said. "I always believe in second chances."

So Michael was right about her after all. I'd spent all that time trying to convince him that she was the enemy, but I could see she was sincere. She wanted to put the past behind us for sure. I should have realized it sooner however. Denver had actually spent his days hexing her, and she'd done everything she could to be his friend. They were now dating. I shouldn't have been so paranoid when it came to her.

"Well Michael was definitely right about you. Look, I am sorry for everything that happened. I shouldn't have tried to wreck your friendship and I am sorry for being rude to you. I just always have a hard time believing someone can be so nice without some kind of agenda. Stan and Hank have been telling me for over a year that I was being an idiot but I didn't listen. If my parents say it's okay and I am sure they will, I will come," I explained to her. I wasn't sure if it came out right or not but she seemed to accept it.

"Apology accepted," she said. "As long as you're done being a prat than I am willing to move on."

I couldn't help but grin at her when she said that. She smiled at me back. I was definitely willing to try and work things out with her. If I did, it would make things easier with Ellen and Hank. Michael was also a friend of mine, and it would make things easier with him as well.

My first opportunity to be a friend to Ashley came up at her New Year's party. The two of us had been getting a long well when our group of friends did hang out together. All the tension that had been between our groups was gone, although Ellen and Hank hadn't been getting along too well lately. So I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be a friend of hers, unless she still talked to me through Michael. At any rate, I did still want to talk to her.

Ashley lived in a small pink house. Although I wasn't rich, I lived in a decent sized house and I felt that her house would fit in mine comfortably. I didn't understand how so many people could fit in that house, but they did. It was a nice enough house, and it was cozy enough but it was uncomfortable to have so many people. Sometimes it was hard to move around, but it was also fun.

The good part of the house being so crowded was that the adults couldn't watch our every move. Several of us managed to sneak a bottle of alcohol. The year before I'd drank too much and I'd thrown up. I'd learned my lesson from that. It was all about moderation. Somehow someone had managed to sneak a bottle of vodka. So we put some in our drinks, but kept it hidden in case anyone noticed.

"Try some," I told Ashley happily as I held it up.

"No thank you," she told me with a small smile. "Enjoy it."

She moved away quickly and I shook my head, but I was amused by it. One of these days we were going to get her to drink. The others were curious about alcohol, and they'd all had some but Ashley just would not touch it. We always managed to sneak it at the Hufflepuff parties. I thought Michael drank a bit too much considering how his parents were, but he wouldn't listen. He was at the moment already on his third drink. I worried about my friend often, and I didn't know how to help him. At the moment he was laughing with Ellen.

"She's just hopeless," someone said behind me.

I was standing with Stan, Hank and some of the Hufflepuff girls, Jess, Anne and Erica. I turned to look at who was talking only to see a pretty girl with long dark hair. I smiled at her.

"Who is hopeless?" I asked.

"Ashley," her even prettier red headed friend said.

"Why do you say that?" Anne asked.

"She wouldn't drink. She's just weird," the red head said.

"No she isn't," I said. "If she doesn't want to drink then she doesn't want to drink.

"You don't understand," the first girl said. "She was biggest loser in the whole school."

"Ashley's a nice girl," Stan said in response. "She's just really shy, and it's no wonder. If she went to school with you two before she came to our school, it's no wonder she had no confidence."

I felt angry instantly. I'd heard Ashley talk about some of her old bullies. I couldn't believe that they were still bullying her in her own home. Perhaps I wasn't someone who could talk since I had been rude to her. However, I wanted to make things right with her. I wanted to be her friend.

"What are you even doing here if you don't like her?" I asked. "You're a guest in her house, and you're making fun of her."

"We're Jaime's guests, not hers," the red head said.

"It doesn't matter, you still shouldn't be here if you feel that way," Anne said angrily. "You're trying to turn her new friends against her. That's very sad."

"You don't know her the way we know her," The first girl said. "We've known her since Nursery school. She was this shy weird kid. We didn't make her shy."

"I don't see what your point is," Jess said. "Just because she is shy doesn't mean she is weird. I bet you never tried to get to know her. We've only known her for a short time and all of us like her. We share the same common area, and we find her to be a very nice girl."

"She is a lot more confident then she was when she first came to our school, so you two probably did have a part in why she was insecure," I added. "She's come a long way from the girl she used to be. So don't ruin it by trying to turn her new friends against her."

I didn't want to see her go back to the girl she had been a year ago. She was definitely different, and we'd all seen the changes in her. After meeting these girls, it did make sense to me why she was shy. It made me feel even worse that I had been rude to her. I'd thought her shyness was all an act, but it wasn't. If she had to endure those girls, it made sense. I had been just as bad as they had been just because of my trust issues. I decided from that day forward I would always be there for her.

"If you keep talking smack behind her back to any of us, and that's the others from our school as well, we will personally kick you out. I don't care if Jaime invited you or not. Ashley is our friend, and we're her guests. I am sure both Jaime and her mother will support us if we kick you out," Stan added.

"You're probably losers like she is!" The red head retorted.

I had to smirk at that. They were losing in this argument and they knew it. It was such a childish retort. They were nothing but insecure bullies. They enjoyed putting people down. I could see how upset they looked that people were actually defending Ashley.

"Right, we're the losers here," Erica who'd kept quiet said. "You're holding on to some primary school grudge with a girl you haven't even been going to school with for over a year. Get over it, and grow up. She's happier at our school, and she has made plenty of friends."

No one had to say anything else. I nudged Stan and began to walk away. The others understood and followed me. I thought I saw Ashley watching in the background and I was glad. She'd heard everything. She knew that she had people outside of Michael, Ellen and Ben to stand up for her.

The next day she told us that she'd heard and I made sure she knew how I felt about her now.

"I saw you guys defend me last night," she said to us "Thanks for that."

"Those girls are idiots," I said. "I know you and I didn't have a good start at all, and maybe I shouldn't be talking but I wanted to make up for it. Those girls weren't the only ones making fun of you last night, and it's no wonder you were so insecure at first."

"They saw you do magic, didn't they?" Erica asked.

She nodded. "Amy and Kelly, the two girls you told off last night definitely did, even if they didn't realize exactly what it was. They saw it. They never used to make fun of me to my face though. That's the odd thing. They'd all thought I was a loser and none of them liked me, but most of the time they made fun of me behind my back. They would just make sure I could hear them laughing at me. Anyway, anytime I was sad or angry I did weird things. Those girls noticed, and so that's why they never liked me, and it's why a lot of people thought I was weird."

"I get it," Erica said. "I did weird things too in school and the muggles noticed. They didn't make fun of as much as they did to you, but they definitely thought I was strange."

"Same here," Stan nodded. "But none of them still bug me now. If they see me, they'll say hello and everything. Some thought I was weird for sure, but I was never bullied. They just gave me space."

"Well I am hoping after last night they'll leave me alone. I don't think it's just the magic they saw. That was definitely part of it, but I was, well am shy and I kept to myself. So they saw this weird loner girl who did odd things sometimes," she explained.

"Still no excuse to be bothering you still," Jess said. "Especially in your own home. It's rather rude to go to a party at someone's house and make fun of them. It just doesn't make sense for them to still do it when you're in a new school, and it's been over a year. You'd think they'd move on with their lives."

"Yes you'd think so," She answered. "But anyway, thank you standing up for me."

"No problem," I told her. "Anytime from now on. I owe you."

"No you don't," She disagreed. "You made a mistake. You don't have to make up for it forever."

I looked at her and then shook my head. "No, I do owe you. You can say what you want, but I feel that I do."

I didn't care what she thought. I would spend the rest of my time that I knew her making up for the last year.

"You need to let up on the alcohol," I said to Michael as I eyed the drink in his hand.

"Don't tell me Ashley is rubbing off on you," he said to me.

"Hardly," I said. "Besides, she never lectures you about it. She just doesn't like to drink it. I do drink it; I just don't drink as much as you do. I don't think she has anything against drinking."

"She's still a prude," Michael muttered.

I stared at him with raised eyebrows. It was weeks after the New Year's party. Michael and Ashley got along better now, and he insisted that he felt bad for the times when they fought but he still talked about her behind her back. In the past I was more than happy to join in, but ever since I'd gotten to know her, I had stopped.

"I thought she was your friend," I said, which was something I'd started to remind him often.

With Michael however, he talked about a lot of people behind their backs. It wasn't only Ashley who he did it to. He often did it when it came to Ben, or some of the other Hufflepuff's. We'd all started to talk to each other more often since Michael had started up poker games. Before, the second years had their own little groups of friends. We still did of course, but we were friendlier with everyone in our year. Most nights we'd started to hang out together. Michael started to talk about a different person behind their back ever since. I considered him a good friend, but I had to wonder if he did the same thing to me as well.

"She is, but it doesn't mean she isn't a prude," Michael said. "She will not drink even when the rest of us will. Even Joey and Brad have tried alcohol."

"So what if she doesn't want to drink yet?" I asked.

Ashley didn't drink, but she'd told us that when she was older she would try it. When I had asked her, she'd explained that she had seen what it had done to people. She figured when she was older she would be able to handle it a lot better.

"My sister started drinking and smoking when she was twelve, I just don't want to be like that," she had told me when I'd asked why she was against drinking. "I will maybe when I am fifteen or sixteen. I've cleaned up after her so many times."

I didn't point out to her that age had nothing to do with it. Michael's parents were the best examples of that. I knew after my experience with alcohol the year before that it was about moderation. I didn't feel the need to pressure someone into drinking like Michael did however.

"So she's my friend, but I don't see the need in her being so goody about it," Michael told me now. "What's the big deal about drinking? I don't see why you're lecturing me about it. I thought you liked drinking."

"I do mate, but I just don't want to see you do something stupid," I answered with a sigh. "You know I have nothing against drinking, and neither does Ashley for that matter. She doesn't care that we drink, she just doesn't want to yet."

Ben and Ellen joined us moments later deep in conversation. They had worried looks on their faces.

"Do you think she is just sick?" Ellen asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Ashley," Ellen answered. "I just went down to check up on her. She's just lying in her bed all curled up. I tried to talk to her, but I don't even think she heard me. It's just strange. I thought maybe she was crying but I couldn't tell."

"She was with Denver earlier," I said recalling that the two of them of had left the library together.

"You were in the library on a Friday?" Ellen asked me skeptically but she was smiling.

"I had to find a book," I told her. "Anyway, maybe she's just tired. Just leave her alone."

I saw Ben and Ellen exchange worried looks again, but I wasn't too worried about it. I liked the girl, but at times she could be a bit dramatic. I recalled that Denver looked angry, so I was sure the two of them had gotten into a fight over something and she was overreacting like usual. She would get over it eventually.

It wasn't until the next evening that I found out that he had actually dumped her. It was a surprise because every second year knew that the boy was devoted to her. Hank even said that he was whipped when it came to her. I thought that they had too serious of a relationship for our age. I couldn't understand why people would want to be tied down at thirteen or fourteen. I loved girls and I liked snogging them, but I didn't want a girlfriend yet. I couldn't understand why my friends did.

"So apparently Denver dumped Ashley," Michael said as sat down with us, but he looked worried. The night before, he had seemed indifferent about her. "She hasn't left her bed since last night."

"Denver broke up with Ashley?" Hank asked. "I always thought it would be the other way around. What happened?"

"Melanie broke them up," Michael answered.

"How?" Stan asked as he looked over at Melanie and Sarah who were off in their own little corner of the common room.

"I guess she took pictures of Ashley with a bunch of different guys," Michael answered and he reached into his pocket to pull out a pile of pictures. He handed them over to me. "Someone was sending those to him, and Ellen figured out it was Melanie. I guess she wanted to make it look as if Ashley is flirting with all these boys. Apparently there is one of Ben and Ashley but Denver still has it. Ben's gone off to talk to Claire. They think Melanie wants to break up Ben and Claire as well."

I looked through each of the photos that he had handed me. It was definitely Melanie's work. She was very skilled with a camera. I knew she had taken photography classes over the summer. She now took pictures for people and then charged people a sickle for her work. She'd managed to make it look as if Ashley were hanging out with different boys alone. I saw a picture of her and me sitting close together, but I knew that when that picture had been taken Ellen and Jess had been sitting with us.

"Is she not allowed to sit beside other guys?" Hank asked as I handed each picture to him after I was done looking. "Halfern is an idiot. There is absolutely nothing incriminating about these photos. All they show is that she is sitting beside other guys. Half of these she is looking in a different direction. I can't believe he would believe that she is cheating on him."

"I don't think he thinks she is cheating," Michael replied, "not with these guys anyway. I don't have the picture of Ben and Ashley, but apparently it looks rather intimate."

"Doesn't matter," Stan said as he looked at the photos as well. "Hank's right. None of these pictures show anything. I always knew that Melanie was psycho. I can't believe she would go this far to break people up. I'd noticed how bad she was with Ben, but this is too much."

We all looked over at Melanie again. She looked really happy, and I wondered if she knew that Denver had dumped Ashley. When I thought back to it, I did remember her taking pictures. However, it wasn't that strange for her to do so. Everyone knew how much she loved taking pictures and selling them. All of the girls wanted to have as many memories of Hogwarts as they could. Ashley and Ellen were making scrapbooks for every year. So when people saw Melanie with a camera, they didn't think much about it. She did take a lot of them when we had our poker games. I remembered feeling annoyed by it the one evening.

There was a photo of me with my arm around Ashley. Melanie had been taking a lot of photos of us that night. She always took more than one picture so that she could get the perfect shot. I couldn't believe that she would actually take the time and effort to make Ashley look bad. We all knew that she wasn't over Ben yet, and every second year knew that she blamed Ashley for him breaking up with her. So it was obvious that this was her revenge.

Angrily, I got up and stalked over to where Melanie and Sarah were sitting.

"Are you really that much of a crazy bitch?" I demanded as soon as I reached them.

"What are you talking about?" Melanie asked, but she had a smirk on her face.

"You know what I'm talking about. Why would you do that?" I asked furiously.

"What are you talking about?" Sarah asked looking from Melanie to me.

"I have no idea," Melanie answered and she folded her arms, but she still wore the infuriating smirk.

"You honestly have no idea that she broke up Ashley and Denver?" I asked Sarah.

"No I-" Sarah began and then she looked at Melanie. "What did you do?" She demanded in an angry tone now.

"I didn't do anything," Melanie answered. "Jared what is it to you anyway? I thought you hated her. Why do you care so much if they broke up?"

"Because she is my friend," and I turned to look at where my friends were still sitting. I nodded at Michael who was now holding all the photos again. I beckoned for him to come over. Michael walked over with the pictures and I handed them to Sarah. She began to look through each of them and then she shook her head and let out a sigh.

"You didn't Melanie," she said in a pleading tone of voice. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I thought Denver ought to know what was going on," she answered and she shrugged.

"That's a load of bullshit!" I shouted. "We all know you did this because you think it's her fault that Ben dumped you. You just can't accept the fact you're psycho and he couldn't stand it."

"Exactly!" Michael said. "Ben was miserable with you. We all saw the way you treated him. We all know that you were jealous of Ashley. You don't give a damn about Denver. You just wanted him to dump her. You are a bitch!"

Sarah was still shaking her head. "Melanie, I told you just to move on. I told you just to leave her be."

"Why do you care so much?" Melanie demanded as she looked to Michael and then me. "At the beginning of the school year, and even last year you two hated her. I can't believe you can change your minds so quickly about her. Jared, you did whatever you could to turn Michael against her. You spent all your time bad mouthing her."

"And I realized I was a git," I said. "I had no reason to hate her. We're friends now, and as her friend I am going to do what I can to make your life miserable. I promised her I would be there for her, and that's what I plan to do. That's why I am here telling you off right now."

Hank and Stan had joined us by that point. They were also glaring at Melanie who looked surprised to see so much hostility. As I had told Ashley at New Years, I owed her for what I put her through. I never liked Denver, I didn't think I ever would but she had liked him. So as her friend, I was going to do what I could to fix things. I couldn't believe that the boy would actually believe that the photos meant anything. Hank and Stan were right, there was nothing incriminating about those photos. Denver knew Ashley and Ben were best friends. He hadn't cared when she'd danced with other boys at the party. Hell, Morgan his own best friend had kissed her cheek.

"Whatever, she'll get over it," Melanie said. "She got what she deserved. She should have stayed away from Ben. Even if I don't care for Denver, I still think he had the right to know. Anyone who dates Ben or Ashley will find out eventually that it's pointless. The two of them want each other, but they just don't realize it. I was doing Denver a favor."

As angry as I was with Melanie for doing what she did, I had to agree that she had a point. Everyone could see that Ben and Ashley secretly liked each other. The thing was neither of them realized it. So even if the photo had been an intimate one of the two, it proved nothing. They were both clueless at the moment, and even if she secretly wanted Ben, she wanted Denver as well.

"You're going to regret this," I told her.

I returned to where we had been sitting before. Hank and Stan followed behind me, but Michael went to go join Ben and Ellen who had returned. It looked as if he were explaining what had happened. Moments later, the three of them walked over to us.

"She admitted to it?" Ellen asked us.

"She seemed more than happy to admit to it," Hank said.

Although they had broken up, the two of them were on good terms again. Hank didn't even miss having her around. He'd been mopey at first about their break up, but he'd gotten over it quickly. Stan told me he thought it was the humiliation of being dumped. From what I saw and given the fact that we'd snogged, Ellen seemed to have gotten over it quickly.

"Sarah had nothing to do with it," Michael said quickly. "She was shocked when she found out."

"I didn't think she had…" Ellen said slowly. "But still, it was worth finding out. She is Melanie's best friend."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Stan asked her. "These two gits here-" and he waved a hand at Michael and me, "-should be enough proof of that."

"Well I think this is a bit different than that," I said.

"Not really," Hank replied. "You did try to turn Michael against Ashley. Melanie broke Ashley and Denver up."

"He has a point there," Michael said to me. "You and I can't really talk to be honest."

"I know," I said. "The difference now is that we've made it up with her. This is about Melanie now and what she did. Are you really going to keep throwing that in my face?"

"He's right," Ben said quickly. "There is no point in dwelling on the past. We're talking about this situation here. To be honest, I think what she did is worse. She went after Ashley just because she thinks it's her fault that I dumped her. She also knows that Denver is Claire's friend, so she is going after my new girlfriend as well. This is about me," and he glanced over at Melanie, "-and I am not going to sit back and let her get away with it."

We decided we were going to tell the other Hufflepuff's what had happened, and anyone else we were friendly with outside of Hufflepuff. Ellen told us that she would tell Shelly and Sheila. If anyone could get the word out, it was the Andrew twins. We figured that was the best punishment we could give her. Even people who didn't like Ashley would be disgusted with what had happened. I knew from experience that having people against you at Hogwarts was awful. There had been at least a week there when people had yelled out obscenities at Michael and me. Of course we'd tried to defend ourselves, but there were too many of them. It eventually died down, but walking through the corridors for a while there was almost dangerous. People liked jumping on the band-wagon at times, and even if they didn't know you or what you did, they would still hex you just because other people did it. I'd heard that Harry Potter had gone through a few rough times at school.

So when Michael and Ellen suggested that we tell as many people as we could, everyone was all for it. Jess, Anne and Erica who I'd always believed to be beautiful but ditzy girls were just as indignant about it as everyone else. They seemed more than happy to spread the gossip around. But then again, I knew they'd always liked Ashley.

"If only we could get her to come up here," Anne said to Michael Sunday evening. "She could see that everyone is on her side."

"I don't think that is her biggest worry right now," Michael said and he gave Ellen a sad glance. "Believe me, when you feel like you love someone and they reject you, it's awful. Ashley and Denver were together for a while."

I wondered when Michael would get over Ellen. He and I had talked about it a lot over the summer. I'd tried to give him advice about her, but she hadn't wanted him. She had openly rejected him in the common room. Now he was with Anne, but he still wanted Ellen. He confessed to me that he still secretly hoped that she would change her mind. I knew that at the moment he was with Anne so he could get over Ellen. Anne who was staring at Michael seemed to sense this, but she didn't say anything. She just put an arm around him and stared down at the floor sadly.

"Well we'll let her know we're there for her in the morning," Hank said.

"I think we should take it turns to spend time with her," I said. "I know Ashley. She'll try to hide herself away like she is now, but we shouldn't let her."

"Well that's what we're there for," Ellen said sounding indignant. "We're the ones who are her friends."

"So are we," Hank said. "Even if we haven't been her friends for as long, we're still her friends. The three of you seem to have your own thing going on at the moment, and she has been hanging out with us often. So when you're not there, we will be."

"We'll try," Dan said meaning himself and his friend Keith. "But we haven't hung out with her as much as you have. She's still shy around us."

"Us too," Joey added and he nodded at Brad. "We haven't really had that many conversations with the girl. So she might not appreciate us hovering around her."

"Yes she will," Jess said quickly. "Ashley is shy, but she does need friends. She never really talked to us much last year but when we started talking to her more, she was really happy about it. Look at her and Jared! If she can talk to Jared after all this time, she'll talk to the four of you. I agree that we need to make sure we're there for her. We're Hufflepuff's. We're supposed to stick together."

"Exactly," Erica said and then she eyed Melanie. "I do wonder how she ended up in our house, and why Sarah still hangs out with her. Sarah is just as disgusted with Melanie as we are, but she is still friends with her."

"Sarah is a Hufflepuff too," Ellen said. "She can't stop being friends with her best friend just because she betrayed Ashley."

"Betraying Ashley isn't Melanie's first offense," Dan told Ellen. "She's been a bitch from the very start, but no one noticed until this year when she got with Ben. She was always making fun of Keith last year."

"For what?" Ben asked as he looked at Keith. "I didn't know about that."

"Because I'm shy," Keith admitted. "She told me I wasn't a real bloke. She harassed me most of last year about it," he shrugged, "but I never really cared. If someone looks down on me just because I'm shy than they aren't worth talking to. She just proved to be what I thought she was. I don't know how you didn't see it from the start Ben."

Ben shook his head. "She seemed normal before we dated. It wasn't until after I made up with Ellen and Ashley that she showed how crazy she was."

"It was before that mate," I told him. "I noticed the signs even before then."

Sarah walked over to join us. For a moment I wondered if she was going to tell us off. Melanie was hiding herself in a corner of the common room. Not only did all the second years know about it by that point, but even older students and some of the first years knew about it. All day she'd been enduring their comments. I was sure that the next day when we started classes she would go through even worse. She would have to see the rest of the school. We were sure that the Andrew twins had spread it around everywhere by that point. They had connections even with the seventh years.

"I guess it's true when they say that Hufflepuff's stick together," she said as she sat down with us. "I always knew that people here pulled together when they had to, but I'd never seen it in action until now."

"You know we don't blame you for it, right?" Ellen asked her. "We all know that you weren't involved."

"Oh I know that," Sarah said. "I've tried talking to her, but she's just not sorry about it. She still isn't over you Ben."

"Well she's going to have to get over it," Ben replied. "What she did was pathetic. I already told her that I was never happy with her. She blew it. There was no reason for her to go after Ashley and Denver. Tell her if she keeps trying to go after Claire, I'll make her regret it. Claire is completely innocent in all of this."

"I've tried talking to Melanie, trust me, I have. She is stubborn, and now that people are have been making comments to her, she's even more stubborn. She's blaming this all on Ashley," Sarah said. "I mean, Tara hates Ashley and she thinks it's funny what happened but even she has been making fun of Melanie about it. You should know that Melanie might try to get revenge if she knows it's all of you who are behind this. Right now she believes it's just Ellen who is doing this, and maybe Ben and Michael. She doesn't know that everyone is behind this."

"And are you going to go blab to her what we're doing?" I asked her.

Sarah smirked at me and then shook her head. "Of course not Jared. I've known since yesterday what has been going on. Melanie is completely clueless."

"So why are you here?" Brad suddenly demanded. "She's your best friend. You seem too happy that this is going on."

"Because even though Ashley isn't my best friend; I have always liked and respected her. I have nothing against her like Melanie does. Melanie is my friend, but I don't agree with what she did. I've told her to her face exactly what I think. If it wasn't for the fact that I am her only friend at the moment, I don't think she would be talking to me. I am with what you're doing 100%. I say proceed with what you're doing. She deserves it," Sarah said staring directly into Brad's eyes. "Don't make me into the enemy here Brad. You can't judge someone for what their friends do."

"She's right," Michael said. "We can't jump all over Sarah about this."

"I don't blame you for what Melanie did," Brad told her. "It's just hard for me not to be suspicious when you are good friends with her."

"Would you stand by Joey if he went out and sabotaged someone?" Sarah asked.

"I'd still be his friend," Brad said.

"But you wouldn't agree with what he did, right?" She pressed.

"No I'd probably be disgusted with him," Brad admitted. "Okay, I see your point. I'm sorry."

"That's perfectly fine," Sarah said. "Look, I'm on Ashley's side for this. I want to help her. I'll let all of you know what is going on with Melanie."

Ashley didn't return to classes the next day, or even the next one.

"We can't convince her to come up," Ellen said sadly. "I don't think she has ate any of the food I've brought her either."

Finally Wednesday morning, Professor Sprout came to the Hufflepuff table where all the second years except Melanie were sitting. We looked up in surprise because generally she didn't visit the table except at the beginning of the school year, and that was to hand out timetables. Most people watched her curiously as she made her way over.

"I would like to know what's really going on with ," she said but her eyes fell on Ellen, Michael and Ben. "She hasn't been in any of my classes, and her other teachers have reported that she hasn't been to their classes either."

"She's just been sick," Ellen answered quickly. "I told you-"

"I've heard differently," Professor Sprout stated. "We teachers usually hear rumours as well. I would like for you to bring her up to see me. I want her in the hospital wing to be checked over. I haven't seen her at any meals lately, I am assuming she hasn't eaten," and she looked to Ellen, Michael and Ben again for confirmation.

"I have brought her sandwiches," Ellen told her. "I don't know if she's eaten them."

"Well I'd like for the girls to bring her to see me," Professor Sprout repeated but Ellen shifted uncomfortably.

"She won't come up," Ellen answered. "I've tried getting her out of bed. She won't get out of bed."

"We can try though," Sarah said.

"We'll help as well," I said quickly. "The more people, the better."

The others nodded in agreement, but Professor Sprout only permitted for the girls to go down and Ben and Michael. The rest of us had to go to classes. The girls wouldn't give us much information about what had happened. All they would say was that they'd gotten her out of bed. When Ellen, Ben and Michael came, they wouldn't either. It wasn't until lunch that we saw her, and she looked awful. She'd been losing weight before, but in the four or five days that she had hidden herself away, she had lost even more. She had dark circles around her eyes.

"Good to see you again," Hank said when we all joined her. "Are you going to be back in class this afternoon?"

Ashley shook her head. "Professor Sprout told me to take the rest of the week off. She said to use it to catch up on homework and everything."

She looked nervous as if she thought that we were going to judge her. In the past I would have, and I wondered if some of the others would as well. I didn't think Hank or Stan would. They had liked her from day one, but I did wonder about Erica and maybe even Jess. Anne likely wouldn't have and neither would Sarah. I didn't know enough about Brad or Joey. I didn't think Dan or Keith would have.

"Look at that, you two should have waited until term started to break up," Stan said to Ellen and Hank with a smile.

"Stan!" Jess said looking shocked as she glanced over at Ashley who just smiled. Hank and Ellen were smiling as well, so it obvious didn't bother them either.

"It is fine," Ashley said to Jess. "He's just joking."

"Seriously though, it's good to see you back," Stan said. "It's a shame Denver is an idiot, and as for Melanie, well no one is speaking to her at the moment."

His joke seemed to relax everyone now. Most people had been looking at her anxiously, but the moment she smiled at him, the rest of us relaxed. I just like the others wondered if we were going to have to walk on eggshells around her, but it didn't seem as if we would have to.

"I can't believe he still thinks anything went on," Keith said with a shake of his head. "We've all told him that nothing happened, but he wouldn't listen."

"I've never liked that git. I'm sure you will find someone better," I said to her.

Despite what I had said about her in the past, there were plenty of boys, including Hank who liked her. Hank would never go for her now because of Ellen, but in the past he'd been interested. Many of the guys had expressed interest since they had found out about the break up. I didn't think this was the time to tell her quite yet however. She nodded and then looked over to where Melanie and Sarah were sitting.

"I can't believe she would do that," Ashley said. "She's always going to think the break up is my fault."

"All she has done is make sure no one in the second year will want to date her," Dan said to her.

"Does that mean every single second year knows everything?" She asked as her face with reddened with embarrassment.

"Things get around Hogwarts fast," Brad said. "Some things are probably twisted around, and we've corrected some of the things being said, but yes they know."

Ashley looked around the Great Hall. Her eyes fell on the Ravenclaw table where Tara, Natalie and Lydia were sitting. They had been staring over at us, and the moment she looked over, they all smirked. The funny thing was I knew they thought Melanie was pathetic as well. They hated Ashley enough that they would bother her if people hadn't warned them to stay away from her. All the Hufflepuff girls and even the Gryffindor girls had told them to stay away from Ashley. With so many people threatening them, all they would so was laugh behind her back.

"If everyone bothers you, just let us know," Jess said to confirm this.

"I'm sure they will," Ashley muttered.

I started to spend more time with her after that. A lot of the Hufflepuff's did. I was right that her friends wouldn't be there as much. It wasn't that they didn't want to be, but they had their lives as well. Ellen had a third year boyfriend, Ben was still dating Claire and Michael was spending a lot of time with Anne.

"I can't let them stop having lives just because Denver dumped me," she said to me one night when I brought it up. "When Ellen and Hank broke up, we all still had our own lives. I don't want people babying me anyway. I'll be fine. I feel a lot better than I did before." She raised her eyebrows at me. "And it's not that I don't appreciate all the time you've spent with me, but you don't have to either if you don't want to."

"I'm not doing it because I feel I have to," I answered her. "I told you, you're my friend."

"I know, but you said that you feel you owe me," she said and she quickly looked away.

I sighed and put a hand over hers. "Do you want me to go away?"

She looked back at me and shook her head. "No I don't. I like the time we are spending together. I just know that everyone is spending time with me because of the break up."

"Then I am not going anywhere," I answered her. "You know people do want to hang out with you. We did make a pact to stick with you, but that doesn't mean we are doing it because we feel obligated to. I told you, I made a mistake before. I like hanging around with you now that I've gotten to know you. I'll still be your friend years from now."

"Right," she said.

I wasn't so sure she believed that people really did want to hang out with her other than Ellen, Ben and Michael. She was growing a lot as a person but she still had her insecurities. I wasn't sure how else to convince her except by being there for her. It was the only way the others could really prove it to her as well. I wondered if it had been hard for Ben and Ellen to convince her that they wanted to be her friends. It was different with Michael; she had invited him to their group.

He was another insecure one. He often told me that he didn't feel as if he fit in with that group. Other than their big fight, they seemed to be very loyal to him. Ben and Ashley invited him to their houses during the holidays and the three of them always wanted him around. He'd told me many times that he didn't feel he fit in, but I'd observed the group quite a bit. They did care about him.

He felt the same way when it came to me however. He didn't fully believe that I was his friend, but I believed he told me more than he told them. When we came back to school, he'd told me that his father had beaten him but he didn't want the others to know. It was one of the reasons he'd been so upset with Ashley. He had been worried that Denver had overheard, because apparently she'd spied on him and when we'd left the compartment. It was something he never wanted anyone to know about.

I didn't believe they had heard anything though. I'd questioned her about following us because I'd wanted to know what she'd heard me say. From what she said, she'd only heard the conversation about his feelings for Ellen. She was a good enough friend that I thought she would ask Michael about the beating. Anyone would find what his father did to him disgusting. Now that she was no longer upset with him, I think she along with Ben and Ellen would have interrogated him about it.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" She suddenly asked me. "It doesn't seem hard for you to get girls."

"I don't want a girlfriend," I answered her. "Unless of course you're asking to be my girlfriend," I added with a wink.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I just know that a lot of girls like you is all," she said with a smile. "You're also the oldest. You know a lot of them do wonder why you aren't in a relationship. You were also giving Michael all that advice about Ellen."

"I just don't want the whole commitment thing," I told her. "I don't understand why the rest of you are so eager about it. I'd rather avoid the stress. Look what happened with you and Denver. I think good old fashioned snogging is better."

"But there aren't any girls that you like any better than the rest?" She pressed on. "I mean what about that Ravenclaw girl? You kiss her a lot."

"Jealous?" I asked.

I didn't want to admit it but I was actually curious about her. I wasn't sure where the feelings had come from or when. I wanted to know what it was like to kiss her. I imagined she had to be a good kisser since she'd been in a relationship for so long. Some of the girls I'd kissed didn't know what they were doing. Tammy, a pretty girl from Gryffindor was one of the worst kissers I'd ever had the misfortune to experience. She was a fourth year, so I had figured she was experienced. It had been the sloppiest and grossest snogging I'd ever had.

With Ashley, it went beyond wondering how she snogged. She thought I was just joking around with her, but at the moment I wondered about her as a girlfriend. I could just never say anything because of our past. She may have forgiven me, but I doubt she'd want to date me when I'd called her ugly so many times. She was slowly growing into her looks, and although she would never be as pretty as Ellen or the Andrew twins, I thought she was at least a cute girl. It was odd. Of all the girls I knew, I didn't think it would ever be her that I would fall her. The worst thing was, I could never tell her that.

"Of course I am," she replied. "Seriously though, there are no girls at all? You look kind of hesitant to admit it."

"Maybe there is one," I admitted. "But it wouldn't be a good idea to go for her. A friend of mine dated her and you don't go there."

Ashley nodded with understanding. The second part was a partly a lie. I was thinking of Hank's feelings for her, but that wasn't completely true. He would understand if I went for her. It seemed to be a good enough explanation for her, because she didn't ask me about it anymore.

"What about you?" I asked her. "Isn't there anyone else besides Denver?"

She shook her head. "I'm not even thinking about that right now. I think I just want to be single for a while."

I just hoped that if Denver came to his senses that she wouldn't go back to him. As much as I hated the guy, I could admit that he had been devoted to her when they dated. However, he hadn't even given her a chance when Melanie sent those photos. We all knew it was mainly the photo of Ashley and Ben that had gotten to him. If he knew her well enough, he would know that she wouldn't cheat. Neither would Hoofer for that matter. I couldn't see him lasting with Claire, and I still thought he would end up with Ashley eventually but neither one would cheat. She would be a fool to go back to someone who just jumped to the assumption without an explanation.

The opportunity actually came up for her shortly after our conversation. Several of us were in the library together working on Potions. Denver walked over to our table nervously. I glared at him. Get lost. She's finally in a better place. I thought as I stared at him.

"Can we talk?" He asked her.

"No!" Hank said automatically but Denver ignored him and the rest of us.

"What do you want?" She demanded and I was glad to see that she didn't see too happy to see him. She looked angry.

"Let's go for a walk," he said to her.

Ashley flinched and a look of hurt crossed her face. I knew why. We'd talked a lot about that day, and apparently that's what he'd said to her before he'd dumped her. I glared at him even more intensely. His gaze fell on me, and for once he didn't glare back. He actually looked nervously at me before he looked away. Everyone else at our table was giving him the evil eye as well. He let out a sigh and looked back at her. Her expression had returned to anger.

"No, whatever you have to say you can talk to me in here about it," she said shaking her head.

Denver looked around at us all nervously again before he sat down.

"Look, I've given it a lot of thought," he said, "and I am really sorry. I was an idiot. It's just that Melanie was sending me those pictures for weeks, and I felt jealous. I should have listened to you and the others. I know you wouldn't cheat. I also know nothing is going on with you and Ben. I'd really like it if we could try getting back together again."

I held my breath hoping that she wouldn't agree to it. By the expression on her face, I didn't think she would but I remembered how much she liked him. I exchanged looks with Stan who was shaking his head. I knew the others were thinking the same thing. No one believed that she should get back with him.

"No Denver, you blew it when you broke up with me. You should have listened to me. You know that Ben and I are best friends. You also know I would never cheat, and neither would Ben for that matter. All you did was get angry and assumed things without giving me a chance to explain," she replied in a harsh voice.

I smiled at her. Denver suddenly gave her an annoyed look.

"You know there were times when you got jealous," Denver protested.

"Right and I listened to you," she said angrily. "I always gave you a chance. Sorry Denver, but we're done. I am not letting you break my heart again."

Denver nodded. "I really am sorry you know. When you're ready for it, I'd like for us to be friends again."

"It will be a long time before we can be," she said. "But yes, eventually we'll just be friends again."

Denver nodded looking upset. He got up and walked off. It felt awkward at the table for a moment. Ashley just looked down at her homework without saying a word to the rest of us. The rest of us did the same thing. The only time someone said anything was to talk about the assignment we were working on. I couldn't help but feel proud of her, and from the admiring glances the others were giving her I knew the others were thinking the same thing.

"I am going back to the common room," she said after a while

"I am too then," I told her quickly.

She didn't look too surprised by this, I was glad to see that she was starting to accept my presence. Hank and Stan got up as well when we did. Jess, Anne and Erica who had been sitting with us told us that they were going to stay there a little while longer. On the way back we talked briefly about it.

After that incident in the library, she seemed to grow even more as a person. I noticed she started to spend more time on her own. I believed she was worried that she was over staying her welcome, and I wished I could have told her that she could hang out with us much as she wanted. I knew Hank and Stan liked having her around as well. At first I wondered if maybe she was just out meeting other boys despite what she'd told me, but later I found out that she was just exploring the castle by herself.

I found her one evening looking at different statues intently. I myself was just headed back from a snogging session with a girl in Slytherin.

"What are you doing?" I asked her. "Don't tell me you've fallen in love with that statue."

"You're an idiot," she said with amusement.

"Well what are you doing?" I asked. "I know you've been wandering around on your own lately. I wondered if it was because you were meeting other blokes. Did Denver turn you off from guys so much that you're falling in love with the statues?"

"For your information I've been exploring the castle," she told me. "I want to find out where all the secret passages are. I know that there is a way into Hogsmeade."

"There are plenty of them that take you into Hogsmeade," I told her.

"Do you know which ones?" She asked.

"Nope. Well I know that the Womping Willow covers one but that's it. I don't know where the rest of them are."

"Well there is one that a statue covers and it takes you into the basement of Honey Dukes," she said to me.

"Turning into quite the rebel then," I said.

"I've always actually been curious about it," she told me. "We did plan to look for some last year and we did explore a bit but I don't know what happened with that. Now that they're all busy I have the time to look. I've already found some shortcuts."

"Show me what you've found so far and I will help you find the secret passages," I said to her. "It would be nice to know where they are. It would be nice to sneak to Hogsmeade sometimes."

"What about the womping willow one?" She asked me.

I shook my head. "I don't know how to stop it. There is a way to stop the tree from thrashing, but no one knows how to do it. Besides, I heard they put some kind of spell on it after the war to alert teachers if students go near it. Apparently You-Know-Who hid out there during the Battle of Hogwarts."

"I heard about that," she told me. "I'm surprised he didn't come out until the end."

"I'm not," I answered. "He just used his Death Eaters to do all the dirty work first. He was more concerned about getting Harry. He just used his Death Eaters as pawns to get people who were defending Harry out of the way. From what I heard, he had a fear of death."

"But didn't he have objects to keep him alive?" She asked.

I explained as best I could what I'd heard about the horcruxes. I didn't know too much about them except that You-Know-Who had used them. We were moving down the corridor now as we discussed this. She led me over to a spot in one of the walls. I was surprised when she put an arm through it. She smiled at my reaction.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me in after her. We entered a dark passageway. As we walked through it, I couldn't help but think this would make a great snogging spot. I was sure people did use it for that. Ashley still had a hold of my hand as she led me through it. I wondered what she would do if I stopped her to snog her in here. I seriously considered it, but before I could act on it, she was pulling me out into another of the main corridors. As I looked around, I realized that we were not too far from the Transfiguration classroom. This will actually be useful. I thought as she released my hand.

"How did you find out about this?" I asked her in surprise. "And how do I find it again?"

"I found it by accident," she said. "Like I said, I've been trying to find secret passages. You have to look closely at everything," and then she led me closer to the stone wall. "If you look closely, you can see that these stones look darker than the rest of them do. I was just touching the walls when I found it. My hands went right through it. The entrance is only enchanted to look like the wall; you can see the darkness through the enchantment. Someday I'd like to learn how they did this."

I looked closely and I could see what she meant. There were torches lit along the walls. So one would assume that the darkness was just a shadow, but in this case it wasn't. I looked at her in amazement.

"Do you know anymore?" I asked her.

She nodded. "I've had a lot of time on my hands lately. Even when I got that big fight with my friends at the beginning of the year I found some."

I wanted to tell her again that she could hang out with us at any time, but after a moment I decided not to. She still had that insecurity and it didn't matter how much I reassured her. She wouldn't believe it. The only way she would figure it out is if we kept showing her that. I think Jess, Anne and Erica got tired of it. They liked her, but I think they were annoyed that she thought they were only obligated to talk to her. I knew Hank and Stan were annoyed by it as well. We all wanted her to realize that we were her friends. Ellen, Ben and Michael weren't her only ones.

Instead, I just asked her to show me what else she knew.

"You and Anne seem inseparable lately," I said to Michael when he joined Hank, Stan and me one evening in the common room.

He nodded. "She's great. I always saw her as an empty headed girl last year, but she's far more than that. She only acts like that when we're in a group. All three of them are actually smarter than they let on."

Jess, Anne and Erica were known as the three ditzes from Hufflepuff. Most people thought they were idiots, but they really weren't. I'd started to notice as well that they weren't that dumb. It seemed to just be an act. I didn't know why they would want people to think they were ditzy.

"Some girls do that," Stan answered my unasked question. "I think they think it makes them seem cute or something. I don't really get it either."

"It's good that she is willing to show her real self though right?" Michael asked. "It shows she does like me doesn't it?"

"Of course," Stan answered.

"At least you're finally over Ellen now," Hank said.

"Right," Michael said and he looked away.

"Seriously mate?" Hank asked him. "Look, Ellen is beautiful and she is a fun person but you're better off as friends. We get along better now. When we dated she got jealous all the time. She complained about me looking at other girls all the time, but she did the same with other blokes."

"I still don't understand how you could look at other girls if you had Ellen," Stan muttered. "She's one of the prettiest girls in our year."

"I'm not denying that, but when you're in a relationship you're not blind," Hank said and he looked to Michael for confirmation. "Right? You still notice other girls. You're obviously still in love with Ellen."

"That's why I don't want a serious relationship," I said. "I can notice as much girls as I want without someone getting jealous."

"Don't count on it," Ashley said to me as she joined us. "If a girl has a crush on you, she'll get jealous."

She surprised me as she walked over and sat on my lap. I didn't think she would ever be that comfortable with me, but it seemed that all our time spent together seemed to be working. The girls often sat on one of us if we all sat in a group and there weren't extra chairs, and if she did it was usually just Ben or Hank or Stan. She didn't even seem comfortable with sitting on Michael. All of us loved it when they did this. I think we all were excited for Ellen to do it. Except perhaps Ben, for some reason he'd never let her or the others sit on him. He often said he was dating Claire, but that didn't stop him from letting Ashley.

"What are you doing?" Michael demanded. "There is a chair over there."

"It is fine," I said quickly as she moved to get up, I pulled her back down. I glared at Michael wondering what his problem was.

Hank and Stan were staring at him incredulously as well. Did the boy secretly like her too? Had he changed his mind since the summer? I couldn't understand why it was any of his business. He didn't care if she did it to anyone else however. I glanced at Ashley who looked embarrassed and I felt even angrier with him, but I decided to ignore it for now. I would be telling him off later.

"Is there anyone who has a crush that gets jealous then?" I asked her, but I was hoping it was her.

"There is more than one," she told me. "Do you know how many girls want to be the one to change you?"

"Change me?" I asked with raised eyebrows as the others laughed.

"You know, they want to be the one you have a commitment with. You seem like a challenge to them. Tara is in love with Ben, but even she wants you. They find you to be mysterious," she told me.

"Plenty of girls want to be the ones to change the bloke," Stan said with a laugh. "It's ridiculous. Don't tell me you're one of them."

"No of course not," she told him. "When I got with Denver I accepted him as he was. I don't want to change anyone. I think I'm just lucky that a guy liked me. I'd be lucky if another one did."

"That's not true," Hank said. "A lot more blokes are interested in you than you think. The ones who asked you to the Valentines party were interested, but you shot them down."

"I thought they were doing it out of pity," Michael stated and we all glared at him.

He still said some rude comments to her even if he apologized later. He apologized multiple times to her for some of his comments. He often remarked that he wished he could go back in time and change what had happened last summer with her. I was sure it was true enough; he did seem truly remorseful about it. However, he would always turn around and say something hurtful to her again.

"No they weren't," I said as I took in her sad expression.

Stan and Hank were staring at Michael with anger. I shook my head at him and he had the decency to at least look sorry, but I wondered just how sorry he truly was. Not long after she went off to talk to Ellen who returned to the common room. As soon as she was gone, I glared at Michael again.

"What is your problem mate?" I asked him meaning his attitude when she sat on me.

"Look, she's my friend but I don't believe in sugar-coating," he said. "Do you think it's better to give her false hope?"

"I wasn't talking about that, but you were an idiot for saying that," I said furiously.

"Yeah really," Hank said irritated as well. "Not one of them asked her out of pity. They actually are curious about her. How do you expect your friend to move on if you keep feeding her insecurities? You apologize to her every time but then you do it again. I thought you felt bad about all of that."

"I do," Michael said. "I don't know what comes over me sometimes. It's not just her I do it to. It's nothing personal."

"It's because you're an insecure prat and it makes you feel better to put others down," Stan spoke up. "Look, we all like you mate but you need to stop this. You have to stop talking about us behind our backs, and I know you do it, so don't lie. You also need to stop putting down people who are your friends. If you feel the need to be a git, then do it to people you actually hate."

"I know," Michael muttered. "I'm sorry, and I am working on it. I don't do it as much anymore. What were you talking about then Jared? You are pissed about something."

"You got all upset with her when she sat on me," I said. "She's finally getting to the point that she's comfortable around me. I don't want anything to ruin that. I want her to know that I am her friend. How can she know that when you jump down her throat over something stupid? What was that about anyway?"

"I just didn't think you'd want her of all people to sit on you," Michael said. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her," I said even though I wasn't so sure anymore. "I just don't want her embarrassed for sitting on me. All the girls do it, and I am not in love with them. Why should she be any different? Unlike you, I am doing everything I can to make up for last summer. I don't mind at all if a girl sits on me, and I don't want them embarrassed for it. You were out of line there."

"Unlike me?" Michael asked. "I've been there for her. She is my friend too."

"Then stop insulting her," Hank said. "I thought that was ridiculous as well."

"Seriously, you've been on her case since day one," Stan said. "Despite all that, she still befriended you. She was shy and you were making fun of her on her first day of school. Do you know how much I hated you because of that? When you're not being a git, you're a great person to hang out with."

"She is my friend and I like her, but why has everyone turned into Ashley worshippers?" Michael asked. "I mean come on. You hated me just because I made fun of her. You didn't even know her."

"Neither did you," Stan said. "That's the point. You were making fun of someone who was clearly nervous about being away from home as it was. We were all new here, and we were all nervous. It's because you were being a bully Mike. It wasn't just Ashley, but the Ravenclaws and some of the Slytherins as well that you were picking on. I don't like people who bully people like that. You were just doing it to make friends."

"And before you bring me into it," I said quickly because I knew he was going to mention my name. "I didn't like her, but I never went out of my way to bother her. That's why Hank and Stan stayed my friend. They knew I didn't like her, but I wasn't a bully about it. What I did in the summer was out of line, but other than that I just ignored her."

"You talked behind her back," Michael said.

"True enough, and even that was low but I was never a bully about it. That's what we're trying to get at here, and the difference is, I stopped. I apologized to her and I stuck by my word. She and I are friends now, and I don't want you ruining it. It's not because I am a worshipper, it's because I just truly like her as a person just like I like you, and Ellen, and the others in our house. The difference is that I don't have to make it up to them, so that's why I am so nice to her. I've been nice to them from the start," I said to him. "I don't get how this even has to be explained to you. No wonder your friends got in a fight with you earlier in the year. From the way you made it sound, it was just about Ashley and Ben but after this, I can see why."

"I don't get why everyone is attacking me," Michael said sounding hurt. "I didn't realize everyone was against me."

"We're not," Stan told him. "You just see it that way. We're just telling you the truth here Michael. Don't play the victim card. We like you, but we don't like the things that you do."

"Whatever," Michael said.

He got up and walked off. We watched as he stalked past Ellen and Ashley who tried to get his attention. He ignored them and headed straight to the boys dorms.

"I worry about him," I said as the door shut behind him.

"Well I get tired of that crap," Stan said. "He's an okay bloke, but I know for sure that later he will be complaining behind our backs later."

"Kind of like we are right now," I pointed out.

"But we don't do it all the time," Hank said.

"I know, I'm just pointing out the irony," I told him. "You're right though. He'll likely complain about this to Ben, Ellen and Ashley or he will complain to Anne. Likely he will exaggerate it. You know when he made up with Ashley, he made it seem as if it were all me. She told me that he told her he would stop hanging out with me because I only wanted to talk to him to insult her. He seems to have forgotten everything I've done for him."

"No he just doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions," Stan replied. "Look at how he started playing the victim card here. We told him he needed to stop with this shit, and what does he do? He gets all offended and walks off. Hopefully he learns from it soon enough. I thought he would have figured it out after the fight from the beginning of the year, but apparently not."

"Well I wouldn't go that far," Hank said. "He is nowhere near as bad as he used to be. He's improved a lot. The fight was a wakeup call for him, especially once he realized that Jared was the only person willing to talk to him after. He has his moments like now, but he's better."

"Well I don't understand how Ashley can keep forgiving him," Stan said.

"I think she understands," I said. "He's improved, and he only seems to blurt now. I don't think she fully trusts him. I notice she still isn't as close to him as she is with Ben or Ellen. She even talks to me more now than she does with him. So I think she is learning to trust me."

"She does trust you," Hank said. "And now that we're on the topic and Michael is gone. Do you like her?"

"No," I answered quickly, so quickly that Stan and Hank raised their eyebrows and then looked at each other. Simultaneously they both smirked at the same time.

"You do want her," Stan said. "Why don't you do something about it? She does like you back."

"As a friend," I said.

"Friendships can turn into more," Hank pointed out.

"Look at our past," I pointed out. "I wasn't exactly nice to her when we first met. Look what happened last summer."

"Denver was ten times worse than you ever were," Stan reminded me. "He used to hex her in the corridors. The worst thing you did was talk behind her back. As much as Michael likes to blame you for the fight, you were involved in the most indirect way. She's a very forgiving person."

I shook my head. "She won't go for me. Besides, it would ruin our friendship."

"But you do want her," Hank said.

I nodded and sighed. "I don't know when I started to like her, but yes I do like her," I admitted. "I just doubt she wants to be more than friends, especially now. She's told me that she just wants to finish second year out single. She's not ready for another relationship yet."

"So if you still like her next year, ask her out," Stan said. "She'll be over Denver by then. I think she already is now. You do have a point however. You don't want to be her rebound."

"I don't see how why she needs so much time," Hank said. "Ellen certainly didn't wait around, and it didn't take me long to get over it. They really weren't together all that much longer than we were."

I shrugged. "I don't know but she did it take it hard. So I'm not even going to try right now. I'll see next year, but I doubt anything will come out of it."

In the meantime, I tried getting into snogging sessions more to keep her off my mind. After the Easter Break, she seemed to grow even stronger and strangely enough she broke off from her friends even more. She seemed to turn into more of a social butterfly. In the past, she would just go off on her own. However, I saw that she was talking to people in the other houses and even the other years.

She changed even more into our third year. She began introducing herself to the new first years, and she reassured them that they would have fun there. It wasn't only the Hufflepuff first years she helped out, but ones from the other houses as well. I could see that she would end up being a prefect in our fifth year. No one else in our year put as much effort as she did.

In the third year, I tried the commitment thing with some girls, but it just never worked out. The ones that I could actually stand were either in relationships, or they didn't trust me past a good snog session. I would even have dated Sarah, but she wouldn't even snog me. She was the one girl besides Ashley that I didn't think I could get. Despite the fact that I wanted to get over her, I still wanted her. In first year I would never have believed she would be the one girl I couldn't get over.

We hung out quite a bit in the third year. I thought she was even closer to me than she was Michael. Ellen and Ben would always be her best friends, but I didn't think she was as close to Michael. There were times when she would confess that even though she was happy to have more friends, she felt lonely without Ben and Ellen around.

"All Ben ever does is spend time with whatever girl it is he is dating," she complained to me the one time. "He gets girlfriends but they always get jealous of Ellen or me, and then he just spends all his time snogging. I get tired of him snogging all these girls."

I knew she wanted him but she just didn't know it at that point. She thought it was just Denver that she wanted. I didn't think she did want him, I think she was upset still from the way they had broken up. I still fought with the urge to ask her out on a real date. I took her to Hogsmeade one weekend, but she didn't believe it was a date. She thought I was just taking pity on her by hanging out with her.

"When are you going to see that I am your friend?" I asked her towards the end of third year. I pulled her down on my lap. "Out of everyone, I'm the one who has spent the most time with you."

"I know you're my friend," she answered as she took a sip of a glass of pumpkin juice. We were having one of our usual Hufflepuff parties. "But I know you just take me places because you're like everyone else, you feel sorry for me."

"No I don't," I told her firmly. "I don't feel pity for you at all. You've changed so much from that girl that you used to be. I have no pity whatsoever when it comes to you."

"Sure you do," Michael said drunkenly as he joined us. "Why else are you letting her sit on you? Last year you said you felt you owed her. She needs to be pitied. She's the only single one of us. If it weren't for you and Ben, she would never get male attention."

I felt my face redden with anger. All of us were sick of how Michael got when he got drunk. He no longer insulted people as much when he was sober. He was getting better about that all the time. Of course he blurted at times, but he wasn't as bad as he was the year before. The problem was when he got drunk; he turned into that insecure first year boy he used to be. He was rude to everyone. We all knew that he was going to make the wrong person angry at some point.

"Michael, don't start," I said and then I looked at her. "Don't listen to him. He's just being his usual drunk self. Mike mate, you need to learn to pace yourself with the alcohol. You're going to end up like your parents if you don't stop this."

"At least I drink," he said nastily ignoring most of what I said. "I'm not a buzzkill like Ashley."

"Actually I have rum in this," she told him as she held up her glass. "I've been drinking; I just only have one or two."

"You need to do a shot," Michael told her.

"No thank you," she said. "I'm fine with what I have here."

"You are so boring," Michael told her. "No wonder you're mainly a loner now. No wonder you don't have a boyfriend. You're the most boring person I've ever met."

"And you're the most ignorant person I've ever met," I told him. "Go away Michael. You're not any fun when you've been drinking. The rest of us can handle our alcohol and we have fun. You just turn into a git."

"Whatever, I'm going to go find Anne," Michael said. "Jared, you need to stop pitying her. He does pity you Ashley. He tells us all the time behind your back."

He got up and walked off. Ashley looked at me with hurt.

"Don't listen to that idiot Ashley," I said to her. "I have not said anything bad about you behind your back since the beginning of last year! You are my friend. If anything, Michael talks about you behind your back, and he does it to others as well."

"I know that he does," she said to me. "Do you promise you haven't said anything-"

"I have only said good things about you," I told her. "We've hung out for about a year and a half now. I've been there for you when your friends weren't. Who was there when Xavier and Don were bothering you? I was! When your friends weren't there for you, I was after Denver broke up with you. You can ask Stan or Hank if I've ever said anything bad about you."

"I believe you," she said with a sigh. "I'm still insecure about things. It's not that I don't trust you. I know you've been my friend, but it's just drunk people do tend to tell the truth about things."

"Not Michael," I argued. "You should know that by now. I think I am better friend to you than Michael is."

"You've got that right," she said quickly.

"Then stop second guessing me," I told her. "I hate it when you do that."

We couldn't say much more after that because the others (except Melanie and Sarah of course) came over to join us. Us Hufflepuff's had always stuck together since around second year. In the first year we'd had our groups of friends, but we started to hang out together more after. I couldn't help but notice that everyone still sat in their groups except Ashley's group.

Ellen wasn't even around, but I knew she and Devon Smith had just had a bad break up. Likely she was hiding out in the dorms. Ben was sitting with Joey and Brad; he kept glaring in my direction, which gave me reason to believe that he wanted Ashley. Michael was sitting alone with Anne. He kept glaring in my direction as well, but I knew why.

Of all the people who had started to date in the second year, Michael and Anne were the only ones who were still going on strong. It was a surprise to me because of the way he got. We could all tell that she got sick of his attitude. It wasn't only that, but he was clearly still in love with Ellen. He still secretly hoped that she would change her mind about him. It didn't matter what I said about it, he was insistent that someday she would fall in love with him.

"I have this theory that she'll realize it in the seventh year," he'd told me. "Most people figure it out when they're older. Ashley told me that Lily and James Potter fell in love in their seventh year. Lily hated James before then."

I'd laughed at him by that point. So many people I knew believed that it could happen to them. Tara went around telling everyone that she and Ben would be the next Lily and James. The story had come out only recently that the two of them hadn't liked each other until their seventh year. It wasn't just Lily and James however; people followed the lives of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger as well as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. They all believed their love lives would end up like theirs had. The only two people I thought could end up like Ron and Hermione were Ashley and Ben.

"What's going on?" Ashley asked interrupting my thoughts.

The third years seemed disgruntled about something at that moment.

"Michael and his drinking as usual," Keith said with a glare as the boy. "He's going to ruin it for the rest of us. The older students leave us alone now when we drink. They don't try to tell us what to do as much as they did last year. If he keeps it up, they'll start taking our alcohol from us."

"Well next year we'll be fourth years," Erica said. "So they won't pay attention as much by then."

"Either way, I am sick of the things he does when he gets drunk," Keith continued. "He was just harassing the first years."

"He was just making fun of me about my drinking again, like usual," Ashley told him. "I'm actually drinking this time, but he thinks I should do shots."

"One of these days he's going to have a wakeup call," Joey said with a head shake. "He's an alright bloke, but his attitude when he drinks is getting out of hand."

He didn't realize how true his statement would be.

For the rest of the third year and the beginning of fourth year, Ashley and I remained close. It was hard to believe that there was a time when I hated her. During the summer we wrote to each other, and even made plans to get together. We actually never did, but I did let Michael come over quite a few times. He hated being home and the only reason he returned was so he could make some money. Oddly enough, even Anne's parents let him stay over for a weekend. I knew he stayed for a week over at Ben's and then Ashley's as well.

When we returned to school, he was full of complaints about his parents. Sometimes I got tired of hearing his complaints, especially since I'd offered him a room at my place. So I was about to tell him off when I looked closely and saw that he had a faded bruise on his arm. We were in the common room, and it was a week into first term.

"Where did you get that?" I demanded.

"From my odd jobs," he answered quickly.

"Your parents didn't hit you again did they?" I asked him.

He looked away quickly. I knew that they had. Ever since the summer after first year, they started to hit him. The last day of our summer before second year, his father had actually spanked him. Now I wasn't against parents giving kids a small spanking if they deserved it. Lord knows I got it when I was a kid when I needed it. However, my parents had only done it when I really needed it. Michael had not deserved what he had gotten, and I for one believed that a twelve year old is too old anyway. His dad had done it because Michael was upset by their lifestyle. Ever since then, they hit him often when he was at home.

I couldn't say much more because Ashley and Ellen joined us by that point. Stan had a major crush on Ellen, but he was terrified of saying anything because of Hank. I'd already told him that Hank would not care. He had been over Ellen for ages, but he kept telling me that friends didn't do that. I kept thinking that I would drop the bomb "accidentally" to move things on. I was tired of his incessant whining about her.

"Girls!" Michael said overly excitedly which caused them both to raise their eyebrows at him.

"I didn't know you'd be so happy to see me," Ellen said as she placed an arm around him.

"You know I always am," he said in a loving tone that truly did reveal his feelings for her.

Ashley looked at me as she sat beside me on the couch. She winked at me and then looked away. We had discussed Ellen and Michael a few times. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her even closer. I wondered how she would react if she found out about my feelings about her. Sometimes I wondered if Ellen knew because she gave me an odd look, but she didn't say anything. To be honest, I could understand the fuss about Ellen as well. She was a beautiful girl. I still couldn't understand how Ben didn't see her that way. He would admit that she was pretty, but he always told us that he wouldn't date her.

"So what are you two up to?" I asked them.

"Just spending a rare moment alone with Ashley," Ellen said and she smiled at her best friend. "We never hang out as much as we used to. She's too busy socializing, and now she is pairing up first years."

"You're becoming a matchmaker?" I asked her laughing. "What are eleven year olds going to do besides hold hands?"

Ashley rolled her eyes, a habit I believed she'd picked up from Hoofer.

"No, I was helping a little girl make friends. Her name is Alana and she reminds me too much of me. She was so shy, and she was all by herself all week. The other girls in her dormitory didn't seem to like her. One of them even made fun of her for being a loner. So I went and introduced her to little boys, Rory and Derek. They seem to be getting along well."

"Why do you care so much?" Michael asked her. "It's none of your business."

"Because I didn't want her to end up like I did," Ashley told him. "It's not my business, but if I can help someone than I will. They seemed to appreciate it."

"What do you mean end up like you did?" I asked her. "You had friends from day one."

"Yeah!" Ellen agreed looking hurt. "I talked to you on your first day of school. I introduced you to Ben. We've been friends ever since, even if you haven't hung out with us as much."

"I'm not talking about Hogwarts," Ashley answered. "But there was a time when I had nobody. She's far away from home now. I just hated to see her look so lonely. I know what it's like to be lonely, and I bet it's ten times worse when you don't even have family around. I don't see why you guys are against this."

"I'm not," I told her. "I think it's a good thing what you did. You've always looked out for others. I just didn't know what you meant when you said that you didn't want her to be like you."

In fact I felt nothing but admiration for her. She had always been like that, even when it came to Michael. He had been nothing but mean to her during our first week of school, but she had befriended him anyway. He had no friends except maybe me, but Hank and Stan wanted nothing to do with him. We'd been friends since the train ride to school. I hadn't wanted to lose them, so I had only talked to him sometimes. Even now I still couldn't help but wonder what her motive behind that was.

"I just don't want anyone to be friendless," she said. "It's awful when you have no one.

She didn't really talk about her life before Hogwarts, but I think it affected her a lot more than she let on. I believed it was the reason why she was so nice to people, and why at times she tried to be a peacemaker. She hated fighting with her friends, and I also knew that she hated that they all seemed to have their own lives now. Ellen had mentioned that Ashley was barely around because she was socializing but it was because she had to. Her friends always had relationships. I knew she didn't want to be lonely ever again, so she'd learned to make more friends outside of them.

"You have plenty of friends now," Michael remarked now. "You spend more time with them than us lately."

"You're always with Anne, and Ben is with whoever the girl of the week is, and Ellen usually has someone too," she answered. "I'm sure you don't want me tagging along on your dates all the time, it doesn't hurt to hang out with other people."

"Still, you haven't been the best friend lately," Michael continued.

Ashley looked over at him with annoyance. "Michael, you haven't been the best friend lately either. You spend more time with Anne than you do with us. If you're not with her, you're hanging out with Jared."

"Really? You're going to get on my case about having a girlfriend?" He asked her angrily.

"Michael, don't start," I said. "I'm sure that's not what she is saying."

"Have you seen Stan?" Ellen asked me. "That's actually why we came over here."

"Well, I just came over here because you two are here, but that's why she came. I guess the new couple can't stand to be apart for too long," she said with a grin at Ellen.

Ellen just shrugged. "I love the honeymoon stage."

"I haven't seen him," I told her.

I had a feeling I wouldn't see much of him now that him and Ellen were dating. It had happened just recently. He'd worked up the nerve to finally tell her how he felt. Hank didn't care. He'd given him his blessing. Michael of course looked moody about this. He wasn't happy that she was with Stan now. He was never happy when she found someone. Ellen nodded and walked off, but Ashley remained behind.

"He doesn't deserve her," Michael muttered.

He got up and walked off all moody was well.

"He keeps hoping that she'll tell him that she loves him," I told Ashley wiht a smile.

She just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"And are there any girls you wish would tell you?" Ashley asked me with a smirk.

"All of them," I said quickly.

"Even Maisie?" She asked me.

"Well, I have to draw the line somewhere," I replied and then looked at Ellen. "Seriously, go tell him. Ellen, he knows you're the type of girl who won't be single for long. So because of that and Hank, he isn't sure if he should or even has a chance with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ellen asked indignantly. "I'm not a slag."

"I didn't say you were," I laughed. "I just meant that almost every boy in this school wants you. Some blokes get turned off by the competition, especially with a beautiful girl like you. It's intimidating for some. That's why you should tell him, or really any boy that you want."

"I never thought you'd be nervous about a boy," Ashley said to Ellen. "You're the one who is always telling me that I should just say something."

"I agree with that," Ellen said. "I would agree under any other circumstance, but this is Stan we're talking about. I dated his best friend."

"I just don't think that Hank cares that much," I said.

Stan walked into the common room by himself, and I nodded in his direction.

"Go over to him now," I told her. "Tell him."

Ellen looked nervous, but she didn't hesitate. She got up and walked over to him quickly.

"She won't have a problem," Ashley said as we watched her.

She said something to him, and they headed back out of the common room. I was sure that she wanted to talk to him privately.

"I guarantee they'll be the next couple of Hufflepuff," I said. "I just have to wonder how long Anne and Michael will last now."

"Why?" Ashley asked. "I mean, I know that he still wants her but why will this be any different?"

"Because Michael will lose it when he sees them together," I said. "With Devon and that other bloke, they weren't Hufflepuff's. We all basically hang out together now. Stan and Ellen will be more in his face. You know Michael can't control his temper."

"True enough," Ashley said.

"So what about you?" I asked her. "Who is going to be man of the year?"

"The man of the year?" She asked with a laugh. "I haven't been with anyone since Denver."

"But there has to be someone you're interested in," I said.

I was hoping there wasn't. I was seriously considering asking her out, but I always chickened out. I of course had asked her to Hogsmeade but that was it. There were a few times we'd hung out by ourselves and I had taken her for a walk around the lake. She just didn't see the times we hung out as dates, so I couldn't either. She just thought we were friends.

"I haven't really been looking," she said. "None of the ones I would be interested in would be interested back anyway."

"That you know of," I said. "Plenty have asked you out, but you just always think they do it out of pity. I can tell you honestly that when Joey asked you last year, he actually wanted to date you. The problem was you wouldn't believe him that he wasn't just asking you out on a pity date. That's why he didn't ask you out again. He told me."

"But Michael said-" she began but I interrupted.

"You need to stop listening to Michael. He is a lot better than he used to be, but the boy is still insecure. So are you. That's why it's so easy for him to pick on you," I told her. "Look, for as long as you've known me, have I ever lied to people just so they can hear what they want to hear?"

"No," she answered. "You always say what you think is true. It might not always be true, you were certainly wrong about me in second year, but you do try to be truthful."

"Exactly," I said. "Michael is a good friend of mine, and I've always told him the truth. I've been considering you as my friend since second year, and I haven't lied to you once. You just need to take me on my word about these things."

"So who is actually interested?" She asked me.

"Well it's still the beginning of the school year, so I am not sure at the moment," I told her. "But I'll be sure to let you know when I find out."

The truth was, I couldn't tell her about my feelings, even then. I didn't know why. When it came to girls, I had no problem getting them to snog me. However, with her I wanted more than a snog or shag session. I wanted more, and that was why I couldn't say anything to her. We had a history and I wasn't sure if I could handle a real rejection. So I kept my mouth shut.

Stan and Ellen became the next hot and heavy couple of Hufflepuff. As I predicted, Michael got really upset over it. Anne broke up with but she got back with him within a week. I didn't understand how she could keep going back to him. I would have thought that this would be the final straw for her. He moped around the common room for days, but as usual she forgave him.

"They've been together for two years," Ashley told me when I commented on this one afternoon. "It's harder for them. I think it will take a lot to finally break them up for good."

I kept watching for her to see if she would get with anyone, but she still just had casual dates. Hank advised me many times to just go for her, but I knew he was interested in her somewhat as well. When I mentioned this, he just shook his head.

"Not as much as you do," he replied. "I'd date her for sure, but I don't feel the same way you do or Hoofer does. There are many girls I am interested in, she isn't the only one."

"Hoofer is with Lindsay," I pointed out.

"For now," Hank said. "You know what is surprising about that? Ellen is the one who got them together. She knew Lindsay wanted him, and she helped get them together."

"Ellen will never admit she wants Ben, and he will never admit that he wants Ashley," I remarked with a laugh. "How much do you want to bet that they'll have a love triangle soon enough."

"That betting pool is already going on for that one," Hank informed me. "Just like there is a betting pool for when Hoofer and Ashley will get together, and for when you'll finally settle down with one girl."

I laughed at that one. "I knew about the other two, but not that one."

"You won the one for when the first one of us would shag," Hank laughed. "But we all knew it would be you or Michael."

"Well I am older than the rest of you are," I said.

I was the oldest in our year. I was actually supposed to start a year before we actually did. My birthday is also in October, so I would have already been older than everyone as it was. I was sixteen years old by that point, and fifteen when I'd lost my virginity the year before. It had been with a sixteen year old girl who was actually very experienced. At first she didn't want to. She'd told me she felt guilty since I was third year even though I wasn't much younger than her. I'd finally convinced her however, and ever since then I'd shagged other girls who were more than willing to.

I didn't think it was much longer after that when Michael and Anne had sex. It seemed my first time was encouraging enough for him to start shagging her. I believed it was one of the reasons she went back to him after the Ellen and Stan incident. I didn't know if too many people knew they were shagging. I found out the disgusting way about Ellen and Stan. I'd walked in on them one night after Christmas break during one of our Hufflepuff parties. Most of the people in our year were fourteen, including Ellen, Stan, Michael and Anne. So it was a bit of surprise that they were having sex already. I hoped Michael was careful, the last thing he needed was to end up the same as his parents.

Towards the end of fourth year, Hufflepuff finally won the Quidditch cup which was probably the first time in over twenty years. Perhaps it was even more than thirty years. It had definitely been a long time, and so everyone was excited not only because it was the first in so long, but maybe the last time. So we wanted to make the most of it.

It was the first time that Ashley decided to get drunk. That night would be one of my biggest regrets, but also one of my happiest nights. Michael as usual got on her case about drinking. She'd continued to drink with us, but she only did so in moderation. However, that night she took her of many shots that she would take that night. Michael would not stop bothering her, but she seemed to be having some fun. I gave her some chocolate flavoured alcohol at some point that night.

Later on I saw her stumbling around after a dance with Ben. I'd never seen her so drunk and it was very comical. I quickly pulled her into a dance.

"You should be cut off soon," I told her while we danced to a fast number and she nearly tripped.

"I'm fine," she told me drunkenly.

She glanced over to where Ben, Keith, Dan, Joey and Brad. They were setting up some more shot glasses. She started to move towards them, but I stopped her. She'd had way too much to drink for her first time. She didn't need any more that night. She was such a small person, and I knew people could get alcohol poisoning.

"Oh no you don't," I told her and she laughed at me.

"Where's Michael anyway?" I asked as I continued to pull her away from the alcohol.

I didn't actually care, but I wanted to change the subject. I was hoping we could sit and relax somewhere. I could perhaps get her some food and water and help her sober up a little. I didn't want her to sleep yet.

"Probably having sex," she said. "They always go to the dorms and have sex you know. I walked in on them once."

"I walked in on Ellen and Stan once," I told her.

It had actually been more than once. I had walked in out Michael and Anne as well, and I wasn't even sure of the count. I wished that they could be like the others and go somewhere else in the castle. There were plenty of hidden nooks and crannys in the place. I had a broom closet that for some reason had an old cot in that I went to. There was also the secret passage Ashley had once shown me. There were other places as well that I went. The point was, no one had ever walked in on me.

"Geez, Ellen too?" she asked me. "They are both younger than me and they've had it before me."

"That can easily change," I said without thinking. "It would be nothing serious of course, just casual sex between friends."

I might not have been as drunk as her, but I was certainly drunk and I was a bit more open when I was drinking. I had wanted her since second year, and I wanted to be her first. I'd had other virgins, but I thought with her it would be amazing. She was the one girl who I actually had feelings for out of all of them. It wasn't something I could say to her sober because I couldn't be as confident when it came to her. Now I felt as confident with her as I did with the other girls I'd snogged or shagged.

"What do you mean you?" She asked and I was worried that she wouldn't want to with me. Why else would she respond like that?

"No I meant Hoofer," I said to her sarcastically. "Yes of course I meant me. Only if you want to though. I don't want you to think I am forcing you. I know you're drunk, so maybe we shouldn't," I added as an afterthought. Ashley could think I was pressuring her, and that was the last thing I wanted. I never wanted her, or any girl really to feel pressured by me. She was drunk for her first time, and I didn't want her doing anything she didn't want to do. It was why later it would be one of my biggest regrets. I shouldn't have proposed it to her after she'd been drinking.

"No, no," she said sounding excited. "I think it's time, and I've known you since I was twelve years old. I'm going to be sixteen soon after all."

"Let's go then," I told her.

We hurried past the dorms and she informed me that Michael would likely still be down in the boys dorms. I didn't answer her; I just led her out of the common room. I was planning to take her to my broom closet. She was stumbling after me and I hesitated.

"You are so drunk, are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to take advantage." I said to her.

"Of course," she said quickly. "You're not taking advantage and besides you're hot. We're not having sex in the corridors are we?"

I felt flattered that she thought I was hot. Many girls had told me that, but it meant a lot more coming from her. It meant she was attracted to me at least, and if tonight she was willing to have sex it could mean more from her later on. Perhaps we would be the next Hufflepuff couple.

"No, there's a nice sized broom closet down this way. It has an old cot in it. I've come down here before. Not sure how many students know about it, but I've brought girls here before. It's kind of tucked away. I found it one night when I was looking for a girl to make out with," I answered her.

"How long have you been having sex?" she asked me.

"Since end of last year," I said. "First time was with a sixth year, but since I was close in age with her anyway it wasn't a big deal. One of those advantages of being the oldest, I get the older women too."

She laughed at that. At least she didn't get offended by my past. Some girls did, however she and the other Hufflepuff's were well aware of my history with girls.

I took her into my broom closet. She laughed again after a moment and I wondered what it was that she could be laughing at this time. Maybe she had some nerves and that was why she was laughing. I hoped she wasn't having second thoughts. I sat down on the bed.

"Last chance to back out," I told her as I pulled me down on the bed beside me. "I really don't want you to regret this tomorrow."

"Are you sure you want to with me?" She asked me. "I thought I'd be the last girl you'd be with. You're drunk too."

I was just buzzed by that point. I was fully aware of what was going to happen, and I wanted it. I wanted her to want it to. I also wanted her to know how I truly felt about her. I'd wanted her for so long. I hated the fact that she thought that she would be the last girl I'd want when she was the first. She just thought I was with her because I was drunk and desperate when it was the opposite.

"Not as drunk as you, but I am telling you right now I would do this with you sober, Ashley. If you remember this, and I really hope you do I want you to remind me of this conversation. I'll prove it to you if you want when you're sober that I'd do it anyway," I answered her.

She kissed me as if to answer the question. I kissed her back. She reached over to take off my shirt, so she seemed eager enough, but then again she was drunk. I reached over to lift her dress off her. She had to stand a little, but she continued to kiss me. She helped me get my pants off and then after a moment she ended up on my lap just in her bra and knickers. I felt myself get excited by that point, and I wanted to be inside her. I took off her bra and then gently laid her down on the cot and then pulled off her knickers. I stepped out of my boxers and then I was over her.

I could tell during sex that it was uncomfortable for her even though it was amazing for me. I felt bad, and I wished there was something I could do to make it better for her. There were sex spells to help make it feel even more sensational but I didn't know any. I wished I knew them for when it came to virgin girls, and even more so for her.

Afterwards we lay beside each other. I reassured her that it would get better every time she had sex. She looked at me with surprise and asked how I knew. I told her that she wasn't the first virgin I'd been with. I also let her know that we could have sex again. In fact, I wanted to again with her. Not only because I wanted her, but because I didn't want her to think I took advantage of her drunken state. The next day she would surely be embarrassed.

Suddenly she got up and then started to throw up over the cot. I knew it wasn't because of me, but it was still awkward.

"Well that's awkward, was I really that bad?" I joked anyway; I was hoping to break the tension as I laughed nervously.

"It's not you, it's the alcohol," she answered.

"At least it happened after," I said. "Are you going to be okay?"

I watched as she moved away from me to grab her clothes. She had a beautiful body. I'd always known that she was thin, but I'd never known just how nice her body looked. Most of the time we wore our school clothes. We could wear casual clothes on the weekends, but even then they didn't show much. Unlike the other girls, she was always a modest dresser. The dress she did wear that day did cling nicely to her curves. I had the feeling Ellen likely picked it out for her. She wasn't a bad dresser, and she wore form fitting clothes. However, she did have her own style and that dress wasn't her usual style, it was Ellen's. She had definitely grown up right before my eyes.

"Done throwing up yet?" I asked her once she was dressed.

"I don't know," she said. "The room is still spinning a bit."

"Well sit down again for a few minutes," I said. "You really shouldn't have had so much. Michael's a good friend of mine, but you shouldn't have listened to him. It isn't fun when you're throwing up like this."

"Says the guy who got drunk and sick in first year," she answered. "Twelve years old and already an alcoholic."

"Thirteen," I corrected. "Remember, I am older than everyone else."

"I'm not remembering much of anything at the moment," she said.

"You remembered that," I replied with amusement. "Come on; let's get back to the common room now."

We walked back to the common room. I kept an arm around her because she was still unsteady on her feet. We walked back slowly, I was worried she would throw up again. I hoped that she would never find out that I had forgotten to do the spell. It was the first time I'd ever forgotten, and I really hoped we hadn't made an accident that night. I'd been so eager to have her. I'd only remembered because she'd asked me as we left the closet if I'd had protection.

Ashley suddenly stopped and I wondered if she was going to throw up again.

"Jared," she gasped. "Your shirt is inside out and backwards plus your hair is mess."

I smirked as I took her in myself. Her dress was on backwards and her hair definitely had the: "I just shagged," kind of look to it.

"You don't look any better there dear," I said laughing.

She gasped again as she looked down at her dress.

"Watch for people coming," she said.

I watched as she turned the dress around. There was more lighting in the corridors then in the broom closet which had only been lit by our wands. So I was hoping to have a better glimpse of her body but she managed to turn the dress around without revealing anything. Disappointed, I took my shirt off fixed it before I patted down my hair. I watched as she brushed out her hair and then used some sort of spell to fix it. I liked her messy hair before.

I was still deep in thought about what we had just done, and when we reached the common room, I almost knocked on the wrong barrel. For our common room, you had to knock to the rhythm of Helga Hufflepuff. If you got it wrong, you were doused with vinegar. I'd had it happen before, and it sucked. It took forever to get rid of the smell. You were also barred access, and we didn't want that at this time of night.

No one seemed to notice us when we entered the common room. The party was still going on strong, but I didn't think it was going to end anytime soon. It was the big party of the year after all. Everyone was too excited. Ashley looked over at me.

"I'll go over first," she said. "Then you come over."

"Sure, but I honestly don't care if people know that we had sex," I told her.

I watched as she walked over to where the others were. Michael was setting up a poker tournament. Judging by his hair, I had a feeling that Ashley had been right about him and Anne earlier. I saw Anne as well, her hair was very messy too and her shirt was inside out. I smirked to myself as I thought back to my own shirt. I walked over slowly as Ashley grabbed a bottle of water and then she sat beside Ben.

"Don't want to drink anymore?" Michael asked her. "Buzz kill."

"Oh believe me I am drunk," she said. "I've just been off throwing up and I'm just done now."

I felt angry instantly. Why couldn't he let off on her? I remembered back to our second year again, and the summer before then. It was no wonder why she'd fought with him. I didn't understand why she was still friends with him sometimes. He picked on other people as well, but she was the one he'd done it to the most. Stan had been right when he said that Michael had bothered her since day one.

"Leave her alone," I said as I took a seat. "How much have you had to drink anyway mate? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Been doin some fun stuff," Michael said and he winked at Anne.

"Were you shagging again?" Hank asked. "You two are at it all the time in there."

Anne blushed and she looked away embarrassingly. Once people noticed that Michael was setting up a poker tournament, they had turned down the music. So it was easy to hear conversations in there at the moment. Plenty of people had heard Hank's question and they all looked over at our group.

"I don't kiss and tell," Michael said. "Now who's all playing?"

"Each and every one of have walked in on you two fucking," Dan said. "You don't have to tell anyone anything. Same with Stan and Ellen, we've all seen the two of you going at it. It'd be nice if you could warn us or go somewhere else."

Ashley glanced at me; she looked embarrassed even though she didn't need to be. I winked at her. I hoped so much that she wasn't going to get awkward on me. A few people were starting to go to bed now that the music was turned down.

"I'm going to bed too," she said and she got up quickly to hurry off.

"She's going to have a headache tomorrow," Keith said as he laughed. "I've never seen her so drunk."

"About time," Michael said. "She's always been a buzz kill."

"Speaking of that, don't pressure her to drink," I told him. "I saw her throwing up, and I bet she's going to throw up some more. You shouldn't pressure people to do things they don't want to do Michael."

"She wanted to drink tonight," Michael said defensively.

"She did want to drink, but she did all those extra shots because you were bothering her," Ellen said. "I agree, I'm glad to see she is letting up and finally drinking but you can't pressure her."

"Exactly," Ben added. "Just because some people don't want to drink the way you do, it doesn't mean they are buzz kills. It's not fair to make someone feel bad for not wanting to drink a lot. Besides, she has been drinking for a year. She just hasn't been drunk."

The poker game seemed to be forgotten as Michael got up and walked off to the boys' dorms in anger. I smirked and shook my head. I wondered just how many sickles we each would have by that point. He could never handle confrontations. Anne followed not too long after that. One by one, the others slowly started to go to bed. Finally, it was just Hank, me and Stan.

"So where did you and Ashley disappear to?" Hank asked me in a low voice. "What happened between you two?"

"We had sex," I said and I explained about the broom closet including how she had thrown up afterwards.

"I can't believe you took her to a broom closet," Hank said. "She's the one girl you want, and you took her to a broom closet. She knows you've taken other girls there."

"She's just going to think it's a random hook up you know," Stan said. "And with everything that went on, she is going to be embarrassed around you from now. Bad move there mate. You should never have gone for her when she was drunk."

"I know," I said. "I regret it. She's going to think I took advantage. She was happy about it tonight, but she was drunk. I know that tomorrow she is going to be embarrassed and regretful about the whole thing. She might never talk to me again."

"Ellen was awkward with me at first, but she got over it," Stan told me. "Just talk to her as soon as you see her. It's what I did."

"So how was it with her?" Hank asked me. "She's got an amazing body, or did you see anything in the broom closet."

"We had our wands lit so I saw some," I said and I explained even more to them. Hank was the only one out of us who hadn't had sex yet. He looked envious, but he also didn't want random hook ups like I had. He wanted a true girlfriend. The odd thing was, he had a lot of girls who wanted him but he was so picky. He kept telling us he didn't want a ditz or another Ellen.

The next morning, I was up early despite the fact that we'd had a late night. I was feeling tired and a little hungover. I wanted to go to the hospital wing to get some potion for it, but we never did. We knew Madame Pomfrey would be suspicious about it if too many students went to her about it. So I was just going to have to suck it up.

I forgot about my headache when I saw Ashley making her way through the common room. I rushed over to her.

"How are you?" I asked her.

"Fine," she muttered as she looked down at her feet. Stan had been right, but I'd also expected this. I regretted so much that I'd had sex with her when she was drunk. I should have tried when we were sober. She was probably going to be embarrassed around me from now on. I hoped our friendship wouldn't be ruined.

"I knew this would happen," I said, "that's why I kept asking you if you were sure. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Don't get all awkward on me. What we did is a normal thing between two people."

"You're not upset?" she asked.

"No, don't you remember last night?" I asked her.

I realized what the problem was. She wasn't exactly embarrassed by the fact that we'd had sex, although I was sure there was some embarrassment. She was worried that I would be upset about the sex. It was her old insecurities as usual. She likely thought I wouldn't want anything to do with her. I wondered when she was going to get over this self-hatred that she had. It made me even more annoyed with Michael. He had to stop insulting her, it was hurting her self-esteem. It was the reason she was still single. It was the reason why at that moment she thought I was going to be upset that we'd had sex.

"I remember everything," she answered. "People say things they don't mean when they're drunk though."

"Well, I don't regret anything and I am sober right now. We can do that again anytime you want but you can't act all awkward or embarrassed around me," I told her. "If you don't want to it's fine, but I'd still rather you didn't act as if something bad happened last night."

She sighed and finally looked at me.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be. You're right. I don't regret it or anything. If we do that again though, I don't want to shag in the broom closet. We'll go the Room of Requirement next time," she said.

"You know where the Room of Requirement is?" I asked. We had promised each other that we would show each other new ways around the castle. That had meant the Room of Requirement. She must have thought I meant just secret passageways.

"Denver showed me in second year. We shouldn't do it in the dorms since everyone has seen our friends, but I don't want to in that broom closet ever again," Ashley answered me.

I laughed for the first time and it seemed the tension was broken.

"I don't want to in there ever again either, not with anyone because you threw up all over the place," I told her.

"Oh right, I'd forgotten about that," she said looking embarrassed again.

That night she approached me when I was sitting on my own, Hank had just left to go to bed and Stan and Ellen were together. She looked nervous as she sat down. I was just glad that she was still able to come over and talk to me. All day I had felt bad. I was happy that we'd had sex, but I wished we hadn't been drunk. I shouldn't have had sex with her when she'd been so intoxicated. It should have been during the right moment for us. I'd never been the romantic type of guy, but with her it was different.

"I hope you're not angry, but I told my friends," she said in a low voice as she sat down.

"I told Hank and Stan," I said with a shrug. "I told you last night, I don't care if people know or not. How did your friends react?"

"They were shocked," she told me. "They kept going on about how it isn't me and they couldn't believe it was you considering our past."

"Hank and Stan said the same thing. They thought you'd be the last girl I'd sleep with," I lied, "but they also were surprised you were willing." I grinned, that was partly true. We had discussed it and they had never seen her as the one night stand type of girl. I wanted more than that with her, but I doubted I could ever have more. Hank and Stan still insisted I told her how I felt, but I didn't want to. If this didn't ruin our friendship, then I was glad that at least it was me who had taken her virginity.

"Well it's been over two years since that all happened, and we get along now. It shouldn't be that surprising," she said.

"I have to agree with everyone," I replied. "It was a surprise that you were willing. I'd like to try it again when you're sober so that I know I didn't take advantage."

"You didn't take advantage," she said.

"Prove it to me," I answered with narrowed eyes. "Tomorrow morning then, we both have a freebie and everyone else will be at Care of Magical Creatures."

She nodded but she looked nervous. "Alright fine, tomorrow morning then."

After the second time, it wasn't hard to convince her to keep having sex with me. I think she started too really like it, but I knew she just saw it as a random hook up. Stan and Hank kept telling me that if she was willing to have sex with me, than she would likely be more than willing to be my girlfriend. I didn't see it as that simple, and Michael didn't either.

He stalked over to me almost a week after the party to yell at me about it. By then we'd had sex three times, and the third time she had asked for it.

"Ashley! You shagged Ashley!" He shouted at me.

"Yell a little louder Mike," I said to him with annoyance as we were sitting in the courtyard, which was full of people. "I'm sure those first years over there didn't hear you."

"Why her of all people?" He asked in a lower voice. "She's not exactly the brightest person you know. What if she thinks you want more?"

"And what if I did want more?" I asked him. "Not that I do, but if I do, what would be the problem with that?"

"Well I'd be surprised if you did," Michael answered, "but that's not the point, now is it? You're just using her for your needs. You took advantage when she was drunk! She's going to end up hurt. You know she's in desperate need for male attention. Why do you think she is always sitting on your lap?"

"I highly doubt that has anything to do with it first of all," I said. "You're way too hung up on when she sits on me. You've never made a comment about it if she sits on someone else's lap. All the girls do it. They've been doing it since the second year when we sit in our group. Secondly, she is not stupid. She knows that things aren't going to happen past us shagging sometimes-"

"Sometimes?" Michael interrupted. "You mean you plan to keep shagging her? I thought it was just a one night stand thing!"

"We've shagged two more times since the party and she wanted it last night," I told him.

Michael looked furious. As much as he insulted her, I knew he cared about her a lot. I knew at the moment that he meant well, and he didn't want to see his friend hurt. He suddenly grabbed his wand and pointed it at me. I felt a little nervous as I eyed his wand. He was after all the best dueller in our year; in fact he could beat some of the older students at duelling. So I knew he could do some damage to me if he really wanted to. He was really upset at the moment. Sparks flew from his wand.

"Calm down mate," I said. "Talk to Ashley about it. You'll find out that she is more than happy about our situation."

"Why her when you can have any other girl in this castle?" Michael demanded.

"Why not?" I asked. "Why does it bother you so much? She is smart enough and old enough for that matter to make that decision."

"Old enough? She's fifteen. She is too young to be having sex!"

"You're younger than both of us mate," I said. "You're just pulling things out of your ass now. Seriously, answer the question. Why does this bother you so much?"

"Because I know how you are with girls," Michael said. "Everyone knows that you don't want a girlfriend. You just want someone to shag occasionally. Some girls have actually gotten attached to you. Remember Madison? Or how about Belinda? There are others as well. Remember how broken up she was about Denver? Ashley wants male attention enough that she is willing to just have sex with you. You realize that's why is doing this right? She thinks it's the only way she'll ever have anything with a guy because she thinks Denver will be her last boyfriend. She thinks no other guy will like her. She's going to fall in love with you, and you're going to break her heart."

"No I won't," I answered him. "If it gets to that point I'd be willing to give her more."

"Don't tell me you're in love with her," he said to me.

I wasn't sure if I could admit it to him or not. There were things he had told me that he hadn't told the others and he knew some things that Stan and Hank didn't know. However, I didn't think I could tell him about Ashley. We had both talked about girls, but this was just something I could never tell him about. So I shook my head instead.

"No, but there are certain girls who could be girlfriend material. You weren't in love with Anne when you started to date her were you? You just liked her enough, and you wanted someone so you could get over Ellen. You saw her as girlfriend material," I answered instead.

"So you see Ashley as someone who could be a girlfriend? Out of all the girls you've snogged or shagged, it's her you would date?" Michael asked with shock.

"She isn't the only one. The problem is, the ones I would date long-term don't speak up," I told him. "I have been shagging random girls, and there are ones I've always seen as long-term. If they ever wanted more, I would give it to them. If Ashley fell in love with me, and she wanted to be my girlfriend, I would date her."

"So why don't you date more girls than?" Michael asked. "If there are ones you'd date, then why don't you date them? Maybe if you get with Ashley, she'll finally move on from Denver."

"I'm not looking to get a girlfriend, but I'd be willing to be date certain girls if they wanted it enough. The problem is the right ones don't speak up," I explained.

It was partly true. I wasn't exactly looking for a girlfriend, even if I was in love with Ashley. I wanted to be with her, but I didn't think she wanted more than sex with me. Michael was right in a way. She didn't believe that anyone else would want her. So she took from me what she could get. I did want her to fall in love with me however; it would make things easier for me.

"So why not Ashley?" Michael pressed on. "You said you'd be willing to date her."

"Because I doubt she'd date me," I said. "Not right now anyway. Look at our past. Look what happened in our first and second year."

"Denver was worse and she forgave him," Michael pointed out. "Look, I'm not against one night stands. I just find with Ashley it's different. You know how insecure she is. I'm just worried about how she'll take this if things go wrong. All I am saying is that you should either stop this, or just make things official with her."

"You know some of her insecurity comes from you right?" I asked him. "You're the one who keeps telling her that guys date her out of pity. You need to stop that. Whenever she and I hang out, I always make her feel good about herself. It's one of the reasons why she trusts me more than you. Think about it Michael, you and her have been hanging out since your first week here. She and I have for almost three years and we hated each other for a year. Yet she trusts me more than she trusts you. If you were single and you wanted to shag her, she would not have sex with you."

"I would never shag her," Michael answered quickly.

"That's not the point mate and you know it," I said. "All I am stating is that she would never fuck you. She would shag Ben, me, Hank, Stan or any of the other Hufflepuff boys if she was given the opportunity, but never you. She'd even go back to Denver if she could. The reason for that is because she doesn't trust you! You could fall in love with her tomorrow, and she wouldn't date you. She let me of all people take her virginity. Are you not seeing where I am going with this?"

"It doesn't break my heart mate," Michael said. "I can't see myself changing my mind."

"You're still not getting it mate," I said with laughter.

"No I get what you're saying," he said. "I just think using shagging is a poor example of it. I know she doesn't trust me. I know she doesn't feel close to me. I honestly believe she only talks to me because of Ben and Ellen. The funny thing is they will always pick her over me. I am still to this day an outsider in that group."

"And that's by your choice because of your actions," I said. "You've improved since second year, but have you not noticed that your friends hated me too, and yet they talk to me more than you? That is my point. For someone like Ashley to have sex with someone, it's about trust. That's why I am telling you this. She trusts me enough to have sex with me, but she will never have it with you. I know you don't want to shag her, but theoretically if you did? She wouldn't."

"How did we even get to this point in the conversation?" Michael asked. "This isn't about my relationship with her. It's about what you are doing with her."

"Because Michael," I said. "Ashley can make her own decisions. She wants this and if she wants more I give you my word that I will give it to her. She is not going to get hurt from this. Right now, we are just friends with benefits."

He didn't say anything at first, but he did put his wand away, so that was a good sign.

"Also, I think your friends like you well enough. They still include you in their group. They care about you. You get invited to their houses in the summer, but I just think you need to fix your attitude. You feel left out right now, and it's probably because they don't feel as close to you as they should. I can tell you care about Ashley because you came over to yell at me. So start acting like it. She's insecure because of her past, but you do not help at all. Stop talking behind her back, and stop insulting her. You told her that all the boys who asked her out did it out of pity."

"Well didn't you?" He asked me.

"No," I said firmly. "I've told you. There is nothing about that girl that I pity. I feel nothing but admiration for her. She's come a long way since that shy first year girl. We want to keep it that way. That means that you need to stop insulting her. You're one of her friends-"

"I get it Jared," Michael said.

But I honestly didn't think he did. He needed his wake up call which at that moment neither of us realized, but it would come at the end of the school year.

Ashley and I continued to have our shag sessions. Although Michael was worried that it was her that would get hurt by the end of this. It turned out it would be me who would be left feeling that way. I should have taken my friends advice and just asked her to be my girlfriend. However, as bad as it sounds, I was relying on her insecurity for her to stay single. I did not believe for a second that she would find someone else. I knew she could, but her low self-esteem held her back. It had for the last two years, so I didn't have reason to believe that anything would change now.

Denver Halfern, the one person who I still hated after all this time would change that. I would later learn that she approached him on Ben's advice, but it was still Halfern that I hated. I would always feel bad that I'd had sex with her when she was drunk. If I hadn't, perhaps she would have taken me more seriously. All she saw me as was a friend with benefits. She didn't think more would come from it, and it was entirely my fault. I'd just made her think I wanted sex with her because I was scared to do anything about it.

One afternoon, she approached me and I hoped that she wanted to go to the Room of Requirement.

"Jared, we can't shag anymore," she told me. "I'm back with Denver."

I was shocked but I tried my best not to show it. I just gave her a small shrug and a smile. I congratulated her but inwardly I was fuming. Not only at myself, but at her for going back to him! Had she forgotten what he had done to her in the second year? Even if she didn't want me, there were others who were better for her! Despite the lecture I had given him, I believed even Michael was better for her than Denver was.

"I told you that you should have told her," Hank said to me while I lay on my back in my bed. "If she wanted to have sex with you, she would have dated you."

He and Stan were sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I don't want to hear it," I told him. "I didn't think I would ever feel this way. I just feel awful."

"It's called heartbreak mate," Stan told me. "Believe me; I am surprised that you are feeling it as well. I thought you'd be the last one to feel it," he added the last part jokingly.

"Right," I said. "Bloody hell and Michael thought it was going to be Ashley who would feel this way. This is why I stay away from girls. I never wanted this. And I don't need it rubbed in that I should have done more. I know I should have."

"You're not going to spend days in bed like Ashley did, are you?" Hank asked still smiling.

I knew they wanted to keep things light. The last thing I wanted was pity, and so I was glad that they were doing it.

"No," I said. "I'll get over it. It's almost summer."

The girl I would use to get over her would be Jolene Martin. Jolene and I had a bit of a past and I knew she wanted more with me. She was one of the ones I'd told Michael that I could see as girlfriend material. So I worked hard on pursuing her. She was a little shy like Ashley was, but she was also one who wasn't sure if I'd want more with her. She seemed nervous anytime I approached her.

Ashley and I remained friends even after that, although we didn't talk as much as did the previous years. She still wrote to me over the summer. Ben had a pool party that year, which would be the first of many. By that point, I had been with Jolene for a while and I really didn't feel that much jealousy. I felt that I was moving on from her.

I noticed something different about her relationship with Denver this time however. She was back with him, but she spent most of her time with Ben that day. It wasn't only that, but when she wasn't with him, she kept staring at him, especially after he announced that his pool party was also for her. Her sixteenth birthday was in a week. It wasn't just gratitude in her face but something else. It was what we had all been predicting for years. She was in love with him.

I was glad that I at least had someone, even if she wasn't someone I could feel I'd be with for a long time. The problem with Jolene was that she was too jealous of my past. By that point, it was common knowledge that Ashley and I had slept together more than once. I hadn't told anyone besides Stan and Hank, and Ashley hadn't told anyone but her friends but these things had their way of getting around. I believed Michael might have been a part of it. He'd said it out loud more than once, but I also thought he probably had told Anne who would have spread it around. If anyone could get gossip around, it was Anne, Jess and Erica or the Andrew twins.

So anytime Ashley and I tried to talk to each other, she would get jealous. I had to keep reassuring her that it was her who I wanted. She ended up getting upset with me that day for looking at Ashley so much. By that point, no one knew we were dating so we didn't spend as much time together but she ended up getting with me angry.

"I was just noticing that she wants Ben," I told her.

"But what is that to you?" Jolene demanded.

"Just an observation," I muttered.

I should have noticed in the beginning that things weren't that great between us, but at the moment I just wanted someone to help me keep getting over Ashley. For the moment, we did get along besides her jealousy issues.

Luckily or unluckily, Ashley and I didn't talk as much during the beginning of our fifth year. Not only because she ended up with Ben, which I knew was going to happen, but none of us had the time anymore. We were given so much homework that most of the fifth years spent long nights in the library or the common room working. Dating a sixth year girl sure had its advantages when it came to that. She was a smart enough girl that she could help me out.

We had our fights, but I figured every relationship did. Most people were just surprised that we were still together. Most people thought that I would be the last one to ever end up with a long term girlfriend. On the outside we seemed happy together, but I was slowly getting tired of her. She was just too jealous, and she was starting to get clingy. I was sure if it hadn't been for my stress load, I would have dumped her sooner. The thing with having a girlfriend was that I had an escape sometimes. So I put up with her.

It wasn't until shortly after Easter Break that things really got intense between us. Although a lot of the fifth year Hufflepuff's still didn't like Melanie, I was starting to like her. She had started to talk to me a lot more. Most of the time it was because we were studying together, but it was also because I could see a change in her. I believed she was tired of people hating her so much.

One evening when Jolene saw Melanie and me studying, she finally lost it on me and dumped me. Instead of being upset, I was relieved. We had almost been together for about ten months so I should have been upset; however I realized that our relationship had never been good. I'd just used her to get over Ashley, who I felt I finally was. She was with Ben, and we all knew they were meant to be together.

"You're not at all depressed about Jolene?" Ashley asked me one evening.

"Nope," I answered.

"You were together for a long time," she said continued.

"I don't think I would have stayed with her for so long under normal circumstances," I explained to her. "This year has been brutal and I know it sounds bad, but she was a nice way to relax."

"But you could have used any girl for that," Ashley said. "It's never stopped you in the past."

"I know, but I could just never find the right moment to do it. Jolene was a nice enough girl; we just didn't always get along. I was happy when she finally did it," I told her.

"Coward," Ashley laughed but I shrugged.

"At least for once I don't look like the asshole," I said. "So how is Ellen doing?"

"She's a lot better than she was I think," Ashley said.

At the beginning of the school year there had been a big fight when it turned out that Ellen wanted Ben. Apparently she had asked him out the previous year, and he had turned her down. We all found this out when Ellen got jealous of Ashley and Ben during our first Hogsmeade visit. When Stan found out what she had done, he broke up with her. For a while there, people (even Stan) were worried about her. She barely did her school work, and she wasn't eating. She was almost as bad as Ashley had been in the second year.

Ellen was someone who didn't stay single for long, so it was a bit of surprise that she didn't find anyone right away. From what I'd heard, some guys didn't want her because they thought she was too hung up on Ben. To this day, I was surprised that he had turned her down. He was the first bloke I'd ever met who didn't want to be with her. Ellen was the one girl that almost every guy in our school wanted.

As much as I had wanted Ashley, if I had the choice between her and Ellen, it would always be Ellen. I'd once had that conversation with Michael. Perhaps I hadn't loved Ashley as much as I thought I had. Obviously Ben really did because why else would he choose Ashley over Ellen? No one else in their right mind could make that decision.

"I just wish she could move on from Ben," Ashley continued. "I love Ben, but I keep wondering if we are doing the right thing."

"Ellen and Ben wouldn't have worked out," I told her.

"I think she has wanted him since the first year," she muttered.

"But she pushed the two of you together. From what I hear, she did her best to make sure that you two got together, so has no right to be upset with you," I said. "She'll find someone else. Maybe now she'll finally notice Michael."

"Highly doubtful," Ashley said with a laugh. "But I do hope she does meet someone else who makes her forget about Ben."

Oddly enough, it would be me she went to next. The two of us began talking to each other more after I went to talk to Ellen after my conversation with Ashley. After that, I found that she was coming to me more and more. She would vent to me about how she felt about Ashley and Ben. She was very angry with the two of them for it, and she didn't want them together, it didn't matter how much reassuring I gave her.

Shortly after we started talking, she wanted more than that and there was no way I was going to turn her down. Even though we didn't officially come out as a couple, it was only each other that we saw. The same could be said for Ashley. I did not sleep with any other girl while I had been with her. With Ellen however, she believed me to be a secret boyfriend and I was more than happy to go along with it.

It wasn't only because of Stan that we kept it a secret, but because she didn't want the whole school knowing yet. People around Hogwarts could twist things around. I for one didn't care. I liked the idea of a secret girlfriend. It felt like there was less pressure. I knew Stan would kill me as well. I found it funny that Ellen had made her way through Hank, then Stan and then me. She had never slept with Hank, but he had still been a significant part of her past.

She was the first person outside of Stan and Hank that I would admit to being in love with Ashley to. She just stared at me in shock after we had spent some time in the prefects bathroom. Our friends were good to us. We weren't supposed to know the password into it, but Ben had told people anyway. He didn't see the harm in it as long as we promised to never tell anyone. He had even made us put it down in writing. He'd told us that he had done a spell similar to what Hermione Granger had done years ago to it. If someone told, he would know. I kind of thought he was bluffing, but I knew no one would risk the chance. No one wanted something written on their faces in acne.

"You too?" She asked me. "What is it about her that makes so many blokes want her? She isn't that beautiful."

"It's not about that," I answered. "Why are you best friends with her?"

"Everyone knows that looks are a part of it," Ellen responded. "You, Ben, Ted, Hank, Joey, and a bunch of others want her. Of course it had to be Ben she was with."

"You need to move on from Ben," I said. "Besides, you were the one to push them together. They would not be together right now if you hadn't done anything about it. If you feel betrayed so much by them, why did you help them?"

"I wanted Ashley to be happy," Ellen said.

"And now she is, so you can't complain," I answered.

"But it's me that is meant to be with Ben. I knew he wanted her as well. I knew they just needed to get it out of their system. They're going to realize that they aren't meant to be together. Ben is going to realize that it's me he wants. It's just taking some time for him to realize it. And hey, I guess if Denver doesn't want her back then you can always go for her. You did love her at one time," Ellen told me.

"You're supposed to be with me right now," I told her.

"We won't last long," Ellen said confidently. "This is just fun right now. You and I can have our fling and then Ben can realize how much he likes me. You can wait for Ashley with open arms."

"Right," I said with annoyance. "You know what Ellen; I don't think this is going to work out after all."

I walked off with annoyance. As hot as she was, I didn't want to deal with all that drama. I didn't want to see Ashley get hurt. As much as sometimes I thought it would be great to maybe have Ashley as a girlfriend, it wasn't meant to be. Ellen would be better off as soon as she realized that she was better off without Ben.

I couldn't understand what it was about Hoofer anyway. Why did so many girls want him? There was one girl, Tara who was actually willing to drug him with a love potion. It was ridiculous. In the past I didn't mind helping girls make blokes jealous, but I was not about to do anything that could hurt Ashley.

I kept my distance from Ellen for about a week, but she came back to me pleading for me to forgive her.

"Please, I'll stop with the Ben and Ashley talk," she told me.

So I took her back, and she kept the promise for a while longer but we got very close to the beginning of our OWLs, and she went back to her old ways again. So I dumped her again only for her to come back again after we finished our last OWL exam.

"This is the last time," I told her. "You're lucky. I don't often give girls this many chances. You have to stop with the Ashley and Ben nonsense."

"I promise I won't bring them up again," she told me.

Little did I know she would keep it up, but behind my back. I knew that she got in a huge fight with Ben and Ashley. She didn't go into detail about it because she knew I didn't want to hear about it. However, even though she was my girlfriend, she was still trying to get Ben to go back out with her, just as she had done with Stan. I didn't find out until later in the summer when Michael wrote to tell me all about.

I don't think they'll ever talk again. It's odd being the only one everyone isn't upset with. Remember this time last year everyone was angry with me because of the first year incident? Now they are all writing to me for advice. I seem to be the one holding them together, even Ashley and Ben at first.

The year before was when Michael had finally had his wakeup call about his alcohol intake. He'd pressured first years into drinking. I hadn't been there for that, but I'd heard about. Everyone in the common room had gone nuts on him, and he had stopped speaking to all of us, including me even though I'd been with Jolene in the Room of Requirement when it had all happened. After that Ashley, Ellen and Ben had told Michael off for the last time and he finally got the hint. Anne had also dumped him for good. He'd spent the year being very careful. A few times he had slipped up but it was an improvement. He was a different boy from the year before.

I honestly believed it was also because he no longer lived at home. He had finally run away from home, and he was now living with the Hoofers part time, and at Ashley's part time. Both their parents had taken up responsibility for him, so he took it in turns when it came to living with them. I for one was glad that he was no longer at his parents. I think leaving them for good was what really changed him.

So since he was staying at both Ashley's and Ben's he was able to get all the nitty gritty details. Of course he thought he was just sharing with me information about what was happening with our friends. He had no idea that he was actually giving me information that I needed to know. I knew he'd be furious if he knew I was dating Ellen.

I was so angry after he told me everything that she was doing. She wasn't worth staying with, and I didn't know how any bloke could put up with it. She was just using me like she had used Stan until she could get with Ben. It didn't matter to her that he just simply did not want to be with her. She could not take no for an answer.

So one afternoon I told her to meet me at The Leaky Cauldron, and I boarded the Knight Bus to visit her. Sometimes we went to there to rent a room and shag. As ashamed as I am to admit, that's exactly what I did. I'd done the pump and dump before with other girls, but I never thought it would be with someone like Ellen. After a good shag, I waited until we were leaving the room before I turned to her.

"Ellen, we can't do this anymore," I told her.

"What do you mean?" She asked me. "We can go back to my place sometimes if you want. My mum and Timmy aren't always home. So if you hate The Leaky-"

"No, I mean this," I stated. "I don't want to be with you anymore. Michael told me what happened between you, Ben and Ashley. You're doing to me what you did with Stan. You're hopeless. You're never going to move on."

Ellen stared at me in shock. "So you brought me here so you could dump me after a shag? Why couldn't you have just broken up with me?"

I didn't really have an answer to that. I had wanted one last shag with her so I gave one small shrug. Angrily she whipped a hand back and smacked me hard. For a small girl she had a lot of strength. I knew I deserved that slap, so I couldn't get upset with her for it. However, in a way I thought it was pay back for what she did to me. I could honestly see her as long term, and it bothered me that she could not let go of Ben. It didn't matter how many chances I gave her, she wouldn't give up on Ben.

I watched as she walked away angrily. I could hear her sobbing as she went. I did feel some guilt for it, but I didn't care. Perhaps this would be her wakeup call.

It wasn't until late that summer that I finally revealed to Hank and Stan what had happened between Ellen and me. I almost expected a punch from Stan, but he didn't get upset.

"I've been over her for a while," Stan told me. "I don't care anymore, but mate you should have known you couldn't do anything about her obsession with Ben. You're right; she is hopeless when it came to him."

"You didn't like her that much did you?" Hank asked me.

"Not really, she was fun to be around. It was kind of another Jolene situation. I was never in love with Jolene, and I was never in love with Ellen. I could have been if she would have forgotten about Ben, but she just couldn't do it," I answered. "She wanted to do all of that at Ashley's expense. I'm sure Ellen will hate me once we get back to school."

"She'll get over it," Stan said somewhat bitterly. "She'll find some other poor bloke to use. I don't get why she can't just see that Ben doesn't want her."

"From what Michael had said, Ellen told her that she had just been waiting for Ben to come to his senses. When I broke up with her last term for the first time she told me before then that I could take Ashley back since I had been in love with her. She thinks that Ben and Ashley just need to get this out of their system."

"Forget about her mate," Hank said. "She's fine to have for a friend, but I regret dating her and I was twelve."

"Same here," Stan added. "We had a good time, but I regret all the time I wasted on her."

I laughed. "Never thought all of three of us would end up with the same girl at one point, unless maybe it was one of the twins."

Ellen seemed to get over me quickly enough. In fact once term started, we could see that she had already made her move on Keith, which was unfortunate. No one had said anything about it before, but he had been as much in love with her that Michael was. I knew that she'd been bad mouthing all of us to Keith and Dan on the train. After that, she and Keith seemed to be inseparable. Was he so blindly in love with her that he could look past her obsession with Ben?

During our first week at school, I finally revealed to Michael, Ben and Ashley that Ellen and I had been together. Although I made it sound as casual as possible. There was no need in going into too many details about it. So I gave it to them briefly. At that point, I still didn't care about her feelings on the matter. I was still annoyed with her.

It came out when Halfern of all people had to win the Felix Felicis in Potions. I was an okay Potions brewer, and I knew I likely wouldn't win but I didn't want him to win. I started to vent about it as soon as we left the classroom.

"Of course it had to be that guy," I said. "Of all the bloody people to win it, it had to be him."

"He is one of the best in our year," Ashley said.

"What would you have used it for?" Michael asked me. "To get with more girls?"

"I don't need a luck potion for that. There hasn't been one girl I really wanted who I couldn't get," I replied.

I wasn't actually sure what I would use it for.

"Not Ellen," Michael said.

"I've been with Ellen, more than once," I responded.

Michael stopped in the corridor but he wasn't the only one. Ashley and Ben did as well. We'd been walking with Melanie, (who we'd finally made up with the year before) Sarah, Hank and Stan but they walked on so did others. People had to push their way around us. Michael stared at me with what I thought was close to hatred and maybe betrayal as well.

"When did that happen?" Ashley demanded.

"No need to be jealous, you know if you weren't with Ben-" I began jokingly but she interrupted.

"Of course I'm not jealous. I'm just surprised; I mean she never told me. But then again, she hasn't confided in me about much in a long time."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Michael yelled. "You know how long I've wanted to get with her."

"The first time was shortly after Jolene had dumped me. She'd come to me because she was upset still about Ashley and Ben. After that, she came to me often. Your little Ellen has slept with a lot of different people, you just don't know it. She even came over to my place quite a few times in the summer," I answered.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" Michael shouted.

"Why would I?" I asked. "I knew you'd react this way. Calm down mate," and I looked at Ben who looked annoyed. I felt annoyed too. If he had wanted her but he'd rejected her, I was going to tell him off. It didn't seem right for him to put her through that. She was so obsessed with him, and he knew it. "Don't tell me you're jealous too. You had your chance with her."

Ben made a face. "Of course not! Look I might not be happy with her at the moment but I hate the road she's been going down lately. She failed most of her OWLs, she is sleeping around, and she is treating us all like crap. I've been friends with her for five years. I don't like what has been going on with her lately. I hope she has a turn around soon."

"So who haven't you slept with in our year?" Ashley asked me as we started walking again. "I mean seriously, have you been with every Hufflepuff girl?"

"Nope, I haven't been with Anne, Erica or Sarah and I doubt they would have me," I said. "I will never sleep with Tara or Maisie. There are plenty of others I haven't that I would like to though."

Ben shook his head but he was smiling. "Jared are you trying to break a record before you leave Hogwarts?"

"Nope, but I want sex without commitment and there are plenty of girls who are willing. Someday I'll have to settle down and I'll probably want to. Why not enjoy myself before then? I'm still young. I'm not someone who is practically married at seventeen and I don't plan to be," I replied. "If you were single I'm sure you'd do the same thing. I know you did before you got with Ashley."

"I just don't get what is so wrong with me," Michael complained. "Most girls think I am handsome. I know they do, so why can't Ellen see that?"

"You're like a brother to her," Ashley said. "It's nothing about you. Besides, I think it's time you get over her and Anne. She needs to get over Ben, and you need to get over her. If you'd be willing to give them a chance, I know of plenty of girls who'd be interested. Nicole Letson from Gryffindor for one, and she is a very nice girl. She's always asking me about you. Why don't you ask her to Hogsmeade or if Slughorn has a party, ask her to that."

"Really?" Michael asked interested. "Nicole? I might just do that."

"Good, now let's get going, I'm hungry," Ashley said.

I thought about Ashley's words. She was right, we all needed to move on. As much as I denied it to the others, I still felt a little love for her, and if Ellen and Ben had found each other, I would have gone to Ashley with open arms. This time I would have confessed my love for her. The thing was that Ben loved Ashley, and she loved him. I needed to move on as much as Michael and Ellen needed to move on. I planned on doing so that year.

Shortly after that Ashley wanted to plan a huge party for Ben's seventeenth. She'd told us about it on the train, but she worked harder on it even more after that. She had included me, Hank and Stan as well as Michael. She wanted all of the sixth years there which surprised me. Not everyone liked Ben, but she was Ashley after all. She didn't want anyone, including Xavier, Don and Maisie left out.

We disagreed with this, but we all liked her and Ben enough that we were willing to help out. However, the party turned out really well.

"Amazing party," I said to Ashley as I found her surprisingly alone. She'd been making her rounds before, or else she'd been with Ben or Ellen. She and Ellen had made up earlier that day.

We'd planned it right by the lake. It had every single sixth year there, as well as people Ben was friends with in other years. I was surprised to see that even Ellen's little brother and his friends had been invited as well. Ashley had told me that Timmy had always looked up to Ben, and she didn't want him to be the only first year there. All in all it turned out to be a good turn out, and managed to do well with our fireworks. I had a feeling that the lake parties would be a trend and I couldn't help but feel envious of Ben. For my seventeenth, we had just gotten drunk in the common room.

"And you thought it would be a bad idea to invite all the sixth years," she said to me. "You were wrong."

"I can admit to that," I said as I looked around.

She was right of course. Everyone including Don, Xavier and Maisie were on their best behaviours. It was a great night for all of us. She told me as we walked around how she had helped out yet another first year girl. I smiled at her feeling amused.


	5. Madison

Madison

Madison

Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? I shouldn't even be here. I should be starting secondary school instead of being here. To me, finding out that I was a witch was a dream come true, and surprisingly enough, my parents were on board with it. They had some questions of course, but they'd sent me with no hesitation at all. All summer I'd spent it being excited about coming to a new school, but as I stood in front of the entire school in a giant castle, I was regretting the decision.

"Henderson, Madison," a woman called out.

My legs shook as I made my way over to the 'Sorting Hat.' It was a witches hat that sat on kids head and called out what house they belonged in. That house would be where we would live for the next seven years. The very thought of this scared me, and I wished that I could go home everyday after class instead of living with complete strangers instead.

I climbed up on the stool, and the woman put the hat on my head.

Hmm very shy I see. I see you'd really like to make some new friends. You're a very hard worker and quite loyal to those you love. The only house I think will suit you is

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

I kept my head down as I hopped off the stool. I knew where the Hufflepuff table was since I'd seen other people be sorted there before me. I immediately sat down and didn't bother to look at the students around me. I was still shaking. I wanted to write to my parents and tell them that I wanted to go home. However, they were so proud of me and I didn't want to let them down. So I was going to have to stay.

I glanced up momentarily to see the remaining students standing before I looked around at the people around me. Would these people be my new friends? I only had one friend named Denise back at home, and we only hung out sometimes. At times my quietness could be too much for her to handle. It wasn't that she was unkind, it was the opposite, it was just that she was very outgoing and she needed to talk to people who were also outgoing. I was going to miss her even if we hadn't hung out everyday. Denise had promised me that she'd help me in Secondary school. Part of me felt I was going her a favour by going to Hogwarts. She wouldn't have to look out for me.

I watched as the final student was sorted into Gryffindor, and then a tall somewhat old woman (I'd say late fifties) stood up and began giving some annoucements. I only listened to some of them. It was mainly welcoming us First years to the school and something about 'Witich' (I think she said that) try-outs and who the new Head Boy and Girl were. She told us to 'tuck in' and then suddenly food appeared on the gold plates in front of us.

Given my anxiety, I hadn't taken in much detail of the Great Hall before. Now as everyone began filling their plates with food, I looked around more. The Great Hall was lit with hundreds of flickering candles floating above us. As I gazed up, I noticed that I could see eons into space. I didn't think that we were actually missing the roof of the building. It must have been some kind of magic involved. It was the same magic that let candles float above us, a hat sort us and to have food appear on our plates. It really was brilliant and while I was glad that I could have this opportunity, all I wanted to do was go home. I felt so homesick being away from my parents and being with strangers instead.

I gazed down the table at the older students. Most were all talking among themselves. I could hear conversations about their summers. One really pretty girl with long brown hair was gazing straight at me. The moment our eyes locked, I looked away quickly. I wondered why an older girl would be looking at me. Maybe she just wanted to check out the new first years in her house. I glanced over at her again, and I saw that she was still staring at me. Blushing, I looked down at my plate.

Around me, the first years were introducing themselves. I didn't say a word at all that night. Any time I thought about saying something, I felt too nervous and I was worried I would say something stupid. So I kept my mouth shut except to eat of course. Once and a while I would glance down at the older girl, and she would look at me. Why was she staring so much? Why me out of all the first years that were sitting there?

I was relieved at the end of the night when the prefects came to lead us to our new home for the next seven years. I was tired, but I also wanted to get away from the older girl who wouldn't stop looking at me, and the rest of the people in my own year who all seemed so happy and chatty.

I buried my face in my pillow and began to cry, but this wasn't unusual for me. It was almost an every day occurrence for me to cry everyday. I hated Hogwarts. Well, not all of it. I loved being able to do magic of course. I couldn't wait until I got to the level that some of my teachers were at. It was the people I hated. The kids in my own house hated me and I didn't know why. I just kept to myself and did my school work, but they were usually mean to me. One girl in particular, Gracie was the meanest out of all of them.

I'd been at Hogwarts for two weeks, and I hadn't made any new friends. In fact, they seemed to be against me. For most people, they were happy because September the first had been on a Friday. We had a weekend before we started class, but I hadn't been too happy about it because it meant that it would be harder to meet people. I felt that it would have been easier to make friends with someone I sat with in class. I wasn't the type to walk up to people and introduce myself. So the first two days had been very lonely for me, and this seemed to make me a target for Gracie and the other first year girls in my house and year. The boys didn't really bug me too much, but they didn't seem to like me either. After that first weekend there, I didn't make any friends at all because people had already made their friends by Monday.

What was so wrong with me that people couldn't like me? I was just very shy and I couldn't help it. I'd do anything to be outgoing like Gracie or even Denise back at home, but it just wasn't easy for me. I shouldn't have people hate me because of that. It wasn't right to hate someone for something they couldn't help.

As I thought about the last two weeks of my loneliness and the teasing, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was so shocked that I jumped up and out of my bed. I didn't know I could move that fast but I suppose fear gives you that much adrenaline. On the other side of my bed was the older girl who had been staring at me in the Great Hall. In fact, she had been staring at me a lot. The two of us stared at each other without speaking and then she finally smiled.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to startle you like that," and she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tissue. She held it out to me over the bed for me to take. "Wipe off your face."

"What do you want?" I asked her in a shaky voice without taking the tissue.

"My name is June. I am in the fourth year. I couldn't help but notice how lonely you were," she said. "I noticed at the first feast that you seemed as if you might be shy. I'm sorry if I freaked you out. I've wanted to talk to you for two weeks, but I didn't know how to do it without scaring you... and well obviously I didn't do a very good job."

She was still holding out the tissue. Slowly, I reached out and took it from her. I began wiping my face and then I looked over at her. She was still smiling at me.

"Why did you want to talk to me?" I asked nervously. Why would this older care if I am shy or not? Why did I stand out to her?

"Because I have been in your shoes. Well, at times I can still be in your shoes. I'm shy too and when I was in my first year, I was as shy as you... actually, I think you are probably more shy than even I was. I was lucky enough to meet my best friend Timmy on the train. His older sister's friend Ashley introduced herself to me because was formerly shy and she wanted to help me. She helped out another girl who is my other best friend. Her name is Alana, and she is in the sixth year. She and Ashley helped me out so much, and I've always wanted to do the same for another girl," June explained. "And I just couldn't take seeing you so lonely anymore. I saw that stupid girl being mean to you, and when I saw you run down here crying, I had to follow. I really didn't mean to scare you. I know it might seem odd to you, but you can trust me."

"You probably won't like me either," I said feeling sad. "No one ever likes me because I am too quiet."

"I'm the same way Madison... that is your name isn't it? I heard that girl call you that. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but in my first year a lot of the time I stayed quiet. Unfortunately for me, one of my friends Tracy used to be mean to me. I'm sure you understand that when someone is mean to you, you shut down even more. You don't have to talk to me, but I hope you will. No one should ever feel lonely or sad, especially when their parents are so far away," she said.

"But why would you want to talk to me?" I asked her. "I'm a first year. Older people don't like talking to younger kids."

"Remember when I told you about Ashley?" June asked and I nodded. "She was in the sixth year when she became my friend. Alana is two years older. Even now Ashley is pregnant and she's married and she is still my friend. She is twenty now. Sometimes you can find friends who aren't the same age, and I would very much like to be your friend. Actually, Alana, Ashley and me all call ourselves sisters. We look out for each other and we have our shyness in common. Ashley is the oldest sister and she is one who started the group. Right now you might not see me as a sister, but maybe someday you will."

Part of me wondered if this was a prank, but as I stared at June and I could see her smile was sincere. I blew my nose with the tissue and then I dropped it into the nearby trash bin which vanished it instantly.

"I would like that," I finally said and I really would.

If this turned out to be a prank, I'd had worse so far. All that would happen was I'd just be lonely, and I already was. So even though this older girl could be pranking the naive little shy girl, I was going to take her up on her offer. I was so desperate for a friend that I was willing to take that risk.

"Good. Why don't you come up to the common room with me? You can meet my friends. Alana is there too. I know that might seem scary because they're all older, but I promise they are very friendly and they'll be nice to you," June said to me. "You don't have too if you're too nervous. We can hang out down here and get to know each other, but I really would like you to meet at least Alana."

I sighed. Meeting a group of big people was very scary. It was worse than meeting people my own age, and what if this was a prank? At the same time though, I was curious. I really didn't know what to do. I couldn't hide out in my dorm forever.

"I'll meet them," I finally said. "But I'll probably be quiet around them."

"That's okay. They'll understand," June said. "I think this is a very big step for you Madison. I was always so jumpy around the older kids and you are going to meet eight of them."

She moved around the bed and held her hand out to me. If it's a prank, I was going to stay in my dorm forever. If it wasn't, maybe I would meet new friends even if they were bigger. I felt shaky as I took her hand. She looked so sincere. She couldn't be pranking me, she just couldn't be. No one as pretty and sincere looking could actually be setting me up. She wasn't like Gracie or some of the kids in my old school. She wanted to be my big sister.

"So are you muggleborn too?" June asked as she led me out of the dorm. "I am. I don't have any siblings. Alana is an only child too. Ashley is the only one of us so far who has a real sister. So it's nice to meet new sisters and I've actually always wanted a real sister, especially a little one."

"I'm an only child," I said. "Mum and dad could never have another kid for some reason. They were happy when I came though."

"My parents were happy too," June said. "We have squibs in our family... those are people who are born from magical people but have to powers. Kind of the opposite of muggleborns. The magic finally came out of me. So my parents embraced my powers. I'm doing quite well too. I am almost top of the year. It's always Timmy and me competing for it."

"I hope I get good in magic," I said. "Sometimes I can do spells but it takes a while."

"That's normal," June said.

I felt very shaky as she pushed open the barrel top door to the common room. This was where the older kids would make a fool out of me. June kept a tight grip on my hand and she led me past where Gracie and the other first year girls were. They all stared as we walked by. She led me straight over to a corner of the common room where the older students usually sat. It was apparently their corner. Kids under the fourth year weren't allowed to sit there apparently. So likely I wouldn't be welcome.

June sat down and pulled me down beside her on a couch.

"This is Madison," she said to her friends who were all looking at me. I wanted to disappear. I hated when people looked at me. "She is going to hang out with us."

"Hi Madison!" Several of them said in friendly voices.

I almost wanted to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming. Not even a half hour ago I'd been crying from loneliness and now this group of big kids were accepting me. Later I would find out that she'd talked to her friends about me hanging out with them until I made new friends. Little did they or I knew, I'd end up becoming a permanent member of the group. At the moment, I just felt as if it were too good to be true.

June began introducing everyone to me.

"And finally Alana, I told you about her," she said after naming everyone.

"It's nice to meet a new sister," Alana said to me. "We've been looking for someone else, and you fit in perfectly. Wait until you meet Ashley."

I didn't know if I did fit in. Both girls had brown hair and brown eyes while I had ginger hair and blue eyes.

"Hey, I am an honourary sister," the girl June had introduced as Tracy spoke up. "I'm not shy, but even Ashley said I am."

"Yes Tracy, you're an honourary sister," Alana said and she rolled her eyes. I couldn't help but smile at that. I had a feeling they told her that just to make her happy. If she wasn't shy, she wasn't a true sister though. I knew that even then.

What I did wonder was how they were the ones who were allowed this corner. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement that the older kids get the corners of Hufflepuff basement, but why was this group of fourth and sixth years allowed this corner. They were different years after all. Wouldn't it just be a corner per year? Was it because of Alana and June? As shy as I was, I couldn't help but ask this. I hoped it wasn't a stupid question. I'd managed to ask it even though I felt as if I wanted to sink into the couch and disappear forever. I hated how they were all staring at me, even if they all looked friendly.

"We hung out with the group that used to sit here," Alana answered. "And one of them was Timmy's older sister."

"It was really all down to Ashley though," Timmy said. "Ellen would never have let us hang out with her. She told me that many times. And Ashley even announced it at the end of the year that this corner was now ours. She said it was her final command as Head Girl. I think she knew that she couldn't really enforce that, but people seem to respect it anyway. They've left this corner to us. Some people don't really care where they sit. The seventh years this year have claimed that corner-" and he pointed to the corner across from us where a group of older kids were all sitting. "And the fifth years claimed that one, and the last one seems to just be open for whoever sits there but it's usually the other sixth years or the other fourth years. Maybe they even take it in turns since we sit here."

"Normally it's just fourth years and older who get the corners," Tracy said. "But since we knew Ashley's group, we were allowed to last year when we were third years. You're the first first year in years likely who will be allowed to sit here whenever. When you're in your fifth year when we're all gone, you'll automatically get this corner for you and your friends. It will basically be an unspoken agreement."

If I make any friends outside of you lot. I thought to myself. That idea actually did sound good to me though. What if I never made any friends? Did that mean I would get the whole corner to myself? Would that unspoken agreement still apply? I wanted to ask, but before I could, someone cleared their voice. I glanced over towards the sound to see that Gracie and the four other first year girls had come over.

Instantly I stiffened up. They all looked very angry and I wasn't sure the exact reason, but I was sure it was because either I was with the older students, I was sitting in the corner, or they were worried that maybe I'd ratted them out. Alana and Rory were prefects after all. Perhaps they even thought that I'd talked to June before today.

"What's going on here?" Gracie asked. "I thought first years didn't get to sit in the corners. I thought they were reserved for the older students. I think it's stupid that the corners are reserved as it, but since they are, why is Madison over here and we aren't? It's not fair."

"Madison is our friend," Alana said. "You're not. Younger students can sit here if they are invited, and we invited her."

"You however aren't invited," Derek said. "So I suggest you leave."

"Madison is nothing but a loser," Gracie said. "Why would you want her instead of us?" She waved a hand at the girls surrounding her. "She never talks. We're actually more fun."

"Doesn't sound like it to me," Tracy said. "I heard you making fun of her earlier. If that's you're idea of fun, then you have a lot to learn. Take it from me, I know from experience."

"Why because you used to be a loser too?" Gracie asked.

"Exactly," Tracy said without hesitation. "I used to be exactly like you. I used to make people feel bad about themselves all the time. I used to do it to June all the time. I am lucky she still wants to be my friend after all that. In fact, I made fun of her for the same reason you lot do to young Madison here. Now seeing it from another perspective, I can finally see how people felt about me when I did it. You won't go far in life if you're going to pick on innocent people like Madison."

"Madison is a loser," a girl named Katrina said. "I bet she was before coming here, and she is now. She has to hang out with older students in order to have friends."

"Exactly," another girl by the name of Trang spoke up. "She is a big loser. She can't even talk. Have fun talking to a mute."

"A mute with no tongue," Tasheka added flipping her cornrows back.

"A ginger mute who can't make friends her own age. You're only talking to her because you feel sorry for her. We were listening on the extendibles," Gracie said. "You have some stupid loser shy girl outreach program. So that means the rest of you are losers too."

"Yes that's what it must mean," Timmy said dryly. "I don't blame Madison for not talking to you lot. You're just a nasty bunch of little girls. I feel ashamed that you lot were sorted into Hufflepuff with us. True Hufflepuff's would never treat someone the way you have treated her."

Only one girl that was part of the group by the name of Nadia had kept quiet. At times I wondered if she wanted to be involved with the teasing. I didn't think she did. She was staring at me, but not as hatefully as the others. I felt she was almost as bad as them even if she hadn't been teasing me. She could have stood up for me at any time. She was as outgoing as Gracie was but she had never said a mean word about me, but if she was outgoing, I was sure she was confident. So why didn't she have the confidence to stand up for me? She actually looked guilty as our eyes locked, and then she looked down at the ground.

"The hat thought I could be Gryffindor," Gracie said.

"Gryffindor's wouldn't treat each other that way either," Sally-Anne said. "In fact, no one in this school would. Teasing isn't a house trait."

"Now go away," Colin said. "We don't want you over here. Madison is our friend, we aren't. If you want to sit in one of these corners find someone else to hang out with. We don't want you here, but I have my doubts that anyone else will let you. They won't want to hang out with a bunch of immature first years."

"Still can't speak up for yourself Madison?" Gracie asked me. "Are you going to go run to our dorms and cry again. I hate the fact that we even have to share a dorm with you for the next seven years."

"I'm sure she feels the same exact way," Jerry said. "I'm sure she is wishing right now that she didn't ever have to talk to you lot again."

"Just go away already," June said with annoyance. "Leave her alone. It's really sad that you think you're so cool just because you pick on people. I can't stand girls like you."

"We want to hear Madison say it," Gracie said. "I am sure she has a voice even if we've never heard her talk."

"If you were listening with your extendibles then you heard her talk," Tracy said.

Whenever people made fun of me, I froze up. However, I just wanted them to go away and I was worried that my new friends would get fed up with me because of these girls. If they were sincere about being my friends, I didn't want to lose them just because I couldn't speak up. They had all stuck up for me so far, but I was such a coward that I couldn't speak up. It wasn't right at all.

So while I was shaking in the spot, I took a deep breath and looked right at Gracie.

"Go away," I said.

"Ooh she does have a voice!" Katrina said. "And here we thought you were mute Madison."

"Let's just go Gracie," Nadia said. "I am bored with this."

And she turned quickly and walked back over to where they were sitting before. The other girls hesitated before they turned and followed. Gracie remained behind to give me a dirty look, but then she turned and followed her friends.

"Goodness," Tracy said. "How did you lot put up with me for so long?"

"Because we always knew deep down you weren't that bad," June said. "You still have your moments, but when you stand up for girls like Madison, we see the real Tracy and it's why we still want to be your friends."

Tracy looked at me.

"I used to be like that girl. I think I was probably worse than her. I was so mouthy all the time. Actually, I still can be by accident and my friends have to remind me. It's taking some time, but I really am trying not to be like those girls," Tracy told me. "Don't waste your time worrying about them. They aren't worth it."

It was easy enough for her to say all that, but she didn't have to share a dorm with five other girls who hated her for no reason. Maybe she used to be like those girls, but it was obvious she had friends who supported her now. Even if I did become good friends with these people (and I didn't know how it was possible since I was just eleven) I still had to spend most of my time with them. I shared a dorm and I had classes with them. And it was as Tracy said, they wouldn't always be there. Eventually I would end up alone again.

"It means something when you're trying," Alana told Tracy and then she looked at me. "There is an extra bed in the sixth year girls dormitory. If you ever feel the need to sleep there, you're welcome to. One of the girls in my year dropped out after she took her OWLs last year. If those girls get to be too much, just start sleeping in our dorm. No one will kick you out."

"Not even Tina?" Derek asked her.

"Tina knows not to interfere," Alana said before she looked at me. "Tina is my Gracie. We've had some words though, and she never bothers me anymore. She won't pick on a first year girl either. In fact, we can move you in there later today if you'd like."

"Is that allowed?" I asked feeling shy.

Alana shrugged. "Who is going to complain? If they do then I'll just explain the situation to Professor Sinistra. Somehow I doubt they will though."

"But what about when you lot leave?" June asked. "Eventually Madison will have to sleep in that dorm again."

"We'll worry about that when the time comes," Alana said. "By that point she'll be a third year and things might be different," and she looked at me again. "It's really up to you though. Just remember that bed is there."

It was very tempting, but at the same time I wondered if that would make things worse. What if the girls thought it was even funnier that I had to sleep in the sixth year dorms? So I said:

"I'll think about it."

If things got to be too bad, perhaps I would start sleeping in her dormitory, but for the moment I would stay in my own. June had a point that I would have to go back to my original dormitory anyway.

"Good," Alana said. "So tell us more about yourself. We'd really like to get to know you."

I smiled at her. I was still feeling quite nervous, but their friendliness was helping me a lot. I knew now for sure they liked me and this wasn't a prank. They'd stood up for me when the girls had come over to be mean to me. Alana had offered me a bed in her dormitory. Part of it was because they probably felt sorry for me, but I believed June and Alana when they said that they had a sister group. I was curious about this mysterious Ashley person as well. I hoped I'd get the opportunity to meet her someday.

Things improved a lot for me after that day for the most part. The other girls were still very mean to me but I had people to sit with when I wasn't in class. They were even nice enough to help me with my magic and my school work at times as well. I wasn't sure why I was so lucky to meet a group of older kids to hang out with, but I appreciated it a lot. Usually big kids didn't take notice of first years unless it was to pick on them a little.

At first I wasn't sure about sitting with them after that first day. I knew that they were going to mean to me, but I was paranoid that they didn't actually want to hang out. What if they had just been friendly that one day, but it would be annoying for me to join them all the time after that? Why would people between the ages of fourteen to seventeen want to hang out with an eleven year old?

The next day was a Saturday and I woke up earlier than the other girls. I had started to on weekends so that I could eat breakfast in peace. Usually everyone sat together by year and I felt I had no choice as well. It wasn't so bad during the week, but it was the worse on weekends. I'd taken to exploring the castle on weekends. Last Saturday Peeves the Poltergiest had gotten me lost. I knew now not to trust him.

So that morning, I spent it looking around for corridors I hadn't been down yet. I knew that chances are a castle like this had secret passages and I wanted to find them all. Maybe I'd find a spot to hide when I got to be too lonely in the common room. I'd heard from some of the older students that there were doors pretending to solid walls. All you had to do was feel for them, and apparently there was one not far off from the Great Hall. So that's the one I went looking for that day.

I ended up missing lunch because I was so much into my exploring, but it was fine with me. I didn't realise it until I glanced at my watch to check the time. I was shocked to see that it was already two in the afternoon. It explained why I was so tired and hungry. It was so easy to pass the time in the castle. It wasn't the first time I'd done it and it likely wouldn't be the last.

I went back to the common room and down to my dorms to grab my bag. I checked it over to make sure that it hadn't been tampered with first. The girls hadn't done anything to it or my other things yet, but I did worry they eventually would. After I checked over my bag, I hurried back up to the common room and chose a spot in the middle of the room. As I began taking my things out of my bag, I heard someone call my name. I looked up to see the boy named Timmy not standing too far from me.

"Come sit with us," he said and nodded over to the corner of the room. Not everyone who had been there the night before were sitting there. It was just four of them there.

I hesitated a moment before I gathered up my things and got up. June and Alana weren't there and I felt a little nervous about this. The others had been friendly with me of course, but they had wanted to talk to me because they said I'd be part of their sister group. What if the others didn't want me there? I was trying to remember each persons name as I walked over. The only girl that was there was Tracy, the one who apparently used to be mean. The others were Jerry and Colin I believed.

"You can always sit over here instead of by yourself," Timmy told me as I sat down in the middle of one of the couches. "Unless you want to be by yourself, but something tells me that you don't."

I nodded and pulled out the essay I had been about to work on. Maybe for now I could sit with them, but they would eventually feel that I was overstaying my welcome. I just didn't believe that they would want to always hang out with someone my age, especially someone my age.

"We'll never tell you to go away you know," Timmy continued. "June invited you over for a reason. She wants to keep that sister group going that she told you about, but it isn't just that. I honestly believe even if Ashley and Alana hadn't started that group with her, she'd still help you. June was so painfully shy in our first year. I think maybe you're worse, but it's hard to tell because you might just be intimidated by us since we're older.

All of them, Ashley, Alana and June had no friends before they started here. They were all terrified that they'd end of the same way here at Hogwarts. Their biggest fear was that they'd be so far away from home with no one friendly to talk to. Fortunately, that didn't happen with them. June sees herself in you though, and she is seeing her worst fear happening to you. I'm sure Alana sees the same thing. So she wants to help, and she wants to be your friend. I know you're worrying that we might not want you around. June was the same way at first, and it didn't help with Tracy here, but that wasn't the case with her and it isn't with you."

"I'm younger though," I said to him in a small voice.

"I have friends of all ages," Timmy answered. "I'm friends with my sister's friends and they are all nineteen and twenty. I talk to some of the second and third years too. Age doesn't matter with friendship. I learned that years ago when Ashley first started to invite me to her parties. We never used to be that close to Alana, Rory and Derek. We were all always friendly with each other but our groups were separate until Ellen and Ashley's group left. We wanted to share this spot, and we ended up forming one big group. Now we're all friends. At times Alana, Rory and Derek go off on their own, but we still all hang out most nights. Now you are part of this group, even if you a firstie. Not one person here resents your presence and they never will."

"We agreed to it anyway when June brought up it up," Tracy spoke up and Timmy shushed her.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it," Timmy said but Tracy rolled her eyes at him.

"What is the harm in telling her Timmy? It's not a bad thing. If we're friends, she should know the full truth from the beginning. What is there to hide?" Tracy said.

"I just don't want her to feel like we pitied her or that we feel obligated to talk to her or something," Timmy said to her before he looked at me. "June has wanted to talk to you of course. You know all about the sister group of course. I'm sure June also told you she'd planned to talk to you since our first night here. Last night before she went down to talk to you, she told us that she was inviting you to join our group to hang out with for now on, but she wanted to make sure we all agreed first. When Ashley started to talk to Alana and June, they always had groups of friends to go back to, but you don't. And that's what I was trying to keep from you. I don't want you to feel that we pity you or that we feel obligated to hang out with you because we don't. It's none of that at all. All of us, even if we are older would like to get to know you better and we'd like to be your friend. So I hope you don't feel self-conscious or that you're crashing our group when you're not."

I understood everything he was saying, and I'd even had my suspicions, but how could they know after one day if they wanted to be my friend? They still barely knew me and I was still anxious around them. Even if June or Alana had once been shy, they talked more than they did before. Besides, everyone knew that fourteen year olds and eleven year olds didn't have a lot in common. As young as I was, I knew they were at a different maturity in their lives than I was. I would be twelve in November, but it was still a big difference.

"How do you know if you will like being my friend?" I finally asked. "Maybe you want to be but maybe we won't like each other soon. How can you know after one day?"

"I knew the moment I met June and Jerry on the train I wanted them to be my friends," Timmy said. "I asked the hat for me to be sorted into Hufflepuff just so we could be friends. Sometimes you just know. Basically everyone here made their friends on the first day. And if I've stayed friends with Tracy after all the drama she put us through, I don't think I'll have problems being your friend."

"Even if I don't talk a lot?" I asked him skeptically. "I'm okay now cause there aren't a lot of you here, but I'm not always going to be able to talk you know."

"Even if you don't talk a lot," Timmy said.

"It took us forever to get June to talk to us," Tracy said, "and I was mean to her."

"Both June and Alana still go through times when they get really quiet. So did Ashley for that matter. We're used to it. There are worst traits than being shy Madison. Don't even feel ashamed of it," Jerry said to me. "I know you've met people who have made you feel that way, but there is no reason to. I'd much rather hang out with someone who barely talks than someone who is a bitch like that Gracie girl. I didn't even like Tracy until last year. I just accepted her as part of the group because the others insisted on having her there."

"Exactly," Tracy said. "Honey, if this lot put up with me for so long, they'll definitely put up with you... and there actually isn't anything to put up with. That was the wrong way to say that. Sorry, I still say things the wrong way. I just meant that they'll have no problem with a shy girl."

"We might not have a lot in common cause of our ages," I said.

"And we might have a lot in common," Timmy said shrugging. "I can see so much of you in June right now."

"And Alana," someone added and I looked up to see the boy they'd introduced to me as Derek had now joined us. "When we first befriended Alana, she kept asking us why we liked her and she'd tell us that we didn't have to talk to her if we didn't want to. June did that too at first, and it seems you're doing the same."

The older boy made me even more shy than the fourth years did. He was very handsome and the way he smiled at me made me feel funny. I knew he was too old for me of course, but I did notice cute boys quite a bit, even if they were too old for me. He seemed very intimidating to me. I reverted back to my usual self. I'd been doing fine with talking to the fourth years, but I felt too nervous to talk around Derek.

"Anyway," Derek said as he paced in front of the couch that I was on, "I just saw that our first Hogsmeade weekend is in October. It's around Halloween as usual. I don't know why Rory and Alana were making it seem like a big mystery. They probably already knew being prefects and all. I don't know what they're up to right now. They keep disappearing and I don't think it's for prefect duties. I don't know what they're up to."

"Yes, it's a real mystery," Tracy said sounding sarcastic.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Derek asked her looking annoyed.

"You're smart Derek, think about it for a moment. Everyone has always said they have a spark between them and they're disappearing more than usual," Tracy said with a shrug.

"They wouldn't date without telling me," Derek replied. "I'm their best friend."

"Unless they don't want anyone to know yet," Jerry said. "I agree with Tracy. It could have even happened over the summer. They seemed quite close at Ashley's wedding. Rory gets even more jealous when blokes hit on Alana than he used to."

"I've noticed that too," Timmy said. "I told Alana the other day that she was looking quite lavishing and he looked ready to hex me. I always compliment girls and it means nothing," and I jumped as he suddenly moved from the chair he'd been in and sat beside me. "For example, I think it's great that we have a ginger beauty in our group now," he said and he put an arm around me. I knew my face went red as my cheeks warmed up.

"I can't believe that they would keep it from me," Derek said and he flopped down on the other side of me. "Should I confront them?"

"No," I answered without thinking and I blushed even more.

"And why is that little Maddy?" Derek asked but in a friendlier tone than he'd used with the others.

It threw me off a little. Denise, my parents and my grandparents were the only people to ever call me Maddy. Everyone else called me Madison. I found when people called me Maddy it was a term of endearment.

"Because they're keeping it a secret for a reason if they are dating," I answered. "It's probably not to leave you out. Maybe they're worried because they were friends first, and they want to make sure it works out."

Of course I didn't know much about relationships, but I did read a lot of books and I watched a lot of telly. Usually when couples kept it a secret from their friends in my books or programmes it was because they wanted to make sure it worked out first. They didn't want to tell anyone just in case they broke up and telling people sometimes put pressure on the relationship.

"She has a point," Timmy said and he removed his arm from me which I was thankful for. I wasn't quite used to people touching me yet. It wasn't that I didn't like it, it was just a foreign feeling for me. Normally only my family touched me. It would take a while before I was at a good comfort level with this group. "I'd give it sometime before you say anything. Besides, we could all be wrong. We should be sure first that they're together before you say anything."

"Well no offense, but I hope they tell me before they tell you lot," Derek said. "They were my friends first. I kind of worry Alana will even tell June or Ashley before she tells me. They're her best girlfriends after all."

"So are we going to meet up in Hogsmeade then?" Tracy asked.

"Probably," Derek said. "Rory and me usually meet up with the other blokes in our year if we don't have dates. I'm not really sure. We could do what Michael and Ashley's mates used to do and all meet up at three."

"What's Hogmeade?" I asked.

"Unfortunately you won't be able to go until you're third year," Tracy said to me. "It's the village near the castle. It's only for third years and older."

I shrugged. I was used to being left out of things. I wasn't really worried about it. It was going to be awful to have to listen to them talk about it until they all went, and then afterwards they would talk about how fun it was. I remembered those situations back in primary school when kids went to birthday parties. I'd always felt so envious as I listened to them talk about how much fun they'd had. If I continued to hang out with this lot, I would hear a lot about it.

"I've never understood that rule," Derek said. "But you can reserve our corner while we aren't here. Make sure you keep the riffraff away from this spot and we'll bring you a lot of candy back from Honey Dukes. They have the best fudge there."

"Okay," I said without knowing what else to say.

I still couldn't help but wonder how this group was just accepting me. Timmy had explained it to me, and I understood for Alana and June, but why did the rest of these people like me? I hadn't done anything to make them like me, but I could tell that they did, or at least they wanted to like me. They were now offering to buy me candy, and they didn't have to do that.

As time went on, I knew I had made a group of friends. At first it was very hard for me to speak around them when they were there. I was fine when it was just a few of them, but the bigger the group, the harder it was. Most of the time it was just them, but other times they'd invite other people they were friendly with to hang out with us. I could never say anything when these new people joined us, even if they were very friendly with me.

Around Mid October, it started to get too much for me to be in my dormitory. They continued to make their snide comments, and I did my best to ignore it, but their hatred for me grew worse. Eventually, I did find that they were touching my stuff. I found an essay I'd worked very hard on ripped into shreds. They had done something to my message parchment so that I couldn't use it anymore. Now I couldn't write home to my parents right away. I could use the school owls to write home, but I liked how I got the messages right away. It was like instant messaging in the muggle world.

I tried to keep what was happening from my new friends, but one afternoon, I began to weep in right in front of them. I hadn't meant to. We were all sitting together and working on school work, and I was re-writing the essay they'd torn when I began thinking about it all. At first I was able to blink back my tears, but I went from just blinking to ugly crying.

"Madison!" June who was beside me said with shock. "What's wrong honey?"

She pulled me into her arms and I continued to cry. I couldn't tell her or the others what was wrong at first. It took at least five minutes before I could get a hold of myself. I'd been holding it all in since that day they'd befriended me. However, I was still quite stressed from what they were putting me through. Finally after I could get a hold of myself enough, I sobbed out what they had done.

"Now I can't write home right away to my mum and dad," I cried.

"I've had enough of this," Tracy said. "Not even I was that bad. I would never destroy someone's property."

And without another word, she got up and walked off. I wiped my tears away and watched her walk over to the other side of the common room where the first year girls were sitting. We couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, but I heard a lot of bad words coming out of her mouth as she shouted at them.

"Madison, let us help you move into the sixth year dorms," Alana said to me. "I am going to talk to Professor Sinistra about it today. I've already told her there is a chance you might because you're not comfortable with your dorm mates. She needs to know what they did. They'll be very angry that they'll get detentions, and they might be even more mean, but Rory and me will watch for it, and I'll be sure to talk to the other prefects as well. The teachers need to know this. Destroying property is a different matter all together. I've been worried about this. It's why I offered you that bed in the first place."

"But what about when you lot leave?" I asked her. "I can only stay in there for two years."

"Maybe we can add a bed to our dormitory," June said as she hugged me tightly. "I can't believe this. How can those girls be so cruel."

I glanced around at the rest of the group. They were all there, and every person sitting there looked angry. Tracy was still going off at the girls, but Gracie had jumped up and she was shouting back at her.

"This isn't going to end well," Sally-Anne said who was watching Tracy. "She's going to lose it on Gracie."

"She deserves the Tracy lash out," Alana said. "I hope she hits her."

"Good prefect," Rory said.

"And you'll give Tracy detention if she does?" Alana asked him sounding amused.

"You lot really shouldn't be fighting my battles," I spoke up. "I don't want her to get in detention because of me."

"Anyone of us will gladly go in detention for you Madison," Colin said. "You don't deserve that. I've never met girls that were that nasty before. It's so damn frustrating. Were the girls in your year that bad Alana?"

"No," Alana replied. "They made fun of me, but they didn't go too far. They respected some things. They destroyed her message parchment!"

"We'll get you a new one when we go to Hogsmeade," Timmy told me. "The Weasley's have a joke shop there."

"You'd better reserve one now then," Derek said. "They're on demand right now, especially ever since Ashley improved them. There might be a waiting list, especially with a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. We should just do an owl order."

"You don't have to," I said quickly. I didn't want them buying too much stuff for me.

"We're your friends, we want to help you," Alana told me. "Someday you'll be able to do favours back for us too. Let us do this for you," and she stood up. "I am going to go talk to Professor Sinistra."

I felt nervous as she walked off. Everyone knew that ratting someone out just led to more problems. The girls were going to hate me even more than before. Where would I sleep after Alana and her dorm mates left?

Moments later, Tracy stalked back over. Her face was red.

"I was never as foul mouthed as that little bitch. Please tell me I wasn't," Tracy said as she sat back down. "It took every ounce of my strength not to hit or hex her. She is horrible. Madison, you are so strong to be able to put up with that."

"No I am not," I said as I felt ready to cry again.

"Yes you are sweet heart," June said. "Crying isn't a sign of weakness. You kept it bottled up for so long. Remember, we're your friends. You need to tell us what is going on. We tell each other everything."

"Well maybe not everything," Derek spoke up and I saw him glare over at Rory. I knew he was meaning his secret relationship with Alana, if they had a secret one.

By that point, I was even wondering the same thing as the rest of them. I'd only been hanging out with them for close to a month, but I was starting to see some signs as well. Alana would always leave first, and then Rory would take off about five minutes later. They would be gone for a long time. When they had prefect duties together, they would leave at the same time.

"I should be able to stand up to them," I said.

"It's five against one, even if you don't think Nadia is in on it, she is still a coward for not speaking up," Sally-Anne said.

"Do you still have that essay they tore?" June asked me. "If you still have all the pieces, we can fix that."

I nodded and reached into my bag to pull out the ripped essay. I set up the torn pieces in a pile on the table. I watched as June tapped the pile of ripped parchment and all of it went back together as good as new.

"Reparo is a spell you'll be learning soon," June said as I stared in amazement. "I don't think it will work on the message parchment, but we can try. We might not have to buy you a new one after all."

"How do I do that?" I asked her.

"It wouldn't hurt to teach you some spells," June said. "It's quite easy though. I'll show you. Let's just try to fix your parchment first, and then I'll show you the wand movements. You'll be able to get ahead of your classmates if we do this. Ashley used to do what she could to help Alana and me with OWLs. Now this lot is helping us prepare for next year. We'll start with you as well. I don't know why I didn't think of that before. Where is your parchment?"

I pulled it out of my bag and showed it to her. I didn't think she could repair it. They'd done a number on it. Not only had they tore it, but they'd managed to get burn holes in it too. I was sure that there were missing pieces and I assumed reparo needed all of the pieces. I also imagined that it was different when it came to magical items and normal items. Some things would lose their magic when they were destroyed, and even if the parchment went back together, it still wouldn't work. I pointed this out to her.

"You're probably right but it doesn't hurt to try," June said.

She took me through the steps of the spell as she tried to fix my parchment. It did go back together, but not all together. There were still burnt places in it and there were some jagged edges. June wrote on it, but it seemed to be a normal piece of parchment now. It didn't do anything.

"Thanks for trying," I said.

"No problem," she said. "We'll just order you a new one tonight. Hopefully the waiting list isn't too long. For now you can borrow mine when you want to write home. Now let's keep working on reparo together. You can impress Professor Thompson when you show him that you can do it right away."

"We can probably get you to second or third year level," Timmy said as he came over to join us. "We can help you while we're preparing for our OWLs next year. It will work out for all of us."

"It does really help," Derek said. "It's one of the reasons we did so well on our OWLs. And now helping you lot will help us with our NEWTs next year."

I was so grateful for this group, and I didn't know how I could thank them with more than words. It was something I was going to keep thinking about though. If it weren't for them, I'd still be all by myself trying to fix this mess. Although I did have to wonder if they would have gone this far if I still hung out on my own. Part of me believed it was out of spite because the older kids were letting me hang out with them. Either way, I owed every single person sitting here big time. I was sure they would say I didn't, but I disagreed.

Alana returned while we continued to work on the reparo spell.

"We're going to move your stuff to the sixth year dorm tonight," she told me as she sat across from us. "Professor Sinistra is going to talk to the girls as well. Now, it's up to you in a couple of years Madison, but she said if you really need to, you can stay in our dorm when we move out. The only problem with that is you'll be sharing it with the first years that start in a couple of years."

"It will probably be better than sharing with those girls," I replied. "I'll think about it when the time comes. By then maybe I'll know enough to charm my stuff so that they can't ruin it."

"Ashley could even do that for you," June said. "She is amazing in Charms. Our old Charms teacher, Professor Flitwick was famous for his Charm work. Even he was impressed by her and he thinks she could go far in it. She charmed these skeletons to move all on their own in her seventh year. She was the one who helped reinvent the message parchment. She'll like you and she'll want to help you out. She'll know how to charm your stuff so that no one can get into it except you."

"I didn't even think of that," Alana said. "She did that for me. None of the girls in my dorm ever touched my things, but I was paranoid about it anyway, so I charmed it. No one but me or someone I trust can open my trunk. She can do the same for you. I still think it's best for now if you move in with us. Maybe in a couple of years those girls will grow up a bit. Either way you have options. It might be a bit off-putting to share a dorm with the younger girls, but as you can see with us, it's not bad to befriend them either."

"Maybe you'll even meet a new sister," June said and she stood up and stretched. "Come on Maddy, let's move your stuff to the sixth year girls dorms."

"Okay," I said and stood up. Sally-Anne and Tracy also stood up. I wasn't sure if all of us were needed, but I was grateful that all the girls were on my side.

I glanced over to where the first year girls were sitting to see that they were all gone.

"I sent them to Professor Sinistra," Alana said as if reading my mind. "She'll be having a long talk with them. I'm sure they'll be having a lot of detentions. Just make sure you talk to me if they try anything else. I know how spiteful other girls can be, and I am sure they'll be pissed off. Unfortunately I don't think this is the end of it."

"I know it's not," I said.

I was sure even Nadia would be angry about getting in trouble, and she might even join them now. Maybe they'd even get the boys in on it now. I knew they made fun of me with them. The boys ignored me for the most part, but I also knew about the mob mentality as well.

Shortly after that, it was my twelfth birthday. I hadn't told the group about it but somehow they knew about it anyway. Perhaps there was a list of names and birthdays for the prefects to see somewhere. I found out that they planned my birthday while they were in Hogsmeade. They'd bought me gifts while they were there as well as some party supplies. My birthday was on the first of November but they didn't say anything on that day, and I didn't either. It wasn't until the fourth, which was a Saturday that they'd done anything.

I came up from the dormitory to find our corner decorated and all of them waiting for me. I walked over to them in shock.

"Happy birthday!" They all yelled as soon as I reached them.

"How did you know?" I asked forgetting to thank them.

"When you were telling us about yourself, you said you'd be twelve in November," Alana said. "So I talked to Professor Sinistra to see when the actual day was. We wanted to say something Wednesday, but we decided it was best to wait to surprise you today."

"We bought you gifts in Hogsmeade too," Timmy said. "Now sit down and open them. We have food here, so we don't need to go to the Great Hall. We got up early so we could have our own little dinner here. And even better, we have a night planned for you as well. You know we usually have a party in the common room, well it's going to be dedicated to you tonight."

"Thank you so much," I said. "You've all always been nothing but nice to me. I really appreciate everything you've done so far."

They really were the highlight to my Hogwarts life. For the most part, it wasn't too bad. I was living every muggle kids dream after all. However, the girls in my year were the reason why I felt unhappy at times. Even with living in Alana's dorm now it didn't help when I still had to take classes with them. They were very angry with me because they had a months worth of detentions and Professor Sinistra had written to their parents. In classes they would make their snide remarks to me.

The only good thing that came out of it was that other people in our year, even the boys thought that it was really low of them. None of the boys in Hufflepuff first year wanted to be my friend, but all five of them had come up to me to tell me not to let the girls get to me.

"Gracie seems very spiteful," a boy named Malcolm told me. "I didn't realize that they'd go that far with it."

"And we're sorry for making fun of you," a boy named Rahul added. "We shouldn't have. We knew you were shy, and it wasn't fair of us."

While I knew they didn't want to be my friend, I was just relieved to know that they were sorry and they weren't going to join in anymore. They even found Gracie pathetic, and so did the people in the other houses. I had plenty of first years come up and tell me that I seemed nice and it was messed up what they'd done to me. I knew this made the girls even more angry because people were disgusted with them. Even Alana's dorm mate Tina was disgusted, and she still bothered Alana at times. I didn't think that so many people would end up on my side.

"Well you only turn twelve once," Sally-Anne told me. "And next year you'll be thirteen. You'll be a teenager very soon. I was so excited for my thirteenth birthday."

"So let's get this party started," June said. "We'll start with your gifts first."

"And maybe I can try some alcohol tonight?" I asked.

So far they'd kept the alcohol away from me when they drank. They only allowed me to drink butterbeer, which was quite tasty but I wanted to know what all the fuss with alcohol was about. I knew kids tried alcohol at twelve or thirteen.

"Give in another year Maddy," Derek said to me. "We all had to wait, and we can't change the rules for you."

"We didn't get to try until the end of our second year," Tracy told me.

"That's not entirely true," Colin said with a smile. "We snuck some."

"You know what I mean. The older kids didn't let us drink freely until the end of second year."

"Same with us," Alana said, "and we're doing the same with you. We'll let you try some for your thirteenth birthday."

I wasn't going to argue with them about it. The other kids did think that since I hung out with them, I got to drink but I'd never had a taste of alcohol and I really wanted to try it. I supposed waiting a year wouldn't hurt though. At least they were having a party for me either way. Mum and dad had given me my presents before I'd started school, but they had written to me on my birthday. I missed them. Usually they gave me a cupcake every morning with my breakfast. We would have cake later, but I always had a cupcake with breakfast. It had seemed odd that year without it.

My friends had given me a different assortment of candy from Honeydukes, joke stuff from the joke shop, make up and some jewellery and a new message parchment. I couldn't believed they'd all been willing to spend their money on me like this, and they were all so happy to do it. They all seemed thrilled to see my reaction to my gifts.

"Have you wore makeup before?" Sally-Anne asked me. "If not, we'll teach you. I love dressing up and I love putting make up on people. You're so pretty. I absolutely adore ginger hair. I bought you some hair clips too."

"Mum didn't want me to wear it until I was twelve," I said with a shrug. "So I guess it's okay now."

"Good, we'll have a girls day today then. We'll do make overs for the party later," Sally-Anne said.

"Ooh!" Tracy exclaimed excitedly. "I have the perfect dress that will fit you. It doesn't fit me anymore. I packed it by accident and it will look perfect with your hair because it's a dark green. You can keep Madison since I can't wear it anymore. I had a growth spurt last year and I didn't realise it until the summer. It's way too short for me, but I think it will fix you perfectly. You can wear it tonight."

"We'll do it in the fourth year girls dorm then," June said excitedly.

"Ooh a girls day and make overs!" Rory said and he rolled his eyes. "I can't believe some of the things that gets you girls excited."

"I'm sure you'll appreciate it later Rory," Alana said.

"I bet he will," Derek said with some sarcasm.

Alana and Rory still hadn't revealed their relationship yet. I could tell it was really getting to him. I hoped they would tell the truth soon. Alana and Rory exchanged looks. I figured they were guessing that Derek knew.

"Before we have our make-overs, let's go to the library really quick Derek," Alana said. "We said we'd help you find that book. We might as well do it now. We'll do the make-overs when we get back. You lot just finish up breakfast. We won't be too long."

"Let's go then," Derek said and he stood up and walked off before Alana and Rory did. The two of them got up and hurried after him.

"It's about time they say something about it," Jerry said. "I understand why they kept it secret at first, but it's November now. Everyone has basically figured it out anyway."

"We'll have to ask her about it when she gets back," June said. "Come on Madison, let's finish breakfast and we'll put your stuff away, and then we can get started on make-overs. Alana can meet us in our dorm."

"What are you boys going to do?" Sally-Anne asked the boys.

Timmy shrugged. "Not make-overs. Ellen wrote to me this morning about the baby shower next Friday. I still don't get why I can't go too but you lot can. I don't see why it should just be a girl thing. Ashley is my friend too."

"And we'll bring your gift for you," June said. "I'm sorry Timmy, it wasn't up to me. It was up to Ellen."

"Yes I know. She is always leaving me out, even now," Timmy said. "I know Ashley would invite me."

"We're not going to have to listen to you bitch about this all week are we?" Jerry asked Timmy. "Complaining isn't going to do anything."

"I know," Timmy said. He folded his arms angrily.

I began to gather up my things once I was done eating. Timmy complained about his sister a lot. At times it seemed they were close, but other times it seemed as if they couldn't stand each other. I thought there was a big difference between fourteen and nineteen though, so I could understand why she didn't always invite him places. I did understand his mood about the baby shower however. If this Ashley girl was his friend too, he should have been invited. It didn't seem right that his sister would leave him out. I didn't know much about the baby shower except that it was a surprise one.

"I'll see if I can talk to Ellen," June told Timmy as we all stood up.

"Don't bother," Timmy said. "I'll see Ashley at Christmas."

"Stop pouting Timmy," Jerry said. "It's a party today. We're supposed to have fun. Next Friday we'll get drunk too. We'll have a boys night if you want."

I felt down when he said that. Would that mean they wouldn't want me around next Friday? I looked away as I gathered up my things. All the girls would be gone for the day because of the baby shower. I was so used to having them around now that it would be hard to be alone again. I couldn't complain because they'd done so much for me, and they had the right to have their boys night. Perhaps I could talk to some of the friendlier Gryffindor girls. They'd told me I could hang out with them sometimes.

"Jared did send some firewhiskey," Timmy said. "I've been looking for an opportunity to open it up. He told me that I'd better be keeping the Hufflepuff parties going and I know that Michael has been telling Rory and Derek the same thing."

"You'd better save some of that for us," Tracy said. "We won't be at the shower all night you know. We have to come back to the school Friday night, and we still have Colin's birthday to celebrate too."

"His birthday is on the twenty-fifth Tracy," Jerry said sound amused. "We'll do it then. Let have our boys night. When you lot get back you can have another girls night."

I felt relieved when I heard them say this. So the girls would at least be back. I wouldn't miss them because they were going on Friday. I wouldn't end up being lonely after all. I knew it was silly to be afraid to be alone, I'd been alone for so long and I'd been alone before June had talked to me, but I was. I didn't want to go back to that girl I used to be, even if it would happen in my fifth year. That seemed such a long way off, and I heard so much about these OWLs that I felt I'd be busy all the time anyway.

"Let's go," Sally-Anne said. "I want to get started on Madison. We'll worry about next weekend later. Right now we need to get ready for a party."

"A party that won't start until at least eight tonight," Timmy called after us as we walked off.

"I don't understand why Ellen won't let him go," June said once we were out of earshot. "She can be a bit strict about things like that. It has always bothered her when Ashley let us go to the parties, but I don't see what the big deal was. We never ever bothered Ellen. Timmy always respected her wishes to stay away from her."

"She even hated it when Ashley invited Alana, Rory and Derek though," Sally-Anne said. "She said it felt like she had to baby-sit."

"That's just stupid," Tracy said. "Did she forget what it was like being a first or second year or something? Both her and Michael got like that when it came to us or the other younger students. She was baby-sitting Timmy when she was twelve."

"Sometimes people get that superior attitude though," Sally-Anne said. "Look at that Tina girl in Alana's year. She does that too, even to us."

"Or even Chantou. Ever since the beginning of the year she has been so rude to the first and second years. She tries to boss them around. I really hope she isn't our prefect next year. June, you'd better beat her in grades. She'll be the worst possible choice," Tracy replied. "And remember how much she used to bitch and moan about how the older students treated us? She hated Ellen's group. Now she is doing the same!"

"I know," June said. "I don't think Professor Sinistra will pick her for prefect. She has really good grades but she doesn't have the right attitude. Ashley told me that it isn't just based on grades. They were all worried that Melanie girl would be picked for their prefect and she wasn't. It's about how people interact with their peers too and how they treat the younger students."

"I guess I won't get picked," Tracy said with a smirk.

We filed into the girls dorms tunnel one by one.

"Especially after the talking to I gave to that Gracie bitch yesterday. I forgot to tell you lot, but she actually ratted me out for it. She was in tears by the end of it. I have to write lines about why I shouldn't pick on first years," Tracy continued.

"But you don't pick on first years," I said.

"Gracie made herself out to be the victim though," Tracy replied. "Sometimes my bitchiness can be useful."

"Well when you channel it at the right people it can be," Sally-Anne told her. "You truly are a new person Tracy. This is the exact reason we stuck by you. We knew you were a good person deep down all that. Now you're just mouthy to the people you should be."

"I don't think Ellen will ever like me, but I don't think I'll ever like her," Tracy said. "Her and me used to get into it so much, and I don't think she ever forgave me for reading her diary."

"Would you?" I couldn't help but ask.

We reached the tunnel that would take us to the sixth year dorms. We were dropping my stuff off first before we went to the fourth year dorms. I didn't often speak up when it came to things like that, but this time I couldn't help it. I hoped I wouldn't anger Tracy. I'd seen her when she lost her temper on people.

"No," Tracy said shortly.

"Yes you really can't blame her for that one Tracy, even if it was a few years ago. Reading someone's diary is crossing the line," Sally-Anne told her.

"I know. I do try to be polite to her for Ashley's and Timmy's sake, but I feel she still sees me as the mouthy girl I used to be. It's like at times she wants to instigate things," Tracy said.

"Tracy, she hasn't spent as much time with you as we have," June replied. "She saw you a few times in the summer and that's it. Maybe you can prove it to her next Friday. Besides, both of you always hate when we say this, but you two are similar and so your personalties clash. Ellen has probably never been as mouthy, but she has her moments, especially with the competitiveness when it comes to boys. I've heard stories of what she was like before she got with Keith."

We entered the sixth year dorms and went over to my trunk. I liked it a lot better in this room. Not only because I didn't have to endure the teasing (every single girl was nice to me) but there was more room and it wasn't messy. There were only four sixth year girls and they were all very clean. The girls in my old dorm were so messy. All of their things usually hung out of their trunks or it was on the floor. In the bathroom, it was always a sloppy mess of water on the floors, and they just threw their wet towels everywhere. They never cleaned out the sinks either, and their make up was all over the place. There was some organization in the sixth year dorms. We each had a sink to our self. Alana established this right away and we had our shower cubicles too.

The fourth year girls dorm was a combination of my old dorms and the sixth year ones. While it wasn't exactly messy, it wasn't clean either. They didn't have their clothes all over the floor, but their trunks were open with the contents hanging out. I'd been in the bathroom before this day as well. They didn't exactly have an order of what sinks they used either.

"I'll see if I can find the dress," Tracy said. "I hope it isn't all wrinkled."

"You know that you can fix that with a simple charm right?" Sally-Anne asked her and then she turned to me. "Sit on my bed Madison. We'll have to decide how to do your hair."

"She doesn't really need to wear the dress until later anyway," June said. "We're just doing hair and make up right now. The boys have a point. The party won't be until the evening. We'll probably have to touch up our make up and fix our hair. There is no point in dressing up yet."

"I'd still like to see it on her," Tracy said. "We have to make sure it fits. I am sure it will, but if not we might either have to make it fit for a few hours or find something else. Let her try it on before you do anything."

Tracy went over to her trunk and began rifling through it. Sally-Anne began to brush my hair while June began pulling out mirrors, makeup, nail polish, hair clips and a couple of bowls for some reason. This must not have been their first time doing this. They seemed to have a system set up. June disappeared into the bathroom with the bowls and returned moments later levitating them which were full of water.

"One if for your hands and the other for your feet. We have lotions too," June explained when she noticed me looking. "We try to get a whole spa system set up. Ellen taught us this. Apparently Ashley's older sister taught them. It's a nice way to do it. You kind of feel pampered. That's what we plan to do for you. You get to just sit back and enjoy."

Tracy pulled out an emerald green dress out of her trunk. She frowned at it as she looked it over and then she shrugged before she walked over to me.

"A bit wrinkled but we can fix that," she said as she handed it to me. "Go try it on."

I took the dress from her and looked it over. It was a beautiful dress. I liked it instantly and I could wear it casually. It wasn't just a dress to wear for special occasions. Perhaps I'd even wear it for Christmas that year. I'd never really been someone who was into shopping and fashion. To me, clothes were something you wore. I'd never given my appearance much thought, but now I understood how some girls felt about certain clothes. This dress made me happy.

I got up and hurried into the bathroom. I quickly changed into the dress and then admired myself in one of the mirrors. The dress was wrinkly, but it did look very nice on me. I'd always known that green looked good with red hair, but I couldn't help but notice that this dress really did compliment me. It even made my pale skin look good. It was the perfect fit as well. After I admired myself, I hurried back into the dorm to see that Alana was there now too.

"You look lovely!" Alana said and then she pointed her wand at me. At first I didn't know what she was doing until I felt my dress move. I glanced down to see that she'd fixed it. "Gosh, if you are this pretty now, you are going to be a beauty when you're older. All the boys are going to love you. I bet it won't be long before they start asking you out."

The idea of dating scared me. I couldn't imagine kissing a boy or even being that close to a boy. I'd seen the way some of the girls carried on with their boyfriends. I would never be able to be like what with someone. Sometimes the girls in my own group hung over the boys in our group. Tracy was bad for it. She was always sitting on one of the boys, or else she was hanging off some random boy in the common room. I'd even once walked in on her snogging someone when I'd been looking for a secret passage. I'd heard Sally-Anne say that Tracy had actually shagged a boy already and she was just fifteen! Wasn't that only for grown ups?

"They won't notice me, I am shy," I said as the other girls admired me.

"Boys actually love shy girls," June told me. "Take it from me. I'm always getting asked out."

"I think that's because you're beautiful June," Sally-Anne said.

"They like her shyness too," Tracy said. "I've heard blokes talk. They think it's mysterious. They think it's cute. So that means you'll get it a lot too, Madison."

"Probably more," June said as she looked me over. "I think you're going to be even prettier than me. I think you're going to be more beautiful than even Ellen!"

"I can see it," Sally-Anne agreed. "Now take off the dress so we can do your hair and make-up. I know what I want to do now. Now speaking of boys, Alana, what is going on with you and Rory?"

I wanted to hear this, so I hurried back into the bathroom to change. I hung the dress up on one of the hooks in the bathroom so that it wouldn't get wrinkled again and then scurried back into the dormitory. Sally-Anne was seated on the bed now, and she patted the spot in front of her for me to sit down. I hurried over. Alana hadn't answered yet because June and Tracy were still asking her about it.

"Come on Alana, we're best friends," June said. "And if you don't want anyone else to know, we won't tell. I'd like to know. We've all always known that you and Rory would get together. It's a bit obvious that you went off with Derek to talk about it. I guarantee the boys are asking Rory about it now."

"We're not keeping it secret anymore," Alana finally said. "But none of are you to tell Ashley next Friday. I will tell her eventually and on my own. I want the baby shower to be all about her though. I know she'll want to know some things about our lives, but not that!"

"It's your news to tell," Sally-Anne said. "It's why we haven't asked about it even if we all knew. Even people outside of our group have their suspicions."

"Tina does too," I spoke up as Sally-Anne began brushing my hair again. "I heard her talking about it with the other girls."

"We've been friends since the first year," Alana said. "We just wanted to make sure it worked out before we told anyone. We had to tell Derek first before anyone, even you June."

"I understand that," June said. "I was just hoping you weren't going to keep it secret from me for long. We tell each other everything."

"And you've started telling us things too," Tracy said. "We might not be as close to you, but you've started to trust me and I don't want to be left out. I feel like this year we've really grown closer as a group."

"We have and I wasn't trying to leave anyone out," Alana said. "I am sorry. It was just Rory and me wanted to keep it secret at first. We started dating at Ashley's wedding. Seeing Ben and Ashley get married made us admit our feelings for each other. We decided to keep it secret for the time being. Maybe we should have said something sooner, but I guess with secrets, it gets harder too."

"I guess that's understandable," Sally-Anne answered. "So I guess that means we can start planning your wedding now."

Alana smiled. "Yes, let's not talk about that quite yet. Let us date for a while before we talk weddings or god forbid, babies. That's actually another reason I don't want us talking about it next Friday. With Ashley being pregnant, she is going to say I'll be the next one pregnant and it will be with Rory's baby."

"Ooh could you imagine a little Rory and Alana mix running around?" June asked and she began to laugh when Alana threw a pillow at her.

"I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that there will be a little Ben and Ashley mix running around. It was odd enough with Ellen when it came to Michelle," Alana said.

"There is no mystery what Alyssa will look like though," June said. "She'll have brown hair and brown eyes. And Clarissa will probably look similar to Michelle."

"I hope we're lucky enough to get pregnant together," Tracy said. "Alyssa and Clarissa will be able to grow up together."

"Wait, Ellen is pregnant too?" I asked with shock. I knew she already had a baby named Michelle, but no one had mentioned the second pregnancy. I had mainly just heard about Ashley's pregnancy lately. Not even Timmy had, and I would have thought he'd be happy to be an uncle again.

"Yeah," Tracy said with a giggle. "She found out and then she figured out Ashley was too. They've been so excited about it. They plan to raise all the girls together so they can have friends. And Ashley also has a godson named Hayden and they introduced him to Ben's niece Minnie and they'll be in the same year at school together. They're so lucky to grow up as friends. I wish we could have. And now they get to go to Primary school together too."

"Wait, there is a Primary school?" I asked. "Why didn't I get to go there? Is it only for half-bloods and pure-bloods?"

"No, it just opened this year," Alana answered. "We would have liked to go too. This year is basically an experimental year. They don't know if it will work or not. I guess there have been attempts in the past, but it didn't work out. Hopefully it does now. I wouldn't mind my kids going to it. Ashley, the one we've told you about so much is a teacher there."

"It started because of Ashley," June said. "She went to the Ministry and asked them about starting up a primary school. They looked into it, and they decided to try it now. They thought it was the right step in the right direction given the war and everything. Wasn't it her fourth year or something she did that?"

"Fifth year," Alana said.

"I want to meet her," I said. "I keep hearing about her. When can I meet her?"

"Maybe over the holidays if she is up for it," June said. "I was going to ask you over for a few days anyway Madison. I've told my parents all about you, and they really want to meet you. So maybe we can find some time to go over. I don't know if they'll have a New Years party or not, but maybe you can go to one."

"They won't be having one in that little flat," Sally-Anne said. "It will probably be at their friend Hanks if they have one."

"Do you think it will be okay with your parents to come over?" June asked.

"I'll ask but I think they'll be okay with it," I said. "I've told mum about you too. She wants to meet you too, and Alana. I haven't told her all about the bullying, but she knows about some of it. She also knows I've been hanging out with older students and she is okay with it. She is grateful to all of you lot. I think I'll wear the dress for Christmas."

"Good. We'll meet your parents at the station. I'll let them know I'll make sure that you'll always get to and from school and everything if they can't get you there," June said. "I'll take full responsibility until you're old enough."

"They might actually take you up on it," I answered. "My parents have different work schedules. A lot of the time it was hard for them to find a baby-sitter. I think it's why they were happy for me to go here. They didn't have to worry about baby-sitters anymore, and they didn't want me home alone until next year. We had a hard time on September first."

"Well if they need help getting you home for the holidays, let me know," June said. "We can get you home if we have to."

"Or we will if they can't," Alana said. "Maybe we could even hang out at your place if your parents still aren't comfortable with you at home by yourself. Then you don't have to have baby-sitter."

"Yes but they might see you as that," Tracy said.

I didn't care about that though. I was actually hoping mum and dad would go for that. If mum and dad wanted to see Alana or June or any one of them as baby-sitters, they could. I would take that over some of the people they usually had watch over me. Perhaps since I was twelve now though, they wouldn't want that.

"I don't mind," I told Tracy. "Usually they get old ladies who make me watch their stupid soap operas. I've never had a fun baby-sitter, not even when I was little kid. If they want to think of you lot of baby-sitters, I don't care. It might make the holidays fun."

"Maybe we'll do that then," June said. "Talk to your parents. If you're with us, you should be able to meet Ashley then."

I really hoped my parents would go for it. I would write to them as soon as were done with the make-overs, which surprisingly ended up taking up most of the day. We only stopped long enough for lunch, which Tracy brought up to us. I figured with magic, something like this would take about fifteen minutes, but it took them an hour for me and then they each took turns. After my nails were dry, they had me take over with nail polishing.

By the time we were all done though, I thought we did all look very pretty. It was amazing how makeup could make someone look the same but prettier. It was hard to explain. Tracy who wasn't ugly, but she wasn't beautiful either. With makeup, she looked stunning. When I checked the time, I saw that it was already three in the afternoon.

"Let's go show off to the boys," Alana said. "I bet those first year boys will like what they see Madison, especially later on once you have the dress on."

I did end up getting a lot of looks that day, even in the corridors when we went for dinner. I could see the girls from the other houses staring at me. I was sure they were shocked that I was wearing makeup since I never did. Most of the girls did in the other houses. Miranda, one of the friendliest girls from Gryffindor even came over to the Hufflepuff table once she was done eating.

"Madison, you look really pretty. I mean, you're always pretty but I've never seen you with make up before. Those colours match your eyes perfectly, and I love the way you styled you hair. What's the special occasion?"

"Just a party in the common room later," I said passing over my birthday.

"She turned twelve on Wednesday," June told her. "So we're having a party for her tonight."

"Ooh, well happy birthday Madison! I'll see you in class. You should join us in the library sometime. We were serious when we said you could hang out with us sometimes. You're always welcome," she said and then walked off.

"Yes you're pretty, pretty ugly," Gracie said as she walked by with the others.

"Ginger is most undesirable colour for hair," Trang said. "It's disgusting and you're so freckly."

"And short, don't forget about that. She's twelve and yet she looks nine. She is so scrawny and skinny. I bet she weighs sixty pounds," Tasheka added which made me laugh for once.

I knew I looked good, and they all knew I looked good. It was also ironic to hear Tasheka call me short when she was just an inch taller than me, and she would be twelve in December. I also knew it was wrong to make fun of someone for their weight, but she was making fun of me for being skinny. Tasheka was a chubby girl. She probably weighed more than the fourth year girls did, maybe even Alana.

"And you're laughing why?" Nadia asked who had joined in on the bullying after Alana had gone to the teacher.

"You all know I am prettier, and someone who is fat shouldn't make fun of someone for being skinny," I answered.

The girls all stared back at me in shock. I was sure they hadn't expected me to respond or insult them back. None of them seemed to know what to say. Tasheka looked ready to cry in fact, and I felt bad. I didn't want to be a bully even if they had done it to me. I didn't like making people feel bad about themselves. I shouldn't have laughed even if it had seemed funny.

"You're actually going to make fun of her for being fat?" Gracie asked me. "She can't help that she is fat."

"You told me that I wasn't fat!" Tasheka said angrily to Gracie.

"Oh come on," Gracie said turning to her. "You're fat and you know it."

Tasheka turned and rushed off crying.

"Gracie!" Trang said.

"What? Why should we keep telling her that she looks so skinny when she doesn't? I didn't mean to insult her, but it's the truth. Maybe if she didn't eat all that chocolate all the time she wouldn't be. She probably weighs more than all of us put together!" Gracie exclaimed.

"She is right," Katrina said. "And I'm sorry, but so is Madison. We can't keep sugarcoating it for her. She's only going to get fatter."

And without another word, the girls walked off. I seemed to be forgotten. The rest of my group all started to laugh at that.

"See, if you keep standing up to them, they'll stop," Alana told me. "It gets easier and eventually they'll leave you alone."

"I shouldn't have called her fat though," I said.

"She had it coming," Timmy replied. "Don't dwell on it Madison. Sometimes you have to insult people, and those girls don't deserve any kindness from you. Not after what they put you through. They ruined your things. Keep remembering that if you ever feel guilty."

"And standing up for yourself isn't bullying," Alana told me. "I know how you're feeling right now. I felt the same way when I first started with Tina, and even last year with Janine... and I'll tell you about that later. Sometimes these people need a taste of their own medicine."

When we went back to the common room, it was to find the first year girls fighting with each other. I couldn't help but smile. I was glad to see them turn on each other. My mum had always said 'what comes around, goes around,' and I felt this was a good example of that. I sat down beside Jerry (who unfortunately, I was developing a crush on) and put my feet up. I was becoming more and more relaxed with these people. I still didn't talk as much around them, but I was getting better all the time. There were still times when I just sat with them and kept quiet for entire evenings, but they never minded.

"What time are we going to pull the poker set out?" Timmy asked.

"We'll wait for that," Derek said. "It's usually best to start the tournaments when it's past curfew. I've noticed that's when people seem to be the most interested."

"That's when Michael did it," Rory said and he put an arm around Alana. There was a collective 'aw' from everyone, and he rolled his eyes. "I think that's the best time. We didn't really host parties last year, but I think that's when people do it, and we want everyone involved in this one. Too bad we couldn't lock those girls in their dorm for the night though."

"We'll watch them," Alana said. "If they try to ruin the party, we'll step in. We'll be able to send them down to their dorms then."

"Well we're going to get dressed around eight," Sally-Anne said. "So I suppose that's when you can set it up. I still think it should be you and Derek, Rory. We're still just fourth years. Everyone always takes the sixth and seventh years more seriously. So you start up everything and you tell them what tonights party is for."

"I'll say something," Rory said. "I am a prefect after all and we've already told the seventh years what we're planning. They are just waiting for the cue."

"Will people want to have a party for some random first year?" I asked.

I'd been there long enough to know that no one paid attention to the younger students unless it was to pick on them sometimes, or to tell them what to do. Most of the time, the older students didn't want much to do with a bunch of eleven and twelve year olds. Most of them just saw us as little kids.

"Madison, people look for any reason for a party. They don't care who it's for or why. When there is a party in the common room, they are just happy for a reason to drink. We had a birthday party for Tracy last year and she was one of the most people in Hufflepuff, people still partied. Most people like you. They won't mind," Colin told me. "They'll all just stick to their own groups of friends anyway, and we'll all still be over here except to dance sometimes. So don't worry."

"Exactly, no one is going to sit in protest over it being a party for a first year," Jerry said to me with a grin, which caused me to feel some butterflies in my stomach.

I had never felt this way with a boy, not even the times when I'd noticed how cute Derek is. This was different from noticing a boy was attractive, and actually liking someone. I wasn't sure where the feelings had come from. It made me nervous around him though, and I didn't like it. I didn't want to be nervous around any of them. I knew he wouldn't like me anyway, so it didn't matter. I was twelve and he was fourteen. Why would he want me when he could have girls his age with more experience? I'd never even kissed a boy.

"They're probably expecting something anyway," Alana said and she pointed up at the decorations that were still there.

"Why don't we work on more spells until we get ready Madison?" June asked me. "There are some second year spells I haven't practiced for a while, and it won't hurt to help you advance more. You're doing so well with the first year ones. By the end of the year, I bet you'll be one of the top in your class. You're already smart as it is."

"Okay," I answered.

Ever since she'd taught me reparo, she had been teaching me other first year spells. Once we were done our school work most evenings, her and me would practice together. Sometimes the others would join in as well. I thought that June would make a good teacher someday. She was patient and kind. The sixth years joined in a lot of the time because they had to learn spells non-verbally. So even with the most basic spells for them they would practice with us.

"We'll work on the cleaning charm today," June told me. "This one is so useful."

"I can't believe you're doing school work," Tracy said. "It's a Saturday."

"Tracy, we're taking our OWLs next year," June said. "We should be starting early."

"Nope," Tracy said.

"You're going to end up like my sister," Timmy told her.

"Because I don't want to practice spells on a Saturday? I don't think so. I'm not having this argument again," Tracy said.

"You're the one who brought it up dear," Derek said to her. "Don't start with the fighting now."

Tracy stuck her tongue out at him, and then pulled out her message parchment. Around us, everyone else was either doing school work, having their own conversations, or in Timmy and Jerry's case, starting up a chess game. I'd always believed chess was boring until I came to Hogwarts. The chess pieces actually talked to the players! Sometimes they even insulted them the players. It was brilliant! I wasn't too good at it, but it was still fun to play.

Close to eight, June told us it was time get ready. Rory told us as we got up that he would start setting up. I felt nervous now. I knew when we returned to the common room that he would make the announcement. I would have every eye in the common room on me. I hated being the center of attention. I knew it wouldn't last long because people would get into the drinking, but they were all going to be looking at me at first. What would the first year girls say?

When we went into the fourth year dorms, we all checked our make up and hair again before we got dressed. Once I had my dress on, Sally-Anne touched up my make-up for me. Once we were finished, we all looked at ourselves in the mirror again. We all looked really good. I thought Alana looked the most stunning, but it was because she was the most grown up. June was probably the prettiest in our group though.

"I can't believe how beautiful you look," Alana said to me. "You're going to be such a heart breaker."

"You will be," Sally-Anne said. "Are there any boys that you think are cute? Maybe you could go talk to them tonight... if they are in Hufflepuff anyway. You said the boys in your year are nicer now."

I blushed and looked away. I couldn't tell them about Jerry. They would probably laugh behind my back about how cute it was that I liked him when I was an ickle firtie. Sometimes I thought that maybe Tracy wanted him anyway. She was constantly sitting on him or hugging him.

"You do!" June said excitedly. "Who?"

I shook my head without looking at her.

"Oh come on Madison, you know you can trust us. We won't tell anyone. We won't force you to talk to him either," Alana said. "We just want to know. What's the big deal."

"We won't tease you either," Sally-Anne said. "We do that to each other sometimes, but we know you're still shy sometimes. None of us will ever make you feel bad Madison. Of course you don't have to tell us, but we are your friends."

"I don't think I can say," I answered still not looking up.

"It's one of the boys from our group isn't it!" Tracy asked excitedly. "Who? We won't tell them."

"And even if we did, they won't mind," June said to me I felt her move closer to me and then she put a hand under my chin and my lifted my head so I could gaze up at her. "You've hung out with us long enough to see that their all easy-going. There is a girl in Ravenclaw named Eshe, and Timmy is not attracted to her at all, but she has the biggest crush on him. She hasn't let go of the dream even though she has wanted him since second year. He has never been mean to him."

"But I am too young," I answered.

"It's not Derek is it?" Alana asked and I shook my head. "Then you aren't too young. It might be pushing it with Colin, but it's not too bad."

"It's not Colin," I answered.

"So that leaves Timmy or Jerry, and I am telling you that they are both easy-going," June replied. "Come on Maddy, just tell us please."

"Jerry," I muttered and I pulled away from her.

"Jerry will be fine with it you know," Sally-Anne told me. "We aren't going to tell him, but I'm just saying if he does find out, he won't mind. It's nothing to be ashamed of Madison. Never feel ashamed of your feelings. Even if it was Derek, it's still nothing to be ashamed of. I have a crush on Professor Martin after all, and he is a teacher!"

"I do think he is cute, but it's Jerry I like," I answered.

I glanced over at Tracy. I was worried she would be upset, but she actually looked like she was relieved. Did that mean she liked Colin or Timmy? Maybe she even liked Derek. I glanced at all the girls, and not one of them looked put out by this. I just hoped they would keep their promise that they wouldn't tell him. It wasn't that I thought they would betray me; it was that they would think they were helping me by telling him.

"I didn't even mean to start liking him," I said. "I don't know how it happened. The feelings just started happening."

"That's normal," June said. "Look at Alana and Rory. I bet they didn't even realize it until last year how they felt."

"Ashley and Ben were the same way," Alana said. "I think Rory has since our third year, but it was last year for me. It was when I kept seeing that bitch Janine trying to get all over him that I realized it. We confessed at the wedding. It really isn't a big deal Madison. Whether or not anything happens with Jerry or not, I imagine it's going to happen quite often for you."

"Now come on," Tracy said. "Let's get your party started."

I nodded hoping that this topic was finished now. The girls made me go first. I had a feeling that the moment I left the girls dorms, people were going to yell 'surprise' or something. Why else would I have to go first?

I was right. The moment, I stepped into the common room, there was a crowd of people waiting. They all yelled:

"Surprise! Happy Birthday Madison!"

I wanted to sink into the floor, but it also felt really good that all these smiling faces were on my side. Even the boys were standing there. I smiled at everyone, and muttered: 'thanks,' before looking away. People came over to pat me on the back, and Rory shoved a butterbeer into my hand. I spotted the first year girls sitting at a table looking defiant. I didn't care though. I just walked past them with my friends over to our corner.

Luckily for me, everyone went back to their own groups as someone turned on some music. Timmy had been right about that one. Rory was setting up a poker tournament while the girls were trying to get the other boys to dance.

"Jerry why don't you dance with the birthday girl?" Tracy asked.

Normally I didn't get annoyed with them, but I couldn't help but shoot a glare at her. I knew what she was doing. This was why I hadn't wanted them to know. Maybe they wouldn't tell him, but they were going to push us together. Tracy didn't seem affected by my glare though. She just smiled and winked. Jerry who was oblivious to all of this came over to me.

"Come on, let's dance," he said to me. "The birthday girl can't sit around at her party."

"It's my party, I can cry if I want to," I said but I got up to dance with him. I couldn't fight it after all.

"Why would you cry?" Jerry asked me with a frown.

"It's an American muggle song," I replied. "My mum actually used to sing it to me every year."

"Seems to be a depressing song for a birthday," Jerry said and we began to dance to a fast song.

"It kind of is, but it's a classic and it is catchy. It's usually played during movies when something bad happens," I explained. I didn't know how to dance, so I copied what he was doing. "It's not really a birthday song. You'll have to get Timmy or June to play it for you sometime."

"Maybe," Jerry said sounding indifferent. "Madison, you've really grown over the last two months. You remind me so much of June. I know it's really all down to her, but I'd like to take credit for the change in you too. You went from someone who could barely speak around us to being able to have conversations with us. You weren't able to do that even a month ago. I think that you'll likely continue to grow. You're still quite shy, but I bet we wouldn't have been able to dance like this when we first met."

"Thanks," I answered.

"And you look so beautiful tonight. I mean, you're always pretty but that dress looks amazing on you. It looks ten times better on you than it did on Tracy. You look really lovely," he said. "I think we're going to have our hands full with you. We're going to have to protect you from the blokes who will like you, and they definitely will."

I felt really flattered but embarrassed by him compliments at the same time. I also felt a little sad. He probably just saw me as a little sister. He said they'd have to protect me. That was something an older brother would say.

"Thanks," I replied.

"You sound almost sad," Jerry said. "I hope you're not taking that song seriously. It's supposed to be a fun night for you. No crying allowed even if it's your party."

"I'm not going to cry," I replied. "I'm not sad. I am grateful for everything you've all done for me."

"Good. Beautiful girls should never be sad anyway," Jerry told me and winked at me.

I had a good time that night. Different boys wanted to dance with me too. I was surprised by this, even when some of the boys by my year danced with me. I could see the girls glaring at me, but they didn't try anything to ruin my party. I was ready to pull out my wand and use the boil hex, one that Timmy had recently taught me when I saw Gracie try and dance with Jerry. I knew that was wrong, and it would probably count as mad too. Thankfully I only thought about it and didn't actually do it. I was also relieved when he turned her down. I knew whatever it was he said to her was mean because she shot me a glare before going off to dance with Malcolm.

"Can we dance again?" I asked walking over to Jerry afterwards.

"I'll dance with you anytime Madison," Jerry said to me with a grin.

June and Alana weren't too far and they obviously heard him. They both turned and looked at me. Jerry couldn't see them since his back was to them. Both girls grinned at me and gave me the thumbs up. I smiled back, but I hoped they weren't thinking more was going on between us. He saw me as a little sister and he was just dancing with me to be nice.

Some slow song came on. I couldn't have timed this any better. This was the kind of song where you had to be close to each other. We'd had some dances at my old primary school, but I'd never gone, and it wouldn't have mattered if I had anyway. The boys wouldn't have danced with me. Everything was so different at Hogwarts, and so many boys had called me pretty. I'd never had anyone besides family call me pretty before.

"Do you still want to cry at your own party?" Jerry asked me as we began to dance.

"Nope," I answered. Especially no after I saw you turn down Gracie. I thought to myself. That song was about a man going off with another woman, but it hadn't happened to me. At least not in the way that would have bothered me.

"Good, I am glad you're having a good time," he said.

When the dance was over, he leaned down and kissed my cheek. I felt like I was in Heaven at that moment. I knew it didn't mean anything. Jerry did that with all the girls in our group, but it still made me feel so good. I had to go back to our corner and sit down. I couldn't stop grinning. Moments after I sat down, June and Alana hurried over to me.

"We saw and heard everything," June sang as she sat beside me.

"He just sees me as a little sister," I said and I explained our earlier conversation.

"That doesn't mean anything Madison," June said. "Rory used to say the same to Alana."

"Besides, Jerry told us earlier that you look so stunning today. He couldn't stop complimenting you. He doesn't seem like himself," Alana said. "You know him. He's always quite the jokester. He only gets like that around girls he thinks are cute."

"And before you try and say you're too young," June said. "He dated a first year girl at the end of last term. They didn't last long, but it was still two years difference. Her problem was that she was too clingy and jealous."

"I'm shy and I wanted to hex Gracie because she asked him to dance," I said. "I want to use the boil curse against her. Isn't that jealous?"

"Well yes, but it's also normal. I know that seems strange. Last year I wanted to do the same with Janine when I saw her all over Rory. It happens. Ask anyone how they feel when they see a girl or a boy all over their crush. Also, being shy doesn't mean you're clingy," Alana told me.

"With Ava, she wouldn't let him talk to us and she couldn't handle it if they didn't hang out all the time. Tracy can be a bit much when it comes to her affection with the boys, but she knows not to touch them when they are in a relationship. Well Ava knew how she was like with Jerry before they got together, and she forbade Jerry from being her friend. That's what we mean by being jealous and clingy... not that you should ever follow through on those thoughts, but we all have them," June continued.

"And we can talk to Jerry for you if you want," Alana said. "We won't tell him how you feel. We can just find out his feelings for you without being obvious. I just think he might feel the same way back. He only has that kind of personality change around girls he likes."

"He's been joking with me since the day we met," June added with a nod.

"Maybe, but I don't want any pressure," I said.

"Of course not Madison," June said. "If you're not ready yet, you're not ready. At least you'll know though. We don't plan to tell him anything."

"Sure," I replied.

I had to admit, I was very curious now. I still felt that he was just being nice though. He probably had a personality change around me because they all wanted to be nice to me. Every single one of them were nothing but nice to me.

The rest of the group joined us moments later. June was shooting Tracy glares, and I wondered why. She wasn't even paying attention. She had her arms around Timmy. Perhaps I wasn't the only one who had a crush on a member of our group.

It was hard to believe when the end of the term arrived. I felt that it was the fastest few months of my life. Usually I felt between September and Christmas took forever, but that year was different. I was conflicted about the end of our first term. While I was happy to see my parents again, I didn't want to leave Hogwarts already. I wouldn't be able to do magic the entire time I was at home.

Luckily mum and dad had agreed that my friends could come over when I was home alone as long as they met them first. They were even letting me go to June's for a few days, and the big New Years party they all kept talking about. So I wouldn't have to miss them all too much when I went home. I knew I was going to. It was going to be strange sleeping in a room by myself again.

The castle looked so beautiful in the winter. I loved the snow as it was, but with the lake and the mountains, I found that I loved winter even more. A lot of the time I wanted to be outdoors. My friends usually didn't but sometimes they would join me. If they didn't, I would meet up with some of the friendlier Ravenclaw and Gryffindor girls. There were even a few Slytherin's I got along with. I'd never thought on the first day of school that this would happen. It no longer bothered me as much that the girls hated me in my house. Alana had been right when she'd said that eventually I would stop caring. At times, I did still feel hurt, but not as much as before.

Most days I felt very happy. I was still shy, and I didn't think I could ever improve as much as Alana and June had. I still froze up quite a bit, especially around the people in the other years. With them though, they were similar to my friends. They didn't seem to mind when I stopped talking. It was only the first years in my house who had a problem with it.

My grades weren't at the top, but I was doing really well. I knew my parents would be happy when I showed them. My spell work was even better, but my teachers couldn't know that I knew most spells in the first year and some second year ones. They just knew that I could do them right away in classes. Unfortunately, we were graded on our written work too, and my essays needed improvement. Alana had told me after the break she'd help me get essays that would be considered Exceeds Expectations in my fifth year.

On the train ride home, they were all talking about what they planned to do for the holidays. In was very tight and uncomfortable for all of us in the compartment. We were all tightly packed in.

"I wonder how Ashley and Ellen are going to look," June said. "They both looked so pregnant at the shower. They'll be even bigger now. It's weird seeing Ashley with such a belly. I've seen Ellen pregnant before, but not Ashley."

"Well maybe she'll actually gain some weight now," Tracy said. "And I don't just mean the pregnant belly, I just mean some meat on her bones. She was getting way too skinny."

"You saw her. She looked like she just had a ball under her shirt," Sally-Anne said. "So did Ellen. I don't think they'll gain much weight, and if they do, it's just baby weight. I hope I'm like that when I get pregnant. Some women get fat too."

"Ellen had Clarissa remember?" Timmy asked. "But she's probably going to be self-conscious. She was after she had Michelle. She thought she was fat after she had her."

"Well her hips probably got wider," Alana replied. "That sometimes happens, but she was still skinny. I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait to meet Clarissa. And then we can introduce Madison to Ashley."

"Our parents are going to talk about when Madison can come over at the train station," June said. "So we can make plans to visit Ashley and Ellen then. Perhaps Ashley can go to Ellen's and then we can go to your place Timmy. It will make it easier for all of us since we can just go down to Ellen's flat."

"I'll talk to Ellen when I get home," Timmy told her. "It won't be a problem for you lot to come over though. Mum has always let you come over. I'm sure we'll see her at the party though. I know they'll still go even if they can't drink."

"I just wish that we could apparate already," Derek said. "It would make life easier for us."

"At least you're learning to do it next term," Colin said. "I'd give anything to just be learning it. At least our parents will let us take the bus when we want now. That'll help out and Michael said he'd take us too."

"Ben said he would too. He said he doesn't want Ashley doing it. He'd rather she just travel by side apparition," Derek said. "He said to just ask him or Michael or even Jared. They'll all be more than happy to help us. Ellen will be too busy."

"It's great they'll help us, but I just can't wait for the day when we don't have to rely on someone," Rory said. "Now I understand why Michael wanted to grow up so quick. It's frustrating to be so close to being seventeen."

It was frustrating for me to hear them complain about it. They were all closer in age than I was. Their parents at least gave them freedom. My mum and dad still wanted someone to look out for me. It was the reason they had agreed for me to go to June's for a few days after all. I was sure they were going to insist on paying my friends too. That would be very embarrassing if they did.

"It will be strange having a New Years party at a different place won't it?" Tracy asked. "It won't be at Ashley's mum's place anymore. I wonder why they just don't do it there."

"Ashley doesn't want to party with her mum anymore," Alana said. "They want to have their own parties, besides there is a lot more room at Hanks place. We actually have more places to sleep now. We don't all have to crowd together. At Hanks there won't be parents watching our every move. I enjoyed the last party there. They have video games too as well."

"Madison, you'll have to show me that song you were talking about," Jerry said to me.

It was something he'd brought up a few times since the party. I was surprised he remembered still. Alana and June were sure this was a sign he liked me (they hadn't found anything out for me yet) because he kept bringing up the song. I'd told them about it later on when he'd brought it up the night after the baby shower. I still wasn't sure.

"I'll have to look it up on the internet at Timmy's maybe," I replied.

I was regretting that I'd told the girls anything. Even if there was a chance that he liked me back, I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet. A boy like Jerry was very cute and I knew he'd dated and I also knew he snogged girls around the castle. The idea of snogging a boy made me nervous. I didn't think I could do any of that yet. I'd heard that Tracy had already shagged, and what if that was on Jerry's mind? I couldn't do that!

"It's a stupid song you know," Timmy said with a smile. "It's some American song from the sixties."

"It's still a classic to this day though," Alana said. "It's always played in American movies when something goes wrong at parties. People always quote it when something goes wrong at a party."

"Either way, it's stupid," Timmy said with a shrug. "Who wants to play Exploding Snap?"

I was relieved by the change of subject. I didn't want them to get into why this was suddenly so important. I was worried someone might blurt my feelings for Jerry or something else embarrassing might be said.

We played Exploding Snap until we arrived at Kings Cross. I kept quiet until I had to speak, but around me the other were talking about New Years and when we'd all hang out as well. Rory and Alana were talking about Christmas dinners as well. I was just happy when the train finally came to a complete stop. Since I was by the window, I had to wait for everyone else to get up and get out. The older kids made sure to grab my trunk for me.

"We'll find your parents first," June told me as she waited for me. "I expect my parents are waiting with either Alana's parents or Timmy's. They'll see us."

The idea of meeting all of these parents made me nervous and I closed up. I didn't want to meet all these people all at once. I was okay with maybe one set of parents at a time, but given that we were all friends and their parents had probably met over the years, they were likely all together. I remembered Timmy saying that their parents had all met for the first time after his first year.

The platform was completely smoky when we got off the train, so it was actually hard to see anyone at first. I paused as I looked around, and then right there across from me, I could see them. They were looking around nervously. They were with a blond woman, and as the steam cleared, I could see other people standing with them.

"They're right there," I said pointing them out to June.

"I guess they found our parents," June said to me.

I couldn't help but wonder how? Had they told people that they were looking for their daughter Madison? The others were walking over to their parents, and June nudged me forward. As soon as they saw me, mum rushed forward and held her arms open.

"Maddy!" She said excitedly which made me feel a little embarrassed. She pulled me into a hug as soon as I was closer. Even though I was embarrassed, I hugged her tightly and then let dad hug me as well.

"It's so good to see you again squirt," dad said to me. "We've missed you. The house seems so empty without you."

"I missed you too," I said and then I turned to introduce June and the others.

"Yes, we met with Mrs. Perenge here outside of the platform," mum told me smiling at Timmy's mother. "We couldn't remember how to get in here, but she helped," and then she smiled at my friends that were gathered around us. "Thank you for taking care of her while you're at school. I really appreciate it. Madison said you could help take her to and from school sometimes for us if we can't."

"Of course," June spoke up. "And if you need someone to look after her during the week we will as well. And of course I'd like for her to come over for a few days."

"That can be easily arranged," mum said happily.

The parents all talked for a few moments longer before they turned to me.

"Well let's get going. We're just going to pick up dinner on the way home tonight," dad told me. "You can tell us about school."

It took a few moments for each of us to be able to leave the platform. The ticket checker had to make sure the coast was clear first. I waited until we were close to the car before I started telling them about school. I was surprised by how agreeable they were to letting my friends come over, and for to stay at June's. They were all older and they had just met them but they trusted them right away. Normally adults weren't too quick to trust teenagers. Perhaps they were just grateful that I'd finally found friends and that they had people to look out for me. It was something I would have to ask them eventually.

For now, I just indulged with talk about school and the magic I was learning.

I only really saw my parents on the weekends, otherwise they were at work all the time. My friends made a schedule for when they could come over and hang out with me. They had a few days scheduled in where they could all come over. During the first week, June arranged for me to go over for a couple of nights, and she figured I could go over again. There was also New Years at their friends Hank's which my parents were surprisingly okay with. I did leave out the part that he was nineteen and his parents didn't live there. Some things they just didn't need to know.

Jerry, Timmy and June came over the first day and so I was able to go on the computer and how Jerry the song. Timmy rolled his eyes and went to go play with the video games I had instead while June began making snacks. I had to remind them that any messes we made we needed to clean up. I didn't want to give my parents any reason to stop this arrangement. They were neat freaks, and they wouldn't like it if anything was out of place, broken, or if there stains in the carpet.

"Don't worry," June said. "It's not as if we're having a party. This isn't the common room. The house elves always clean up after us there. It's why we don't care about making a mess."

"House elves?" I asked.

"They're magical creatures that clean up after witches and wizards. Hogwarts has the most in Britain I think," Timmy replied. "Mum would love to have one, but we live in a flat, so it's not needed."

"So why don't they clean up in the dormitories?" I could help but ask. "The first year girls dorms are disgusting."

"I don't think they do it daily," Jerry said. "I'm not sure either because ours are usually messy as well. I know they do the laundry but they leave the stuff on the floor."

"Maybe they aren't supposed to touch our possessions or something. I actually wish they did clean it up," Timmy said. "I'm a neat freak too and it's been hard to live in that mess for the last few years. I gave up cleaning it up in the first year because it was pointless."

"I'm not really sure," June replied. "Anyway Madison, you don't have to worry about us making a mess. We respect other peoples homes. Timmy's mum always make us clean everything up too, not that we really make a mess."

"Good. I just wanted to make sure. My parents really seem to trust you lot, and I don't want anything to change their minds," I said. "They won't like it if they come home to find a huge mess or something."

"We wouldn't ruin this arrangement for you Madison," Timmy said. "I've been in your place before too. Ellen was allowed to baby-sit me when she was twelve, but mum didn't want me home alone. It took us a lot of convincing for her to let me stay home alone. So I understand. We're here to keep you company, and that's what we're going to do."

It ended up being a lot of fun with them being there, and luckily, June didn't try to say anything about Jerry and me. Him and me hung out while her and Timmy hung out, and I was sure she hadn't purposely arranged it that way. If she did, I believed it was because she wanted some time with Timmy. I had a feeling there was going to be a love triangle with her, Tracy and Timmy. From the way that Timmy gazed at her, I had a feeling it would be Tracy left heartbroken.

The day after that, it was Alana, Rory and Derek who all came over to hang out with me. Alana did sit and question me about Jerry some more. Although with her, it didn't seem nearly embarrassing. Perhaps it was because she was older. She told me more about how she'd realised her feelings for Rory were more than just feelings for a friend. The boys were playing the video games and we were working on school work in the kitchen.

"But what if I am not ready to date yet?" I asked her. "I think Jerry is cute, but the idea of snogging all over the castle makes me uncomfortable, and he is fourteen! He has more experience and what if he has shagged?"

"He hasn't," Alana said. "As far as I know out of the fourth years, only Tracy has slept with someone. The rest of them haven't. Jerry's relationship's haven't lasted long enough yet, Timmy wants to wait because of the way his sister was, and Colin doesn't believe in random snogging or shagging. I don't believe Sally-Anne has even had a boyfriend yet. Last year she was really insecure because she had bad acne. June wants to wait until she is older. Look, we only really just started hanging out with that lot more last year, but even then we didn't talk as much because of our exams. So I don't know Jerry as well as you'd think I would, but I do know that he wouldn't pressure a girl to do something that she doesn't want to."

"I thought you lot were always friends," I said. "You all seem like you're really close."

"We shared the spot last year, but because of our OWLs, we spent most of it studying. We partied together when we could, but out of the younger crowd, it was just June I was the closest to. That lot still had their lives, and we had ours. We've always all hung out, but I wouldn't have called us best friends until close to the end of last year. We made a pact with each other because of how stressed we were, and how stressed June was. She took on way too much last year. She wanted to try every class so she could prove herself. You know Tracy used to be a bitch, well everyone finally got fed up and told her off, and then Ashley had a talk with her over one of our Hogsmeade weekends. After that, when Tracy came back, we all talked and we decided we needed to stick together. I was going through my own things with one of the girls that was here last year. We all got along as it was. It was actually this year when we started to get closer, especially once you joined us."

"And you lot honestly don't mind having me there? I'm the only first year," I said. "The rest of you have people your own age and I am the only odd one out."

"It doesn't bother us," Alana said with a smile. "Age doesn't matter. Not when it comes to friendships. You've met Tina. You are more mature than she is. We all get along really well, and that's all that should matter. I'm really glad that June went down to talk to you otherwise we'd have missed out on a great person."

"What about when I am in fifth year though?" I asked. "All of you will be gone with your own lives and I am shy."

"I'm sure we'll still keep in touch, but I am also sure you'll have made some friends with other people. In case you haven't noticed, it's just the girls in your year who don't like you. The other Hufflepuff's do like you. I think once you're comfortable enough, you'll be able to talk to other people more and you'll make friends with people outside of our group. I've noticed you talk to some of the Gryffindors. I don't think you'll ever be completely alone Madison. I never thought I'd have so many friends when I was in first year, and now I have our group and Ashley's group as well. There are people outside of Hufflepuff I am friendly with too. Don't worry Madison. You've really grown in the last few months. You talk so much more now, and I think you will just get more confident as time goes on. I think by the end of the year that you won't be as shy. Don't forget, you have to add a sister to the group as well."

"If she'll talk to me," I said. "But maybe there won't be anyone left now. There is that Primary school now. People are meeting each other before Hogwarts."

"True, but you never know," Alana answered with a shrug.

We both looked up as there was a loud cheer. Alana just rolled her eyes.

"You can never get the boys away from those games. They do that at my place too. It's like they miss the games at Hogwarts or something. It was always like that at the New Years parties, and Hank has those games at his place. I haven't really been to Timmy's that much, but even when we've gone there they have to play."

"I can kind of see their point," I admitted. "I love magic and Hogwarts but now that I'm back home, it seems like a different world. It is a different would. I didn't realize how much I missed my muggle electronics until I came here. I know magic is convenient, but I don't know if I can give it completely. I'll be happy that I don't have to do things like wash dishes but I don't know if I can give up the telly completely."

"A lot of people don't," Alana said. "I don't think I will either. Magic interferes with that stuff, but if there isn't too much magic around, it's fine. I know Ashley and Ellen plan to raise their kids with both."

"I think I will too," I said. "I don't think I can give it all up."

"You know, I can understand being nervous about a boyfriend," Alana said to me. "I was at your age too. Rory and Derek used to snog girls around the castle, and the thought of kissing someone seemed strange to me. As you get older though, it changes, especially when you really like a boy. With Jerry, I think he'd probably understand that you're not ready and he would take things slow. I do think he likes you back though Madison. I heard Colin and Timmy asking him why he acted weird around you. So they've noticed it too."

"Even if you find out, it might not mean I am ready," I told her.

"I know, but it won't hurt to find out," Alana said. "And then when you're ready we can do something about it. I just think that if you see him with another girl, it might really hurt. So I don't want you to have regrets either."

I shrugged. I doubted it would be as big of regret for me as it would be for her if she'd never spoken up. I knew she thought that she meant well, but it was something I needed to do on my own time. I was sure she had her own time line for telling Rory. She'd said that she figured it out the year before, but they'd gotten together in the summer. Apparently he had liked her since the third year. So no one could really preach to me about waiting or having regrets.

I was glad when she decided to change the subject about our homework. She was helping me with my essays, but she was also showing me her own school work as well. She wanted me to see what level I'd eventually get to. Sixth year work looked so complicated. I didn't understand half the questions she had.

A few days later, I finally got to meet Ashley. June invited me over for a few nights. On the first day at her place, we went over to Timmy's place. We left out the part to my parents that we took the Knight Bus over to his place. There were a lot of things that my parents were kept in the dark about, but I thought that was the best way. It wasn't exactly lying, it was just keeping certain things from them.

Everyone was meeting at Timmy's, and then we were supposed to go down to his sister's place. She lived a couple floors below them with her baby daughter and husband. When we entered his place, I was surprised at how roomy it was a flat. I'd never been anyone's flat before, but I'd always assumed that they were tiny. They lived in a three bedroom and it even had a nice balcony that overlooked a pool.

"Mum was picky about the area," Timmy explained as I looked around. "And it seems bigger now that Ellen has moved out. It kind of felt crowded when she lived here with Michelle. Now with the extra room I can have more friends over. There are two beds in Ellen's room now. I think mum knew that I wanted to have more friends over, so she bought two beds instead of one when she moved out. There is also a crib in there too in case Michelle or Clarissa are over."

"She probably has the two beds for the grandchildren," June said. "She was probably thinking long term. Michelle is going to be two soon, and Clarissa won't be a baby forever."

"I never thought of that," Timmy answered with a shrug. "Anyway, you two are welcome to go down to Ellen's to meet Ashley. She's already there. I have to wait for the others. We'll all come down when everyone else gets here. Knowing Tracy she'll be here last."

"Are Alana, Rory and Derek coming?" I asked and Timmy shook his head.

"Not likely. They don't always come here. If they do it's to see Ashley, but I doubt we'll see them unless they're at your house or New Years. They've never really hung out here before," Timmy said. "It's just everyone in our year. You remember where Ellen lives June?"

"Yes," June answered. "It's probably best for the two of us to go first anyway. Come on Madison, let's go."

I was feeling anxious now. I'd heard so many stories not just about Ashley, but Ellen too. They seemed almost like legends to me or something. I knew that no matter how much Timmy complained about his sister, he admired her and looked up to her a lot. I also knew she was apparently a great beauty.

People always talked about how beautiful she was, but I could believe it. Timmy was a very good-looking boy, and his mother was beautiful. It only made sense that she would be too. I didn't know much about Ashley's looks except that she had brown hair and brown eyes, and not quite pretty.

Tracy despite how hard she tried could still have a mean streak to her. I'd heard her say many times that Ben was too handsome for her. I'd heard some of the other older boys say that he was an idiot to turn down Ellen for Ashley. In my mind, Ashley was just an older version of Alana and June.

We finally paused at a door, and June knocked on it.

"Come on in!" We heard someone shout.

June smiled at me and then opened the door. We stepped into an apartment that smelled really good. I believed someone was making chicken maybe, but I could also smell cinnamon. I heard an excited little kid voice. A small girl with short blond hair toddled over to us quickly. She had a big grin on her face.

"Hi Michelle!" June said excitedly. "Where is your mummy?"

"In the kitchen!" We heard. "Just go sit on the couch and keep Michelle entertained. We'll be there in a moment."

June picked up Michelle, and we walked into the living-room, which was right in front of us. I took a seat in one of the chairs, while June took a spot on one of the couches. It reminded me a lot of our Hufflepuff corner. June grabbed a remote control and turned on a kids show on the telly.

"You should start the carrots now," I heard someone else say.

"You really should be sitting down. Ben wouldn't be happy to know that you're on your feet. It took forever for him to agree for you to come today. I promised him you'd be resting most of the time. Go on and sit with the girls. I can finish up in here."

"I'm still on my feet when I make dinner at home."

There was a loud cry from another room.

"Ok fine, go see what Clarissa wants then. She likely wants her bottle. You'll have to get used to checking that. You and the girls can keep the babies entertained and I'll finish up. Just make sure she isn't wet first."

Moments later, a heavily pregnant woman stepped into the living-room from a door to the right. She smiled at us. I assumed she must have been Ashley. She had long brown hair and brown eyes. She was also slightly plain looking, but I wouldn't have called her ugly. She was maybe average, but nobody you would really pay much attention to on the streets.

"I can help you check on Clarissa!" June said jumping up. She walked over to me and dropped Michelle into my lap before she hurried over to Ashley. "You really shouldn't be doing much lifting right now."

"I'll be fine June," Ashley told her, but June seemed insistent. They disappeared down a hallway off of the living-room. I glanced down at the small girl in my arms. She was smiling up at me.

"Hi!" She said when our eyes met.

"Hi," I answered back feeling a little awkward.

"New baby!" She told me and pointed down the hall. "My baby!"

"Yes, that's your new sister," I said.

"Carwissa," she said. "My baby Carwissa!"

A beautiful blond woman entered the room now. She grinned at me and then walked over.

"You must be Madison," she said to me. "I am Ellen. I am Timmy's older sister. Where is Timmy?"

"Still upstairs," I said shyly.

"Are you hungry at all? Thirsty?" She asked.

"No thank you," I replied even though I was a little thirsty.

"Milk!" Michelle said.

"I can bring you both out a snack," Ellen said. "We have butterbeer here. Have you ever tried it? If you haven't, you'll like it. Lunch will be ready soon. I am making enough for everyone."

All I could do was thank her. I felt too intimidated, but she seemed to understand. She smiled at me again and then went back into the kitchen. Ashley and June returned a few moments later. Ashley was carrying a tiny baby in her arms. June was telling her about school. Ashley took a seat on the couch closest to me.

"My baby!" Michelle shouted excitedly and she climbed out of my lap quickly. She scrambled on the couch quickly to sit with Ashley and Clarissa.

"She's not jealous at all is she?" June asked.

"She has her moments," Ellen said as she returned with a tray that she was levitating. It had several bottles of butterbeer on it, a bottle of what was either milk or formula and a sippy cup full of milk. "Sometimes she hates all the attention that Clarissa gets, but for the most part she seems happy with her new sister."

"Just give them a few years," Ashley said as Michelle tried to climb into her lap as well.

"Oh I know they'll be fighting soon enough, but for now I can enjoy this," Ellen said. "Michelle, there isn't enough room for you. Just sit beside Aunty Ashley."

"Why?" Michelle asked.

"Because you don't want to bump Clarissa or Alyssa," Ellen said. "Now sit down like a good girl and I'll give you your milk."

"New baby!" Michelle said and she put her hands on Ashley's pregnant belly. "When?"

"A couple more months," Ashley told her. "Speaking of sisters. I heard that you are the newest sister Madison."

June handed her the bottle for Clarissa, and she began feeding her.

"Sorry, I should have introduced you," June said as she took a seat on the other side of Michelle.

"It's okay," Ashley told her before she looked at me. "I know June has been looking for someone to help, and I've heard you have gained some confident since you two met."

"June has been very nice," I told her shyly.

"You're a very beautiful little girl," Ellen said to me. "Timmy has told me a lot about you. He told me you were pretty, but I wasn't expecting you to be that pretty. You're even prettier than I was when I was twelve."

All these compliments about how beautiful I was made me uneasy. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate it, but I just wasn't used to it. Sometimes I felt that all these people went behind my back and decided to compliment me as much as possible. I knew I wasn't ugly or anything, and I knew some of my features were pretty, I just didn't think I was as pretty as everyone claimed that I was. I felt they all just wanted to boost my confidence.

"I just can't believe the people in your year don't like you," Ashley said. "What is this I hear that you actually had to move out of your dormitory?"

"They ruined her things," June said.

"Timmy told me some of the things that have been going on. He said some Gracie girl is worse than Tracy used to me. It's hard for me to imagine. But then again, it's hard for me to imagine that Tracy has changed," Ellen said. "It's going to take me a while to trust her."

"Well just remember not to make her feel bad when you see her," Ashley told her and then looked at me. "We had to deal with some awful girls in our years, but other then Nicole, I don't think any of them were ever that bad."

"Well Jolene did cut up Melanie's robes," Ellen said. "And Melanie broke you and Denver up."

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.

"For which?" Ashley asked with a smile.

"Both," I answered.

I hadn't really given much thought to which when I asked. I felt that both were over the top. What if I did date someone and Gracie tried to sabotage my relationship?

"In our second year, Melanie dated my now husband Ben, but he had to dump her because she was too jealous. She noticed it between Ben and me even then. We didn't date until fifth year, but there were signs between us that we liked each other even in second year. Melanie blamed me for it and decided to get revenge on me. She took pictures of me sitting beside boys, and she sent them to my then boyfriend Denver. She wanted him to think that I was flirting with different boys even though it was all innocent. Most were taken at poker parties or just normal parties. The most incriminating one was when Ben was comforting me. Denver got upset and dumped me over them," Ashley explained. "She didn't let it go for years either."

"And then Melanie had a bit of a personality change for a year. She dated one of the boys in our year, and a jealous girl named Jolene cut up her robes as revenge," Ellen said.

"They wrecked my things because I hang out with older kids," I said.

"It's as I told Alana a year ago," Ashley said. "Jealousy is a terrible thing. I wouldn't pay attention to those girls. It's just a shame that you actually had to move out of your own dorm because of it. We definitely had our problems in school, but it seems yours might even be worse."

"I wish I was back at Hogwarts just to tell them off," Ellen said angrily.

"Don't worry," June said. "Tracy let them have it. Everyone has told them off so far. Tracy was the best though. She marched over to them and it looked as if she was ready to actually hit Gracie."

"Too bad that she didn't," Ellen said. "Where are they anyway?"

"You know Tracy," June said. "She takes forever to get ready. They probably won't be down here for a while."

"Well lunch is almost ready and Michelle is on a tight schedule," Ellen said. "I don't like to change things up. So we'll have to eat without them."

"Would you like to hold Clarissa?" Ashley asked me who was burping her now.

I shook my head. I'd never held a baby that small before. It seemed scary to me, and I said this in a small voice.

"Timmy used to be the same way," Ellen said. "But it's really not that scary. You won't hurt her."

Ashley suddenly laughed. "Alyssa just kicked Clarissa."

"That will be an interesting story to tell them when they're older," June said. "I'll hold Clarissa."

Ashley handed her over to June and then awkwardly stood up.

"Being pregnant means you have to go to the loo every twenty minutes," she said to me with a smile before she waddled off.

"I am going to get lunch ready to serve," Ellen said as she stood up. "Can you make sure she sits back down when she comes back? She really doesn't need to be on her feet. The only reason Ben agreed to let her come over today for this visit was because I promised she'd relax. Maybe you can bring up some school problem or something June. She hates being told what to do, even when she knows we're right."

"I'll try, but I don't expect she'll want a fourteen year old telling her what to do," June said.

"No I don't expect she will," Ellen said with a sigh. "She's nearly eight months pregnant though. She needs to relax. I'll be right back with the food."

She went back into the kitchen. I glanced over at June who was cradling Clarissa. Michelle was leaning against her and babbling. Ellen's flat wasn't nearly as big as her mothers, but it was actually a fair size for a small family. I took the time to look around the room. For the first time I noticed all the pictures on the walls or in frames around the room. Many of them were of Michelle in different stages of life, but there were also pictures of Ellen, Ashley and several other people. Many were from different stages in their lives as well. There was a picture of them where they looked about my age. They were standing with two boys. Other pictures showed Ellen and a man who was likely her husband, and of course pictures of Timmy too.

On the floor there were toys for a toddler. I didn't know why I hadn't noticed them before. Some were even moving around on their own. A couple stuffed animals were walking back and forth. It put me in mind of the stuffed animals at Hogwarts. They liked to hide and then jump out and hug people. Apparently a class of seventh years had set them loose as a prank and not all of them had been rounded up. I'd only seen a couple, and it seemed to be an unspoken agreement to leave them there since they liked to hug the caretaker, Filch.

"Witches and wizards are so lucky when they're kids," June said when she noticed me looking at the toys. "Michelle even has a toy broom somewhere. It actually lets her fly. It only goes up about a foot, but it's brilliant. None of our toys were ever that great."

"Broom!" Michelle said excitedly. "Where my broom?"

"Not right now Michelle!" Ellen called from the kitchen.

She returned with another tray, this time full of plates of food. She levitated it to the table.

"I wanna fly!" Michelle said.

"I am sorry," June said. "I didn't realize."

"It's fine," Ellen told her. "Michelle, after you eat you can fly. I want you to have some food first."

"I wanna fly!" Michelle said.

"No Michelle," Ellen said. "Either you eat, or you can go to your room."

"I feel bad now," June said looking worried.

"You didn't know," Ellen said to her. "It's not your fault. She just picks up on things unfortunately, but it's not like you could have known. Don't worry about it honey. Madison, go on and eat and have some butterbeer."

Ashley returned and sat down on the couch. Without saying a word, she reached for a plate of food and a butterbeer and she handed them to me. She then grabbed her own plate and bottle. I watched as she began eating and quite quickly. Was it because she was pregnant? I slowly dug into my own food. It was really good. Where were the others? Had they purposely waited this long for me to get to know Ashley and Ellen? I wouldn't put it past them. They knew how shy I was. I really wasn't contributing much to the conversation however. These girls were too grown up for me to relate to.

"I swear Alyssa is always hungry," Ashley said as she finished. "I never feel satisfied."

"Well you can have another plate," Ellen said as she tried to get Michelle to eat. "There is plenty of food and my brother is taking his sweet time. He hasn't really had the opportunity to spend much time with Clarissa, so I would have thought he'd want to be here."

"Well it depends if Tracy is there or not," June said. "She has to wake up at least an hour early just to get ready. She takes forever. I don't know why. She doesn't even wear that much make up, so I don't know what it is she does that takes so long. We've stopped waiting on her because she was making us late."

Michelle began eating the food on her plate, so Ellen walked over to June and took Clarissa from her.

"Go on and eat honey," she said to her. "I'll sit with Clarissa. Maybe I'll write to Timmy and tell him that Ashley is going to eat all the food if he doesn't get down here soon. We arranged this for you lot, so it's a little annoying."

"Well we arranged this so you could meet Madison," June told her. "And you've met her now."

"I feel like a pig," Ashley said as she reached for another plate of food.

"You're pregnant, you're allowed," Ellen told her. "Embrace it while it lasts."

I was amazed by the fact that Ellen could hold Clarissa in one arm while she pulled out her wand and summoned her message parchment. She took a seat and began writing on it, likely to Timmy. How could she multitask like that? While she did that, she was able to watch Michelle at the same time. I'd have to hold on to a baby with both arms. Wasn't she afraid of dropping her? I knew Clarissa was only a few weeks old. I'd be so paranoid with a baby that young and Ellen was so tiny. I was taller than her.

"Apparently it's Sally-Anne they are waiting for," Ellen said. "Tracy was actually one of the first to arrive. Sally-Anne has always been so prompt. That's hard to believe."

"Maybe she had another acne break-out," June answered with the shrug. "The poor girls gets it so bad sometimes. Nothing works for her either. I used to stress when I got a few pimples, but I can't imagine getting what she gets."

"But it's not as it any of us will judge her," Ashley said. "She doesn't have to be embarrassed."

"People made her feel so bad last year though," June said. "She's so insecure about it. She was doing really well this year, but it's all I can really think of. She used to hide out in the dorms last year because of it. Sometimes we couldn't convince her to go to class."

It was hard for me to imagine Sally-Anne being insecure. She seemed so confident all the time. Everyone got acne too. I had a few pimples at the moments but it didn't bother me. They would go away very soon.

"So are they coming down soon?" Ashley asked Ellen.

"Timmy said if she doesn't get there in another half hour, he'll just tell her to come down here when she gets there," Ellen said. "He said they'll just eat upstairs, so Ashley, you can eat all you want and the rest of you can eat what you want as well. I'll put the rest away as left overs. Sally-Anne hasn't responded to Timmy, so I hope everything is okay."

"I'll write her when I am finished eating," June told her.

"So Madison, tell me more about yourself while we're waiting," Ashley said to me. "I'd really like to get to know you. I hope that someday you'll be comfortable around me. I know it might seem intimidating because I am so much older, but I used to be like you. I helped out Alana, and then I helped out June. Although, Alana had more to do with June than I did since I was so much older. I still tried to help them both out as much as I could."

"You can trust her," Ellen said smiling at me. "I've known her since our first year. And believe me, she was very shy. She never used to be able to talk to anyone outside of Ben, Michael and me. It wasn't until around our second year that she gained confidence and made more friends. She ended up being Head Girl in our seventh year."

"I know," I said and then I looked at her. I was done eating now, so I put my plate on the table. "What do you want to know?"


	6. We Aren't Just The Twins

We aren't just 'The Twins.'

Cameron.

Sometimes I hated being a twin. It had it's been benefits for sure. I'd grown up with a best friend, but it had it's cons as well. For one thing, I had to share almost everything with my twin brother, William. For another, I felt as if I didn't have my own identity because everyone always referred to us as 'the twins.' The only thing going for us was that we weren't identical twins. We were fraternal twins and so people knew who they were talking to. Sometimes that didn't seem to matter when it came to us though.

I think it was why mum had decided to have us in different classes back when we were in primary school. Ever since Primary one, we'd been in a different class, and then thankfully we were sorted in different houses at the beginning of the school year. Don't get me wrong, I loved my twin brother, and I did like spending time with him, but I wanted my own identity. I wanted people to recognize me as just Cameron Hoofer, and not as 'one of the twins.'

It was the eve of our twelfth birthdays, and already our joint friends were planning a birthday party for us. So were our cousins and my older sister, Alyssa and my older brother Hayden. I just wanted to celebrate my birthday on my own. I'd never had my own cake. I'd never had the day to myself. Maybe to others it seemed as if I were whining, but they just didn't understand. I did appreciate the fact that I had friends and family who were putting in the effort. I had just hoped that once we started Hogwarts that people who let us celebrate it in our own way. Mum and dad were planning a pool party for us too when we went home.

It wasn't only me who shared this sentiment. I knew William did as well. It was something we'd talked about since we'd turned about seven. We both had different interests and tastes after all, but our birthdays were always the same theme. Maybe it was something the two of us needed to finally speak up about. I just didn't know how it would work out for us since for the most part, we had the same friends. Perhaps it would be easier now that we were older though. We could both agree on a pool party.

Another thing that bothered me was that my parents usually lumped me in with William. It's not that I'm bragging, but I am the good twin. I always compared us to some of the cartoons from our early days. William was the evil twin, and I am the good twin. Not that William actually is evil but throughout our childhood; it was usually him who was the bad one, and me the good one. There were times when I joined in on his pranks, but for the most part I kept out of it. So I hated when I would get punished for something William did.

I sighed as I looked up from my notes. We were about to take our final exams for the first year, but I was distracted. Here at Hogwarts, I actually could have my inviduality because I was in Ravenclaw. Soon enough I'd be back at home though, and I'd be back to being one of 'the twins' rather than Cameron. Here, people at least respected the fact that William and me were different. He was Gryffindor and he slacked off. I was Ravenclaw and I was top of the year.

"Are you going to study all night?" A friend of mine by the name of Dwight asked as he joined me. "I know you want to do well, but I bet if you didn't study you'd still pass. Tell me you're not studying tomorrow."

"It's why I am studying now. That way I can take a day off tomorrow," I said.

"Come on Cameron, you have it all memorized already," Dwight said. "You're the smartest in the year."

"I'm really not," I said.

That was something no one seemed to understand. I knew I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't as smart as most people thought. I did really well because I studied so much. I felt like I had to given that there were so many smart people in my family. I felt mediocre compared to Hayden, Alyssa and William. In fact, it was William who made me feel that way the most. He was so powerful. When we were kids, he'd been able to actually control magic. It slowly went away as we got older. However, with a wand, he could do spells almost on the first try. I couldn't. I had to practice hard to do it.

"You always say that," Dwight said.

"Because it's true. William is the one who can do exams without studying. I bet he is flying around right now," I said. "Sometimes I think he picked up on Ellen's attitude."

"Probably did and you're right. He is out flying right now and he wanted us to bring you down. I volunteered. Come on mate, you can take a couple days off. Our exams aren't for a few more days," Dwight said. "You're going to get top marks as usual."

"Why can't this wait until tomorrow?" I asked. "I'm not going. We can have fun tomorrow, and then after the exams."

"Trevor said this was going to be a lost cause," Dwight said with a sigh. "You sure are stubborn. We're not going to be at Hogwarts for much longer you know."

"And then we have all summer," I said. "You said you could come over whenever you want this year. Now that we're all older, mum and dad don't care. We can fly and swim and you lot can sleep over. Alyssa doesn't have to watch us either because we're twelve now. I think we all have to take it in turns to for Hailey, but that's not a big deal."

"Sounds good to me. Mum and dad don't care what I do," Dwight said. "Fine, I'll leave you alone for now but I am dragging you outside tomorrow Cameron. I'll let William in the common room to help. We have big plans for the two of you."

"Everyone is acting like our birthday is more for them than us," I muttered.

It was the truth. I didn't know why everyone was making such a big deal about our twelfth birthdays. I couldn't remember mum and dad making a big deal out of it when Alyssa turned twelve. I knew her friends had celebrated it with her, and we had sent cards and gifts and that was it. I couldn't really remember much about Hayden's twelfth birthday except that he'd had a pool party before he'd gone off to school. It was almost as if we were turning seventeen instead of just twelve. We'd never made such a big deal before except the standard birthday party we all got every year.

"It's a way to let off some steam," Dwight said with a shrug. "It's the end of school year and we're about to write our first exams. Next year we'll be second years. We won't be the youngest in the school anymore. The older kids won't pick on us anymore."

"You're naive if you believe that," I replied. "Alyssa and Hayden both told me it's not until third year that they stop bothering you, but even then they can still get on your case. Hayden said it's really not until fifth year that they stop."

"There will still be some fresh meat," Dwight told me. "It will take some of the pressure off of us. Are you sure you don't want to come out and play Quidditch?"

"No I don't want to play Quidditch," I answered. "I need to study. I am really not that big of playing it anyway. I do it just because William wants the practice, but I've never really liked playing all that much."

"It's hard to believe you two are twins sometimes," Dwight said and then he walked off.

"That's a good thing," I muttered.

I truly hoped as we got older that people would see that more and more. I actually liked Quidditch quite a bit, but I didn't like playing it. Sometimes it was okay for the fun of it, but most of the time I just preferred to watch. There was a time when William had believed that him and me could be just like the famous Weasley twins, and I wanted no part of that. He wanted us to be pranksters like them and everything. I knew he'd been disappointed when I'd told him that I didn't want that. He'd never said it out loud, but I knew him well enough. He was my twin after all. He was even more disappointed when I'd been sorted into Ravenclaw. In fact, he'd almost acted like I'd let him down. He hadn't talked to me for the first few days of school. We'd gotten past that of course, but sometimes I still thought he had that resentment for me.

William.

I loved being on a broom. It took away all my worries. Not that I really had much to stress about, but when I did, I could forget it all when I was flying. It had always been like that for me. Ever since my father had taught me how to fly at the age or four, I'd loved it. Even before then when I'd used a kids broomstick I felt like that. Add playing Quidditch to that, and I was in seventh heaven.

Next year I was hoping I'd actually end up on the Quidditch team. A few of the Gryffindor's were playing. I didn't really care what position I got. I was best at playing Chaser, but I would take any. I'd actually wanted to try out for a Beater. The legendary Weasley twins were Beaters but that position was actually my weakness. I'd been trying to play it as soon as mum allowed us to play Quidditch, but I was terrible. So I had to settle for one of the other positions. That was if I even got on the team. Apparently the captain was very picky and he hated letting on first and second years. The youngest member at the moment was a fourth year.

At the moment, I was actually supposed to be studying for my exams. It was the end of first year and in a couple of days we'd sitting down to write them. These exams would determine whether or not we were ready to advance into the second year. I knew I was ready, and I didn't need to sit down and study. I didn't understand why everyone was so stressed out. My siblings were driving me mad about it. My older sister had lectured me just that morning. Hayden had told me yesterday to buckle down. My twin brother Cameron was not only stressing me out, but himself out as well. He was going to make top marks no matter what.

I didn't understand him sometimes. We'd been together since before we were even born, but we were so different. Cameron was shy and a bit high strung. I was confident and I was called easy-going. We didn't even look the same. I wasn't sure why that was. Everyone told us it was because we were fraternal twins, but I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that if we weren't even brothers, we probably wouldn't talk to each other.

Don't get me wrong. We were actually quite close. There wasn't anyone who knew me better than Cameron. It wasn't just because of the obvious fact that we'd grown up together, but it was because I could just tell him everything. I had friends outside of my brother, but I always told him everything. He knew all my insecurities, my dreams, my goals and well, just everything.

The only thing that we had in common was that at times we hated being twins. To others, that might have seemed selfish because we'd been born with a best friend. However, our entire lives we'd been known as 'the twins.' It was so hard for us to be seen as individuals even though our personalities and looks were so different. Mum used to even dress us the same until we were about eight and we put our foots down about that.

The next day we would be turning twelve, and sure enough, all of our friends wanted us to celebrate it together. Mum and dad wanted us to have a pool party when we went home. We of course had mutual friends, but there were people I hung out with more. At times I just wanted to do my own thing with my closest friends and let Cameron do his own thing. I also didn't want a huge party with the family either. Not anymore. When we were younger, I didn't mind so much. Now however, I just wanted a small celebration with the immediate family and that was it.

The only birthday I thought we should have a big deal over was our seventeenth, and that was five years away. I didn't mind if we got everyone all together just as Hayden had two years ago for his. What was the big deal about turning twelve though? Nothing at all.

All this was on my mind as I circled the Quidditch pitch with some other first years. Often it was hard for first years to be able to fly around it. Either the Quidditch teams were practising or else the older kids would kick us all. Today, we seemed to be enjoying an uninterrupted afternoon. What I really wanted to do was play a game of Quidditch, but the equipment was locked away. I'd asked several people to come out with me so we could play. It was something I'd have to wait to do so when it was time to get home. I was good with flying for the afternoon though.

As I went to circle around again, Dwight, a mutual friend of Camerons and mine (although he was a better friend to my brother) flew in front of me. I cursed aloud as I nearly ran into him and swerved.

"What's wrong with you mate?" I asked stopping. I glared at him as I hovered in one spot.

"I couldn't get Cameron to come out," he said.

"I didn't expect you would," I said.

"Well you said to try," Dwight said with a whiny voice.

"No, I said you could ask him but I really wasn't expecting him to come out. He's too riled up about these exams," I answered.

"I could go up and make him come down," Trevor, one of my best friends and also my cousin said as joined us. Everyone else began to as well.

"No, just leave him alone," I said. "When Cameron has his mind made up, he won't budge. He is more stubborn than Hayden is."

And that was saying something. I'd always thought my older brother was the most stubborn person I knew, but over the last couple of years, I'd noticed that Cameron could be just as bad. Perhaps it was Hayden who'd he picked it up from. I was one of the first to bother my twin when it came to his study habits, or how serious he was. However, I hated it so much when the others did it. For me most of the time, it was just teasing. Only sometimes it was annoying for me. With our friends, they were usually doing it to be mean, but they were hiding it behind playful teasing. I knew all too well what they were doing because I did it to others.

"I told him he has to come out tomorrow," Dwight said. "I said we'd force him to at least take his birthday off."

"And I am sure he agreed with that," I answered with a shrug. "Was it really worth it for me to almost knock you off your broom? In fact, I can do it now."

I leaned forward to shoot forward. Dwight's eyes widened and he flew up to avoid me. I actually had no attention to do so, but he was so easy at times. Sometimes he would complain how Cameron stressed, but he was ten times worse.

"I just don't understand why he is taking this so seriously," Trevor said with a shrug. "We all know he is going to pass with flying colours."

Some of the others around us murmured their agreement. I gave another shrug.

"It's just the way he is. So are we going to fly around or not? It's what we came out here to do," I said.

"It's no fun if we can't play Quidditch," a girl named Leanne said.

"Flying is fun too," Trevor said. "We can race each other. You always scream when someone hits a bludger at you anyway Leanne."

"No I don't!" She said.

"Yes you do!" I disagreed. "You always panic and you almost fell off your broom once. You think you want to be a Seeker, but you won't be."

The majority of the first years I'd grown up with of course. There were a few exceptions. They were ones who hadn't gone to primary school with us. While we'd attended primary school, we'd played games of Quidditch in our phys-ed classes. Several of the first years who were hovering with us would never make the team, and she was one of them. She was obsessed with Harry Potter, and she wanted to be a Seeker for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. The Seekers were always the most vulnerable and she wouldn't be able to handle it.

"I'll prove your wrong William Hoofer!" She said angrily. "I'll make the Quidditch team before you."

Everyone laughed at that. Even the people who were her closest friends were laughing at her. They all knew this would never happen.

"I'll take that bet," I said quickly. "Next year we will both try-out. There will be an opening for Seeker on the team. Alyssa told me. So go ahead, and we'll see just how well you do."

"How much do you want to bet then?" Leanne asked not backing down.

Although she was skittish on a broomstick, she was very stubborn and she never backed down from an argument. She could be as stubborn as Cameron at times. Even when she knew that she was wrong, she would back down. At times it could be really annoying, but I could admire that about her.

"A galleon," I said.

"Okay rich boy," a boy named Peter said.

"I have a Galleon," Leanne said.

"Do you have a problem with that?" I asked Peter.

Unlike my siblings who all seemed embarrassed by our wealth, I wasn't. Why should we be? We were rich, and most people knew it. Why was that such a bad thing? We never wanted for anything, and it was how my parents wanted us to grow. Those were my mum's very words. She'd grown up poor. Yet, my parents could contradict themselves because they didn't want us to rely on the money. Why did they want us to have so much then? They already had us set up for when we moved out. In fact, Hayden was planning on taking a couple years off to be a kid before he started his real life. He was about to finish his seventh year.

"Not all of us can rely on mummy and daddy's money is all," Peter said.

"And I can. So what?" I said not backing down. "Doesn't mean anything. You think you are better than me because you can't?"

"Well it just proves I'll work hard though life because I don't have to rely on money," Peter answered. "All the Hoofer kids are just spoiled brats."

"So why hang out with us then?" Trevor asked him. "If you think that about us; why do you bother?"

"I don't mind hanging out with you lot. I just hate it when you throw the money in our faces," he said with a shrug. "Willy here brought up a Galleon because he can."

"No, I brought up a Galleon to see how serious Leanne is," I said. "You're the only one who focuses on our money. I just wanted to see if she would take the bet if the stakes were high."

"Exactly," Leanne said. "I knew what William was doing all along. Besides, a Galleon isn't that much. I have several at home from birthdays and everything."

"Must be nice," Peter muttered.

I imagined with him it was just jealousy. His parents didn't have a lot of money. It was true in the past I had bragged about my money, but I'd stopped a couple of years ago. My father and Hayden had explained to me why I shouldn't. I didn't know if I agreed with them, but I'd stopped because I didn't want to come off as arrogant or hated. That didn't mean I wasn't proud of it. I still was to this day. I just didn't throw it in people's faces anymore. However, Peter seemed to act like he was better than most people because he didn't have money. He thought it meant that he would be earning his way through life harder than the rest of us. He acted as if he looked down on Hoofers, but in reality, I thought he was jealous.

"It is actually," Leanne said looking annoyed. "Don't get angry with me just because my family gives me money."

"I'm not," Peter said and he looked away.

I glanced at Leanne who winked at me and then gave me a small smile. She sure was cute. I'd never noticed that before. She had long blond hair, and big blue eyes. I'd grown up with her. She'd hung out with us since Primary two, but I'd never given her much thought before. Why hadn't I noticed how pretty she was before? How odd.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" A boy named Hung said, obviously bored from this conversation. "It's the first time we can't celebrate at your house."

"For now," I said. "Mum and dad said we can invite people when we go home. I think Alyssa and Hayden have big plans for us anyway," and then I focussed on Trevor and Dwight. "I'm guessing you two do as well."

"So far we're just getting some food and cake from the kitchens and we're celebrating in court yard. It's the only place big enough for all the people who want to be there," Trevor said.

"Well just tell me what time then and we'll decide from there," I said. "So let's just keeping doing some laps. Who knows how long the big kids will let us keep flying. The only reason I bet we have the pitch now is because they're all studying."

Later on as we walked back up the castle, Trevor rushed over to walk by my side while our group divided up. Although we were in different houses, he was still my best friend out of most people except Cameron. I had some good friends in Gryffindor, but it was Trevor and Cameron I was still the closest to. At times it was hard having them in Ravenclaw while I was in Gryffindor. Sometimes I felt lonely without them around. So at the moment, I welcomed his presence.

"You know that everyone likes celebrating your birthday with you right?" Trevor asked me.

"Of course," I muttered.

I honestly had no idea where he was going with this.

"Well it's why we are making it a big thing. We've always enjoyed celebrating it for you and it's easier to do it with both you and Cameron. It's why we are just having a party for both of you. I'm friends with you both of you, and I don't want to just celebrate with Cameron and then just with you," he said and now I understood.

"It's just we're both tired of this," I told him.

"But what about the people who want to celebrate it with both of you?" Trevor pressed. "Should we just stop celebrating it altogether. It's what happens when you have a twin, mate."

"I know, but we want to be seen as individual's," I said.

"I don't think you can start with your birthday mate," Trevor said. "Maybe it's selfish of all us, but we like celebrating it with both of you," and then he sighed. "Remember there was a time when I wished I had a twin?"

"Well yes because you wouldn't shut up about it," I said. "You complained for almost a year after Carly and Jake were born."

"Well I've realized that it certainly has its disadvantages," Trevor said.

"Cameron and I have been telling you that for years," I pointed out. "Don't get me wrong, it has it advantages. I like being a twin and I know I contradict myself at times. It's just, we've always had to do everything together, we've had to share everything and people always just see as one person. We don't even look the same."

"My biggest thing was that you were born with your best mate," Trevor said with a shrug.

"But you're also my best mate," I said. "Our parents made it that way. You don't need a twin for that. Look at Alyssa, Clarissa, Mackenzie and Richard. Even though Richard is the only boy, he is still close to them."

"I know. I am over it now and I've seen my parents do the same to my brother and sister and they are different genders. Carly is just a little pest and yet Jake gets blamed for it. Cameron gets blamed when you're a prat," Trevor said.

There was some truth to that. It didn't happen as often anymore, but a lot of the time, Cameron would be lumped with me when I did something wrong. Sometimes he was my partner in crime, but it depended. If we were pulling a prank, he was happy to do it if it didn't go too far. However, at times when I was alone in trouble-making, mum and dad would question him too.

Cameron actually called me his evil twin. I actually liked that. It actually made sense. My brother was such a goody two shoes at times. He was the good twin and I was the evil one. I was just sorry that I hadn't thought of it myself.

"So the question is, are you two going to drag your feet tomorrow? Or are you actually going to enjoy it? We're doing it for you and we want to," Trevor said.

"Well Cameron might drag his feet because we're making him take a day off," I said with a smile.

"Dwight and me are dragging him out tomorrow. We may have to enlist the help of Mackenzie and Richard," Trevor said grinning.

"Send Mackenzie in after him. He'll regret that one," I said.

I remembered when she'd thrown water on me last summer when I'd refused to get up. I'd wanted to sleep until at least noon. No one else seemed to care that day, and so they'd sent her in. According to the older kids it was because I needed to learn how to wake up early for Hogwarts. I didn't buy this since I had to wake up early for primary school.

"Or Minnie," Trevor said with a grin. "Either way, he'll be there."

I had to admit, even if it did still annoy me a little, I was looking forward to the party. Perhaps there were just things we would still have to do together. That didn't mean that people should treat us as one person though. I figured after tomorrow that my brother and me could finally have a talk. While we'd agreed on this, neither of us had ever spoken up. We were going to have to have a united front for this. I think it worked in this case since they saw us as one person anyway.

Cameron

I stood up in front the whole school as our Headmistress introduced me as Head Boy. I had been waiting for this moment since I'd understood Heads at Hogwarts. I'd been made a prefect in my fifth year, and now here I was, the Head Boy. For some reason though, everyone was laughing at me. Why were they all laughing at me.

"Cameron, wake up!"

Wake up? I was awake but I was also cold. There was a breeze on my legs and I realized I wasn't wearing any pants!

I felt tugging at me feet and then the vision of being in front of the whole school changed. Now I was staring at the headboard of my bed as it moved further from me. I was confused. What was going on? And then it dawned on me. I wasn't seventeen and Head Boy. I was officially twelve-years-old, and people were trying to force me out of bed.

Of course I'd had the cliche dream of wearing no pants in front of the whole school. I always had that dream. Either that, or my teeth fell out. Even in my sleep, I wasn't very original. Now I was at the edge of my bed and I was surrounded by my cousins and my friends.

"I'm up!" I said as I grabbed my blanket to pull it around me.

Even the girls were in my room and I slept in just my boxers. I glared at them but none of them seemed to care.

"Cameron, we've known you since you were a baby," Minnie said and she smirked. "And you wear swimming trunks when you go swimming."

"Guess you won't mind if I walk in your room when you're wearing your underwear then," I said.

"Fair point made little cousin," she said with a smile. "Seriously though, get up. It's ten in the morning and we are all waiting for you."

"It's ten?" I asked with surprise and then I glanced over at the clock.

Of course I'd stayed up late studying the night before, but I was surprised that I'd slept until ten here. I hadn't slept in since the previous summer. Even on weekends at Hogwarts, I'd be up around eight-thirty of nine.

"Even William is up already," Mackenzie told me. "Usually it's the other way around. Now, we brought you breakfast. You're a spoiled boy there dear Cameron. You're getting breakfast in bed! So eat up and get dressed. We'll meet you in the common room."

Minnie grinned at me before she held her arm out to Mackenzie who hooked her arm into it. The two of them skipped out of the dormitory. I watched them go and shook my head. Richard, Charles, Trevor and Dwight remained behind as the other boys began to leave too.

"Are you lot going to watch me eat too?" I asked. "Don't worry. I will eat and I will go downstairs."

"Nice boxers Hoofer," Charles said to me with a smirk. "Didn't know that you supported the Cannons."

I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him.

"Out!" I said but I was smiling.

"Tell me why you're wearing Cannon-" Charles began but hurriedly grabbed my wand from my night stand to point it at him.

"You probably have the same ones," I said as I pointed it at him.

Every year our grandmother bought us assorted Quidditch boxers. Charles just laughed and then turned to walk off. The others smirked at me before they too began to depart. Richard paused at the door and turned back to look at me.

"The rest of usually get rid of them," he said. "I'm guessing you're a secret fan."

"Out!" I yelled again.

This was a lesson to always just wear my pajamas even if I overheated at night. I didn't think anyone in my dorms would really give a damn, especially since some of them only wore boxers too. I hadn't counted on Minnie and Mackenzie or any other girl to see me like this. They weren't supposed to be in the boys dorms after all. I sighed and glanced over at the tray of food on my bedside table. Every morning I was always famished, so I was grateful that they'd done this. The only time I'd had breakfast in bed was when I'd been sick.

I remembered when we'd made breakfast for my mum in her bed. We'd brought up trays of food for both my mum and dad. Alyssa had gotten us up all early to do so. Back then, William had questioned why we never got breakfast in bed on our birthdays, but she had just shrugged. I wondered what he would think if he knew. He wasn't as petty about things as he used to be when we were younger, but he still could be. There were times when he'd see things as unfair and he'd get angry. It was funny, because he always said he was the easy-going twin, and I wasn't. I didn't agree with that.

I quickly ate my breakfast and then changed. Down in the common room, I found my Ravenclaw friends and cousins waiting for me. I wondered if they thought that I was going to try and get out of this.

"Happy birthday!" Minnie said jumping up from her chair. "Ooh, I can't believe you and William are twelve now. You've always been little kids to me. It's hard to believe that you two are growing up."

"Don't worry, she said the same thing to me," Mackenzie said.

"And me," Richard said.

"And me," Charles added.

"Well, that's what happens when you are the oldest," Minnie said before Trevor could speak up as well. "Hayden and me were the only kids for so long, even after you lot were born because you were so little. Wait until you get to be seventeen. It's going to be ten times worse."

"We know," Trevor said and then he turned to me. "William and the others are down in the court yard."

"And they all wanted you to pull me out kicking and screaming?" I asked.

"No, we just wanted to wait for you," Mackenzie said. "We wanted to walk down with you. We knew you weren't going to refuse Cameron. We're all Ravenclaws, so we might as well walk down together."

I nodded. Dwight and Trevor weren't my only friends in Ravenclaw. I hung out with three other blokes as well. Their names were Albus, HUnter and Frank. They were both studying, but the moment that Mackenzie spoke up, they set their quills down. Everyone always said I was intense when it came to studying, but I thought Albus and Frank were even worse than me. I figured it was why we got along so well though. Hunter was someone I had grown up with.

Albus could be annoying though just because he was named after our late Headmaster. He thought that made him something special. It didn't matter when people pointed out that the name was a very popular one in the Wizarding World at the moment. There were probably two or three blokes named Albus in every year! We had another one in Slytherin. One of the Potter kids was named Albus. It didn't stop our Albus from being pretentious about it though. Hayden once told me he had one of those in his year too though.

I began to walk to the common room door to leave, and everyone began to follow.

"Think you can get any good stuff for this?" Trevor asked Minnie who shook her head.

"I am Head Girl. I am not going to give a bunch of first years alcohol," she said.

"You're only Head Girl for a couple more weeks," Trevor told her. "You know, our Aunt Ashley let kids drink when she was Head Girl."

"I'm not getting you alcohol," Minnie stated. "I never drank in my first year. You don't need to either."

"Aunt Ashley let people drink," Charles pointed out.

"They weren't first years and it was the last party of the year," Minnie said. "Look, I'll look away on the last day of school. Today, let's just have fun and sober party today. It's not even noon yet."

"I think he was meaning for later tonight," I heard Mackenzie mutter.

"It's Sunday and exams are starting tomorrow," Minnie said. "Fine prefect you'll make."

"Because you don't drink at all," Mackenzie retorted.

"No fighting on my birthday!" I stated. "We don't need alcohol."

I hadn't actually tried it yet. I had no interest in it yet. I knew William had tried but I didn't understand why. I'd seen my parents, other adults and my older siblings when they drank too much. Maybe I'd change my mind when I was older, but I didn't know if I wanted to try it. Why would anyone want to drink so much that they acted stupid, and then puked the next day? And why would you want to do it now? Often people told me that I was too old for my age and maybe they were right. In my opinion, anyone under fifteen should not drink. I think even sixteen was pushing it. Eleven and twelve was far too young to drink. I didn't care if that made me sound uptight.

Around me, my cousins continued to bicker. Emma, a girl in the second year smiled over at me and rolled her eyes. She was a year older than me, but we'd grown up together because our parents were good friends. She lived in our neighbourhood. In fact, she was Hunter's older sister.

"I tried to stop them from going up you know," she said to me. "They didn't listen."

"Hoofers are stubborn," I replied. "Once they have their minds set on something, you can't change it."

"Believe me, I know," she laughed.

I laughed as well. I didn't want to admit it, but I thought she was actually cute. I didn't want anyone to know because it was embarrassing for one thing. I didn't understand what to do when I thought someone was cute. Was I supposed to at twelve? Was I too young? I often analyzed that kind of thing. For another, we'd grown up together and she was more Alyssa's friend than mine. Another reason was because Hunter was a good friend of mine and it was his older sister. There were many reasons for why it was strange. So I was never going to tell anyone. Not even William, and he knew everything.

I knew there were going to be a lot of people down in the court yard. Most of them were going to be there for William, or because they were friends with my older siblings/cousins and they'd watched us grow up. My friends were mainly the Ravenclaw's. William made friends with almost everybody, even my friends. Trevor was even a better friend to William than me. I was mainly comfortable with Dwight and Hunter, but I got along with the other blokes well enough. I wasn't a fan of big parties though. I wasn't someone who socialized a lot in big groups. I preferred smaller groups or one on one.

Sure enough, when we entered the court yard, it was to find all of my family who attended Hogwarts and their friends. They all cheered when we arrived. I started to feel anxious as they all rushed over. I began to take deep breaths. They're all being friendly. I told myself as I took in their grinning faces.

"About time!" William said as he clapped a hand on my shoulder. "We've been waiting. You never sleep in."

"I stayed up studying," I told him and he broke out into a grin before he rolled his eyes.

"Leave it to you," he said laughing. "Can you believe the party they have for us out here? No one else has had one like this have they? Alyssa didn't and neither did our cousins."

I was glad that William was noticing this too. Alyssa had her fourteenth birthday back in February. We'd just given her gifts and went on with our day. I knew she'd had a bit of a celebration in her common room, but it didn't involve the whole family. It was just anyone who was in Hufflepuff.

Everyone began singing "Happy Birthday" to us while Alyssa levitated a cake over in front of us. There was a one and a two on the cake.

"Do you want the one or the two?" William asked me but I gave him a shrug. I didn't care.

Usually it was William who cared more about that then me. Last year it hadn't mattered since there were two ones on the cake. It hadn't been easy before when we'd been a single digit. Sometimes it had caused an argument if William thought I blew the candle out without him. On our tenth birthday, he had wanted the one so I'd taken the zero. This time he seemed to care about my opinion. That was definitely a first.

"I'll take the one and you can have the two," he said and I just nodded.

"On the count of three then," I muttered and began to count. After I said three, we both blew at the same time. Everyone began clapping around us and cheering. Hayden rushed over to put an arm around both of us.

"My little brothers aren't so little anymore," he said and then he looked at William. "Especially you."

This was something that actually made me feel insecure. Actually, a lot of things about William made me insecure. There were only a few times in our life I could really remember being the same height as him. Usually once I caught up to him in height, he would shoot up again and I'd be left behind. At the beginning of our first year, we were the same height. Now it was the end of our first year and he was a head taller than me. Why was I always so small? I believed I must have grown somewhat, but not as much as he had.

It wasn't just the height thing. There was also the fact that he was also so powerful and confident. It didn't take much for him to do magic whereas it took me some tries. When we were kids, I'd hated it that he could do magic without a wand. I'd actually been secretly happy when it had gone away. Now at Hogwarts, he could do a spell on the first try. I knew at times that I hated when we were compared just because we were twins. I did compare myself to him when it came to things like this though. We were twins, so why couldn't I do magic so well? Why was he so tall and I wasn't? Alyssa was very tall and she was a girl! Not that girls couldn't be tall, but everyone knew that blokes were usually taller than girls.

I didn't say anything though, I just smiled at Hayden who grinned back at me. He leaned down.

"Don't worry, you'll grow too. You always do," he whispered. "You've grown already and you're top of the year."

How did he always know what I was thinking? I just gave him a small shrug. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, especially today of all days. I just watched as Minnie began slicing the cake into tiny pieces for everyone. She handed the cake out on small paper plates. I didn't know if there would be enough for everyone there. However, she seemed to know what she was doing because she managed to make the pieces even enough for everyone.

"Impressive," William said to me after we got our pieces. He must have been thinking the same thing. "You know mum did that when she was seventeen. It was a bigger cake and she managed to do it with magic."

"Really?" I asked glancing at him with surprise. That was one of the stories of our parents I didn't know about. Why did he know but I didn't?

"Yeah it was for dad's seventeenth. Weird to think of them as Minnie and Hayden's ages isn't it? Anyway, I didn't arrange all of this. I knew you wouldn't want a big party. Trevor told me last night that everyone wanted this. I guess for our birthday's we just have to deal with it."

"At least while we're Hogwarts aged," I said. "Once we're adults we can do what we want. I appreciate the sentiment though."

"Why do you always have to use big words?" William asked. "You know I don't know what that means."

"It's not really a big word," I said. "And I just mean I appreciate the fact that they did this for us. I have to get used to big parties because mum and dad love them. We've always had them."

"Well whatever," William said. "You should talk like a normal person. Anyway, I decided yesterday that we can't do much about our birthday right now. We can talk to our parents and everyone else about other things though. I figure we can do that when we go home."

"How did you know I was thinking the same thing?" I asked him.

"We always usually think about it before our birthday," William said. "We talked about it last year, remember? Trevor has a point though. People want to celebrate it with us. So we might as well let them."

"I just don't see why this birthday was the big one," I said. "We're only twelve. Everyone has a party for their birthday, especially if we're at home, but no one else had big parties like this at school. Why is this so important?"

"It's because this could be the last big party we all have together," Alyssa said as she joined us. She must have been listening. "It might not be, but it's Minnie and Hayden's last year at Hogwarts. Soon they're going to be all grown up. The cousin's just wanted one last hurrah before we all start parting ways."

"It won't be the last big party," William told her.

"Maybe not, but we don't know that for sure," Alyssa said. "You'd have to ask Hayden. He was the one who really wanted to do this for you two. He's going to live at home for a couple more years, but I think he is feeling sad. This really is the end of his childhood. All of this is all down to him, so you'd have to ask him. I just helped plan. I also wanted one last party before our exams too."

I looked around for Hayden. Most people had spread out by that point. We were the guests of honour, but they were all talking amongst themselves now. Perhaps they were letting us have our family moment for the time-being. Most of the first years were there as well as the older kids we knew through our cousins and siblings. Hayden was off to the side now with his girlfriend (and our neighbour) Michelle.

"Surprised he didn't do it for Michelle instead," William said as he glanced over at Hayden too. "If he wanted his last party; it should have been for her instead."

"Are you really complaining about a big party?" Alyssa asked as she looked from William to me. "Why? I thought you two would be happy about it."

"We like the big party. Well, at least I do," William said. "You know that Cameron hates to be the centre of attention though," he added as he nodded at me. "It's not that though. We like having a party and we appreciate all of this. It's just that we are tired of being seen as twins."

"Exactly," I said.

"Oh..." Alyssa said and her eyes widened with understanding. "Well it's hard to celebrate without both of you unfortunately. I always knew you two hated it though, and I knew someday you were going to bring it up."

"It's not really the birthday," William said. "There isn't anything we can change about that."

"We just want to be seen individuals. Maybe next year we could even have our own cakes instead of just one cake," I said. "I'm sorry to seem all down on a day you planned, but it's something I always think about on my birthday or the eve of my birthday."

"Eve of your birthday?" William asked me looking confused. "What does that mean?"

"You know, our birthday eve," I said to him wondering why he was confused by this. He knew what Christmas Eve was after all.

Sure enough, he said:

"But that's just for Christmas," William said still looking confused.

Alyssa snickered.

"It's the day before Christmas but it doesn't always apply to Christmas," she said. "It can apply to anything that is the day before."

"Why not just say the day before Christmas or the day before our birthday then?" William asked.

"Fine," I said. "The day before my birthday. Look, that isn't the point William. Alyssa, we just want to be taken seriously. We have spoken up before. People always tell us they'll stop but then they start again. Our birthday just makes us think about it more than usual. We know we're always going to have to celebrate it together. We're not asking people to stop this, but they need to stop treating us as one person."

"I get it. I really do," Alyssa said. "I don't think I'm really guilty of that am I? I've tried for years. Once you two started to get older, I could see it more. Especially when William feels the need to annoy me more," and she stuck her tongue out him. He grinned and did it back.

"No you're not too bad," William said looking serious again. "But everyone else hasn't figured that out yet. I like this and I'll thank Hayden later. I just want people to see me as William Hoofer and not William and Cameron or 'the twins.'"

"Exactly," I added.

"Well I'll see what I can do to help," Alyssa said. "In the meantime, you two need to enjoy your party. You're twelve now! You'll start sitting at the adult table and everything! Believe me, twelve is the first step to being treated as a big kid."

"I don't know about that..." William muttered.

"Well just talk to mum and dad," Alyssa said. "I did."

Andrew walked past us, and she seemed to forget about us. She chased after him, calling his name as he went over to greet Hayden. This was proof that most of these people came just for a celebration. A lot of the older kids hadn't come over to talk to us personally so far. I watched as Alyssa clung to Andrew's arm, and I felt annoyance. She would never admit it, at least not to me, but I knew she fancied him. He was much too old for her though, and he had a reputation. She could do better than him.

"Right, that was after she had her tantrum and then she got rewarded for it," William said shooting her a glare.

"You know she felt bad for that afterwards," I said. "She still regrets it to this day."

"I know, but it still annoys me," William said. "I know she feels horrible about it. I know she knows she should never had said it, but sometimes I think back to that night and I get angry. Mum feels so horrible about all of that. I'll never say anything to Alyssa, Cameron. Don't tell her I said that."

"The thing is, I think she beats herself up enough over it," I said.

"I know," William answered. "But the point is, she threw that temper-tantrum and then mum and dad let her baby-sit. All that happened was that she was grounded for a weekend."

"Alyssa explained what happened with that," I told him. "I hope that's not what you're planning to do."

"No," William said quickly. "And yes she did explain it to me. She talked to me about it before she went back to school that summer. It's not what she said. I said that I still feel angry sometimes, but it's not about that. It's not just Alyssa."

"Well what are you talking about then William?" I asked. "You tell me everything and I don't know what you mean."

"Later," William said and took a deep breath. "It's our party. Let's just have fun."

"It's your party and you can cry if you want to," I said.

"You're a git," William said. He dropped his paper plate that he'd had his cake on and he suddenly tackled me.

"William!" I said as I fell to the ground but I was laughing. I was so used to him doing this. Besides, I preferred to see him happy like this and not brooding.

This seemed to make everyone else want to be playful as well. Trevor suddenly ran over to join as and then a few others did as well. I tried to move so that I wouldn't get piled on. This had happened before, and I hated being at the bottom of the pile.

"No, hold him down so we can tickle him!" Alyssa's friend Clarissa shouted as she ran over.

She muttered the tickle charm with a wave of her wand, and it suddenly felt like I was being tickled all over. I tried to fight off William and Trevor all the while laughing. Who said I couldn't have fun?

William

I woke up on my birthday to a message from mum and dad wishing me a happy birthday. I wouldn't get a gift from them until we went home, but that was okay. I thought that must have meant I was growing up for sure. If it was even a year ago, I would have been upset that they were waiting. Now I didn't really care because they would have a cake and some gifts at home waiting for me.

I actually woke up early that day. Normally I slept in. However, I did worry that my room mates or even Hayden and his friends would wake me up creatively. I was the first one awake, and I was the first one down at breakfast. I was mid-way through breakfast when Hayden and his friend Andrew sat on either side of me, and their other friend Craig sat in front of me. This didn't happen very often. Usually he stuck with the seventh years.

"Can't believe you're awake," Hayden said to me. "It's only eight in the morning. You know we were fully prepared to put water on you? We went into your dorm and you were gone."

"I was expecting that," I told him. "It would either be you or one of my dorm mates."

"They're still asleep," Andrew told me. "So do you feel older? Do you feel wiser?"

"None of the above," I replied thinking of an answer I've usually seen on multiple choice questions.

"Can you believe that you used to be that scrawny?" Craig asked Andrew. "He wasn't any wiser at twelve either you know."

"I'm taller than Andrew was," I said. "I'm taller than you were."

"Touche," Craig said and he winked at me. "Where is the good twin?"

"Haven't seen him yet," I said and I turned in my seat to look at the Ravenclaw table. Most of the Great Hall was empty. Not too many people were up at this time of day on a Sunday. Cameron was no where in sight. I was surprised.

"Well birthday boy, I guess we have you to ourselves for the time being," Hayden said to me.

"Should we initiate him as a teenager since we won't be here for that next year?" Andrew asked.

"I dunno," Craig said. "He still seems little to me. I bet he wouldn't understand any of it. I bet he hasn't even snogged anyone yet."

"I have so," I lied. "I bet you hadn't at my age."

"That's where you'd be wrong," Craig said. "I snogged at News Years Eve in my first year. I had a girlfriend shortly after that."

"Which lasted a couple of weeks," Hayden said.

"You didn't last long with April," Craig said. "You ran away from her."

"Snogging at New Years eve doesn't count," I spoke up and decided to use one of Cameron's fancy words. "That is so cliche!"

I didn't actually know what it meant, but it did sound like it fit in this conversation.

"He does have a point there," Andrew said to Craig.

"Oh shut up, you were the last one to get a girlfriend out of all of us," Craig said to him.

"But I was the first to shag a girl," Andrew said.

"Little ears," Hayden said as he nodded over at me.

"Because I am five and I don't know what that word means," I said and I rolled my eyes. "Are the three of you going to fight over your love lives all day, or are you going to initiate me. What does initiate mean anyway?"

"You're about to find out," Craig said.

"Let me get this straight," Andrew said and he poked my side. "You know what shagging means, but you don't know what words like initiate? What have you been reading in your spare time?"

"You knew what shagging meant at my age," I said. "I heard you lot talking about it sometimes when you came over. Is there something about getting old that makes you forget being a first year?"

"I did, but I knew what initiate meant as well," Andrew said and he winked.

"You should get your priorities straight little Hoofer," Craig added.

They spent the rest of our breakfast teasing me, and then the three of them refused to even leave my side afterwards. Hayden kept calling out to older kids that it was his younger brothers birthday, so I had strange older kids wishing me a happy birthday. I knew we were supposed to go out to the court yard, but they were keeping me from it because Alyssa and her friends were busy decorating it for us. I really didn't care about decorations. I never did find out what initiate meant, or if they did it to me. It was something I'd have to ask Cameron later.

"Where is Cameron?" I asked Trevor who met us in the Entrance Hall.

"Still asleep," he answered.

"Well go get him," I said and I nodded to the rest of the Ravenclaws who had joined us. "This party is for both of us."

"I think we can do that, right Minnie?" Mackenzie asked and she winked at Minnie.

She was hugging Craig, who she had been with forever. Apparently they'd gotten together at the end of their third year. That seemed like such a long time. I would have been seven or eight when they'd gotten together. That was a long time ago. I wondered if they would get married. Mum and dad often said that the people you dated when you were twelve or thirteen weren't people you'd be with forever. Perhaps Minnie and Craig would prove them wrong. I couldn't imagine actually kissing a girl let alone having a girlfriend.

"We'll get him down here William," Minnie assured me. "You lot take William out to the court yard, and we'll get the munchkin out of bed."

Alyssa rushed over to hug me. I hated it so much when she did, but especially now. I loved my sister, but that was just a given. She didn't need to hug me. We didn't need to do silly things like that. I didn't hug her back, and she seemed to sense this annoyed me just because she hugged me tighter.

"Alyssa," I finally said as I struggled out of her arms.

"Don't be like that," she said to me but she pulled away. She grinned at me and then put an arm around me. "You're my little brother and it's your birthday."

"Well my birthday wish is that you don't hug me," I said trying to get out of her grasp.

Unfortunately, Clarissa rushed over to my other side to put an arm around me as well. Now I was trapped. I should have known better to protest. I should have just let her hug me. Whenever I annoyed her, or Cameron did as well, she would enlist the help of Clarissa and Mackenzie to annoy us back. At the moment, it was two against one. I was taller than Clarissa, but I was worried about hurting her because she was so small.

"I'm going to get you back for this," I told Alyssa as they kept a hold of me as we went outside.

"I'm sure you will. I think this is actually pay back for all the things you've done to me," she said.

She was probably right, but I didn't say anything. I'd spent years tormenting her, and usually Cameron helped. I tried to wriggle out of their grasp again, but they just held on tighter. A few of their Hufflepuff friends were laughing at me. This was when I needed Cameron or Trevor around. They could help me. Why did all of my cousins have to be Ravenclaws?

The girls finally let me go when we reached the court yard. I backed away as quick as I could while I scowled at them. All Clarissa and Alyssa would do was wink at me.

"You let two little girls over power you like that?" Hayden ask me. "Guess you're still a little boy after all."

"I'd like to see you get away," I said. "What could I do without hurting them?"

In the past, I hadn't care whether or not I would hurt the girls, but that another thing that had changed about me. I couldn't hurt my sister or cousins anymore without feeling bad. I couldn't hurt any girl without feeling bad. I knew it was wrong for boys to hit girls, but even if it was an accident I didn't like it. There was a time when I would even hit Alyssa or the other girls and I didn't care.

"Actually I take that one back," Hayden said and then he knelt down so he was eye level with me. "With a statement like that; you truly have grown, William. Even last summer you didn't care if you hurt Alyssa. I'm glad you've finally outgrown that violent streak."

"I haven't Alyssa for two years," I said.

"No but last summer you did knock her over," Hayden reminded me. "I have to admit William, I've been worried about you. Not just with your sister, but just in general. I've been worried you would keep your bully streak going. You haven't bullied anyone this year. I'm glad to see that and I hope you keep this up."

He stood up and then hugged me. I let out a sigh. Why did everyone want to hug me? I didn't want Hayden to hug me either. I didn't like hugging anyone. I only made that exception for my baby sister, Hailey. I didn't even like hugging my parents. Why did all these people have to keep hugging me?

"Oh man up and hug me back," Hayden told me.

"Not doing it," I said stubbornly and I pulled back.

Hayden just smiled at me and then patted me on the head. "You're something else little brother."

"So are you big brother," I retorted.

Shortly after that, Cameron arrived and the real party started. The court yard had about half the first years in it, but it was mostly full of my cousins and my siblings friends. I believed there were even people who didn't talk to us out there mingling as well. I hadn't expected something like this.

It ended up being a good day. I even had the chance to have a talk with my brother at the beginning before our friends and family distracted us. What I thought was going to be a small party ended up being for most of the afternoon. The older kids even went inside and brought us out some food for lunch. No one seemed to want to leave, and I figured it must have been because of the exams the next day. No one wanted the fun to end and the seriousness to start.

Cameron stuck to his Ravenclaw friends for the most part. I truly wished that he would break out of his shell and talk to other people more. Most of these people we'd grown up with after all. I was surprised that he got along with all his dorm mates considering how shy he could be. He'd managed to become close to all of them, whereas I wasn't with mine. We got along well enough, and I talked to them in the common room, but Trevor, Cameron and even Hunter were my best friends. Why did they all have to be sorted into Ravenclaw?

I complained a lot about being a twin at times, but why was he so smart and I wasn't? I was very good at magic, but sometimes I felt so stupid, especially when he used his fancy words. He often said he had to work hard to make good grades, but I'd seen my twin blow off studying a few times only to get full marks. With me, I had to study or I would barely pass. I didn't care about getting top marks at all. I only cared about having average marks, but it did bother me that I couldn't answer questions without studying.

Sometimes my thoughts confused me because I wanted everyone to see us as individuals, but I also wanted to be more like Cameron too. Sometimes I thought he took all the smartness and I'd taken all the magic. Why else was I so powerful but he was so smart? And why couldn't I do magic without a wand anymore? Maybe I wasn't as powerful as I thought I was. I could do magic the first try most of the time, but I liked doing it without magic.

I bet Cameron never felt insecure like I did. Even if he was shy, I believed he was confident in himself. The only thing that bothered him was that we were seen as one too often. He didn't understand my frustration when it came to him or Alyssa and Hayden. The only person I didn't feel jealous of was Hailey. She was a modest and sweet sister.

There were times when all my siblings but her had gotten angry over something, and they were rewarded. Whenever I was bad, I was just put in my room and I wasn't taken seriously. Two years ago, Alyssa had even insulted mum and dad and then she'd been allowed to sneak out. There were a few times when Hayden had snuck out, and then later on he was rewarded. Me? I was bad and then I was locked in my room and I was lectured. I was just seen as the bad kid in the family. Cameron had his moments, but mum and dad did trust him before the trusted me. They'd even said he might be allowed to baby-sit Hailey if Alyssa didn't want to. What about me though? Was I really that bad a of a child that I couldn't ever be taken seriously?

Hayden and Alyssa had both told me they were never rewarded. They'd told me they'd been given responsibilities after they'd talked to mum and dad. However, I'd noticed that this always happened after they'd been bad. It was like they thought they had to be bad to get mum and dad's attention. With me, even when I did try and talk to mum and dad about my feelings, they would just tell me things would change when I was older.

I did wonder if when I turned twelve if that meant I'd be old enough to finally be taken seriously. Would I finally be seen as William Hoofer? Would I be seen as grown up? What did I have to do to be taken seriously and seen as an individual. I'd almost brought it up to Cameron, but I didn't want to be too serious on our birthday. I would talk to him after our exams. I didn't want to distract him from our exams, or upset him on our birthday.

That night though, I did write back to mum and dad. I thanked them for their wishes, assured them that I would do well on my exams, but I also let them know that we needed to talk. Maybe if I acted like a grown up with them, they would take me seriously for once. I just hoped that by the time I was ready to start my second year, everyone would stop seeing me as just a twin or a child.


	7. I'm Not That Frail Little Girl Anymore

I'm not that fragile little girl anymore

"You two can't tell me what to do!" I said with frustration as I put my hands on my hips. "I can date whomever I want. You're not the boss of me. Mum and dad are, and they don't care if I date."

It was a beautiful summer afternoon, and we were out in the pool. I'd just finished telling my twin brothers that I was having my new boyfriend over for dinner and they were freaking out about it.

When would my family let me be my own person? When would they realize that I wasn't a fragile little girl anymore? There was something strange about me, and I didn't think it had to do with the circumstances of my birth. It wasn't just my family who felt the need to protect me, but even people at school who didn't know about my past. Did I come off as some kind of fragile girl who couldn't look after herself? Even boys who I dated acted as if I needed to be protected. I didn't like to talk about my birth or when mum was pregnant with me to just anyone.

"He's too old for you," William told me.

"He's sixteen and a sixth year," I retorted. "He's the same age that Hayden was when he started to date Michelle. Two years isn't a lot. You've dated girls two years younger."

"Hailey, we just don't want to see you get hurt," Cameron told me.

"You say that every time I meet a boy," I reminded him.

"And we mean it each time," William said. "We're the big brothers, and you are the little sister. We have to watch out for you."

"That doesn't mean you can tell me what to do, and I don't need you to watch out for me. I'm fourteen now. I'm not a little girl anymore. I don't need everyone chasing me with a butterfly net all the time," I said. "I know why you do it, and you don't need to. I am healthy and I am capable of taking care of myself."

I loved my family and I appreciated that they looked out for me, but I wished they could take a real look at me. I could understand maybe my parents stress, but it was slowly starting to annoy me when it came to my siblings. Although Alyssa and Hayden weren't quite as bad anymore. Perhaps it was because they no longer lived at home. Alyssa and me had gone shopping together over the Easter holidays, and she hadn't made me stick to her side the whole time.

"It's not even about that," Cameron told me. "At least not with me. You know we did with Alyssa too, and she's older. We just don't like to see our sisters date. You should have seen Hayden when he found out about her and Andrew."

"And sixteen year old boys are different from fourteen year olds," William added. "Can't you just date Elliot instead?"

I made a face at that. Elliot was like my brother. I believed he liked our friend Mikayla anyway. She's actually my best friend Elaina's younger sister, but since she was just a year younger, she always hung out with us as we grew up. So I considered her as a friend too. The four of us always spent time together when our families got together, which was quite a bit. We had to stick together as kids because all the older kids treated us like babies, and the younger ones annoyed us, especially Elliot's younger brother. That boy was so hyperactive.

"What's wrong with Elliot?" Cameron asked catching the look on my face. "We'd rather see you with him than a sixth year."

"Elliot is like my brother, and you know, technically we are related," I said.

We were actually distantly related, and I wasn't too sure how. All I knew was that my mum found out that one of her relatives was related to one of Ellen's. My mum is muggleborn and she was determined to find out where her magic came from, so she did some researching into her fathers family and found out her grandmother shared a last name with Ellen's mother. The two of them looked into it, and figured it out.

"We're not closely related," William said. "They don't even know how we're related. It could just be a cousin of a cousin or something. You know that most pureblood families are related right?"

"I know, but it just seems strange to me," I said. "Look, if Brent turns out to be a git, you two have my permission to go after him. I'm sure he doesn't want you two after him. Until then, I want you to be polite to him. In case you forgot, it was mum and dad who invited him to dinner. If either one of you are mean to him tonight, I won't ever cover for you again when you sneak out."

"We'll take you up on that," Cameron told me. "You know it's because we love you Hailey."

"I know," I answered.

That was the funny thing when it came to my brothers. They didn't like to admit it when they loved someone. When it came to my parents and Alyssa, or even Hayden, it was just an unspoken agreement. However, when it came to me, the boys would tell me more than once how much they loved me, and it didn't embarrass them. Alyssa hugged the twins good-bye when she moved out. She travels sometimes for her job. The boys acted all disgusted when she did this even though I knew that they were going to miss her.

I swam to the edge of the pool to climb out. I figured I should start getting ready soon. Mum and dad would be home, and surprisingly Hayden and Alyssa were coming home for this dinner. I was pleased to see them, but it seemed odd that the whole family had to be around to meet my new boyfriend. When the twins brought girls home it was not a family event. Before Alyssa had started to date her current boyfriend, Andrew, it was not a family event if she brought home a boy. So why did it have to be for me? I was happy to see them of course, but I knew they were coming to meet him. Apparently when it came to me, the whole family had to approve the boy that I was dating. I had to wonder if mum was going to invite Ellen and her family over.

I hurried into the house and upstairs. A year ago I'd moved into Alyssa's old room. She'd given me permission to move in when she moved out. At first I hadn't wanted to leave my old room. It had been designed specifically for me. Every single member of my family had decorated it while mum was still pregnant with me. I loved my old room, but I knew someday it wouldn't be my room anymore either way. Someday I'd be all grown up and living on my own. Alyssa had one of the best rooms in the house, so I took her up on her offer and moved in.

I'd kept most of her decorations the same. She'd been in Hufflepuff at school and so was I. It was a very pretty room. The only thing I'd really changed was the Quidditch stuff. She liked the Holyhead Harpers while I had absolutely no interest in the game. At times I didn't even go to the games at school. Dad had tried to get me into it like he had with my four other siblings, but it was just something that I didn't care about. Even mum cared more about Quidditch than I did, and she didn't even have a team.

I truly was the odd one out in my family. I even looked different than them. Everyone in my family had brown hair and brown eyes. I had blond hair and brown eyes. Everyone except my mum was tall, but I was shorter than mum. I was about the same height as her friend Ellen. In fact, I could be Ellen's kid more than I could be my mum's. I wasn't smart either. Everyone but William and me were high achievers, but William was powerful. I was just an average student with average marks. Hayden was my adopted brother, but he could be related to the family more than I could be. If it weren't for the fact that I knew so much about my birth, I would wonder if it had been me who had been adopted.

I would never admit it, especially to my mum but I did wonder if what happened when she was pregnant with me was the reason for why I wasn't powerful. I didn't want to say anything because I worried it would make my mum feel guilty. I knew she already felt bad about it, even though it's been more than fourteen years. I knew she also worried that someday I might blame her, and I didn't at all. She didn't know she was pregnant with me when she went to fight. I knew it was one of her biggest regrets, and I would never say or do anything to make her feel bad. I couldn't help but wonder if it was why I was so average though.

I had a quick shower and then changed into a white halter dress. It was actually an old dress of Alyssa's but it was still in style and very pretty. I sat down at the vanity table to apply makeup. Alyssa had taught me a couple of years ago how to put it on properly at this very table. It had been one of my favourite moments. I'd always loved it when she did big sister things with me, and I missed having her just down the hall from me.

"You get more beautiful every time I see you."

I looked up in surprise. I was so much into my thoughts that I hadn't heard Alyssa come in. She was grinning at me from my doorway. If anyone was getting prettier all the time, it was her. She was so tall and stunning. She had a beautiful tan as well. I knew she'd been in Egypt recently. She worked in the same department as my mother and sometimes they travelled to work out Charms in other countries.

"I think it's the other way around," I said to her as she walked over.

"I think this Brent bloke is a lucky boy to have a pretty girl like you," she said and she took a brush from my vanity table. She began to brush my hair for me. "You're much prettier than I was when I was fourteen. Are you nervous about introducing him to mum and dad?"

"Yes, especially now that it seems to be a family event," I answered her. "You're here and apparently Hayden is coming."

"To be fair, I was invited to dinner before your boyfriend was," Alyssa answered. "I'm leaving for Italy in a couple of days. Tonight is the only night I could come over. I have to start packing and then I have to do all the paperwork for work. I think it will be easier once mum becomes Head of Department. Our Head right now is so hard on me just because mum is my mother. Everyone thinks that I get special treatment."

"Won't they think that even more when mum does become the Head?" I asked.

Mum had been offered the Head job for Experimental Charms in a couple of years. She wanted to wait until I was at least a sixth or seventh year before she took it. She hadn't even taken the travelling jobs until I started my first year. She didn't want too much work or to go anywhere too much in case we needed her. Now that we were all grown up, she was taking more and more work on. The twins were starting their seventh year and I was starting my fourth. She didn't have anyone at home that she had to worry about anymore.

"Maybe, but I don't think things will be as bad as now," Alyssa answered.

She took out her wand and began drying my hair while she tried to curl it at the same time. She'd always been good with hair. When she still lived at home she would style my hair so that it was the same as hers.

"Are they mean to you at work?" I asked.

"They just think because I get the travelling jobs that it's from mum's influence but it's not. I signed up for it straight out of Hogwarts. They saw that I had potential when I was in my seventh year. In fact, mum thought it should be a few years before I did travel. She had nothing to do with the decision but you know how people can be," Alyssa explained.

"I bet it's just jealousy. They wish they could be as good as you," I told her. "I wish I could be as good as you but I would never think bad stuff about you."

"It's the older witches though. Mum went through the same thing, and you probably will too," Alyssa answered with a shrug. "It bothers them to see someone young and more talented."

"I'm not talented," I said quickly. "I can't work Charms the way you and mum can. I'm not good at any of my classes."

"But you're good with younger kids, and you want to be a school teacher," Alyssa said. "I know you'll be prefect next year. You're the only one who can get Mickey to calm down when he is having a melt down. There is something about you that calms little kids down. You also taught Dakota how to read and you were just a kid when you did that. You're more talented than you realize. Where is all this coming from Hailey? You've always been an optimistic girl. Why are you feeling so down? It's usually you who is reassuring everyone else."

"Because everyone treats me like I am going to break," I told her. "I know why people do it, but I am fine now. I haven't been sick since I was a little kid. Nobody thinks I am capable of taking care of myself. It's not just that though. It's seeing all of you be so successful. William slacks off in school, but he always manages to get really good grades because he is good at magic. Cameron isn't as good at magic, but he earns the top grades in his year because he is smart. You got into Experimental Charms before you even left Hogwarts. Hayden is likely going to make a break through with some of the experiments he does in Antidote research. I also just don't feel like I am part of this family. I don't look like anyone in this family and I hate Quidditch."

"You look like me with blond hair. Honestly, you're just like mum Hailey," Alyssa told me. "So is Cameron. You two work so hard to get through school to make up for what you lack. That's what mum did. She's good at Charms, but she struggled with a learning disability in school. She had to work twice as hard in school. Charms class was the only class she was naturally good at. She had to have help in Potion's. She failed Arithmancy and you're doing fine in that class. Besides, when I was in school, I struggled in other classes too. I hated Transfiguration so much. I nearly had a break down in fifth year because of it. I almost dropped it after fifth year. To be honest, I think William is the only one who is naturally good at all magic. Hayden is powerful, but not even he can do the stuff that William can do. Cameron actually feels inadequate all the time because he doesn't understand why his twin is so powerful and he isn't. We all feel this way, but we all find our talents. You'll find your place."

"I guess," I answered. "I never knew that about Cameron. I thought he was confident. He's always been so happy that he's the only one who got sorted into Ravenclaw. He holds it over William's head all the time."

"And William holds it over all our heads that he is Gryffindor," Alyssa reminded me. "He's the only Hoofer to be sorted there. Everyone else is Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. And about us protecting you... well, I don't do it as much anymore because I know how frustrating it can be. It's not that people don't think you are capable, it's just after we almost lost you, we worry. It's not you, it's us. Mum even knows that. She was telling dad a few months ago that they have to let you be. Maybe you can talk to them about it. It's what I had to do when I was twelve."

"I have talked to them," I said. "I do it all the time, and they promise they'll change but then they do it again. I don't like talking about it with mum anyway. I don't want her to feel guilty. I know she still blames herself after all these years. I'm not going to add to her guilt."

"We all feel that way, but sometimes you do have to be open about your feelings," Alyssa told me. "Besides, mum is a lot better about it than she used to be. Nothing you can say will be worse than what I said when I was twelve. Mum knows the topic is going to come up, especially with you. I'd say that you should sit down with her talk about it. As long as you're upfront that you don't blame her, I think she'll be fine. If you want, I can even sit with you to do it."

"Maybe after Brent goes home tonight," I told her. "Are you staying for long?"

"I have the next few days off to prepare for Italy. I can stay late tonight," she told me. "You've always been there for me when I needed it. It's my turn to be there for you."

"You've been there for me," I answered quickly.

"Not as much as you were for me. You've always advised me and you've always comforted me. It's almost like you've been the big sister. So tonight, you and me will talk. Now stand up and let me get a good look at you," she said.

I did as she said. I felt so small compared to her. The dress I was wearing had actually been hers when she was twelve. I think I was done growing. I wasn't going to be like the others who had shot up. Even Cameron had shot up. He wasn't quite at tall as William, he'd always been slightly short until he was fifteen or so and then he grew. He was still under six feet, but he wasn't a runt like me.

"That dress looks so good on you," Alyssa told me. "It fits perfectly. You are such a pretty girl. I wish you could see yourself the way I do."

"Even though I am short?" I asked her.

"Look at Clarissa. She is small too. Actually, when she was about your age it bothered her too. She thought she looked like a kid too, but no one else did. I understand the insecurities. I know that fourteen isn't an easy age either. You'll get past it. I felt insecure about my height because I was the tallest girl and sometimes I was clumsy because of my height. The things we're usually insecure about are the things people don't notice. Ellen was the same way when she was a kid too. You're very pretty and you have a sixteen-year-old boyfriend. Obviously he doesn't think you look like a kid."

I glanced myself in the mirror. I didn't actually wear makeup often, I didn't see the need for it. I remembered when Alyssa couldn't leave the house without it, but I only wore in on special occasions. I didn't wear it everyday at school like my girlfriends did. Elaina had to wake up early just to put it on. As I gazed at myself, I had to admit that I did look grown up. My height didn't make me look like a little girl at all.

"I suppose you're right," I finally said.

"I'll be back from Italy before you go to Hogwarts," Alyssa continued. "I know you like shopping in Diagon Alley with Elaina, Elliot and Mikayla but if you want, we can arrange a date too. We'll find some more grown up clothes for you too. You'd be surprised at how some style of clothes can change you. That dress does make you look grown up and it's modest. I'm glad you picked it."

"I prefer modest clothes," I told her. "I can't wear some of the clothes other girls wear."

"I was the same way. I could never understand some of the clothes that Clarissa wore. When we got in that big fight in school it was over that," Alyssa told me. "It nearly ruined our friendship."

"Didn't you two stop talking for two years?" I asked.

"Yes, but we made up in seventh year," Alyssa said. "We were both at fault with that, but I couldn't stand her life choices at the time."

"Can you tell me about that more sometime? You said you'd tell me when I am older. I'm just a year younger than when you two had the fight," I said.

"Tonight we'll talk about it," Alyssa said. "For now, lets get downstairs."

I didn't know much about it, but I knew that Alyssa and her best friend Clarissa got in a huge fight at the beginning of their fifth year. They were like Elaina, Elliot and me. They had been best friends since birth. Our parents were best friends and so because of that, we had instant best friends. For the longest time Clarissa and Alyssa were inseparable, along with our cousin Mackenzie. In their fifth year, they got in a huge fight and Alyssa refused to talk about it with me even though she usually told me everything. She said she'd explain it when I was a bit older. For two years it was awkward when Clarissa came over with her family.

"I hope it never happens with my friends," I said.

"If you're good enough friends you'll make up. Did you know mum and Ellen got in a huge fight too? You wouldn't know it now," Alyssa told me.

"No I didn't. It's something I'll have to ask her about. I can't imagine them fighting," I said.

"They had a love triangle with dad, and Ellen was upset that dad chose mum," Alyssa told me. "She tried to break mum and dad up."

"I knew about that, but I thought Ellen told mum to go for dad," I said. "Mum told me that she almost didn't go for dad because of Ellen."

"And then Ellen changed her mind afterwards," Alyssa said.

I nodded. I could actually believe that. I'd seen things like that happen in school, and I hoped it wouldn't happen with Elaina and me. I had my doubts that it would happen. Elaina liked a different type of boy than I did. Usually what she found attractive I didn't. I'd seen some friendships break up over it at school. When I was in my first year, two boys in the fourth year had actually had a duel over a girl.

Alyssa and I left my room as I thought this over.

"Mackenzie, Clarissa and me made a pact in our second year about that. We didn't ever want boys to affect our friendship, and it worked. Too bad we didn't think of other things though. I think Mackenzie and Clarissa actually did have a triangle in our third year, but they never really talked about it. For me, I was always in love with Andrew so it didn't matter," Alyssa said.

I knew all about their pact, so it was why I was confused about why Mackenzie and Alyssa had gotten in a fight with Clarissa for two years. It had something to do with boys, but it wasn't about a triangle apparently. The thing with Andrew was another mystery to me too.

When Alyssa had fallen in love with him, she had been twelve-years-old but he was sixteen at the time. He barely talked to her. I knew that because there were times when I had comforted her when she'd be in tears over it. He didn't actually notice her until she was sixteen and he was twenty. Hayden and my parents had been against it, and had forbidden them to date. They did it secretly anyway and it was until close to the end of Alyssa's seventh year when it all came out. Hayden had stopped talking to Andrew for months. Now everyone was okay with the relationship.

"Is Andrew coming tonight too?" I asked her.

"He's outside with the twins," Alyssa said. "Hayden and Michelle are coming too apparently."

"Yes I know," I reminded her dryly. "I was the one who told you that. I guess when I get a date it's a family event."

"I don't think it's just about your date," Alyssa told me. "I think it's because tonight is the only night we can get everyone together. I am going to Italy soon and Hayden works crazy hours. Mum and dad love having the family together, and they don't get to as often now. You and the twins are at school most of the time, and Hayden and me work all the time. So do mum and dad. I trust your judgment, so you don't have to worry about me. I am sure I'll like Brent."

Perhaps Alyssa was right, but I still couldn't help but feel that this was about me and my first real boyfriend. When it came to me, everything was always a big deal. I just hoped that none of them would give him the third degree. We headed out back to find that everyone was there by that point. Hayden, Michelle and Andrew had joined the boys in the pool. Mum and dad were sitting at the patio table with some butterbeers.

"There are our beautiful daughters now," mum said as we walked over to join them. She looked at me. "Are you nervous honey?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I'm introducing Brent to everyone in the family," and I looked at dad. "Daddy, I hope you're not going to give him a hard time."

"I'll be on my best behaviour," he told me. "Besides, I do know his father. I am sure he is respectful young man. Hailey, none of us are going to give him a hard time. I've already had a word about that with the boys."

"What time is he coming over?" Mum asked. "I'd like to know when I should heat everything up."

"Around seven," I told her. "This is everyone right? No one else is coming?"

"No one else is coming," mum said with a smile. "I know it's overwhelming to have everyone here, but it's the only night we're free. I won't be home early for the next few nights. They're slowly preparing me for when I take over as Head. Your father also has to go away for a few nights next week. The next time we could have him over with both of us here is in a couple of weeks. Besides if it's serious, Brent will have to get used to the family."

"Serious at fourteen?" Dad asked mum.

"You were fourteen once," mum reminded him. "Look at Michelle and Hayden. She was fourteen when they started to date. We have to be ready for this Ben. As odd as it sounds, yes it could be serious."

"I know," dad answered. "I just don't want us to get ahead of ourselves yet. Let's just get through this first dinner shall we?"

I glanced at my watch to see that we still had a little over an hour before he came over.

"Hailey and I want to talk to you two later tonight," Alyssa told mum.

"Uh oh," dad said to mum with a grin. "I don't know if I like the sound of this."

"It's not bad," I said quickly. "But I do want to talk to you privately later. Once Brent goes home and everything."

I reached to grab a butterbeer from the cooler they had outside. I looked over at the pool to see the boys and Michelle laughing and swimming. I did wonder what would happen with Michelle and Hayden. The two of them had actually been off and on for years. They dated for a couple of years when Hayden was still in school, but then they broke up after Hayden left school for about six months and then they got back together again. They stayed together for another year and then broke up and it was a repeat cycle. I didn't actually know the circumstances with their break ups. I knew at one point it had been because of Hayden's attitude towards Andrew and Alyssa. Could their relationship really be called serious if they kept breaking up over the last seven years?

I watched as Andrew now swam over to one of the ladders and then climbed out. He didn't bother wrapping a towel around himself. He just let himself drip water all over the place as he walked over to us. He wrapped an arm around Alyssa who laughed.

"Andrew you're getting me all wet," she protested.

"You're going to be swimming later," he said smiling at her.

"Yes but not in this dress," she told him. "I'll swim after dinner."

"Only after a half hour," he teased.

They were such a cute couple. I grinned over at them hoping that someday I could have the same thing. Even my parents were smiling at them. You wouldn't know that they had once been against the relationship. Dad had told Andrew over the Christmas break that if he had to pick someone for Alyssa, it would be him. That was a big deal when it came to my father. He was so protective when it came to the two of us and mum. He was protective with the boys too, but us girls, it could be overboard at times.

"You two are so sweet," mum said confirming what I was thinking.

"We know," Andrew told her with a grin and then he took a seat. "So, when is dinner? I'm hungry."

"I'll start getting it ready soon," mum told him and then she glanced at her watch. "Brent should be here soon enough."

"Ah yes, the big dinner," Andrew said and then he looked over at me. "I can't believe you're old enough to date. Did you warn this bloke that this could be a blood bath?"

"I'm sure he expects it," I said with a smile. "He knows the whole family is going to be here."

"Everything is going to be fine," mum said with reassurance.

My family did surprise me that night. All the worrying was for nothing, even when it came to my brothers. Brent showed up shortly after mum began to heat up the food. We decided to have dinner outside, so while mum was heating up the food, Alyssa and me set up the tables outside and everyone else got ready for dinner. I almost expected that Jared, my godfather would show up but he didn't. He was as protective of me as dad was. I'd spent half my childhood at his place, but mum told me he was busy that night.

"I think eventually he does want to meet Brent," she'd told me.

I was relieved by this. There were enough people there to judge my new boyfriend, I didn't need an overprotective godfather there.

When Brent arrived, I was waiting by the front door for him. He had taken the Knight Bus to come over. I greeted him excitedly. He was so much taller than me, so at times it could feel awkward when we hugged or kissed, but it never seemed to bother him. He'd brought some flowers with him. He handed me a few, and then when I took him out to the backyard, he gave the rest to my mother.

Brent impressed my parents from the very beginning. He's always a very polite boy, and that evening was no different. Him and my dad were soon talking about a Quidditch game that had between the Appleby Arrows and the Wimbourne Wasps, which then turned into a friendly debate with the others.

Hayden, William and Cameron seemed to like him from the looks of it. Nobody gave him the third degree, nobody threatened him or intimidated him. The twins had been so against me being with a sixteen-year-old, but I thought the meeting with him changed their minds. William seemed impressed when he rattled off some Puddlemere United facts.

"So why don't you ever play Quidditch at school?" William asked him.

"I like watching, but I am not a fan of playing," Brent told him. "I'm not a great flyer anyway. I'd want to play Chaser and you'd have me beat."

William was a Chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and a very good one at that. Dad had been teaching all of us since we were old enough to fly, but William was the only one interested to actually play. Years ago, he'd had a fantasy that both he and Cameron would be on the team together and they would give the infamous Weasley twins a run for their money. Cameron never had the same ambitions and then the two of them had been separated at their sorting.

"I'm only one player, our other two Chasers are rubbish," William stated.

"But you'll likely be captain," Brent said. "You can replace them with better players."

"If I am captain, I haven't had the letter yet," William said.

"You're a shoo in," Alyssa assured him. "They'll be crazy not to pick you. The letters probably won't come for another couple of weeks. It's usually the end of July when they come."

Cameron was expecting those letters to come more than William was. He was hoping that he would end up being the Head Boy. He'd of course been made prefect in his fifth year, just like the rest of my siblings with the exception of William. He'd work hard since his first year to earn that badge. No one else had been given that honour in my family since my mum. Alyssa had been a close shoo in, but Mackenzie had gotten the badge. I believed Hayden was in line for the badge as well, but someone else in his year had received it. I knew Cameron was nervous that the same would happen to him.

"Maybe, but I don't want to get my hopes up," William said. "Thomas has been on the team for as long as I have, and he is a brilliant player too."

"I think you'll be captain, just like Cameron will end up being the Head Boy," I said. "All your hard work is finally going to pay off."

"Maybe," Cameron answered slowly. "But there are others who are just as qualified."

"The others haven't done as much as you," William said.

"I don't think either of you should be stressing about it," Hayden said. "Enjoy your summer. You'll see when the letters come. This is your last summer before real life starts."

"Unless I do what you did," William said. "I'm still thinking about it," and then he turned to look at mum and dad. "If that is okay with you two."

"Of course it's okay," mum said quickly to him. "It applies to all three of you. Alyssa could have done the same, but she never wanted to."

When Hayden had finished his seventh year, he'd decided to have a break before he started to work. I'd loved it because I was the only kid at home, and so when I came home from school, it was just him and me. I'd been so young when he'd started school so I'd never really spent much time with him outside of holidays. The other three had, and they even had memories of him before he'd gone to Hogwarts.

"I could use it to practice Quidditch," William went on. "If I can get taken on anyway."

"The scouts have been watching you since your second year," Alyssa said.

"But what if they don't want me taking time off?" William asked.

"Worry about that when you need to," dad told him. "If you want to stay home and relax, you are more than welcome to. If you do get on the Quidditch team, you are still welcome to stay at home. All I ask is that you take your exams seriously. Please don't take the Ellen route."

"Dad, you've been saying that to me since after my first year," William said. "And I never did. Are you forgetting how well I did on my OWLs? I plan to do the same this year. Only Clarissa is the one who took the Ellen route. None of the rest of us did. Why did she do that?"

"That's a long story for another night," mum said as she nodded over at Brent.

"Last year you did slack off," dad said.

"Not this year," William said. "And I didn't slack off for the exams. Only the homework."

Dad laughed.

"William, that is exactly something Ellen would have said," Ashley said.

"I'm sure she said those exact words," dad said. "Please just do your school work and your exams. It's only ten more months. Then you can decide what you want to do."

William really had no idea what he wanted to do with his life after Hogwarts. The problem was there was so much that he could do. He was open to a lot of ideas, but for the moment, he really wanted to play Quidditch. He knew he couldn't just rely on that as a career. He knew he was good, but he knew he also needed a back up plan.

"Unlike Ellen, I know I can't just rely on Quidditch," William said as if reading my mind. "I know there is a chance I won't be picked for a team. I also know I can't play forever. I'm not trying to bad mouth Ellen, but I am not as delusional as she is."

"No you're definitely not," dad said to him. "But I won't lie. I did worry last year when I was sent home letters about your grades. It's the only reason I've brought it up son. After our talk after your first year, you did really well. Last year it was as if you had fallen back into your old habits."

"No," William said shaking his head. "I was always planning to pass. I just knew that sixth year isn't as important as seventh. I knew I could still pass into the seventh year. I just wanted a break after fifth year and all that stress. My marks were still average."

"Well don't worry, seventh year isn't anything like fifth year," Alyssa said. "Newts are still hard but they definitely don't pile it on like they did in OWL year."

"That's good to hear," Brent said as he had just finished his fifth year. "I couldn't stand it last year. Couple blokes in my year burnt all their notes at the end of it."

"People in our year did that too," Ashley said. "I think even Ellen might have."

"Didn't she get T's on most of her OWLs?" Cameron asked.

"Really?" I asked. "I never knew that."

"Yes, unfortunately Ellen got all T's on her OWLs," mum said.

Now I felt worried. If Ellen got all T's, what if I did too? I only got average marks after all.

"What if I do?" I asked now in a smaller voice.

"You won't get T's on all your OWLs," Brent said to me and he took my hand. "You're smarter than you think you are. The only way to fail your OWLs that badly is if you don't try."

"Exactly," dad said. "Hailey, you are a smart girl. You won't slack off. Ellen refused to study. She was out flying instead of studying with us. She didn't study until the night before certain exams, and she was stressed by it. You've always worked hard, and you won't end up in that situation."

"But why wouldn't she study then?" I asked.

I thought I knew most of their stories, but I hadn't known that. All I really knew about Ellen when it came to their school life was that she'd been mum's best friend, she'd loved Quidditch, she'd been in love with dad, and she'd had Michelle at the age of seventeen.

"She hated school work," mum said. "We all did, but we at least tried. Hailey, you never slack off. So you never have to worry about that. I did well enough on my exams and I have a learning disability. You don't. I think you could very well get at least E's on your exams."

"And I'll try to help when I can next summer," Alyssa said and then she smiled over at Brent. "That is if Brent doesn't."

"I'll help you out. I'll be studying for NEWTs after all," he said. "You'll be fine."

"If Trisha passed her OWLs, you will," William said. "Remember how stupid she is? You even asked me what I was doing with a ditz like her, Hailey."

William had dated a girl named Trisha back in his fifth year. I couldn't stand her. Not only was she extremely ditzy, but she was a very mean girl too. She'd been so rude to me and Alyssa. It was almost as if she were jealous of use even though we were William's sisters. It was very strange.

"We all wondered about that one," Alyssa said. "I'm surprised she passed to be honest. She definitely had no common sense."

"And she was jealous of us," I said. "I don't get it."

"What do you mean jealous of you?" Brent asked. "I don't think I know who she is. What was she jealous of?"

"Us just talking to William," Alyssa said. "And she is prettier than us. She's one of the prettiest at Hogwarts, which is why my brother was with her," she added as she scowled at him. "But if Hailey or me even went anywhere near him, she would get so angry as if we weren't his sisters. It was like she thought he wanted us."

"She got jealous when William hugged Hailey," Cameron agreed. "Forget the fact that she is his sister. Even if she wasn't, she was twelve at the time. It really was ridiculous and William stayed with her until Hailey told him that he needed to dump her."

"I never knew all of that," mum said. "That just sounds odd to me. That's even worse than when Cynthia was jealous over Mackenzie and Hayden."

"And I thought that was bad," Hayden said.

"Cynthia got jealous of you and Mackenzie?" I asked Hayden. "When?"

"At the end of my fifth year. She threw water on me, so I pretended to throw her in the lake. Cynthia got all jealous. She seemed to forget that Mackenzie was only twelve at the time, or the fact that she's my cousin," Hayden said.

"What's wrong with some people?" I asked.

"It would take forever to answer that question," dad said. "But Trisha definitely takes the cake out of all the jealousy stories I've heard. I just can't even wrap my head around that one. William, next time make sure that the girl you date isn't just a pretty face. That goes for you too Cameron."

"You might question his girl-" William started to say but Cameron elbowed him.

"You have a girlfriend?" Alyssa asked Cameron.

I glanced over at Brent to see how he was reacting to all these family revelations. He just smiled and winked at me. He seemed so at ease with my family, and them with him. I truly hoped that they approved of him. He was the nicest boy I knew. None of the boys in my own year were ones I felt I could bring home. Elliot was probably the only one, but he was of course like a brother to me. Brent just squeezed my hand.

"Spit it out Cameron," Hayden was saying. "You should tell us who this poor girl is. To be honest, I feel sorry for her."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mum asked looking a bit hurt.

While Alyssa was a big daddy's girl, Cameron was closest to mum. So I knew it bothered her that he would keep such a big secret from her. Only William and I knew about it. Cameron had confided in me at the end of the school year, even before he'd told William about it. It was because the girl was close to our family. She'd grown up with us. She lived in our neighbourhood. Her mum and dad were friends with our parents. That wasn't the reason he kept it secret though. It was because her mum was another one who had been in love with my father. Cameron was worried it would be awkward.

"Because you know her," William said and Cameron threw his butterbeer cap at him.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a big mouth?" Cameron asked him.

"You did just earlier today," William said not looking the least bit guilty. "Come on, it's going to come out eventually. They probably won't be angry with you either."

"It better not be a cousin," Alyssa said.

"Of course it isn't a cousin," Cameron said going red. "Are you mad?"

"So why is it such a big deal? Why are you worried that mum and dad will be angry?" Alyssa asked.

"Well, apparently we know this girl," dad said slowly. "So she is one that you grew up with. Thankfully it's not a cousin. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. So it has to be one of the neighbour girls. Is it Elaina? Is that why you're worried. She is a bit young Cameron, but I think Michael would be more upset. Hayden and Michelle were the same ages when they started to date though. Alyssa and Andrew have a bigger age difference and we finally accepted it. Is it Clarissa because we'd-"

"No, it's not Clarissa, Elaina or even Mikayla," Cameron interrupted and he turned red. "It's Emma."

Mum and dad exchanged looks and then looked over at him. They both looked very confused. I figured that must have been a good sign.

"Emma is a great girl," mum finally said. "Why would we be angry about that?"

"Well her mum tried to steal dad from you," Cameron said. "I just thought it would be awkward because of all the stuff that went on when you were at school."

"Cameron, we've never believed that kids should be punished for their parents actions," dad said. "But Tara and I worked that out years ago. If we hadn't, she wouldn't be friends with us. Even if we hadn't, we still wouldn't be angry with you for dating Emma. You and Emma aren't responsible for what happened when we were in school."

"Does Tara and Aaron know?" Mum asked him.

Cameron shook his head. "She was worried they'd be angry too. We've actually been putting it off for years. We've liked each other for years, but we didn't date. It wasn't until last year."

"For how long then?" Alyssa asked. "I talk to Emma all the time. She's never mentioned a boyfriend. You always tell me things Cameron."

"Don't feel bad, I only found out at the beginning of summer," William said. "Hailey knew even before me."

"You knew?" Alyssa, mum and dad all asked me at the same time.

I just shrugged. I couldn't help the fact that Cameron had come to me. He'd asked me to keep it secret, so I did. I always kept secrets for my siblings. I was always the one they came to for advice. Even Hayden told me things that the others didn't know. Hayden must have been thinking the same thing because he chuckled.

"Is it really that much of a surprise? Hailey knows everyone's secrets," Hayden said.

"That is true. She is good at keeping secrets," Michelle who had been quiet spoke up. "She also gives good advice."

"I don't tell secrets," I said stubbornly.

"No you don't," Alyssa said. "I guess I am not that surprised."

Andrew started to laugh and then he looked at Brent. "Get used to this mate. The Hoofer family dinners always happen like this. I think you've been welcomed into the family if you're witnessing this."

"It isn't always like this," Alyssa said but she was smiling. "But if you haven't run yet, I think you are a keeper Brent."

"I'm not going anywhere," Brent responded as he squeezed my hand again. "I do admit it is kind of entertaining. I like how laid back it is. With my ex-girlfriend, her family was always so formal around me. None of you are. From the way Hailey warned me; I thought I'd be interrogated."

"Well we can start now," Cameron said but he was smiling. "Just how many girlfriends have you had Brent?"

"Just the one, and we didn't date for very long. It's actually how I met Hailey here," he said. "She saw the end of our break up, and she gave me some advice."

"I wondered how you two met," Alyssa said and Cameron looked as if he was relieved that the talk was off of him. Alyssa must have noticed because she looked over at him. "We're not done talking yet Cameron. We are going to talk more about this later," and then she turned back to me. "So, did you two get together right away?"

"No," I said with a smile. "Brent made me wait three months. I wanted to, but he didn't want me to be a rebound girl. So he waited but we still talked a lot, and then he asked me out for Hogsmeade before Easter, and we've been together since."

"Must have been a very angry and public break up," Andrew said.

"She slapped me," Brent said. "She was too clingy. She wouldn't let me hang out with my friends, especially the ones who are girls. She's a year younger, and she would get so angry with me for focusing on OWLs more than on her. She's in for a surprise this year. All I was doing was telling her that I couldn't handle her jealousy, and she flipped out."

"Sounds like Cynthia, minus the slapping part," Hayden said.

"No, Alyssa took care of that," William said and then laughed. He glanced over at Brent. "She has a wicked hit. So if you do hurt Hailey, we'll send Alyssa after you."

"I'll remember that. Thankfully I don't plan to," Brent said with a smile. "Hailey did tell me about that however. I wish I could have seen that."

I smiled as I watched the friendly banter. It had been William and Cameron that I'd worried about the most, but they liked him. Everyone did. I knew that when he came over, they would all watch us. I could live with that though. I was just glad that they were all getting along. It hadn't been so easy for Alyssa, even before she'd gotten with Andrew. For me though, for once everything was going smoothly.

Later that day when Andrew, Michelle and Brent had gone home, it was just us Hoofer kids. It had been quite a while since it was just the five of us hanging out. I thought it had been at least since last summer. Who knew how much often it would just be us. Someday Alyssa and Andrew would probably marry, and he would always be there. William and Cameron would be done school soon. Someday, it was just going to be at home. Even if William and Cameron did stay at home when they finished school. As for Hayden, who knew what would happen with him. I didn't know if he'd marry Michelle since they so off and on. Either way, this summer likely was the last one we'd all be together like this.

This thought made me feel sad, especially since I'd always been so young compared to the others. The four of them had been able to hang out because of that. They'd all been at Hogwarts together. They'd had grown up fun together while I'd always had to go to bed early. It wasn't until two years ago when I'd finally been involved with their older kid fun. Now it was likely over.

"So spit it out Cameron," Alyssa said. "Just how long have you and Emma been together? I can't believe you didn't at least tell us. I understand why you didn't tell mum and dad, but why not me?"

"Don't forget, he didn't even tell me, and I am his twin!" William said.

"That does surprise me," Hayden said. "Come on mate, why didn't you tell us? You can trust us. How many times did I cover for you? For all of you? Just as you covered for me."

"I don't know," Cameron finally said. "I was just worried. You're right, I should have told all of you."

"He only told me because I could tell he was upset about something," I spoke up. "So it wasn't me over the rest of you. I asked him what was bothering him and he told me. I couldn't tell his secret, but I did tell him to at least talk to William."

"But why were you so upset?" William asked him.

"Because I know all about our parents old feud with Tara," Cameron said. "Emma and I really like each other, and we did for years. We finally went out but we were both worried. It wasn't that I was upset. I was just really scared that mum and dad would make us break up. So when Hailey asked me what was wrong, I told her everything. I think she's relieved it's out in the open now."

"You already told her?" Hayden asked.

"The moment dinner was over. Come on, you know mum and dad are in there right now talking to Tara or Aaron on the parchment. I bet they're already planning a dinner. I'm sorry I didn't tell you lot," Cameron said. "I do usually tell all of you everything. It wasn't a trust thing. You know I trust all four of you."

"This could be one of the last times the five of us are all together just as the Hoofer kids," Hayden said as he looked around at all of us. Perhaps I wasn't the only one thinking about it. "Who knows what will happen after this summer."

"It doesn't have to be," Alyssa said. "We can make sure that when we're all free that we'll all still hang out. Even when we get married and have kids. Dad does that sometimes still... well they don't really include Aunt Brenda all the time, but they still do it. Ellen and Timmy do it. Mum and Aunt Jaime do it. Shelly and Sheila do it. Our parents do it with their friends. We can still too. This isn't the last time."

"But while we're all together," I said. "I wanted to talk to you. Alyssa already knows because we talked about it earlier. I am talking to mum and dad later about it too."

"About what Hailey?" Hayden asked. "Is everything okay?"

"For the most part. It's about the way the rest of you treat me. I am fourteen-years-old now. You're finally including me as a part of the older kids. Now you need to treat me that way. I am not that fragile little girl anymore. I haven't been sick in a long time. You lot even come to me for advice and you know you can trust me with your secrets. Soon I am going to be the only one left at home. In three years, I'll be of age! All of you know I am strong too. Anytime all of us got sick, I always handled it better. Remember that summer when we all came down with the dragon pox? I was the one comforting all of you! Even you Hayden, and you were what? Fifteen maybe?"

"I stopped treating you that way once you finished your first year," Hayden said. "And it's not just you, even if we've always protected you. I was like that with this lot too. They can tell you that. I knew you were going to eventually speak up to Hailey. I knew it even when you were a little girl. I think everyone did. To be honest, I'm surprised you waited so long. About the dragon pox though, it hit me harder than the rest of you. It's better to get it younger. It's harder on adults. You're right though, you did comfort me through it."

"Hailey, I told you earlier why we protect you," Cameron said.

"That's fine, but I don't want you treating me like a little girl. There is a difference between being a protective older brother and acting like I am going to break," I said.

"Well, you're right," William said. "And we should have trusted your judgement better with Brent. I like him. He is a great bloke. You're instincts have always been right. I'll try my best, but if we're suffocating you too much, just say something."

"But you should remember it's because we love you and it's because we almost lost you," Hayden said. "It's why our parents do it. We thought you were gone. I know Ashley wakes up everyday feeling grateful that you are here, even fourteen years later. So does Ben."

"I know all that," I said. "But I just don't want to be treated like a child anymore. I know you lot hated to be treated that way. I remember everything when I was little. So, just think about your frustration when you think of protecting me. I'm just grateful that I am finally involved with hanging out with you. You always got to have fun while I was in bed."

"Actually, I didn't let Alyssa hang out with me until she was twelve, and it was the same with the twins," Hayden said. "Twelve seems to be the rite of passage for everyone."

"And you and me have always hung out," Alyssa said. "Even when you were as young as two."

"But I wasn't involved in the big kid stuff," I said. "You've always played with me, but you had grown up parties without me."

"Neither were we," Cameron said. "Alyssa got to go to Hayden's seventeenth birthday, but we didn't. After that, Hayden always let her go. We had to wait until we turned twelve."

"It probably felt like a long time for you just because you're the youngest," William added. "It did for us too. I thought I'd never reach big kid status. After we had a big party for our twelfth birthday though, Hayden and Alyssa finally included us and so did the cousins. We let you go to our seventeenth birthday party."

"And I let you go to mine," Alyssa said.

"But we'll stop," Hayden said. "Actually, I am glad you're older now. I like hanging out with you lot like this. For me, all of you were little kids that I had to baby-sit for so long. To be honest, I am not ready for that to end now that we connect better. I want us all to be able to always hang out like this."

"And that's why I think we should try to do this more often," Alyssa said. "For now we'll try to leave it for the summers because of school. When everyone is done though, and I am not travelling so much, we'll try weekends at least once a month or so. Maybe not that often if our lives are busy, but we will make an effort more."

"How much are you travelling this summer?" Hayden asked her. "My hours are starting to lessen the more senior I become. We're also getting some newbies as well. We can try a lot at least this summer."

"Or you two could move back home," William joked.

"No," Hayden said quickly as he smiled at him. "It was fun while it lasted, but I like being on my own now."

"Does it feel strange to be back in that flat?" Alyssa asked him. "I know for me it would. It was strange whenever I visited it, especially when I'd go there with Andrew."

"I have no memories of living there," William said. "I bet it wouldn't be strange for me."

Before I was born, my family lived in a flat. I'd been there enough times. Friends of my parents sometimes rented it out until they could move into a house. Now Hayden lived there again. Technically he hadn't lived there before, but he had visited it a lot when he was growing up. He hadn't officially moved in until my family had moved to this house.

When Hayden moved out, he rented it with two of his friends, Craig and Andrew. Craig had moved out first because he married our cousin, Minnie. Andrew moved out next so he and Alyssa could live together officially. She had kind of lived there when she moved out, but her and Andrew had started flat hunting, so it had only lasted three weeks at the most. They'd found it too weird with Hayden being there and all.

"Not really," Hayden answered. "It felt strange at first because I was used to this monstrosity, but I got over it because I loved being on my own. I still do, especially now that I have it to myself."

"Until Michelle moves in," Cameron teased. "Why hasn't she ever lived with you? Minnie lived with Craig there."

"She hasn't wanted to," Hayden said with a shrug. "She wanted her independence and she wanted to rent with Catalina. It's easier this way anyway in case we break up."

"Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship," I spoke up.

I'd never said this before, but I usually thought about it. Michelle and Hayden seemed good together. When they were dating, they did get along so well. However, for some reason, they would break up and then get back together again. Even when I was about nine, I'd thought it was weird how they kept breaking up and then getting back together again.

"I agree with Hailey," Alyssa said. "And you know I love Michelle like a big sister. I was so happy when you two finally got together. You two were great for the first couple of days, but once you finished Hogwarts, it stopped being so good. I don't get why you get back with her."

"Because I am still in love with her," Hayden said. "Our differences aren't because we can't get along. It's just certain circumstances. She never gets jealous, we get along so well, she is so easy to talk to but-"

"But that might not be enough," Alyssa said.

"So what should I do then?" Hayden asked her.

"If you break up again, you should give it longer than a month," I said. "I told you that years ago, remember? Maybe you two feel that you need to be together. I think you should stay together for now, but if it happens again, wait a while. You two probably haven't let yourselves move on."

"Hailey is right," William said. "But only if you break up again. And that might be why you two can't move in together. You two have been together for so long, but you won't move in together. That could be a sign there."

"Maybe you could even try living together now," Alyssa said. "Honestly, I think that's how you really find out if you can work. Look at Andrew me. We've been together for three years, and we've been living together for a year. We're still going strong. Look at Craig and Minnie and they were together since their third year! Mackenzie is living with her boyfriend, and they are fine."

Hayden nodded looking thoughtful. Then he started to laugh.

"Who would have thought I'd be asking the four of you for relationship advice. I was in a relationship before any of understood them. Now you are advising me on what to do. This is why I am glad you're all older. I never could talk to you all before," Hayden said.

The five of us grinned at each other. I did hope that we'd still all talk like this. Our sibling moment was interrupted moments later when our parents came out.

Later that night, once we'd showered and we were dressed in pajamas, Alyssa and me made our way downstairs to talk to mum and dad. It had been so easy to address me siblings about all this, but this was going to be hard. What if I hurt mum's feelings? I figured dad would be okay, but mum likely wouldn't be.

I still remembered the day that mum had told me her story. I was just seven-years-old, but even as a little girl I was in tune to other people's feelings. For some reason, it's always been mum's feelings I've felt the most. Even when she was feeling stressed about one of the other kids, I could still pick it up. I didn't know why that was. Anyway, I could tell, even at such a young age that just telling me stressed her out. I could tell even then that was worried I'd be angry with her for it as well. The only thing I could think to do back then was hug her and reassure her that it was okay. I knew it wasn't her fault even then. She hadn't known she was pregnant with me. I knew she felt guilty for what she'd put through me. I knew she felt terrible that the first few years of my life I had been sickly as well. I also knew that she had been devastated when she thought she'd miscarried me.

Then Alyssa, my big sister who I'd always loved and looked up to actually threw that in her face. It was the first time in my life I could remember being so angry with someone. If I could have done magic back then; I would have hexed her on the spot. All I could do was yell at her. I could tell she felt guilty. It was all over her face, and I could feel the guilt too. However, I didn't care. She needed to apologize and I'd refused to let her pass until she did.

To this day, Alyssa still felt guilty about that. It didn't matter how much we assured her that we knew she didn't mean it, she still felt guilty. I'd ignored her earlier when she'd mentioned it because I was tired of the guilt. She had to get past it. Just as mum had to get past her guilt. I knew mum was a lot better than she used to be (apparently she had bad anxiety after my birth) but she still stressed over me sometimes.

Mum was actually better than dad with giving me freedom. She let me do a lot more. It was just when I fell and hurt myself. Last week, the twins and me had been playing a rough game on the brooms and I'd fallen off. I was just a few feet above the ground and mum had panicked about it. I was back on my feet with a smile on my face before she even reached me, but she'd still panicked. So had the twins for that matter even though it wasn't really their fault. That was what I had meant when I'd said that everyone had treated me like I would break. If it had been anyone else but me, they would have made sure they were okay, but there wouldn't have been a panic.

Alyssa and me took a seat on the love seat, while mum and dad sat on the couch. The boys were all still outside and swimming. I just hoped they would stay out there. I didn't want to be interrupted, even if they knew I was doing this. I was worried I would be able to talk to them with the whole family there. It was hard enough as it was.

Alyssa gave me a nudge since I didn't say anything. I gave a sigh, and then began. With my brothers, I'd let them hear the frustration in my voice. With mum and dad, I tried my best to keep it out of my voice. When I was done, mum and dad looked at each other and then at me.

"Well, we knew this day was going to come eventually," dad finally said. "You have always proven to be tougher. We've all always underestimated you."

"Even after you were born, we predicted this would happen," mum said. "There is a reason we do it, but we will try harder not to. We've been letting up on you as much as we could. When you were twelve, and you asked not to have a baby-sitter anymore, we listened. We could see how you were with the other kids, especially when it comes to Mickey."

"You've always been good about stuff like that," I answered. "But you still get anxiety if I hurt myself. Last week when I fell off the broom, everyone was worried. If it had been Elaina or Elliot, no one would have reacted like that. I'm not a little girl anymore. If I fall and hurt myself, I can take care of myself. Even when I was a little kid, I handled it better than the others. William and Cameron cried more when they hurt themselves than when I did."

Mum just smiled at me. "I know honey, and we will try harder when it comes to that. I will always have anxiety when it comes to you, but I will keep my distance. You're right, I did overreact last week when you fell off the broom."

"It's not that I don't appreciate it," I said quickly. "I just get tired of everyone treating me like I am fragile. Jared is the worse. I am not looking forward to having this conversation with him. You two surprised me. Especially you mum. I was worried I'd stress you out."

"You shouldn't worry about stressing me out honey," mum said. "I am the parent here. I know I can be overbearing with you at times. So I promise I will back off. I don't expect Jared will be too offended either honey. He is coming over with the family next weekend. Maybe you could talk to him then."

For the longest time, my godfather Jared had been single. When I was about seven, he had his first son, Carter. An ex-girlfriend basically tricked him into staying with her when it came to that. Shortly after that, he left her and he managed to get full custody of Carter. She had a chance to see him, but she seemed to have disappeared. About two years after that, Jared re-connected with a girl named Sally-Anne that my parents knew from the past. He began dating her, and then surprised all of us by marrying her. No one had expected for him to get married. They now had a two-year-old daughter and another baby on the way.

When I was younger, I'd been worried that I wouldn't see him much more because of this. I never admitted it because I didn't want to come off as selfish. I was the godchild after all and his kids were his own kids. However, nothing changed. Jared still took me as much as he always had until I went to Hogwarts. On our short holidays, we would take me on weekends and during the summers, he would write to me often to see when I'd want to visit. I was glad that nothing had changed. At times I thought he was more protective than mum and dad were. I knew he was stressing about the fact that I now had a boyfriend. Eventually he'd have to meet Brent too.

"Maybe," I said with a nod. "But sometimes I think he is more protective of me then daddy."

Alyssa snorted.

"That's not just you Hailey," she said laughing. "Don't you remember his reaction with Hayden and Michelle? And then with me and Andrew? I think he got really upset when Clarissa went through her... well that stage she went through. I think he's protective of all the girls. I think he even got stressed about Minnie too."

"Jared's always been protective of the girls in his life. Now seeing the little ones he knew growing up is hard for him," mum said with a nod. "Betty is going to have a hard time when she is your age. Jared will listen though honey. You know he will."

"I think all of us got upset with Clarissa," dad added. "I hope she does settle down soon. I never expected that little girl would be like that."

"She kind of had a wake up call when Mackenzie and me stopped talking to her," Alyssa said.

"You said you'd tell me more about that," I said to Alyssa now.

"We can go on up to your room now if you're done talking to mum and dad," Alyssa said. "I don't want you to have a bad impression on her though. She was fifteen when she started and she's grown up since then. I doubt she'll find a boyfriend anytime soon, but she's better than she was when she was a teenager. Before you point out that you're fourteen, you've always been mature for your age. You know that's not true for other people your age."

I had been about to point that out, but what Alyssa said was true. Other kids my age could be very immature. So I just gave a nod to her.

"I'm done talking now," I said and then I glanced at mum and dad. "And you two are okay?"

Dad laughed.

"Yes Hailey. We knew someday you'd tell us to back off. We should have given you room to breathe years ago. You're right. You will be seventeen very soon and you've proven to be more mature than all four of the other kids. I think you've been even more mature than Cameron, and he's always been too old for his age."

"I wouldn't go that far," I said as I rolled my eyes. "Cameron refused to drink until he was sixteen. I mean-"

"I take it you've drank," mum asked looked amused. "Hailey, we don't want you drinking at fourteen but we know you kids will try. I'd rather you wait until at least sixteen but I haven't forgotten what it's like to be fourteen either. I know kids experiment."

I wasn't going to add that I'd tried in second year. Why did it really matter? Out of all of us, Cameron was the one who was who'd been almost a saint. I'd tried something that I didn't even know if Alyssa, William or Hayden had tried. Cameron knew about it, but the others didn't. He kept my secret, but I think he hinted that William had tried it. He'd said weed wasn't a big deal even if he didn't think I should be smoking it.

I just smiled at her and then left the room with Alyssa. She was smiling at me.

"Mum and dad don't really overreact to drinking," she said as we began climbing up the steps. "They've never really given permission until sixteen, but they never said not to do it either. The most they told me was to be careful and drink in moderation if I had to do it. I think they're all too aware that we'll do it at Hogwarts anyway, and there isn't way they'll know if we have or not. They can say don't do it, but we will and they can't prove that we did. Not unless someone rats us out."

"I've never been very drunk," I said. "I just drink enough. I don't want to throw up the next day."

"You're smart," Alyssa said. "I lost that attitude in fourth year. I hope you never do."

"I've seen my friends and our parents with hang-overs," I responded. "Well, I've seen you lot as well. All except Cameron because he has the same attitude as me. I started earlier than him though."

"That used to annoy William you know," Alyssa replied with a smile.

We'd reached the top of the steps now. Sometimes even a year later I was tempted to turn into my old room, especially now with Alyssa beside me.

"They always insist that they hate to be compared, but sometimes they complain when they aren't the same," Alyssa continued. "William just couldn't figure out how Cameron refused to drink for so long. There were many times when he'd try and get Cameron to drink when they had their parties. Trevor and Hunter would try to get him to drink in their common room but he wouldn't. I was surprised last summer when he finally gave in."

"Even at their seventeenth he didn't drink a lot," I said. "Everyone was drinking but Cameron wouldn't do shots or anything."

"I was there," Alyssa reminded me softly as we entered my room. "That was a fun night. I think because most of us are of age now. I think your birthday will be the best one."

"Except I'll be at school," I said.

"You know that mum and dad will let you celebrate over the holidays. Remember, mine was on New Years.. It was amazing because everyone was able to be there. You could do the same if you wanted. You could even do it the summer after."

"I suppose so," I said with a shrug. "I really haven't put as thought as most people do. Everyone else has their plans. I remember even you had plans for yours after Hayden's."

"Well like me, you can plan it with your friends," Alyssa responded. "Well, I was only able to plan it with Richard and Mackenzie but Clarissa ended up being there anyway."

"And you were angry about that," I said sitting down on the window seat. "So what exactly happened in your fifth year with her."

Alyssa sighed. "Well, Clarissa was always a bit wild. I only drank once in our first year, and Mackenzie I think a few times maybe. I can't remember if Richard did or not. Anyway, she was already smoking weed and everything. All of us had snogged boys by that point, but with Clarissa, she was over the top. She got worse as we got older. I hate to say it because mum, Ellen and well none of the adults know this. Don't ever tell anyone Hailey please," Alyssa paused to look at me very seriously.

"You know I won't tell," I said quickly. "When have I?"

"Not on us, but you'll be shocked when I tell you this. In fact, I should have said something because of it," Alyssa said. "But I was trying to be a good friend. It's just now it doesn't matter since it was a long time ago. At the time, Mackenzie, Richard and me should have realized right then and there that Clarissa was of the path of self-destruction."

"What did she do?" I asked wishing she'd get to the point already. It couldn't have been that bad.

"She had shagged some bloke at the beginning of our third year. He was a sixth year."

I stared at Alyssa with shock. I thought maybe she'd say that Clarissa had shagged, but when she was just thirteen and with a sixth year? That was just so wrong. I wondered what William or Cameron would say to that. They were flipping out because I was just dating a sixteen year old. How would they react to shagging, especially at thirteen? Some girls talked about shagging, but none had actually done it. We were all still scared of the possibility.

"But why?" I asked. "Why would she want to. I had a hard time even snogging a boy even last year! I can't believe you did that in your first year. I hope you didn't shag too young."

"No, Andrew was the first one to shag me," Alyssa said. "And I didn't shag him until shortly after my seventeenth birthday. I thought I told you about that."

"You've always refused to tell me anything about your sex life," I responded. "But I am surprised Andrew was okay with that. I heard from a lot of people he shagged around."

"He did, but he liked me so much that he didn't want to pressure me," Alyssa said. "Clarissa always thought I was a prude because of that. She actually threw that in my face at the start of our big fight."

"Did she shag more after that boy?" I asked. "And why did she pick a sixth year boy?"

"I don't know," Alyssa said. "None of us knew why she'd go for him, especially since he was already of age. It was actually illegal. That's another reason why I made Andrew wait. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal as I was just sixteen. It's just with the age difference as it was, I didn't want to have anymore drama with our relationship."

"He was seventeen and she was thirteen?" I demanded. "What was wrong with him then? He took advantage of her. Even if she wanted it, he still took advantage. I'm just a year older than that and I know it's wrong! Everyone is making a big deal out of Brent being sixteen and me being fourteen!"

"Yes I know," Alyssa said. "Richard even went after him about that. He did try to blame it on Clarissa too. Said she went after him and she was so cute that he couldn't resist."

"Stupid excuse," I said. "So what happened. Was it one time, or did they shag more?"

"It was just the once with him," Alyssa said. "But it wasn't the only time. She was like Andrew used to be. She was wild and we didn't know what to do about it. We covered up for her as much as could. We shouldn't have. We should have told Ellen, or Michelle or even mum and dad. What she was doing was wrong. She started to wear really slaggy clothes, even at Hogwarts. Her bikini's when her parents or even ours weren't around were worse. If Keith had ever seen her in them, he would have locked her up. At the beginning of fifth year, we finally had enough with it. She missed her period, and she was scared that she was pregnant. She didn't learn her lesson from it though. She got her period, and she went back to her old ways. We had enough to stress about as it was when it came to OWLs. We didn't need to stress about her too. So we tried to help her, but she just rebelled even more. So I wrote to Ellen and-"

"But I thought you said she didn't know," I interrupted.

"Not the stuff she did in third and fourth year," Alyssa said. "Maybe I should have told her. I just told her about her pregnancy scare and how we were worried because she was shagging around. I made it seem as if this all started in fifth year. I didn't see how it would have helped to tell her the complete truth. Mackenzie and Richard agreed. What good is it to rat someone out for something that was two years ago? Maybe we should have mentioned the seventeen year old. I don't want her to know now though because Clarissa did change her life around. Anyway, once Clarissa found out what I did, we had the big fight. Mackenzie, Richard and me all told her that she was ruining her life and she had to stop. A lot of awful things were said between all four of us. At first, Mackenzie, Richard and me stopped talking too. That didn't last long when we realized that it wasn't each other we were angry with."

"How long did that last then?" I asked.

"Not even a week," Alyssa said. "Richard was the peacemaker. He talked to Mackenzie and then me, and then we all sat down to talk. It's good we did make up though. Could you imagine the family dinners if we were all fighting?"

"It was bad enough when Clarissa had to come over," I said grinning.

I could remember how Alyssa and Clarissa would make sure there was a lot of space between them. Mum always included them as family, so when we had our big family dinners, they came too. I remembered how awkward it was with Mackenzie, Richard, Alyssa and Clarissa. It would be the three of them sitting together, and then Clarissa with the younger kids. The older kids didn't want to talk to her either because they'd had an idea of what she'd been up to. They also wanted to side with family over her. Minnie had even said it was obvious Clarissa was at fault when the three of us were angry with her. I hadn't really wanted to talk to her either because of my cousins and Alyssa. So she didn't really get to talk to me either. It was the much younger kids who were too young to care who she'd talked to.

"Yes, she had to hang out with the little kids," Alyssa said laughing. "She hated that so much. She'd tried talking to everyone she could, but no one wanted anything to do with her. Not even Michelle. They didn't talk for a while either."

"I didn't know that," I said.

"Michelle had tried as hard as we had to stop her," Alyssa said. "She didn't know everything and she still doesn't, but she knew enough. She knew about her pregnancy scare and she obviously knew how she dressed. Clarissa just got worse too. I think the fight really got to her. She was very stressed out because she basically lost all her friends. I think that's why had such a downward spiral as well. It wasn't just that obviously. Clarissa just wanted to rebel. She'd even told us that after our first year that she wanted to. Maybe that should have been our first sign."

"I don't know everything about Ellen when she was at school, but I've heard enough stories," I said. "I didn't know about the OWLs but I knew she slacked off and that she did other stupid stuff. Clarissa sounds like she wanted to follow in her mum's footsteps."

"That's what we thought too," Alyssa said. "I know all about Ellen's childhood. Mum told me about it about that time. I'd heard a lot of stories growing up, and I asked mum if how Clarissa was acting was similar to Ellen. Mum said it was like hearing about Ellen all over again. Mum told me that it wasn't even until they were in their thirties when Ellen actually confessed everything to her and I left a lot out when I told mum. Ellen's situation was from stress because of her parents and she was in love with dad. I don't know to this day what was going through Clarissa's mind. She just seemed intent on destroying herself."

"So what made her finally see the light?" I asked. "I mean, you said downstairs that she had a wake up call when you two stopped talking to her. She must have kept going though."

"Well, she did. She realized it after we stopped talking to her. She told me that later on, but it didn't make her stop. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but with no friends it was like she just didn't care. Maybe she had stresses that we didn't know about. Either way, she knew everyone was angry with her and maybe it depressed her. Maybe she felt she didn't have a reason to change at the time," Alyssa said. "It's something she still won't talk to me about today. It was the beginning of seventh year when she finally talked to me for the first time without resentment though."

"And did she say way?" I asked. "Or did you lot just become friends right away?"

"No, it wasn't right away," Alyssa said. "We'd said a lot of things to each other. Like I told you earlier, I was at fault too. I could have done things differently. I don't regret writing to Ellen, but maybe I could have handled things better with her. I said a lot of mean things to her. I hadn't been so rude, maybe she would have talked to me sooner. Maybe I could have tried to talk to her sooner."

"You never did?" I asked. "You let her go to your seventeenth."

"Because all the people in our year were there," she said. "People she talked to as well as me. She just got an invitation from an owl and she showed up. I didn't want her there and I don't think she wanted to be there either. I think she was too stubborn to say no because she didn't want me to think I got to her. I felt the same way. I felt like I was letting her win by not inviting her. Ellen was there, and as you know, Elliot was there too. So it was hard to just make her stay at home. I felt like I was being the bigger person, and maybe she thought so too. We just avoided her that night."

"So what happened when she talked to you again then?" I asked. "You said she talked to you for the first time without resentment. Did she apologize?

"Yes, but I didn't know if she meant it for not," Alyssa said. "It was the first Saturday of the school year. I just finished showering and I was brushing my hair at the mirror. She walked over and she told me that she was sorry. She said that I had been right back in fifth year, and she'd been wrong. However, she told me it didn't give me any reason to write her mum. So things weren't okay right away. I told her that I didn't regret that choice, and I wouldn't take it back. So she of course got really angry about that. She walked off, but then I found her down in the common room waiting for me. She wanted us to keep talking. I decided to give her that, since she did talk to me first and she did apologize. So we went up to the Great Hall talking, and then Mackenzie and Richard saw us talking. Obviously they were confused. Once breakfast was over, they came over to see what was going on. I think they were worried that Clarissa and me made up without them. They were more annoyed with me because we'd stuck together on this. It was Clarissa who explained that she'd just talked to me that morning."

Alyssa sighed and then stretched to look out the window. The boys were all still in the pool, but more people had joined them. I stared down to see who was all out there and noticed that Elliot was out there too, and so was Trevor, Hunter and a few of William and Cameron's other friends. I couldn't make out everyone was down there, but I thought I saw some of my fellow fourth years down there as well. Andrew was back as well and Craig and Minnie were down there too with their friends. Apparently they'd decided to have a small party. Perhaps Alyssa and me could join them again.

"I swear William and Hayden always look for an opportunity for a party," Alyssa said with amusement. "I didn't know Andrew was coming back. I haven't checked my parchment though. He knows we're having a girls night tonight. Sometimes I think he can't handle staying away from me even one night."

"Even when you travel?" I asked.

"Yes, even then," Alyssa said with amusement. "There are times when obviously he can't come. He sends me such cute messages. I don't know how he actually managed to get time off work to go to Italy with me."

"But he can work anywhere can't he?" I asked. "I thought his department let him work abroad if he wanted to go with you."

He worked in the Misuse of Magic department and often they would let him go with Alyssa if she left.

"It depends because usually that goes to senior employees first," Alyssa said. "Luckily, too many people don't want to leave their families for long. So it does go to him often, but obviously not every time. It's easier in the summer for him because people have kids at home. It's harder in the winter because a lot of people have their kids at Hogwarts. They'll go if it's somewhere warm. Last winter it was Russia and so of course no one wanted to go. Usually the Ministry books trips in the same countries all at once rather than having employees all over the world. So when I wanted to sign up for Russia, Andrew did too."

"I bet he asks you to marry him soon," I said grinning at her.

"Yes maybe," Alyssa said sighing happily. "Anyway, Clarissa wanted us to all go in the court yard so we could talk. We decided since she apologized to let her talk. So we went out to talk. We couldn't get it out of her why she acted that way though. It's what bothered the three of us the most about it. She just told us that she missed us so much, and she'd been thinking a lot and that she'd realized how wrong it was. We accepted her apology, but it still took sometime before we really could fully trust her again. I'd say it was about two weeks before we were hanging out full time though. She talked to us a lot over those two weeks. Mackenzie and me just wanted to understand her. We felt as if she didn't trust us enough to talk to us. We missed her though. We missed being the four of us like old times. I think we just wanted that friendship back enough that we decided to look past that after a while. Things obviously weren't the same but we got closer again."

"So are you going to try and talk to her?" I asked. "I mean it's almost been two years."

"I've tried Hailey. We talk a lot, but she still never tells me anything. Something changed even before our fight. She stopped confiding in me, well all of us, but it was always me she told me everything. We never had secrets until after she slept with that sixth year. She'd even tell me personal gross things that I didn't want to hear. After fifth year though, I missed hearing about that stuff, even though it used to annoy me," Alyssa said.

She looked out the window again.

"We used to sit at this very spot and we'd watch the older kids or even the adults. We'd do each others nails and just talk. Clarissa and I had the most sleep-overs out of the four of us just because we're neighbours. It was so hard after our fight because I would think about our memories when I sat here."

"She still sleeps around doesn't she?" I asked and Alyssa nodded.

"But it's friends with benefits at least. It's not just random blokes that she doesn't even know. They're all boys we know and grew up with. I still don't like it, but it's much better than how it used to be. You know, even William has slept with her," Alyssa said. "I was surprised about Richard and not so much about Charles but William shocked me completely and I was angry with him. I was angrier with her because it started when he was just fifteen! She was of age!"

"William and Richard!?" I asked. "But Richard doesn't shag around!"

Unfortunately I couldn't say the same about my brother. He wasn't as bad as some people were, but he had shagged outside of relationships. I'd thought he'd shagged when he was sixteen too. He'd told me that his first time was when he was sixteen, but according to Alyssa, it was when he was fifteen.

"Well he isn't exactly a saint," Alyssa said. "He doesn't do it a lot, but he has with some of girls. Mostly he prefers to have a girlfriend, but he once told me he misses sex sometimes when he is single. He said that with Clarissa he said they'd known each other since they were babies and he couldn't see how it would hurt. He said she isn't girlfriend material, but he doesn't mind a quick shag. I hate when people do that though. I've never understood the need for shagging random people and I hope you never do."

"I won't do that," I said. "I never even snogged before Brent. Alyssa, I don't know when or if I will shag Brent, but what if I am fifteen or sixteen when I do? It won't be this year, I can tell you that. You're making such a big deal about being underage. Are you saying I should wait until I am seventeen then?"

"No. It's different when it's a relationship. You don't honestly think that Michelle and Hayden waited until she was seventeen, do you? If it's a long term relationship, it's one thing. It completely different when it's a random shag though. Clarissa chased William, and he even said no at first. But she kept pursuing him, and he finally gave in. It's why it made me so angry with her. She went after my underage brother and yes, he consented after a while but sometimes I think he felt pressured. Plus he was a hormonal teenaged boy and he had this beautiful older girl with experience chasing him. I just think Clarissa should have known better. I think she used her beauty to her advantage. She was noticing how cute the twins were getting, and she seemed to want to prove she can get any attractive boy she wanted. She tried with Cameron too, but he shot her down and then lost it on her when she kept trying."

"So when did you find that out?" I asked. "It had to have happened in your seventh year."

"It was close to the end of my seventh year," Alyssa said. "It would have been around April or May. William told me that summer because he felt guilty about it. I yelled at him too of course, but I was furious with her. I know they have this summer already. Neither have told me, but I can tell when they both seem to guilty around me. William is older now though."

"William told me he had sex for the first time when he was sixteen," I said.

"He says that just because it was so close to June," Alyssa said. "He just wants to make it look less bad for Clarissa because she was eighteen by that point, but it doesn't matter. It was still wrong. I didn't stop talking to her, but I was upset. She is still in love with Charles though. She always has been. So I keep hoping something will happen between them."

"That could be part of it then," I said sitting up quickly. "Clarissa used to talk to me about Charles when you weren't around. Sometimes she baby-sat when you didn't, or else she would just hang out with me. She told me that she loved with so much, but he only cared about snogging her. Maybe that's why she started to wear those clothes."

"It's so obvious, I don't know why I never thought of that," Alyssa said as she looked at me with wide eyes. "I don't know why any of us didn't guess. A lot of the time when she wore those bikini's, he was around. I just never would have thought she'd let herself go like that over one boy! I never considered doing that when it came to Andrew. Her and Ellen truly are alike. Too bad she didn't meet someone to help her get over Charles."

"So you think that's what it really is?" I asked her.

"It's what makes sense the most," Alyssa said. "I really need to talk to her. I think Mackenzie too, and maybe Richard. Once again Hailey, you have pointed out the obvious."

"I might not have guessed if it was my own friends though," I said. "I'm just hearing the story. I've known all along that she liked Charles too, and I knew some of the stuff you told me. Not all of it like shagging when she was just thirteen, but other stuff. I just don't understand why someone would be like that over one bloke. There has to be more than just Charles though."

"Likely," Alyssa said. "I'll try talking to her tomorrow before I leave. So, do you want to go down and join the party, or do you want to stay up here and hang out?"

"Let's just hang out," I said. "I have all summer to see that lot. I won't see you as much. We were planning a girls night, so let's do it."

Later as I stretched out in my bed, I felt like I'd had a really good day. My family had met my boyfriend and they liked him. I'd talked to most of my family about how I felt. At the moment, I felt very grown up. I glanced over at Alyssa who had fallen asleep before me. I wondered if she'd finally solve this dispute with Clarissa once and for all. I just hoped it would never happen with Elaina, Elliot and me.


	8. Truths and Engagement

Truth's and an Engagement

I couldn't stop thinking about the long talk I'd had with Hailey the night before. Was what she had said about Clarissa the truth? Even two years later it still bothered me that I didn't know why my best friend lived the life she had/did. She was better than she had been, but she showed no signs of settling into a real relationship. It was something I'd wanted to know about Clarissa since we'd been in the third year. Why had she had sex so early? She used to insist that she would never be like mum, but she had likely been worse.

I knew I couldn't leave for Italy without knowing the truth now. It would distract me from my work. I would want the time to go by quickly so I could see Clarissa again. So the moment I got home from my parents, I wrote quickly not only to Clarissa but to Richard and Mackenzie as well. They were as involved as I was. They were also close to her, and they would want to know what was going on as well.

Do you have time to meet tonight? I need to talk to you. I'd written to Clarissa.

Can you come over tonight? I want to talk to Clarissa. Hailey had some insight last night about Clarissa's behaviour in school. I think we should talk to her about it. I want to do this before I leave for Italy. I wrote to both Mackenzie and Richard.

I hoped all three could come over. While I waited for them to get back to me, I packed my stuff and Andrew's stuff. He was coming with me thankfully. I was surprised he'd been able to come since it was summer. It was often hard to get vacation time in the summer and it usually went to the most senior employees. I was relieved though. I'd told Hailey the night before that he hated to be away from me, but I felt the same way when I travelled. I would count down the days until we would see each other again. I'd never known it was possible to love someone outside of family so much before. He was out setting up for when we wouldn't be home. We needed someone to come by and water the plants and check on our cats.

As I finished packing our clothes in a trunk, my parchment buzzed. I grabbed it quickly to see that Clarissa had gotten back to me. She wasn't busy, and she could come visit. She wanted to know why I hadn't gone to see her the night before when I'd been at my parents.

I was visiting my family, but you could have come over. I wrote back quickly.

She still lived at home for some reason. So did Michelle for that matter. I didn't understand how they could do it. I was ready for my freedom the moment I was done Hogwarts. I stayed home long enough for the summer. I wanted one last summer with my brothers and sister and of course my parents, but then I moved in with Andrew and Hayden. We only stayed there for a few weeks because we thought it was awkward with Hayden being my big brother and all.

As I contemplated this, both Richard and Mackenzie got back to me simultaneously. They were both free as well, so they were going to come over as well. I sighed with relief, but I figured all three would want to make time for me. They knew I was leaving soon, and I was sure even if I didn't want to talk to Clarissa, they would make time for me anyway. It was hard to believe that we were all still close after nineteen years. Clarissa of course was an exception for two of those years, but she was my best friend again.

As I wrote back to all three of them about what time to show up, Andrew tried sneak up behind me to scare me. He did so often that I knew when he was going to do it. Our floor boards always creaked and squeaked. We lived in a cheap flat for now because we did eventually want to move back into my parents neighbourhood with our own house. I liked it out there so much. So you could hear every movement in our place. I always knew when he was coming.

Sure enough, when I spun around before he reached me, it was to find him grinning at me just half a foot away.

"When we build our house I am sound proofing the floors," he said.

"We could do that now you know," I said.

"Nope, I like our squeaky floors," he replied and then he moved closer to hug me. "The twins are all excited to stop by here to take care of the plants and the cats. They actually want to stay here you know. I don't see why they would with your pool and mansion."

"Freedom," I said after he stepped away. "And they can apparate so if they wanted to go swimming, they can. Are you letting them?"

"Your parents don't want them to," Andrew said. "I don't really care. I know we can trust them."

"Really?" I asked with surprise.

At seventeen, my parents let us have our freedom. They'd let us stay home alone for a week the summer before my seventh year. Dad had to travel somewhere and mum wanted to go with him. The twins could be trusted now. They wouldn't do something stupid. Both had outgrown their reckless during fifth year, and Cameron had never really been that bad. There had a been a couple years that William had been a problem child but he'd settled down when he had to do his OWLs. He'd changed into a very responsible young man.

"And I bet they're fighting that they're of age and everything. They're both responsible," I continued.

"It's not about that," Andrew said. "Hailey left the room, and your dad explained that he wanted someone here when Hailey has Brent over. Now that they've met him, they are going to let him come over more. They don't want Hailey and Brent alone in that house during the day. I can't see Hailey doing anything stupid, but they still don't want the alone. Basically they want William and Cameron to spy without being obvious."

"Ah, I get it now," I said with a nod. Now I understood. "But they could always stay here at night and go home during the day."

"William pointed that out but your mum said Hailey is intuitive. She would know what was happening, even if the boys just hung out in the pool. If they make it sound as if they just don't want the boys living here for a week, it isn't suspicious," Andrew replied.

"I understand now, and especially after our talk with them last night. Hailey wants everyone to stop being over-protective. That is the opposite of that. I can't blame mum and dad for that though. She'd have done the same for me or even Hayden," I said.

"They did do the same the moment they found out about us," Andrew reminded me. "The twins and Hailey had to be almost everywhere we were."

"Yes that was annoying. As if we were going to do anything under their roof," I said as I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, I'm having the girls and Richard over tonight. I told you what Hailey told me last night. I want to talk to Clarissa about it with Mackenzie and Richard. I figured we could have dinner party with them."

"Can I invite some people then?" Andrew asked. "We'll leave you three to your talk."

"Hayden, Craig and Minnie?" I asked with a knowing smile. "Go ahead, I don't mind. It can be our going away dinner party."

"And probably Michelle," Andrew said.

"Do you think those two will last?" I asked thinking about the conversation we'd had with Hayden the night before.

"They love each other," Andrew said.

"But is that enough?" I asked.

"I don't know," Andrew answered. "I hope so. They are happy together when they are together. It's not as if they fight a lot. So I don't know why it is they break up so much."

"Hayden doesn't even know. I don't get much opportunity to talk to Michelle anymore," I said. "Anyway, let's go get dinner started then... and yes, you are helping me. If we're having all these extra people over; you are helping."

Andrew let out a long exaggerated sigh.

"Yes dear," he said pretending to sound annoyed. "My are you a demanding woman. I don't know how to manage to live with you. Maybe Hayden and Michelle have it right."

"You'd miss me the day after a break up," I said.

"The second," Andrew countered and then he leaned forward to kiss me.

Our friends arrived just as we were finishing up. We didn't make anything fancy. Neither of us knew how to do that. Growing up, my mum had taught me the basics, but I couldn't put together a six course meal. I was lucky that Andrew wasn't that kind of man. I'd always known he wasn't like that. Instead, we just threw together a salad, made homemade pizza and garlic bread. That was something Andrew, Hayden and Craig had learned to make when they first move out.

At times I absolutely loved it, but then I would think back to the days of living with mum and eating her healthy food. Oddly enough, I would miss it and so I would make that for supper. When I was a kid, I'd always said I wouldn't eat the ultra healthy meals once I was on my own. Now I've decided that everything is good in moderation. Homemade pizza was perfect for weekends or when we had people over.

Our flat was small and our kitchen and living-room was basically one. We didn't even had a dining room table. Usually Andrew and me would eat on the couch in front of our telly. When we had guests over, we would either conjure chairs for them, or they would sit on the floor. No one could understand why we lived in such a small and old flat. However, Andrew and I wanted to save as much money as we could without just relying on my trust fund that I would get eventually. We wanted to make our small fortune first, and renting cheaply was the first step when it came to that. I wanted to be like my mum and dad and earn my way. Andrew felt bad about using my trust fund.

Michelle questioned this as we all tried to make ourselves comfortable.

"It's just the two of us for now," Andrew told her. "We don't need a big flat. I don't want to waste too much money when it comes to renting anyway. We're trying to save as much as we can so that eventually we can build our own house."

"So you two are really planning to get a house together?" Minnie asked but her eyes were more on Andrew than me.

"You know we are," he told her.

"Minnie," Hayden said and he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Sorry," she said.

"Am I missing something here?" I asked.

"Yes, what is the big deal if they want to build a house together?" Michelle asked. "I'm confused."

"Don't worry about it," Hayden told her. "Minnie is just being silly."

"No, I want to know why this is a big deal," I said and I looked to Andrew. "What is she talking about? She said that for a reason. Why is such a shock that we'll be getting a house together?"

"Alyssa-" Hayden began but I shook my head.

"Hayden, I am not that little girl you can lie to anymore. I can see through it. Even when I was younger, I could tell. I can tell you lot are trying to hide something from me," I said feeling annoyed now.

I may have been nineteen now, but at times Hayden and his friends (with the obvious exception of Andrew) still saw me as a child. I just wanted them to see me as an equal. The night before he'd been able to see me as a grown up, but now he was treating me like that seven-year-old little girl again.

"It's not that at all," Hayden told me. "And it's nothing bad Alyssa. I wouldn't lie to you about that. You know I wouldn't. Just- just give Andrew the benefit of the doubt for now, okay?"

I let out a small sigh. "Fine, but I don't like waiting forever," and I turned to Andrew. "Whatever it is that is being hidden from me, I want to know before the end of the summer. I don't like wasting time."

"It will be before the end of the summer," Andrew told me and then he shot a glare at Minnie who looked down guiltily. "And there is no waste of time Alyssa. I hope you don't think I am planning to break up with you or something."

"Well why else would she be shocked that we're getting a house together?" I asked him.

"It's not that I'm shocked. It's more of an observation," Minnie told me. "Alyssa, I have a big mouth. I spoke without thinking. Andrew is not intending to break up with you. Do you honestly think Hayden would keep that a secret from you? Do you think I would? We wouldn't let him carry this on."

"So can we change the subject please?" Andrew asked. "Let's talk about when Hayden and Michelle will move in together."

Hayden sent him a glare but Andrew just shrugged back. This did at least the heat off of us. I ate silently while everyone talked around me. If it wasn't something bad; what could it be then? Why would Minnie bring up the fact that we were planning to get a house together soon? We rented a flat together, and Andrew seemed quite happy with me. I was very happy with him. He did everything he could to make sure we weren't apart for long. So why... and then I nearly gasped out loud. Was Andrew planning to propose to me? Minnie had said it wasn't a shock, but an observation. So did that mean she was confirming that he actually would?

I glanced over at my older cousin again. She looked quite upset. She was right. Her and Hayden would never keep that kind of secret from me. He was their friend, but I would always come first before Andrew. I decided for the moment not to dwell on it. Instead, I decided to focus on the matter at hand. Why did Clarissa turn out the way she had?

So after we ate, I got up and called out for my friends to follow me into our bedroom. I had a feeling the moment we left, Hayden and the others were going to tell Minnie off. I hoped they weren't too harsh with her. She hadn't meant to say anything.

"I think Andrew is going to propose to you," Mackenzie said to be excitedly as soon as I shut the door behind us.

"I think so too," Richard said. "To me, it sounded as if Minnie was trying to confirm the fact."

"And the fact that Andrew said you'd know by the end of summer," Clarissa said as she sat down on the bed. "Michelle does have a point, this place really is small. I hope it's soon. I don't understand how you can live here after living in that mansion your whole life."

"It's our first home and my first taste of freedom," I answered. "It was strange at first, I can admit that. I love it though and we won't be here forever. My new place won't be as big as mum's and dad's but it will be decent. To be honest, I don't understand how you lot can still be at home."

"Places are expensive to rent, and I just don't have that kind of money yet," Clarissa said. "I am saving as much as possible before I move out. I refuse to live pay to pay like some of our classmates. It isn't like when our parents first moved out. Everything is a lot more expensive. You're actually smart to be doing it this way to be honest. It might have even been better if you'd stayed with Hayden or at your mum's."

"I could not stay with them when it's Andrew," I told her. "Well, I don't think I could stay with them with any boy. It was so awkward shagging Andrew when we lived with Hayden. He actually did offer us the flat since I am the oldest biological kid but I turned it down. It's as much his as it is mine or the other kids."

Clarissa made a face. "I suppose you're right about that."

"I couldn't handle living with mum much longer," Richard said. "I miss dad and Anthony and Dakota but I just couldn't live under her roof anymore. I'm just glad she is nicer to them. I think she learned her lesson when she realized I never wanted a close relationship with her. At least she learned from her mistakes when it comes to me. I should find a place soon too though."

"You were moved out at seventeen," Mackenzie said. "And mum and dad have already said you're welcome to stay as long as you want."

Right before our seventh year, Richard had packed up everything he owned, and he'd moved into Mackenzie's. Our Aunt Brianne and Uncle Nick had set up a room for him to stay in years ago. He asked them if he could move in, and they were more than happy to let him. Aunt Brenda had tried to demand that he move back home, and she even tried to accuse our aunt and uncle of kidnapping. Everyone was quick to point out that legally, she had no rights over him anymore. He was seventeen years old, so he was of age. She couldn't tell him what to do anymore. She tried to go as far as telling him that he wouldn't get an inheritance, and he'd told her to go ahead. He could own his way through life and he didn't need one knut from her. He knew it was an empty threat, and after a while she told him that he would always have a home with her.

"I know, but I don't like to wear out my welcome," he said.

"Do you ever talk to your mum?" Clarissa asked him.

"I go over for dinners at times. I have a lot this summer so I can at least see Anthony. He's starting Hogwarts this year. I always take the boys out too so that we have some brotherly time. Actually, mum and I get along a lot better now that I don't live at home."

I'd noticed that as well, but I never mentioned it. The last time they'd had dinner with us, they had actually joked together. Everyone was shocked because it was often that Aunt Brenda joked, and it wasn't often that it was with her eldest son. She even seemed as if she'd lightened up a lot since he'd moved out. Dad thought it was because it was a wake-up call for her. I knew that if one of my children didn't want to live with me, I'd wonder why.

"They even joked together," Mackenzie said as if reading my mind. "I think everyone nearly choked."

"I miss the family get togethers," Clarissa said. "I haven't really been to one in ages. If I did go to them, it was because mum forced me. Now when your family has them, we either aren't needed there or else it isn't as big as it used to be since everyone is all grown up now."

Clarissa was basically referencing the big fight. It had been the summer before fifth year since we'd really had a big family get together with everyone. We still had family dinners, but not everyone could come because they had their own lives now or else the kids didn't want to go. They felt too old and cool for it.

Mackenzie glanced at me to see if I was going to bring it up. I gave a small nod.

"That's actually why I wanted to invite everyone over," I said to Clarissa. "It's not just a dinner before we go to Italy," and then I explained to her what Hailey and me had talked about the night before.

"Please tell me it's not because of my brother that you acted that way," Mackenzie said. "Charles isn't worth ruining your life and friendships over."

"It's not because Charles rejected me," Clarissa said. "Or not just because. I'm not like mum. I didn't do all of that because of one boy. Does it really matter?"

"Yes it does because we are your best friends," I said to her. "We've all been friends since birth. We nearly lost your friendship. We have the right to know. You'd be just as concerned if it was one of us. You're family too remember. You'd want to know if Michelle did something like that. I just think you're better than the girl you became. You always promised us you wouldn't be like that and then things changed in third year."

"And it was the summer before third year that Charles told you that he wasn't interested in dating you," Mackenzie said.

"And then you started snogging more and more and then you shagged that sixth year boy," Richard added. "It makes sense. You shouldn't have ruined everything for just one bloke. I have nothing against my cousin of course, but I just don't understand why so many girls fall over themselves when it comes to them. It has nothing to do with jealousy either. I can get girls too."

"I know you can," Clarissa said. "It wasn't the fact that he rejected me."

"So why?" I asked. "Remember that summer before our second year? You told me that you had no intention in acting that way."

"And you even told us that you were rebelling to rebel," Richard added. "You said that the one day in Hogsmeade."

"Because it made me feel grown up!" Clarissa said. "None of you can possibly understand, especially you Alyssa. You got the boy you wanted eventually. Sure he ignored you for years because you were too young, but you got together eventually. I really think he is going to propose too. I'm glad you are happy, but you just never understood, even before you two got together. Boys still wanted you! They wanted you too Mackenzie and now you're with the boy you always wanted to. Richard, you never had problems getting girls either."

"Neither did you," I said. "How does it make you more grown up to shag around?"

"You wouldn't believe the loo talk," Richard added on. "It took all my strength not to hit some of those blokes."

"What exactly did Charles say then?" Mackenzie asked. "You said it wasn't because he rejected you. I've always had the feeling that it was something he said. You just wouldn't tell me. You did say that you were never going to be good enough for anyone. What did he do to make you feel that way?"

"It wasn't only him," Clarissa muttered.

"So what was it?" Richard demanded.

"Charles told me that I was a nice girl, but he couldn't ever be with me. He said being with me would feel like he was dating a little kid. He said I was very pretty like Michelle, but he still saw me a nine-year-old and it made him uncomfortable. I stopped growing at like thirteen. I'm smaller than mum is still. I thought I would at least reach her height but I haven't. My growth is stunted and even now people tell me I still look like a little girl. Shagging all those boys and all that drinking made me feel more grown up. I know I shouldn't have shagged that sixth year, but he didn't make me feel like a little girl. None of the boys did," Clarissa said and she began blinking quickly. It was obvious that she was trying not to cry.

"You should have told me what he said," Mackenzie told her. "I would have told him off. He had no right to say that to you. Clarissa, you are very small but you are very beautiful and you do not look like a little girl. You have a very nice and womanly body and you don't really have a baby face either. You don't look old of course, but you don't look really young either. You look your age I think."

"Did other boys say that to you too?" I asked her and she nodded.

"And it's why you frustrated me so much when we were younger Alyssa," Clarissa said. "All through out second and third year; you complained so much about your height. You were so insecure about being so tall, but I would have given anything to be tall like you. No one thought you were a little girl."

"But for those two years I towered over the boys," I said. "And boys didn't really want a girl who was taller than them. For a while, I thought it was why Andrew wouldn't notice me. The summer before second year, he'd told me I was freakishly tall for my age. At the time I took it as the joke it was. However, in third year I thought about it more and I thought that maybe he thought I was too tall for him. I didn't want to think about the fact that I was just fourteen and he was too old for me. It was actually Hailey who pointed this out to me and she was just nine. So I accepted that, and then in fifth year I figured I was old enough for him to notice me but he still ignored me and I thought it was my height again even though other boys noticed me by that point. For years though, the boys did kind of avoid me because of my height. I hated it. The grass always seems greener on the other side Clarissa, but it's really not."

"I would still take that over being too small," she said. "And then the summer before sixth year, Andrew did notice you. We might not have been speaking by then, but I noticed it whenever mum forced me to go over. And I knew you two got together by the end of summer even though you were keeping it secret, but I could still tell. Andrew was just waiting for you to be old enough. I think he even noticed you when you were fourteen, but he knew it was wrong."

"I know all that now," I told. "I just wish you would have talked to us instead of turning to shagging and dressing that way."

"Wearing revealing clothes like that made me feel so grown up. Look, I wasn't even that angry you told mum. I knew even when I didn't want to admit it that it meant you cared about me. I was more annoyed with you and Mackenzie because you didn't get it. You could wear modest clothes and people knew your age. I felt I had to wear those clothes just so people could see that I was a teenager and not a nine-year-old. I felt like you wanted to take that away from me, and I'd have to go back to being cute little Clarissa again. Michelle tried to get through to me too, but I hated it more when she did. Our faces are the same, but she is taller. In seventh year, I just couldn't take not talking to you lot anymore though, especially when I knew you were right. It was just so hard for me to admit that to all of you. Even now I know that shagging is a bad idea for people to see me grown up, but it still helps my confidence anyway. I just don't think any boy will ever want me. And what if I am too small to get pregnant."

"Clarissa, not to sound racist but you've seen Asian women haven't you?" Richard asked. "They are always very small. Don't you remember Ming-Na? She was smaller than you. She has a baby now and obviously other Asian women get pregnant."

"But that's normal for them to be so small," Clarissa said.

"You aren't the smallest white girl in the world," Mackenzie pointed out to her. "Plenty are small and you're a couple inches smaller than your mum."

"And I wouldn't have shagged you if I thought you looked like a child," Richard said. "And we've shagged more than once."

"Richard!" Clarissa said and her face turned red.

"Oh come on, everyone in this room knows it happens from time to time," Richard said with a shrug. "I think you're a very pretty girl and it didn't feel wrong."

Mackenzie started to giggle. "I can't believe you finally admitted it Richard. You've tried so hard to pretend it didn't happen."

"Well, now is the time to admit it," Richard said with a shrug. "I wasn't exactly trying to pretend it didn't happen. It's more that I am not the type to talk about those things. I'm not one of those blokes who share with others when I've had a one night stand. The two of you knew though, so it doesn't hurt to talk about it."

"So if she is good enough to shag, she could be girlfriend potential," I pointed out to him.

"I don't want Richard as a boyfriend," Clarissa said quickly and then looked at Richard. "No offense Richard."

"None taken," he said. "I'm fine with our friends with benefits relationship. I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now anyway. It's nothing against Clarissa or any other girl. I'm living with my aunt and uncle, and I don't have much money. Just not the best time at the moment. She is girlfriend potential for another bloke who isn't Charles."

"Exactly," Mackenzie said. "Clarissa, you need to move on from him once and for all. And I don't care what you say, I am going to talk to him soon. He should have just said no to you. He shouldn't have been so mean like that."

"But I don't think he wanted to be mean," Clarissa said. "I think he just wanted to let me down and he was a teenaged boy. They don't exactly have much tact do they? Besides, you did warn me that I could get hurt."

"It still doesn't excuse it," Mackenzie said. "I know my brother can be tactless but you are one of my best friends! I don't care if it was years ago. He needs to know it was a very bad thing to say! He owes you an apology."

"I don't need an apology," Clarissa said. "Besides, I have actually been over Charles for a while. I'm not like my mum. I don't know how much I have to repeat myself when it comes to that. I don't know why people think I still like him. I like someone else, but it probably can't happen," and she shifted uncomfortably as she glanced at me and then looked away.

"William," I said as I stared at her.

She didn't want Mackenzie's brother. It was my brother that she wanted. It seemed so strange to me. It didn't happen often for an older girl and a younger boy. I knew it happened of course, but it still seemed odd.

Clarissa nodded. "But it's okay Alyssa. I know you don't want me with your brother. I also know that he wouldn't like me like that anyway. It's just that he's always made me feel grown up. He has always called me an older woman. Even before I thought of him that way and we were just friends and neighbours. When we were in fourth year, and he was in second, he told his friends I was his hot older neighbour. He's always made me feel good about myself. And it's why I went for him in seventh year."

"I wouldn't have a problem with you dating him now," I said to her. "He's seventeen. He's of age and he can make his own decision. What I didn't like was that you went for him when he was just fifteen and you wouldn't let him say no. If you got into a real relationship with him though, I'd be happy. We'd be real sisters then if you got married."

"Well we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves," Clarissa said. "He probably wouldn't want to date me. I can't believe you're okay with this. I thought you'd be furious that I was going for your little brother."

"He isn't fifteen anymore," I said. "And as long as you don't pressure him again, I'd be fine. Why did you have to do that anyway? He said no to you and then you went after Cameron. If you'd just wanted to date him I would have been fine with that too. Andrew and me have a bigger age difference. It's the fact you shagged him just to shag and you pressured him."

"I know it was wrong," Clarissa said. "It just that I knew he desired me. Like I said, he made me feel like a real woman instead of a little girl. I was stupid Alyssa. I took advantage of his attraction to me. And then later on, I started to realize that I liked him. It wasn't just because he is a good-looking bloke but he's funny and he is a good bloke. We can actually talk to each other. We spent the one night just talking in the pool for hours. I've never had that with a boy outside of Richard. The others ones I just snogged and that's it. Charles and me never really had a real conversation either. I've just always noticed how cute he is. There's something about him I wanted to change too."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "You and a long line of other girls. He's better than he used to be, but I don't think he is going to change anytime soon. So why don't you just go for William then? Ask him out Clarissa."

"I've given you my blessing," I said. "It won't hurt to try Clarissa. Maybe the Hoofer boys like older girls. Cameron is dating Emma now."

"Really?" Mackenzie asked excitedly. "Well, I guess I am not that surprised. Those two have been making googly eyes at each other forever. Clarissa, go for it."

"But what about him being in school?" Clarissa asked.

"It's hard, but you get used to it," I said. "Hayden and Michelle managed it. Andrew and I managed it. Cameron and Emma will have to work it out. Talk to William and tell me how it goes. You two could be good for each other."

"Not all Hoofer boys like older girls for the record," Richard said with a smile. "But I do agree. William is a good kid now. He's good with girls, and you two grew up together. It wouldn't hurt to try. I won't be offended either."

"You're a prat," Clarissa said to him with a grin. "Okay, tomorrow I will talk to William."

Mackenzie and I glanced at each other. I was relieved that we had finally gotten the truth out of Clarissa after all this time. It had been so easy this time too. I wondered if she had been wanting to tell us. Any other time we'd tried, she wouldn't say anything. The idea that it was William who she wanted actually made me feel excited. We'd always pretended that we were sisters. Not only could I gain Michelle as a sister someday, but there was a chance I'd end up with Clarissa too.

"So now that we have all that out of the way, tell us more about Italy Alyssa," Mackenzie said. "You're so lucky that you get to travel for your job."

"It's just for a week, and we will just be helping research certain spells in Italian," I said. "I really don't know Italian that well."

"You don't know Latin either," Richard pointed out. "You don't need to know the language. You did fine in Spain."

"It still makes me nervous, and most of the people are more senior than me," I said. "I just don't want to screw up and not be allowed to go anymore. So many people already think I get to go just because of mum. They don't care that I am really good in Charms. I am no where near her level, but I can do a lot of the spells she can."

"Your mum got the same treatment when she started. In fact, when she was a teacher one of the teachers hated her. They thought that she was just hired because she was young. The woman hated the fact that she was fresh out of Hogwarts, just married and ready to have a baby," Mackenzie told me. "People would find something wrong with you if you weren't her daughter. They just hate when it's someone young. I get it at work too."

"So do I and just because I am mum's son, they all think I am uptight as well," Richard said. "Just ignore the ones who are rude to you. It's mainly jealousy."

"They are probably jealous that you are so good," Clarissa said. "I know I am. I would just never be mean to you. Even when we weren't speaking I couldn't be mean to you. The only time I was mean was when we got in that fight but afterwards I admired you even if I was angry."

"Let us know as soon as you get back," Mackenzie told me. "We haven't seen each other as much and we promised we wouldn't be like that. I'd always hoped I'd be like your parents and I would still talk to my friends from school. I really don't. I can't stand to lose the three of you. I know we're cousins, but I don't think we should only see each other at family meals."

"We don't really have those either," Richard said. "But you're right... well, I get to see you all the time Mackenzie obviously but I would like to see the two of you as well."

"You need to tell me right away what happens with William," I told Clarissa.

"Don't worry, you'll be the first Alyssa and then I'll tell you two as well," she added quickly to Mackenzie and Richard. "But you're right Mackenzie, we do need to see other more. I miss having sleep overs. I know we're almost twenty, but I think we should still have them sometimes. Our parents did."

I did miss this. Chances are it wouldn't always just be the four of us. With me being with Andrew, it was usually his friends as well. I remembered a time when Hayden hadn't wanted me anywhere near his friends but that had all changed over the last few years. It had slowly changed once I'd started Hogwarts, and I was allowed to go to Hayden's parties, but things hadn't really changed until Andrew and me had come out in the open. Minnie had accepted it right away, but Hayden and Craig hadn't liked it. Craig had believed I was too young too. Several of Hayden's friends had thought so too, but not as much as Craig had. He'd thought it was too weird that Andrew had watched me grow up. However, soon everyone accepted it and I was soon part of their gang. Would I be even closer in their gang soon?

We were sent to Milan, the fashion capital of the world, even in the Wizarding World. When I wasn't busy working, I was going to both muggle and wizarding shops. The wizarding part of Milan was actually tucked into one of the most touristy parts of the city. I was surprised by this. Perhaps they'd believed Muggles wouldn't notice us disappearing.

When I wasn't shopping, I was visiting as much of the city as I could with Andrew. A week there wasn't enough and I told Andrew that we'd need to take vacation here sometime for at least two weeks. Andrew nodded in agreement. He seemed quite distracted that week, and I wondered what it was. We did everything we could together but he was very quiet. It wasn't like him to be quiet or even playful and it made me worry. I did my best to fill in the gaps but it almost seemed awkward. Maybe he really was going to break up with me after all. Maybe no one had wanted to tell me since we had to spend a week together. We'd booked the same room a month ago.

On our last night there, Andrew surprised me by telling me we had a reservation at a place called: Da Noi In. All week we'd just grabbed food on the go. We didn't want to spend too much money and the place sounded expensive. When we were seated on a patio, I took one of the menus and gasped at the prices.

"Don't worry about prices," Andrew told me grinning. "We deserve at least one night to indulge. I don't care about saving money tonight. Have you ever tried muggle champagne before?"

"No," I answered. "It's like an expensive wine isn't? Did you get a bonus or something?"

"Nope," Andrew answered. "I just want to treat my girl to a night out. We've been cheap all week. We can afford one expensive meal Alyssa. Don't worry about the prices. We'll go with Cristal champagne. I've tried it and it's quite nice. Mum and dad have been always had it and once I started seventh year, they let me try it on special occasions. I think you'll like it."

"Well you know that I'll try anything once," I told him and then I frowned at the prices again. I hate buying expensive. Even mum and dad hated when we ordered expensive food as kids, so I'd been well aware of money for years. I could remember the conversion rate for a pound to a euro either. Would we be spending more or less?

"What's on your mind?" Andrew asked. "Are you really that concerned about the money ALyssa? It doesn't hurt us to indulge once and a while. We have a really good savings. This meal won't make us broke."

"I know," I answered and then I asked him if he knew what the conversion rate was.

"I don't know the exact rate," he said. "But I know that we are actually saving money in British pounds and I think even more in wizarding gold."

I nodded and then scanned the menu again. I finally decided on what looked like a seafood platter. I couldn't be too sure though since it was all in Italian. Andrew ended up ordering the same thing when the waiter came around.

"I hate that it's our last night here," I said to Andrew while we waited. "I love it at home, but I love Milan and there is so much more of Italy I'd love to see. Mum is actually jealous. She'd love to come here."

"I thought she had the option to come," Andrew replied.

"She did, but she doesn't want to leave during the summer because of the other kids," I said. "She doesn't see them enough of course and she hates going anywhere without dad. I doubt he'd be able to come here for a week."

"Well, I for one am glad that it's our last night," Andrew told me.

"Why?" I asked. "Didn't you have fun this week. You seemed quiet but I thought you had a good time anyway."

"I had a good time for sure," Andrew replied quickly. "Trust me, that's not why I am happy. So you never told me if you managed to perfect those charms."

I sighed. Why was he being such a mystery man? I answered his question though. The charms still needed a lot of work, and we would have to do what we could when we returned. Some of them just needed some tweaking. The Italians seemed to have a good idea on how they worked, but they wanted more research from our department since it was one of the leading ones in the world. The American's were the second, but not even they could figure it out. I wondered if mum would figure it out. She was usually good with that.

Our talk took us through the meal. Of course I usually discussed work with Andrew, but I to me, I felt that this meant things were boring for at the moment. Why else would he want to discuss work when we were on our last night in Italy? Maybe I bored with now. I finished of my meal and then sat back with a sigh. I felt very full and bloated.

"That was good," I said to Andrew who seemed distracted again.

"It was," he answered and it almost sounded awkward.

"We should come back here again," I said. "We'll book at least two weeks out here, and we'll come back to this very restaurant."

"I'm glad you think so," Andrew said smiling now. "I was thinking the same thing."

He stood up suddenly and reached into his pocket, and then he walked closer to me and then got down on one knee. I gasped as he opened up a small black box and showed me a beautiful diamond ring.

"Alyssa, I can't think of anything better than spending the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" He asked.

I stared at him stunned for a moment and then I nodded. So we were all right. He was proposing and it was why he'd been so weird all week.

"Yes," I whispered and Andrew's face brightened up. He took the ring out of the box and then slid it slowly onto my ring finger on my left hand.

"I was so worried you'd say no," he said as he stood up.

I jumped up and hugged him.

"How could you think that?" I asked as I hugged him tightly. "I've loved you since I was twelve."

"You didn't want to get married by twenty," he said. "But I couldn't wait any longer and I love you. I can't imagine not having you in my life."

"I didn't want to be settled by twenty but we are far from settled. Now as long as I don't get pregnant... but I don't think it will happen," I said.

We were always careful no matter what. I no longer took the birth control potion. A muggleborn girl I knew took a shot that was supposed to be the most effective form of birth control. I knew my mum had been on birth control for both me and the twins. It had happened to Ellen with Clarissa and Mickey. So I took the shot, but Andrew also wore a condom.

"Not for a few years at least," Andrew said and then he kissed me.

After we parted, I was suddenly aware of the clapping around us. Had they been clapping the whole time? We grinned at each other, and then took our seats again. I couldn't stop smiling. I should have known better than to think that he'd want to dump me.

"And that's what Minnie was talking about," I stated and Andrew nodded.

"Yes, she felt so awful. She was just confirming that I was actually going to propose. She was just so excited about it and she spoke without thinking," Andrew said.

"I wondered and so did the others," I told him. "But then you were so distracted this week. It worried me."

"I'm sorry," Andrew said. "I was just so nervous. I'm sorry I made you worry sweetheart. I bought the ring a year ago when you finished Hogwarts, but Hayden told me to wait. He said we should live together first. I agreed and I love living with you. He pointed out as well that you had no intention of being like your parents."

"No, we need to wait before we think of kids," I told him. "I don't want to be twenty with a kid."

"We'll talk more about that when the time comes," Andrew said grinning. "For now, I say I go pay the bill and then you and me go off the celebrate."

"Sounds good to me," I said.

We waited almost a week after we were back before we told anyone. I decided on the following Saturday that we would have a big family dinner at mum's. All that week, I made sure to write to everyone to make sure they could come. I didn't want it to just be the immediate family. I wanted the Aunts and Uncles, my cousins and both of my grandparents. I wanted Clarissa's family and what we considered our extended family, which included Michael, Jared and a few others. I wanted my Aunt Jaime as well, but of course she didn't want to come. Now that her son was almost sixteen, she came even less.

She hated having magic around her, but what she didn't understand was my mum had solved that solution years ago. I remembered asking her about that years ago after Hayden's seventeenth birthday. Mum had done magic even though Aunt Jaime, her husband Chris (I didn't consider him an uncle) and Graysen were there. There was a spell you could do to make sure that muggles would instantly forget the magic in front of them. It was made a long time ago for wizarding and muggle weddings. Wizards could still do magic, but muggles would never notice. Mum had decided to do it for Graysen so that he could come over more. My Aunt Jaime was very stubborn though.

Thankfully though, everyone else was able to make it. I had a feeling they knew we had some news. Normally when it came to family dinners lately, not everyone could come unless it was a special occasion. Maybe they even guessed that Andrew had proposed. I had a feeling mum knew. I kept the ring off when I was around her, but I thought she seemed kind of teary eyed around me. Even dad seemed that way.

Clarissa wanted to know if that was the case, so I finally relented and let her know. Andrew was okay with it as long as he could tell Hayden, Michelle, Craig and Minnie. I decided to let Richard and Mackenzie know too then.

"You can't tell William though." I told her.

He and Clarissa were together now. It turned out that he'd had a crush on her since she took his virginity, and it was why he didn't want a serious girlfriend. He just hadn't thought she would go for him because of his age.

"Of course I won't," Clarissa said. "We've only been together a week. He suspects it too you know, but I'll play dumb around him."

"We knew that was going to happen," Mackenzie said excitedly. "Mum and dad think that's what it is."

"Mum asked me if that's what it is," Richard told me. "I told her that I have no idea since I haven't seen you since before you left. I think everyone knows but they can wait until you tell them the truth officially."

"Mum thinks so too, and she thinks it's not fair that you get engaged before Michelle. So Hayden better watch out. The pressure might be on for him now," Clarissa told me.

"They should wait on that one," I said quickly.

The next day, our patio was full of tables for all the guests. There was no longer a kid's table which seemed kind of odd to me. Everyone was allowed to sit wherever they wanted. The youngest kids weren't that much younger than Hogwarts age anymore. Most of the older adults all sat together while us younger ones sat together. I was just glad it was a nice enough evening for us all to sit outside. It had been a rainy week, but luck was on my side that Saturday.

Once everyone had eaten, Andrew nodded at me and then we both stood up. I'd put my engagement ring back on so I could show it to everyone. As soon as we stood up, the conversations died down quickly and every eye was on us.

"As you know," I began, "Andrew and me have an announcement to make. While we were in Milan, Andrew asked me to marry him. We're engaged!"

I held out my hand just to prove it. It was quiet for about a second, and then suddenly everyone was jumping up to congratulate us. Mum was the fastest one out of her seat. She rushed to my side before anyone else could and she pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh I had a feeling sweetheart!" She exclaimed. "I am to excited for you and I am so proud of you."

And then she let me go to hug Andrew next.

"I was against your relationship at first, you know that but now I can't think of a better man for my daughter," she said.

It took about ten minutes for everyone to finish hugging us. Dad had stood back during all of this and I was worried that he wasn't happy. I was a daddy's girl after all. Maybe he didn't want me to get married yet. However, as soon as the last person finished hugging us, he finally came over.

"I can't believe you're ready to get married," he said. "I still remember the day you were born. I always thought this day would never come, but here you are engaged."

And then he finally gave me the hug I was craving. At that moment, I realized out of everyone it was still his approval I needed the most. I didn't think that would ever change, no matter how I got. After he hugged me, he turned to Andrew.

"I can't think of anyone better than you to add to the family," he told Andrew. "You've always been a respectful young man. You've been good to my daughter. I know you'll make a great husband to her. I know it's premature to say this since you aren't quite married yet, but I'd like to welcome you to the family."

Dad held his hand out to Andrew who looked surprised. He smiled and then took a hold of dad's hand and they shook. Then dad pulled him into a hug afterwards.

"Time to toast the engaged couple!" William called out. "I think a round of shots for everyone sixteen and over!"

Everyone laughed but I watched mum nod in agreement.

"I couldn't agree more William," she said and she began waving her wand so that shot glasses started to fly out to everyone old enough. Afterwards, a few bottles of Firewhiskey floated out and began pouring into all the glasses.

"To Andrew and Alyssa!" William called out as soon as everyone had a glass.

"Andrew and Alyssa!" Everyone said and then they all took a shot.

I didn't think I'd ever seen so many of our family take shots all at once. Mum had even let Hailey take a shot even though she was just fourteen. She did know that Hailey drank sometimes though. She'd accidentally revealed that before. I was sure she decided that one shot was okay for tonight.

Afterwards, everyone began spreading out while others came to crowd around Andrew and me again.

"Alyssa, I am so sorry," Minnie said to me. "I almost blew it. I was just so excited for you. I didn't think that night. I made you worry for no reason."

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "I'm not angry with you. It was an accident."

"I've been feeling so guilty ever since," she said. "I've never done anything like that before and to my own cousin!"

"Minnie, it's fine," Andrew told her and then he hugged her. "Really, neither of us are angry with you. It happens."

"Maybe to eleven-year-olds, but it happens," Hayden and then he winked at Michelle who lightly slapped his shoulder.

Ten years ago, we'd gone to Niagara Falls for mum's thirtieth birthday. Michelle had almost accidentally revealed the secret but Hayden had stopped her in time. At times now he will joke about it with her.

"In fact, I am surprised it wasn't Michelle instead of Minnie," Hayden continued.

"Would you stop?" Michelle asked him but she was grinning. "Ten years later, and you're still bringing it up."

"It's why we haven't told you about her fortieth birthday party," Hayden said to her.

"Are you having a party for her?" Minnie asked and Hayden shrugged.

"Ben hasn't said anything. They probably will but I don't think it will be as big as it was. Everyone is all grown up now. Ashley said that we should wait until her fiftieth anyway. I think they'll probably just have their usual party," Hayden told her.

"I think mum and dad are going on their own trip anyway," William said as he appeared at Clarissa's side. He pulled her close to him.

"Aw, this is the first time I've actually seen you together," I said smiling at them.

"Don't you start," William said to me. "I can make it ten times worse for you."

"Oh I am sure you can, but seriously, I am very happy for you two. Where are Emma and Cameron? I haven't seen them either," I said.

"Talking to Emma's parents," William said and he pointed them out. "Our parents are so ecstatic. I can't believe they were worried."

"Well, you can't really blame them," I said. "What about mum and dad? They must know you two are together."

"Oh they're just as bad," William said and he rolled his eyes.

"Mum told me that she wants to plan our wedding," Clarissa said told me. "It makes me think we should have kept it secret at first. They're all so annoying about it. And dad of course had to give William the dad talk. He made a big deal about Hayden's age with Michelle but then he started making a big deal about William being younger."

"He'd do the same if our boyfriends were the same age," Michelle told her. "He's just being a father. I bet he won't be that way with Elliot or Mickey though."

"Of course not, he'll be proud," Clarissa said and she rolled her eyes.

"Our dad finds it funny that Cameron and I are dating daughters of girls who wanted him at Hogwarts," William said. "He even joked with Tara and Ellen that they planned this or something."

"It is kind of odd," I said. "Not that is a bad thing," I quickly amended. "But who would have thought that actually would happen."

"Not our parents," Clarissa said laughing. "Even mum said she'd never expected this to happen. She said if it did happen, maybe it would have been Hailey and Elliot but even then she didn't really think it would."

"At least they're all happy about it. So far all of us have been lucky," I said. "Even Hailey has been lucky. I thought out of all of us she'd have the hardest time."

"She picked a good bloke," William said. "I admit I was ready to hex Brent for even daring to look at my little sister, but I like him. Hailey has always had good sense. We should have known she wouldn't pick a git."

Andrew and I didn't get much freedom to talk to our friends for much longer. The Aunts and Uncles surrounded us again to congratulate us. Most of the night was spent that way. Even though I'd drank with my parents and the other adults before, it still felt odd to me. It was odd to drink with them, but it was also odd that we were allowed to do it with them. I didn't know how long it would take before I got used to this.

"Can't believe you're old enough to be married," Aunt Tasha said as she put an arm around me. "It doesn't seem that long ago since your parents announced their pregnancy with you. I still feel like it was yesterday when you were seven, and you went to Hogwarts on your own."

I groaned when she mentioned that.

"No one is ever going to let me forget that are they?" I asked.

"It was a bold move for a seven year old," Uncle Barry said to me. "It's something I would have expected your brothers to do, but not you. Either way, you were seven and you were brave enough to go to a castle you really didn't know."

"It wasn't that hard to find him though. I'd been flooing by myself for years, and all the older kids were going in the same direction," I said. "I was just angry and stubborn."

"Yes we remember how you were when you had your mind made up about an injustice," Uncle Barry said with a grin. "You were quite the opinionated young lady. I thought I wasn't ready for when Minnie got married, but I'm not ready for you and you're my niece."

"Just wait until Carly is ready," I said.

"Nope, I am going to be strict with her," Uncle Barry said. "I lost Minnie. I can't lose my youngest."

"You tell me how well that works out for you," I said smiling. "It didn't work for Minnie or for the rest of us. It won't with her or Jake."

"We're too focused on Trevor at the moment anyway," Aunt Tasha said. "He's quite the ladies man. I just worry he is following what your mum and dad call the Jared route."

"He hasn't," I said quickly. "And I am not just saying that to reassure you or because I am covering for him. I am being completely honest. He has many dates but he doesn't believe in one night stands. He thinks people who do that are stupid. That doesn't mean he doesn't randomly snog girls. I just mean he doesn't shag random girls."

I didn't know why I was reassuring them about this, or why it was so easy to do so. Perhaps I just didn't want them to worry that Trevor would get someone pregnant any time soon. He thought that shagging should be saved for relationships only. He was one of the few blokes I knew that thought the first time should be special. I thought it was Minnie's influence of him, or maybe even Cameron's. William had always thought they were idiots for holding back, but they thought he was the idiot.

"I must say that is reassuring," Uncle Barry said. "I just think kids now do it more than we did in my day. Even the ones in Ashley and Ben's year did it more. I kind of wonder if it's because of the war and all. That isn't to say kids didn't, but it wasn't that common. When I heard about Ellen's exploits, I thought she was too young but then I started to hear about kids in your year or even Hayden's year and I just couldn't believe it."

"I think it was the war more than anything," Aunt Tasha spoke up. "Ellen wasn't the first pregnant girl of course. Remember, there was one in the seventh year when we were first years? It's just no one took notice or cared because of the Chamber of Secrets. There were probably even more years before that."

"Yeah I forgot about that. After Harry Potter came, something happened every single year," Uncle Barry said with a shrug. "You're lucky that you could grow up with everything being normal."

"And I hope it stays that way," Aunt Tasha said. "I want my grand kids to grow up in a normal world too."

"Ugh," Uncle Barry said. "Really? Let's not talk about that until we have to."

Out of all the adults in my life, I thought it was Uncle Barry who had the hardest time with the fact he was getting old. Dad went through it for a bit, but I think he has finally come to terms with it. I remembered some mornings where he would complain about all his grey hairs, and mum would tell him he only had a few. Ellen was really bad about it as well. She thought she was losing her looks even though she still looked young and pretty. Uncle Barry acted as if it were the end of the world though. It was like he thought his life was over.

"I'm too young to be a grandfather," he continued to Aunt Tasha who rolled her eyes.

I didn't bother to mention that Minnie and Craig were trying for their first child. I just smiled at them and excused myself to find my friends and siblings again. I found them all sitting in the baby pool with butterbeers. I had a bathing suit on under my dress, so I took it off and headed over to where Hailey was sitting. Brent wasn't around, so I wondered if he'd gone home. It was late now. Some people had already left.

"So what do you think?" I asked Hailey as I took a seat beside her. We hadn't had a moment to talk except when she'd hugged me.

"I knew that's what you were going to announce," she said smiling at me. "I've had a feeling for a while that you'd get married. I am really happy for you Alyssa. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but dad knew. Andrew asked his permission to marry you. He did it long before your proposal. We were still in school when he did it, but dad had a feeling that's what you two were going to announce."

I glanced across the pool over to where Andrew, Hayden and Craig were sitting. Even all these years later they were still the best of friends. All of them were going to be related in a way. Our family seemed to be lucky when it came to that. Everyone ended up being related to their best friends somehow. If things worked out with Clarissa and William, soon she'd be my sister and she would really be part of the family and not just very distantly related.

It really didn't surprise me that Andrew would talk to dad about it. I was surprised he didn't tell me about it, but that was it. He had likely asked Hayden's permission about it as well.

"I am not all that surprised," I finally said as I looked away from him and back to Hailey. "He was so nervous all week. I was scared he actually wanted to break up."

"Really?" Hailey asked with raised eyebrows. "You can tell just be looking at him that he is head over heels in love with you. I can't believe you would ever think that."

I explained to her what had happened when we'd had everyone over.

"I still can't believe you would think that," Hailey replied. "I think Minnie's slip up is a bit obvious. There is no way that Hayden or Minnie would keep it a secret from you that he was going to break up with you. They'd be very angry with him. Maybe they wouldn't even want to be friends with him anymore for that."

"It's easy to see it that way when you're on the outside though," I said to her. "I don't want to think that Minnie and Hayden would keep that from me. On the other hand, they could have just been protecting me. They'd be understanding if Andrew truly didn't want to be with me anymore. They'd be angry, but if he had a good reason for it, they wouldn't stop talking to him over it."

"Well now you know that isn't the case," Hailey said. The look she was giving me was still sceptical.

Hailey was the eternal optimist though. I could only think of a few times that she'd had self-esteem issues. Most of the time though, she could find the good in the bad. It was a good thing most of the time, but it could be annoying as well. This was one of those times when it annoyed me. I didn't say this to her though. I just changed the subject.

We decided to stay overnight at mum and dad's instead of going home. Later that night after I had a shower, I stared at my ring with a smile. I was actually an engaged woman. As a young girl, I'd never thought this would happen at the age of nineteen. I hadn't thought I'd want it at this age. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this happy though.


	9. Housewarming

Ellen

Housewarming party

I couldn't help but feel some jealousy as I gazed up at my best friends new house. How was it that she had it all? Everything good always happened to her. I knew I shouldn't feel that way. It wasn't as if I had a terrible life. In fact, it was the opposite of that. I had two beautiful little girls, a husband who loved me, and we were in the process of building our own home beside hers. I had two jobs that I absolutely loved and I had plenty of friends and family who loved me.

However, I was still jealous of her. I loved Keith very much. I'd loved him since I was sixteen-years-old. Once I'd realized how ridiculous I was being about Ben and how much he adored me, I'd moved on from Ben. The thing was, I still felt annoyed that she got the guy. It wasn't that I wanted him. When I thought about it, I knew it would never have worked out between us. We would have had a quick fling, and that was it. I just hated losing to another girl, and Ben was the first guy I had truly wanted and he hadn't wanted me. I'd always gotten the guy that I'd wanted. It had never been hard for me. So even though I'd been married for almost five years and I was with a man who adored me, I still couldn't help feel that resentment, especially when I gazed at the completed house in front of me. That could have been my house.

"Come on mummy!" Michelle said as she tugged at my hand. "Why are we just standing here? Let's go inside!"

"Are you okay?" Keith asked as he gazed at me.

I often wondered if he worried that I still wanted Ben. Did he know what I was thinking?

"Why don't you take the girls inside Keith dear?" Mum said as she also gazed at me. I had a feeling she knew what I was thinking.

Keith gave a shrug. He was already holding Clarissa in his arms, but he held out a hand for Michelle to take. Michelle ignored it though, instead she ran straight for the house. Keith gave me another look before he followed her. I watched them go. I sighed as I glanced around their front yard. Ben had really gone out. They have had a huge driveway and garage even though they didn't actually need one. Ashley had just gotten a van not too long ago, but it still seemed odd to have such space for something they wouldn't use that much. I felt that Ben just wanted the house to be extravagant.

"Ellen, I really hope you're not thinking that I think you are thinking," she said with a sigh.

"And what exactly do you think I am thinking?" I asked her.

"You're jealous of Ashley," she said. "When are you going to get over that? She's your best friend."

"Sometimes I feel like you're on her side more than mine," I answered as I continued to take in their front yard and house.

I'd actually seen it quite a bit before today. We'd all come over quite a bit to check on the house and its progress, especially when Ben had left. I still felt he was a prat for all that. I couldn't imagine Keith just uping and leaving me with the kids to go on vacation. I knew Ben had been stressed, but it still bothered me. Ashley had four kids to take care of. The twins could be a handful enough, but even with Alyssa and Hayden it had been too much for her.

I still couldn't forget Alyssa's stress over Ben's behaviour. He'd been such a prat to everyone. I didn't know why Ashley put up with it. I certainly wouldn't have let Keith treat me or the kids that way. I definitely would not have let him take a vacation from us for so long. I could understand maybe a weekend or something, but why should someone take a vacation from their family? I understood why he took a break from Healing, but not the rest of it. His stress hadn't justified his attitude though. It was so bad that it had stressed out his four-year-old little girl.

She'd spent the weekend with me when Ashley finally decided to stand up to him. She'd been so upset to leave her mother behind me.

"I think I should go back home to mummy," Alyssa had said.

"You're mummy and daddy are spending the weekend to themselves," I'd told her.

"But daddy is always tired and mummy is sad because of it. Daddy yelled at me," she'd said.

"And that's why you are with me," I'd told her. "Your mummy and daddy are going to talk about all that."

"Is daddy going to stop being tired?" Alyssa had asked.

"I hope so," I'd answered not really wanting to make any promises.

"This isn't about sides Ellen," mum answered taking me out of my thoughts. "It's about the fact that you've had resentment about a girl who you say is your best friend for years. She has always been there for you. She's helped you out so much, especially when you were pregnant. The two of you are so close and I know you love her. I just think at times you are still upset about the Ben situation, especially today. You're married to a man who absolutely adores you."

"I'm over Ben," I told her. "I can't imagine life without Hank or the girls. I wouldn't want to be with Ben, especially after what happened last Spring. I was an idiot when we were teens. I just had this fantasy about Ben for years and then I lost to her."

"And now you're thinking of what you could have had," mum said. "I know you love Keith, but I feel as if you've never gotten over the fact that you lost to Ashley."

"How do you know me so well?" I asked not really wanting her to answer that.

"Because you're the same as I am," she said. "I have that competitive edge too, but Ellen honey, it's getting ridiculous now. You're going to be twenty-four years old very soon. You're not sixteen or even seventeen. I know you are over Ben, but this house wasn't meant to be yours and you know that. You have a life with Keith. You have two beautiful little girls."

"I know," I answered. "It's not even about Ben. I hated losing to her, and I don't have these thoughts unless I see what she has. That's why I am feeling this way now. Even if she'd married someone else and had this house or she'd earned so much money that she could build this house I'd feel the same way. Any time she accomplishes something I feel it. I've been feeling this way since the end of our second year."

"Nothing has been handed to that girl, and you know it," mum said. "I still talk to Darla quite a bit. I know all about her family life. I also know that Ashley has always had insecurities. She has earned everything she has in her life, even this house."

"I know," I answered. "But I just feel inadequate compared to her. I love Michelle, but I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant when I was sixteen. I have my OWLs and NEWTs now, but I wish I'd passed when I should have. I wish I'd had better marks in school, and I am smarter than her. I think it's why it bothered me so much that I lost to her when it came to Ben. I wish that I could have just gone on to play Quidditch. I could have played and I could have been like Ginny Potter."

"But you're on a different life path and things have worked out for you," mum said. "Not too many girls have what you have when they are teen mums. Ashley's mother is the best example of that. You've always felt that you had to compete with Ashley. I think that at the beginning of your friendship, you liked that she wasn't too confident but that changed once she gained some."

"You're probably right about that," I said. "I'd been a bit jealous of her relationship with Denver in our second year because I didn't have that with Hank. It was after that though. When things went to hell for her and their relationship I felt kind of satisfied and that made me feel bad. Then after our Easter Break, she was just a different person. After that, I've just felt that way with her. Things always work out for her. This house and the fact that she has twin boys proves it. She always gets what she wants. It's not fair."

Mum stared at me for a moment and then sighed. I'd never admitted it to anyone that it bothered me that she had twin boys. I absolutely loved my girls, but I knew Keith wanted a son, and so did I. If I got pregnant again and I had another girl, I would love her, but I just really wanted a son. I wanted to give Keith his son. I'd hoped so much that Clarissa would be a boy. I'd been hoping to have one of each, but it hadn't happened.

Ashley got pregnant a second time, and found out that she was having twin boys. I remembered the annoyance and resentment I'd felt when she'd complained about it. She was happy of course, but she'd been overwhelmed about having to raise twin boys. She would vent to me often that between Hayden her godson (who spent the majority of his time at her place) and Alyssa that she felt overwhelmed as it was. She was nervous about adding twin boys to the mix. All I could think was that she was so lucky. She was getting two sons at once.

"Ellen honey, no offence but you sound twelve again. You sound the same as you used to when Timmy would get something and you wouldn't," she told me. "You're a married woman of two beautiful girls. You have more than some people your age do. Some people at twenty-four aren't ready to buy a house. Some people at twenty-four with children are broke. You are very blessed with what you have and yet you are focusing on what you don't have. You know she's had a rough life. She is having a house warming party today, and all you can focus on is the things she has but you don't."

"I know it's stupid," I said. "I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. As her best friend, I should be happy for her, and most of the time I am. It's just as times like these, I do feel that old jealousy of her."

We couldn't say much more at that moment. There were loud pops which told us that more people were arriving. They were all apparating in the front yard. I was surprised to see Timmy, June and his friend with some younger girls, as well as Alana, Rory and Derek. They must have all decided to arrive at the same time. I knew their groups hung out together a lot. The younger girls were part of a 'sister' group that Ashley had started. It was another reason to feel envious of her. She'd helped out the shy girls when she was at school, and it was still continuing even though we hadn't been at Hogwarts for years. I didn't even recognize the youngest girls. I couldn't help but find it odd that she was inviting twelve and thirteen year old's to her party though. Her godson wasn't that much younger than these girls.

That was something I'd always found strange even if I'd never admitted to it. She'd always befriended the younger students, including my brother. I'd never wanted him at our parties, but she had invited him anyway. I'd never told her not to, but I just didn't want him there. I'd always just wanted my own life away from him. I loved him, but he was five years younger. At eleven and sixteen, that is a big difference. People in those age ranges didn't have much in common. Ben had never hung out with Barry when he'd been in the first year. Because of Ashley though, I had to be at the same parties as my little brother. Even now I didn't want him at her house-warming party, and he was nineteen.

"Why are you two out here?" Timmy asked as he approached mum and me.

"Just admiring the view," I answered quickly. "We should go in, I am sure she is wondering where we are."

Mum leaned over to whisper: "We're not done talking about this."

I nodded, but I didn't want to talk about it with her anymore. What was the point? She didn't see my point of view about it. She just saw me being childish about my jealousy of Ashley. Even if I were being childish (and I knew I was) she was still my mother. She should have been on my side about it. Weren't parents supposed to support their kids no matter what? For the most part, she always had been there for me. She hadn't even been angry with me when I'd gone home at sixteen to tell her I was pregnant. However, when it came to the second daughter that she'd never had, she wouldn't support me. She always took Ashley's side, and it was annoying. I didn't care if she viewed her as another daughter, I was her biological daughter, so therefore she should take my side no matter how ridiculous I was being.

"Where are the girls?" June asked me as she joined my side.

I liked June quite a bit. I was so glad that it was she who Timmy was marrying. He'd dated quite a bit back in Hogwarts, although I hadn't met half the girlfriends that he'd had. They hadn't lasted long enough for me to actually meet them. I believed June was actually the first long term (and last) he'd actually had. I'd been so happy when they had gotten together, and even more happier when they'd told me that they were engaged. She was such a sweet girl, even now at nineteen. She put me in mind of Ashley but a lot smarter. She'd ended up being Head Girl too.

"Keith already took them inside," I answered. "Mum and I just stayed out here to look at the house a bit longer."

"It's quite the house," Timmy said. "I knew he was building a mansion, but it's still hard to believe. I'd love to live here."

"But you live in their old condo," I said.

Timmy and June were renting Ashley and Ben's old condo. It was actually a fair size but it had grown too small for a family of four. Hayden usually lived with them, he was at the moment, so it had grown to a family of five. For my brother and his fiancee it was perfect. They could even start a family the same way Ben and Ashley had when they were ready. It was bigger than our place was. I often felt crowded in there and there were just four of us. The girls hated sharing a room. I didn't know how they had lived there for so long. I felt that Ben should have started on the house when they found out they were having twins.

"You could fit ten of those condos in there," Timmy said.

"I wonder if they want room mates," Tracy said. "I could rent out a room here."

I still wasn't so sure about Tracy. She wasn't a brat like she used to be, but it was hard for me to forget certain things. I was nothing but nice to her, but I didn't trust her. I was just glad that she wasn't the one that my brother hadn't chosen her.

"Good luck with that," Sally-Anne said. "I have my doubts that they're going to rent out one of those rooms. It would be amazing to live there. I hope we're invited often."

"Oh I'm sure this won't be the first party," I answered but I felt some annoyance.

I didn't want Timmy and his friends to be invited here. They would be, but I didn't want them to be. It was true that I was much closer to my brother than I used to be. We got along really well, but I just didn't want to share the same friends. It seemed to much to ask however. I didn't answer. I just listened as June gushed to me about their wedding. They wanted both Clarissa and Alyssa to be the flower girls and the twins to be the ring bearers. Michelle would be a junior bridesmaid. I loved Alyssa, but I felt that if there were going to be two flower girls at the wedding it should be Michelle and Clarissa. They were the nieces after all.

"You've been here before though haven't you?" Alana asked as we headed into the house.

"Yes we checked up on the house quite a bit but it's the first time I've seen it finished," I said. "They have it all decorated and their stuff all moved in."

We entered a large foyer where a huge winding staircase was located. To the right was a doorway which lead into the living-room. I thought the living-room was even bigger than Ben's parents place. Through there we could either enter the kitchen or dining room. I lead the way through the door that would take us to the kitchen. That was where the back patio was, and the pool. I felt that the kitchen was way too big. Why would anyone need one this large? You used it to cook and clean. They didn't even sit in here to eat even though they had an Island.

Several people were in the kitchen including some of my old school mates. A bunch of people rushed over to greet us.

"There you are. Keith came in through with the girls so we figured you had to be here too," Erica said excitedly. "Can you believe this house? It's amazing. I should have known Ben would build a house like this. Keith showed me where your house will be too. When will you two start building?"

"We're looking at starting next weekend," I told her. "We want to be moved in before the girls start school. It's getting too crowded in the apartment."

"I bet it looks tiny compared to this place," Jess says. "Hanks house looks small compared to this place."

"Hogwarts looks small compared to this place," Anne said and she giggled. That was definitely an exaggeration, but I was glad I wasn't the only one who felt they'd gone overboard, or at least Ben had. His parents house was smaller than his place.

"We're planning a five bedroom place," I answered. "We want the girls to have their own rooms, but we want one more kid too. We'd also like a guest room for when people sleep over. It should be slightly bigger than dad's place."

"So it will be cozy at least," Anne said. "Joey says he wants to get a house out here now too. I think a lot of people do."

"That would be great," I said. "We could have our own magical neighbourhood. Where is Ashley?"

"Last time I saw her she was talking to Ted by the pool," Jess said. "He was bothering her about marrying Ben and she walked off. I don't know where she is now. Have you seen their backyard yet? The kids are so lucky to grow up here."

"I've seen it but not finished," I said.

I grabbed a butterbeer from a cooler they had the island and followed the girls out to the back deck. Ben's parents deck was a decent size, but this one probably doubled it. The pool was in a corner of the deck, and it even made his parents pool look smaller. I knew Ben had money, but did he really need such a big place? I didn't even feel like he wanted to show off like some people with money did. In fact. He tried to deny that they did have money, he liked to downplay it. I felt he did it all for Ashley. It was like he wanted to make up for what she didn't have growing up, so he built her a huge house to be a queen of. Everything he did was for her after all.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Jess asked as I looked around.

I had to admit that she was right. It was beautiful and it was Ashley's dream garden. When we were kids, she'd told us exactly how she wanted her backyard to look when she grew up. She hadn't expected to happen, but Ben must have remembered it. He had everything built down to the garden trails and fountains. There was also a small pond.

I loved her and she was my best friend. She had always been there for me. Mum was right about that. She'd never done anything to betray me, not even when I'd once believed she had when it came to Ben. I was happy for her as well. However, it didn't stop me from the resentment too. I knew it was wrong to have the resentment for someone who cared about me, but it was there. Ashley would do anything for me in an instant. I doubted she even knew that at times I had my resentment for her and I hoped she never would find out.

"It's her dream yard," I said.

"Ben definitely designed it to Ashley's liking," Michael said as he joined us. "Even inside the house looks similar to her dream home."

"I don't think she was expecting it to be quite this large," Anne said. "I remember when she told us how she wanted it to look, but she'd also mentioned that she wanted it to be cozy and a fair size."

"Yes I expect this is double the size she expected," Michael said with amusement. "And Ben was able to get the money for this monstrosity even before he took some money from his trust fund. That's what gets me the most. They made quite a bit without it. Just how much are they going to have once he gets it all."

"I think he already has it," I said. "He requested to get it early, but they definitely have quite a bit."

"Well between being a Healer and what Ashley makes it's not big of a surprise," Jess said with a shrug. "She gets money from being a teacher, her commissions and from working part time in Experimental Charms. They have done well for themselves. They deserve it."

I could tell she was sincere and it made me feel even more guilty since I was a better friend to both than Jess, Anne and Erica were. At one time, I'd found them to be nothing but shallow ditzes but in reality, I was being more shallow than they were. I could tell that they were happy for her, and so were plenty of their other guests.

Other people weren't happy though. It was mainly the girls who had wanted Ben, but even some of the blokes were unhappy. I felt that a lot of these people had shown up just out of curiosity. We still had our parties but most of the people we invited didn't show up. Most of the people I saw I hadn't actually seen since Ben's final pool party. Lindsay who had once been a good friend of mine no longer talked to me, but she was there.

"I guess this is what I could have gotten if he hadn't dumped me for Ashley," she said as she joined my side.

Ashley was at the moment talked to her 'sister' group. They'd gotten together the moment June and Alana had found her. They'd wanted to introduce her to the youngest girls. They were all sitting at a table and talking together. I'd been debating on joining them when Lindsay joined me. I was shocked by the bitterness in her voice. Even when they'd broken up back in fourth year she hadn't sounded that way.

One thing I'd liked about Lindsay was that had been genuinely sweet girl. Most of the Ravenclaw girls were backstabbing snobs, but Lindsay was a sweet heart. She gossiped, but not exactly in a malicious way. Usually it was just to share information that she had heard. Usually unless she hated someone, she wouldn't say bad things about people. She hadn't even been upset with Ashley about the breakup. I didn't find out until years later the real reason why Ben had dumped her, but when Lindsay had told me, she hadn't said a bad word about either Ashley or Ben.

"I think that's the same way that a lot of girls feel," I said to her. "But you have Todd right?"

"He cheated on me with Lydia," Lindsay said and she nodded over to an overweight girl.

I gave her a double take and felt shocked. I'd heard a lot of stories about Lydia but I hadn't seen her since Ashley's wedding. She'd gained a lot of weight, but that wasn't the surprise. Plenty of people had gained some weight since Hogwarts, including me but they were still attractive enough. Lydia looked old and ugly. No one would guess that she was only twenty-four years old. I thought she looked closer to her forties! Could drugs and alcohol really age someone that much? Todd had cheated on Lindsay with a girl like that?

"She didn't look like that?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Yes," Lindsay answered. "It was about six months ago. We were engaged but obviously I broke it off. He told me he regretted it and he tried to blame it on the alcohol."

"He shouldn't have cheated, but he had to have been drunk to sleep with her," I said. "Todd has always been so shallow. I can't see him finding her attractive."

"He gave her what I temporarily couldn't," Lindsay answered and then she sighed. "I was having some- well some private problems. We couldn't have sex for a few months. So he went elsewhere. I bet she wasn't the only one he cheated with but I think it was easier to confess it. She's the biggest slut from Hogwarts after all. Maybe he thought I'd be more forgiving."

"He's a git if he couldn't go a few months without sex," I told her. "You're lucky to find this out now. When you have kids you don't have sex much after the baby is born. Your body needs to heal but you're also very tired, and you're not in the mood. You're better off."

"I bet Ben wouldn't cheat," Lindsay said. "I always knew he was in love with her, but I don't get why she was so lucky. She's a nice girl, but she isn't pretty. Why does she always have all the good-luck? I should have been Head Girl, not her."

I'd expressed the same sentiments except perhaps the Head Girl problem. However, I couldn't help but feel annoyed and defensive when someone else said the same thing. She'd earned the Head Girl title ship. Lindsay was a smart girl, but she never went out of her way to help the younger kids and she'd kept to herself for the most part. I knew that it had nothing to do with luck, and part of that was my jealousy when it came to her. She'd worked hard to earn everything in her life and it wasn't down to luck, even if at times I thought that. I knew it wasn't even close to being true.

"She earned everything that she has in her life," I said to Lindsay now.

"Not this house," Lindsay said. "This is all from Ben. He had a trust fund and all the money he makes from being a Healer."

"Ashley actually made more money than him for the first part of their marriage," I told her.

Lindsay gave me a funny look. "I know she's your best friend Ellen, and I know you get defensive about her, but you know that's not true. Healer's make a lot more than school teachers, even when they are new. He probably made more in a year during his first year of training than she did in two years of teaching, especially when it was maternity leave."

"She gets commissions from the Weasley's, and she also works in Experimental Charms," I said. "She basically has three incomes coming in. They actually want her to go into Experimental Charms full time instead of part time. She's only going to be a teacher for one more year. They make good money in that department."

"She still has a lot of luck in her life Ellen," Lindsay said to me. "She didn't end up engaged to a bloke who cheated on her. She doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to. I have to work everyday to pay bills that Todd racked up when we lived together. We're living in a muggle neighbourhood. I have muggle credit cards and he got me in debt. I don't get to live in a mansion with perfect kids."

"So because your life didn't turn out the way you expected, you're going to hate on her?" I asked Lindsay. "It's not as if she's a gold digger who just married Ben for his money you know. It makes her uncomfortable knowing they have so much."

"I've seen where she came from," Lindsay said to me. "She's not uncomfortable about living in this house. No one who grew up poor would be upset to have money. I saw the way that her and Ben were together, but I know that all his gold had to be some motivation to stay. I know they had problems with their marriage last Spring and I know the only reason she stuck by him was for the trust fund."

"Lindsay, do you not realize how stupid that sounds?" I asked. "If it was really about the money, Ashley would have left him and then taken most of his money. She stayed because she loves him and she wanted their marriage to work. She didn't want the kids to grow up with divorced parents."

"Say what you want Ellen, but I heard differently. I remember when we were teens and you used to complain about her all the time, so don't get on your high horse with me," Lindsay said. "I'm willing to bet you feel the same way, you just feel you have to defend her right now."

Lindsay wasn't the only one who I ended up defending Ashley to. It actually came to a point later in the day when we had to kick quite a few people out. They were trying to make trouble. I felt as if they decided to get together and make their complaints known. The odd thing was, it was mainly the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw girls. People like Maisie were there, but she wasn't causing any problems. It was just the girls who had never gotten over Ben, and blokes like Ted who resented Ashley. Charlie from Gryffindor was making his opinion well known.

"That's it," Jared said as their voices grew louder. "You can all leave if you feel this way. Where are Ben and Ashley?"

I was wondering the same thing. I had talked to Ashley briefly after she met with her 'sisters' but then she had disappeared again. I hadn't really talked to Ben all day. I gazed around the yard figuring it was easy to lose track of people here. They could be anywhere in the backyard or in the house.

"I'm here," Ben said as he appeared at my side.

The group was by the pool. They stood their with folded arms almost defiantly. Ashley's mother was telling Lydia off, but the girl just smirked at her.

"It's not my fault you raised a gold digging slag!" Lydia said bitterly.

"That's rich coming from you!" Tara said angrily as she raised her wand.

Ten years ago, I would never have thought I'd see Tara defend Ashley to Lydia. Things had changed however. Tara was more loyal to Ashley and me. She was no longer friends with Lydia who had tried to steal Aaron from her.

"I believe it is time for you to leave," Mr. Hoofer said. "This is a party for my son and my daughter in law. Anyone who has a problem with them is not welcome here."

I wondered how Ashley felt knowing that we were basically having a face off at her party. Her group of supporters were bigger, but if a fight broke out, it would still ruin the party. There were over a dozen people who seemed ready to fight us. It was ridiculous because it was just over their jealousy of Ben and Ashley. I almost understood what mum meant now when she said it could eat away at you. She'd been saying it to me since I was twelve and I had first expressed my jealousy. I wondered if that's why she got so defensive of Ashley. It wasn't just because she was sticking up for her, she just didn't want me to end up bitter. It was something I would have to think about more.

For the moment, I had to stick up for my friends. They would do the same for me if I held a party. I also didn't want to end up like Lindsay or even Lydia.

"There are kids here," Keith said. "Just go please. You have children, and so do we. They don't need to witness this."

I'd forgotten about the kids momentarily. They had been playing in the yard and the pool. They were watching the confrontation, some looked scared. I could see my girls in the pool with Alyssa and Mackenzie. The look of sadness that Alyssa had on her face was what did it for me. She looked close to tears. The little girl had gone through enough stress as it was. She knew this was her parents party, and kids sensed when there was a fight.

"If you don't leave right now, we will forcibly take you out of here," I said as I moved over to grab Julie's arm. "It's your choice. Leave right now, or we will side-a-long you out of here."

Ashley and Ben's supporters moved forward to. This seemed to do it. People began turning to either leave, or to get their kids. I felt relieved that it didn't have to end in a fight. There were loud pops as most left. I was sure they would get together and complain about all of us. Weren't people supposed to grow out of this kind of thing?

I headed over to Alyssa. Her mother wasn't around to comfort her, I still didn't see Ashley anywhere at all. However, I was godmother to Alyssa. So I could step in for the time being. The tears that she'd been trying to hold back were now streaming down her cheeks. When I opened my arms to her, she rushed over to me. I lifted her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

"It's okay sweetheart, they're gone now," I said to her.

I would have to have a word with Ashley about who she invited to her parties. She was too trusting at times. I didn't understand why she would invite Lydia of all people. The girl had been causing trouble since she'd left Hogwarts. Why would she want that kind of drama at her house and around the kids? They'd gone through enough as it is.

"I don't like fights," Alyssa told me. "They were mean and they had out their wands."

"I know, but they're gone now. The party should be more fun now," I said.

"I want my mummy," Alyssa said. "Where did mummy go?"

"I don't know sweety but I'm sure she is around somewhere," I told her. "Everything is okay now. Why don't you just play with the girls. I heard that you're playing hide-and-seek in the dark later."

"Mummy is okay?" Alyssa asked as I set her back down on her feet. She wiped at her face.

"Yes, I am sure she is fine, just go play," I said.

But I felt annoyance with my friend. Where was she? It should have been her comforting her daughter, not me. She should have been there to kick people out, but she'd left it up to us. I gazed around the deck to see people muttering. Hadn't she even noticed that there had been a confrontation?

"Where is Ashley?" I asked Ben who shrugged but he looked worried.

"I haven't seen her for a while," he answered and he gazed around as well. "Maybe she went inside."

"How can she not be here?" I asked Keith as Ben headed inside.

"I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation," Keith said to me. "I doubt she would just abandon her own party. I know she was comforting Hayden earlier."

"But Hayden is in the yard now without her," I said.

I wasn't the only one wondering where she'd gone. Had she heard what people said and she was crying somewhere? It was something she would have done when she was a teenager. Perhaps their comments had gotten to her so much that she was in her room and crying. I went into the house as well to see if I could find her. I hadn't seen the upstairs since she'd given me a quick tour a few weeks ago, but I remembered which room was theirs. However, when I entered the room, it was to find it empty.

Outside, it was slowly getting dark out. People were sitting at the patio tables, but she was still no where around. Ben was now at the table, but he looked upset and so did her parents. No one knew where she had gone. I walked over to sit with Keith.

"Has anyone heard anything yet?" I asked.

"There has to be a reason," Michael said. "She went off to talk to Hayden because he was upset. Maybe she went to Rachel's house. She's being a bit of a bitch right now when it comes to him. Ashley might have decided to talk to him. Hayden is worried that she is going to abandon him."

"That likely is what she is doing," Darla spoke up. "I can't think of any other reason for why she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't leave her own party unless she had a good reason for it."

"I don't think we should sit here worrying about it," mum spoke up. "She'll turn up. Let's just enjoy the rest of the evening."

"I just hate when she does this," Ben said. "I really wish she would start telling someone when she leaves. She always says she shouldn't have to because she's an adult, but it's common courtesy. It's something we argue about quite a bit. She always just sees it as me thinking she needs permission to go somewhere."

"No offense mate but you come off that way sometimes," Stan said. "You've never told her why, you just tell her not to do it."

"Because it should be common sense," Ben said with a sigh. "But she's stubborn about her independence."

"You knew that when you married her," Terry, Ashley's stepfather reminded him. "She's always been an independent girl. She hates when she feels she has to answer to someone. She gets it from her mother," he added and smiled at Darla lovingly.

In a way, I had to agree with Ben. Ashley loved her independence but she went too far at times. Ben knew he couldn't control her. He just didn't want her to do anything stupid and impulsive, and he would tell her that. Ashley didn't see it that way however. She just automatically assumed he was trying to control her, and she would get defensive about it. Anytime he got 'controlling' with her was when he was worried about her. He would never be the type to just tell her what to do.

I knew they loved each other, but at times I was surprised they lasted as long as they had. They had communication issues with each other. Neither one could really express their true feelings to each other. Ashley should have told someone she was leaving because as Ben said, it was common courtesy. She had a house full of guests, and she had taken off.

Just as it was getting a little darker, she turned up with Jared. We'd all been discussing on when to put the kids to bed. We were going to stay overnight and it was close to Clarissa's bedtime. I liked for her to be in bed before Michelle. I wanted Michelle to feel more grown up and she hated going to bed when her younger sister did.

I gazed at my best friend to see that she looked devastated. Had she overheard everything? Perhaps she had gone off to cry somewhere. She looked as if she had been crying.

"There you are. Where have you been?" Ben demanded as she walked over to him.

"Rachel's," she answered confirming what Michael had said. "She's giving Hayden up. I was right."

I stared at her as Ben pulled her into his arms. How could someone just give up on their child? Even at seventeen when I'd been shocked about my pregnancy, I had wanted Michelle. Hayden was going to be so upset and now I understood why she looked as if she'd been crying. I felt close to tears myself. The poor little boy. He was only eight years old. How would be handle that?

"What are you talking about?" Ben asked her.

"She wrote to Hayden this afternoon on his message parchment. She told him that he was better off staying here instead of with her. She told him that sometimes he can visit, but that was it. So I went over there to yell at her. She was just so emotionless when she said it too. I don't get how someone can give up their child and not show any emotion. I can't imagine my life without the kids now. If something ever happened, I'd be devastated."

"I'm going to be having a talk with that girl," Darla said angrily. "I never thought she'd do this. It's true that she has never really watched over him, but I didn't think she'd give him up completely."

"I feel responsible for this," Michael said sadly.

"How?" Ashley asked him. "You aren't making her do this."

"I told Hayden to write to her," Michael said.

"Rachel already had her mind made up Michael," Ashley told him. "It was going to happen eventually. She said that she had planned to give him to us as soon as he started Hogwarts. The only reason she is going it now is because she's pregnant. She doesn't want her second born to know about Hayden or the wizarding world. She told me she'd talk to Hayden herself."

"I'm still going to go talk to her," Darla said. "I always saw that girl as another daughter. I just can't believe this is happening."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore right now," Ashley said. "I don't even know what to say to Hayden. He made me promise to explain everything. I just can't do that tonight."

"Do you want us to put the kids to bed?" Ben asked her.

"Hayden will know something is wrong if I don't do it," she answered. "I'm just going to tell him we'll talk tomorrow."

I felt shocked as I listened to them. Rachel had always been so protective of Jaime and Ashley when they were kids. She'd always been so nice to us as well. I couldn't think of a time when she'd ever made us feel like we were different. She'd always seemed so loving with Hayden too. I felt that my life had been meaningless before I'd had my kids. They were my world now. The moment I held Michelle in my arms the first time I had loved her. It was the happiest day of my life. All the regrets of underage sex and drinking had disappeared the moment I'd first gazed at her. The last six years had been the best in my life. Even if I never had a son, I would still be happy with what I had. It made me want to go find my girls and give them a big hug.

We began construction of our house shortly after the party. I didn't feel as enthusiastic as I should have. I was finally getting the house that I'd always wanted, but I couldn't help but feel that Keith wasn't happy either. We were trying for another child so I could finally give him the son he wanted, but it wasn't just the fact I couldn't get pregnant. I felt at times he was disappointed that he was tied down at twenty-four with two kids.

There were times when I'd hear him vent to Dan that he'd wished that he had slept with more girls. It was something I'd heard him say for years. I was worried he didn't love me as much as he said he did. He never showed me any differently, but hearing that made me feel insecure. I was the only girl he had slept with and I'd been his first girlfriend. He'd gone on dates at Hogwarts, but they had never led to anything long-term. I remembered the frustration that Claire and Morgan had felt and it was why they'd broken up.

What if soon Keith soon realized he didn't love me, and we ended our marriage so he could sleep around with different girls? Maybe we'd married too soon. What choice did we really have though? What man wished that he hadn't slept around if he loved his wife? It was why I felt that Ashley had such a blessed life compared to me. Anyone could tell that Ben loved her. It annoyed me when she would complain that his love for her could be overwhelming.

I would never admit it, but while I was angry with Ben for what he had put Ashley and the kids through, I had felt some satisfaction as well. During their entire relationship, Ashley never had to worry about whether or not he loved her until then. Ben told her more than once everyday and he even went out of his way to show her. She'd had her insecurities when we were teens, but they had always been stupid ones. She'd always felt that he could do better than her, and she wondered why they were together.

For me, I had different boyfriends and even sexual partners but I'd never known if they loved me, or if it was because of how pretty they thought I was. I knew the majority of them just wanted to shag a beautiful girl. Stan was the only one who I believed had truly liked me for me, but even then he hadn't been too happy with me because I slacked off in school. I always heard him tell people that was my only downfall. That was until the Ben fiasco anyway, and then afterwards everything about he hated. I'd hear him telling people what a horrible girlfriend I'd been, but I believed that was just because he was hurt. The rest of my boyfriends had just wanted a pretty girl. Jared had basically used me to get over Ashley, and that annoyed me. He was the pickiest boy in the whole year when it came to commitment and he'd used me to get over Ashley.

So even though I felt bad for my best friend, and I was angry with Ben, I'd be lying if a part of me hadn't been satisfied as well. If it had led to a divorce, I definitely wouldn't have been happy. I was just glad for once to see her insecure about her relationship besides her own insecurities about her looks. It showed just how human Ben was. Everyone thought that they had a perfect relationship, and for once we got a glimpse of a not so perfect relationship.

One afternoon when I went over to check on the house, my insecurities finally came out to Ashley. She could always tell when I was unhappy, so she'd asked about it and I confessed my feelings and even some of my resentment for her. I hated how she couldn't see how blessed her life was.

Our conversation didn't start out that way. It started out about my new house. I'd designed it so it had similarities to Ben's parents place, Ashley's parents place and Hogwarts. Those had been my three favourite places growing up, so I explained this to her. We discussed the kids and some part of our sex lives at Hogwarts and how we both thought we'd been too young back then. I was worried my girls who feel they had to have sex at fourteen and I really hoped not.

It wasn't until we left the house that I brought up my frustrations about not being able to concieve again. I didn't understand it because Michelle and Clarissa definitely hadn't been planned. Hell, I'd even been on the birth control potion when I'd gotten pregnant with Clarissa. Ever since Clarissa had turned four, we'd decided to try for another and it was almost September. She would be five soon. If we had our child now, they would have the same age difference that Timmy and me had. I wanted my kids to grow up close. I wanted them to have the relationship we'd never had.

"I wouldn't get too discouraged yet," she assured me. "How long have you been trying?"

"Six months," I told her even though it was more than that. "I want to have a boy. I know you can't order the gender up, but I'd really love to give Keith his little boy. I know he loves the girls, but I know he wants a son."

Ashley didn't say anything so I continued.

"And I just don't want too big of an age gap between the kids. Remember how Timmy and I were?"

"I don't think it has to do with age Ellen," she said. "Jaime and I are only a year and a half apart and we were never that close. We aren't now. I don't think it has to do with Hogwarts either. I think even if I had grown up in the muggle world we wouldn't have been close. You and Timmy started to get close once he started Hogwarts. Now that he is older, you two hang out."

"Only because of you," I answered and finally my annoyance with her inviting my brother to our parties was finally coming out.

"What does that mean?" She asked sensing my resentment. I could see the worry on her face now. I wondered if she always knew.

"You always included him even if I didn't want him there," I confessed. "I would never have let Timmy come to the parties if it weren't for you."

She nodded with understanding and didn't look the least bit offended or sorry about how I didn't like Timmy being there.

"I don't see what the difference is," she said. "The point is you two are closer now."

"My point is that it might not be the same for my kids," I said with frustration that I had to explain it to her.

"Ellen, you're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. Alyssa and the twins don't get along right now. Jaime and I don't get along. My mum doesn't talk to her brothers all that often. You and Timmy get along well now," Ashley told me.

I didn't think her and Jaime were the best examples. They had grown up in two different worlds. Her kids were too young at the moment. Eventually they could be. There was a difference between their ages. I wanted my kids to be like Ben's siblings. They had all been close and still were. They all got together and went to parties together.

"I just want them to be like the Hoofer siblings," I told her. "Ben and his siblings have always been close."

"Not really," Ashley answered. "He and Brenda hated each other for most of their childhood. Barry didn't take him seriously until he started school, and even then they didn't hang out much. Remember how much he used to tease us in our first year? You and Timmy had a better relationship than that. It was just Ben and Brianne who were close, but even then they didn't hang out as much. How often did Ben and Brianne have a party together? Why are you all stressed out about this?"

"I don't know," I said. "I just want them to have a good childhood and to be close. I just want to have the perfect family."

"No one has a perfect family," she answered.

"You do," I pointed out.

Alyssa rarely misbehaved. She had her moments as all four-year-olds did, but for the most part she was pretty good. She had twin boys who I didn't think were as much of a handful as she claimed. Usually when we took them in, they listened to us. Cameron was such a sweet little boy and William was very smart and funny. Hayden absolutely adored her and Ben. He was a very good kid too. I loved my girls but they fought a lot and had temper-tantrums and I just really wanted a son too. I felt like she had the picture perfect family, and she just didn't see it.

"No I don't," She insisted. "Where is this jealousy of me suddenly coming from?"

She sat down in one of patio chairs we'd just bought. That was one of the things I liked about her. She could tell instantly that I needed to talk. I knew she wanted to do this now before we went back to her place. We wouldn't have the chance to do so because the girls would be all over us. I figured this was the best time as any to tell her everything. She didn't know the thoughts I'd been having for years. Mum had told me ages to go to talk to her about it. So I gave a shrug and sat down with her.

"I've always been jealous of you," I confessed with sadness.

"Why?" She asked and I could see genuine shock. She could never understand why someone could be envious of her, including her own sister. She still had those old insecurities. She had so much but she believed everyone had it easier because she wasn't beautiful. She confirmed this as she continued. "You have so much more than me. You're prettier, you're smarter, you're more outgoing, and you've never had the insecurities that I had. If anything, I've been jealous of you since we've met. I don't understand what you have to be jealous of."

"Ever since you found yourself you've grown as a person," I explained figuring I should start from the beginning. "It's like the break up with Denver was something you needed. After you two broke up, you changed so much. You got a lot more outgoing and a lot of people started to like you. You branched out so much, and then you started to befriend the younger students, even my brother. You started that sister club. You ended up being Head Girl. You got really good marks on your OWLs and NEWTs. Now you have all this," and I waved my arm over at her monstrosity of a house, "and a lot of it was from your own doing! You started a school! You have a great little family now."

"So do you," she replied. "You have two beautiful little girls. You have Keith. You have a nice cozy house. You've always been confident. You've always had a good life Ellen. I've had to work hard most of my life. I've always felt insecure, even when I branched out. Also, I didn't actually start the school. They were planning it anyway, it's just it was always on the backburner. I just set things in motion. If I hadn't suggested that I wanted to be a teacher, it would have started anyway. I overheard Percy Weasley saying that he'd had the idea for a while because of his family. His mother had to take care of all those kids at home, and he'd secretly thought a school before Hogwarts would be a good idea. It was why he and Hermione took the case on. They both wanted it before I even came up with it."

"You'll still never see it though," I said feeling frustrated again. Why couldn't she see all her accomplishments as a good thing? It was better that she worked for it rather than it all falling in her lap. I'd never met someone who felt the need to downplay everything so much. "You've accomplished so much since you were twelve years old. You could have been Slytherin if you weren't muggle born just because of how ambitious you are, and you could have been Gryffindor because of how brave you've become, you have all the Hufflepuff traits and even Ravenclaw!"

"I don't find myself to be anything special," she answered still not getting it. "I had to work hard to get everything I have. A lot of my childhood was so stressful and unsure. Even when I was meeting new people, I felt so lonely because you, Ben and Michael were in relationships. I have a sister who is ashamed of me. I never felt adequate, and even now I feel inadequate. You have nothing to be jealous of. I love Hayden, but I am terrified of what is going to happen in the future. He's so unhappy right now, and I am worried he is going to turn out like Michael. Alyssa hasn't really given me much problems, but she is only four years old, and you saw her attitude today when she couldn't come over here. Then there are the twins. They get into so much right now, what is it going to be like when they're older? I feel so overwhelmed about raising a family of four, and Ben wants another kid too. So eventually we'll have five kids to take care of. I still don't understand where all of this is coming from."

"It's not that I begrudge your happiness," I answered, "it's just seeing everything you have and I don't. I've always noticed, and it seems to bother you to live in a huge house. You've come along way from first year, but you complain about things that a lot of people would love to have. You're uncomfortable about living in that huge house, but there are so many people who would love to live there."

I wanted to add that her party was enough proof, especially when it came to Lindsay who used to be so happy go lucky. I understood the bitterness from most of the guests who had been against her, but not Lindsay. I decided against it however.

"I love my house, but I just feel I don't deserve a lot of what I have," she replied. "I've worked for everything I have. I just hate feeling like things are being handed to me. I wouldn't trade the life I have, but it makes me uncomfortable sometimes. I don't want to be poor ever again, but when you're used to having nothing and then suddenly having a house like that, it's overwhelming. It's the same as my talent in charms. I love that I am good at something, it's just most of my life I felt inadequate. It's hard to explain where I am coming from. Maybe to other people it sounds selfish or something."

"It's not that it's selfish," I explained. "It's just frustrating listening to you sometimes. You just don't see yourself."

"I could say the same thing about you," she told me. "I guess we'll never understand each other when it comes to our insecurities. I know you're feeling down right now because you want another baby, and you want it to be a son but you're working yourself up. You're making yourself feel bitter and you're not seeing everything you do have. I mean, will it really matter that much if your next child isn't born so close to Clarissa?"

This conversation seemed similar to the ones I'd had with my mother. Deep down I knew they were right. I didn't want to end up bitter, and I did have good things in my life, but I wanted what she had. I had so many regrets from school and even afterwards. She was right though. Even if I had my next child a few years from now, it wouldn't be a big deal. I just hated that it was hard to conceive and I wanted a son for Keith.

"I guess not," I finally answered. "I just worry sometimes Keith is disappointed."

"I highly doubt it. Even if he does want a son, he won't stop loving you or the girls if you don't have one," she said. "You know the twins were as much of a surprise to us as they were to everyone else."

"I'm not upset you had twins," I lied and she raised her eyebrows at me. So she knew about my jealousy of the fact that she had twins. So I re-tracked a bit. "I mean I get jealous sometimes, but I'm not upset with you two or anything. I love those two little boys."

"Look, it's going to happen for you," she assured me. "Maybe it's because you're feeling stressed. When you got pregnant with Michelle and then Clarissa, you weren't stressed. Maybe you two need to just stop trying and just let nature take course."

"Yes maybe," I answered. It actually was a good piece of advice there. Michelle most definitely hadn't been expected and Clarissa was a shock. We'd wanted to wait until Michelle was at least out of diapers. We'd been so carefree back then. I didn't know what else to say though. I felt as if we were just going in circles. She was right. I didn't understand her insecurities and she didn't understand mine. It was true when they said the grass was always greener on the other side. "We should get back to your place. I am sure the girls are getting impatient about going."

"Are you going to be okay?" She asked sensing that I still felt unhappy.

I smiled however. I could see she was worried about me, but I didn't want her to feel guilty. It wasn't er fault that I was jealous after all. It was my problem, not hers.

"I will be. I guess you're right. I've just seen so many people having boys lately, and it's been getting to me. Maybe I am stressing myself out about it," I answered and confessed another worry I'd been having lately. "I was just kind of worrying about infertility and everything. I'm not getting any younger."

"You're only twenty-four," Ashley said now looking amused. "I doubt it has anything to do with infertility. I think it's a good thing to be honest. Now that you'll be moving into the house you'll have the room for a third child. You wouldn't have had the room in the apartment."

"That would be easily fixable. We were waiting for Ben to get his act in gear, but we'd gotten pregnant we would have moved sooner," I told her.

She smiled at me and then stood up to walk back to the house. I followed her thinking about how I could spice up my love life with Keith. Lately sex had actually been a chore. I also had another suspicion about Ashley, but I wasn't going to bring it up quite yet in case I was wrong. It also could make me feel more bitter.

I wasn't sure if it was a gift or not, but a lot of the time I could tell when someone was pregnant. I couldn't explain what it was, but ever since Michelle, it was something I could sense. There was something about the face, and it wasn't just that pregnancy glow that women got. There was something else but I couldn't pinpoint it. I thought Ashley was pregnant again. She and Ben were back to the honeymoon stage of their relationship, so I wouldn't have been surprised. For the moment however, I was going to keep quiet about it. I could have been wrong after all. I wasn't always right.

Shortly after that, we were able to move in. I was glad about this. We were able to move in right after the girls started school, so Ashley was able to take them in with her when she went. It saved me from having to make the trip. There was a bus that would take them as well, but a lot of the time I preferred for one of us just to pick them up. When they were older I'd be fine with it, but Michelle was only six, and Clarissa was only four. I just felt it was too young for them to take the bus, even with Hayden. So Ashley just drove all the kids in.

It also helped since most of the time I worked from home. I wrote articles for the Witch Weekly and I also did party planning. A lot of the time I'd have to go out to get information for Witch Weekly, but for the most part I was able to write at home. I loved it because I felt it was a lot more relaxing. Sometimes I'd go over to Ashley's and Ben's to help him out with the twins as well. I couldn't help it at times. I wanted a little boy so much, and I did love William and Cameron. I even volunteered to take them at times.

Sometimes I felt that Ben was uncomfortable when I went over there though. I didn't think he ever got over what happened when we were teens. Maybe he even sensed my jealousy, or maybe Ashley had told him. I was no longer in love with him, but I did wonder what it would have been like to have married him and have everything they had. I decided one day a lunch to bring it up to him he came over to pick up the twins. He'd been out all morning looking into different careers.

"Ben, are you still uncomfortable around me?" I asked as I served him a grilled cheese sandwich.

It wasn't often that he could eat unhealthy. Ashley insisted on keeping only healthy foods in their place. I think he was happy to eat it. I knew it had been his favourite meal when he was a kid.

"No," he answered as I watched him cut up the twins sandwiches into pieces before he put a cooling charm on them.

"You just seem like it sometimes," I said. "I still think of you as my best friend. Sometimes I feel like you feel uncomfortable hanging out with me without Ashley."

"It's not you," Ben told me. "I feel this way whenever I hang out with any girl without Ashley. She's my wife."

"Why?" I asked with amusement. "Ashley has so many different male friends. It's strictly platonic and you know that. She doesn't have the jealousy issues that you have."

"I know she doesn't get jealous," Ben answered. "She even encourages me to hang out with my old friends. Actually, she even told me to spend time with you since we're friends. I can't explain what it is. Mum and Barry have even told me it's silly to feel this way."

"Well it is," I told him. "I only have eyes for Keith and Tara only has eyes for Aaron. If you'd just talked to me when you were having problems when you were a Healer, things might not have gotten so bad. I told you back in seventh year that. We've been friends since the day we met on the train and marriage shouldn't change that."

"I know," Ben told me with a smile. "I actually appreciate the time we've spent together, and your help. The twins can be quite a handful. I don't know how Ashley did it all on her own. It makes me feel even more like a prat. She had to take care of all the kids by herself, even before I went on vacation and that was after she taught a classroom full of four and five year olds."

"She has the energy of a bunch of four and five year olds," I replied with admiration. "I don't know how she keeps up with four kids either. I got tired when it was just Michelle, but once Clarissa came, it was even worse. I didn't understand how she did it once the twins were born. She had to keep up with a toddler and take care of two babies, now add Hayden to the mix."

It was true at times I had my jealousy but I also admired her too. I wondered if it was normal for people to feel this way. At one moment I felt jealousy and resentment for her, and other times I loved her and I admired her. It was almost the way I felt about Timmy. Was it because I considered her as my sister? I knew Jaime and Ashley felt that way about each other. Although I told Ashley I thought that the Hoofer siblings were perfect, I knew that they also had their differences.

"I can understand why everyone was angry with me," Ben answered. "I regret what I put her and everyone else through."

"It's in the past Ben," I told him. "I was very angry with you about all that, but I am over it. Ashley and Michael are right about all that anyway. You've never given yourself a break. It was bound to happen."

It had actually taken me longer to forgive Ben for his attitude, but it had been Michael who helped me move past it. When we were teens, it had been Michael and me who had caused problems for our friends. We had so much going on in our lives and we'd taken it out on the wrong people. In my case, I'd thought I'd been in love with Ben, so I always took it out on him. It had annoyed me how I believed he had been in love with me, and yet he hadn't been there for me when I felt he should have been. In Michael's case, it had been Ashley most of the time. We later found out it was because he thought she had known about the abuse he'd gone through, and he had believed she'd let the Slytherins in on it. Even Ashley had her moments where she'd been angry. Her's had been minor compared to Michael and me. Ben however had never put us through any of that. Michael believed he deserved a free pass.

"Still," Ben said with a shrug. "Everyone from Professor Sprout down to you warned me it would happen. Barry basically lectured me every summer, but I ignored the advice. I figured it wouldn't happen to me but it did. I just didn't want to bring it up. I am a father of four, and I was so insistent as a kid that I wanted to be a Healer. It feels like I am throwing all that hard work down the drain. I don't want the kids to be disappointed in their father either. Hayden really looks up to me. What does it tell him when he sees that his stepfather has quit?"

"Hayden is more understanding than you think," I said. "I know he's angry right now, but he'll get past it. I doubt you're raising a Michael or even me."

"I hope so," Ben said. "I get so damned angry when I think about what Rachel did. When we were younger, I never expected she would do that."

"I worry about the future of her second child," I admitted. "I doubt she'll have another magical child since she thinks it came from that bloke she dated. I just wonder what she'll do if the kid is different from what she expects. Even if Michelle or Clarissa disappoint me, I'll never stop loving them. If Michelle comes home pregnant at sixteen, I'll support her the same way mum did with me."

"I don't think she's that heartless," Ben said with a shrug. "I am pissed off at her, and I am not justifying what she did but I don't think she will. I think with Hayden that she feels she is doing the right thing for him."

"I just think people like her or Michael's parents should never have kids," I told him. "Michael's parents tried to blame it on being so young, but I wasn't much older than them. If one of my children end up being a squib I'll still love them."

"Same here," Ben said and then he stood up. "Thanks for lunch Ellen. I should get the boys home for their nap. You're more than welcome to come over any time and I'll visit you as well. We are still good friends and I am sorry I made you think differently. Ashley and the kids will always come first in my life, but that doesn't mean that you and me aren't friends."

"It's okay Ben," I told him and it really was. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't uncomfortable with me. I feel embarrassed from the way I behaved when we were kids."

Ben smiled at me and I watched as he easily lifted each boy in an arm. I never could understand how people could do that. I couldn't hold Michelle anymore, and Clarissa was getting too heavy. I could never hold them at the same time. Even Ashley could hold the twins at the same time. I'd always been impressed when I'd see her holding them when they were newborns at the same. I would have been terrified that I would drop them or something.

"You were fifteen Ellen," he told me. "I've been over all of that for years. I'll talk to you later."

Neither one of us realized just how soon later would be.

When Ben left, I decided to work on a party I'd been asked to plan for a seventeen-year-old in December. As I did this, I couldn't help but think back to when we'd all had our seventeenth birthdays. To this day, I still regretted the fact that I had missed Ashley's. We'd all wanted to celebrate our birthdays together, but because of my immaturity, I had missed out on a very important day for her. Even on her actual birthday I'd ignored her.

There was suddenly a loud bang and my house shook. There were more loud bangs and the house shook even more. I jumped up not understanding what was going on. Loud alarms went off. Were we having an earthquake? I watched as a chandelier crashed to the ground in our dining room. Our television fell the wall and crashed to the ground.

This seemed as if it lasted for a long time, but I didn't even think it was more than a minute. The house stopped shaking but the alarms continued to go off. I jumped again as there was a loud pop. Ben appeared in front of me with the twins in his arms. They were both crying very loudly.

"Ellen, apparate to my parents place now," he told me with urgency in his voice.

"But what-" I began but he shook his head.

"Do it now. I'll explain when we get there," he said.

I nodded and then thought of the Hoofer living-room and turned on the spot. Moments later, I was standing in his parents living-room. The room was empty at the moment but as I was gazing around the room, I heard another pop. Ben appeared with the twins. He set them down on the ground. Just as he did this, his parents rushed into the room.

"What's going on?" Mrs. Hoofer asked us and I shook my head. I felt close to tears but I didn't want to cry in front of the twins who were already hysterical.

Instead, I just knelt down to hold my arms open for them. Both boys rushed over to me and I hugged them tightly to me.

"We were attacked," Ben said. "People attacked my house and Ellen's house. I don't know who they were. I couldn't see them. My protective charms held up well enough, but I wasn't sure for how much longer. I don't think they can get in our homes, but they seemed quite determined."

"They were trying to get in our homes?" I asked feeling stunned. "Is that what those alarms were?"

Ben nodded and he sat down on the couch. Mrs. Hoofer hurried over to join him while Mr. Hoofer came over to inspect the twins and me.

"So you put protective charms on my place too?" I asked with admiration and love for him. Not romantic love of course, just love for a friend who had thought of me too.

"The moment you moved in," he said. "Ever since what happened with Ashley and Michael's parents, I've been worried about something like that happening again. I always believe it's better to be safe than sorry. We all know that there are people still angry about You-Know-Who's downfall, and there are still people angry about what happened when we were kids. There's always going to be someone who pulls that kind of thing."

"Well I don't think they can get in here," Mrs. Hoofer said. "We still have ours up from You-Know-Who's days."

Mr. Hoofer lifted up William while I kept a tight hold on Cameron who was shaking. I couldn't imagine how they must have felt. They were likely sleeping when it had happened. If it had scared me, it must have been ten times worse for a pair of two year olds. As I held him, I couldn't help but think what would have happened if Ben hadn't overprotective. We used to make fun of him, or even tell him that he went overboard but for once it was good thing. I could have been dead at that moment.

Just as it had happened at my place, there were more loud bangs and the house began shaking. Cameron let out a shriek of fear and I held him tighter. We had just gotten away from all that, and it was happening again. Did they know that we'd come here? Were they going to keep trying until they killed us? Mr. Hoofer carried William over to Mrs. Hoofer before he pulled out his wand. Ben stood up and pulled out his wand too.

"No more!" Cameron yelled. "Don't like Ellen."

"I know," I told him not knowing what else to say.

I watched as Ben and Mr. Hoofer left the room with their wands out. I wanted to join them, but I couldn't leave William. Just as soon as it started, it stopped. There was another loud pop causing Mrs. Hoofer to shriek. Ben and Mr. Hoofer ran back into the room with their wands still out, but we saw that it was Michael.

"What's going on Michael?" Mr. Hoofer said as he lowered his wand.

"They left before we could do anything so I came inside," Michael answered looking shaken up. "I can't stay long. I just needed to make sure you lot are okay," and he looked to Ben and me. "I went to your places but you were gone."

"Are our houses destroyed?" I asked. "We came here after our houses were attacked. What's going on?"

"They're attacking different houses," Michael answered. "We don't have any information yet, but different houses around the UK have been attacked already. Some have been destroyed but luckily your protective charms held. Once they realized they couldn't get in, they moved on."

"My mum," I said. "She's home by herself right now."

"She's fine," Michael said. "Ben put protective charms on your mum's place as well. I need to get going. I'll update you as soon as I can. Just stay here."

"But-" Mrs. Hoofer began but Michael apparated before she could ask. "Goodness," she said once he was gone. "I hope everyone is okay. I'm just going to check up on Darla and Terry," and she stood up. She carried William over to Ben who instantly took his crying son. At that moment, I realized Cameron had soaked the shoulder of my shirt with his tears. I began to rub his back. The poor kid already had anxiety issues as it was. She looked at Mr. Hoofer. "Write to everyone and tell them to come here. Brenda, Milton and Richard are on vacation thankfully, but I want everyone else here."

"Do you think they went for the school?" I asked fearfully as I thought about all the kids and my best friend.

"Not likely," Ben said with a shrug. "Some of them probably have kids there. Even if they do, there are as much protective charms on it as Hogwarts."

"I am going to check on everyone else," Mr. Hoofer said as he finished sending messages to his kids. "You two stay here in case anyone shows up."

I nodded and then glanced at Cameron. "It's over now mate," I told him. "You don't have to be scared. Everything is okay now."

"Want mummy," he said.

"She's at work, but you'll see her soon," I assured him.

Slowly he started to calm down. Soon he was just hiccoughing. Ben managed to calm William down as well. Once the boys seemed calm, he waved his wand and a bunch of toys appeared in the room.

"Why don't you play with your brother," I told Cameron.

"No more?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No more," I assured him. "It's all done now."

He let out a sniffle but he headed over to the toys. Ben set William on the floor and he too headed to the toys. Moments later they started to babble to each other in a language they only seemed to understand.

I stood up and stretched. My knees were a little sore from kneeling for so long. I walked over to sit on the couch. Ben sighed and sat down beside me. Neither of us spoke as we watched the boys. I was sure he was feeling worried about our friends and family as well. Even though he'd said nothing could happen at the school, I still worried anyway. Perhaps these people hadn't sent their kids to school that day. Considering they had attacked Ben's place, they likely didn't care about attacking little kids.

"What happened at your place?" I asked after about five minutes.

"Same as your place and here," Ben said. "I'd just finished putting the boys down for a nap when it happened. There were loud bangs and then the alarms went off. It didn't work the way it should have. The alarms should have gone off even before they'd attacked."

"It still saved us," I said. "If it weren't for you, who knows what would have happened to me. It's something that Keith and me should have thought of when we moved in. We just got too comfortable, but you're right. After what happened when we were in school, we should have been on our guard."

"Most people have been comfortable since You-Know-Who has been gone. That's how he was able to come back in the first place," Ben said. "They all got comfortable and then no one believe Harry Potter when he said he was back. These people rely on the element of surprise and the fact that people get comfortable. I hate spending life being paranoid, but it's better than having my house blown up or having my wife attacked again."

"I'm going to be eternally grateful to you," I said. "I'll never make fun of you for being overprotective again."

Shortly after that, people began to show up, including Timmy. He'd gone to my place and panicked when I wasn't there. I realized I should have written to him to let him know I was safe. I wondered where June was and worried momentarily that something had happened to her, but Timmy assured us that she was with her parents. Nothing had happened to them, but she'd been worried something had.

"She told me to be with you," Timmy told me. "She said they'd be fine. Where are the girls?"

"At school still," I said. "Michael came back and said he'd bring them all here when school is over. They don't want to cause an alarm at the school because no one attacked it. They want the kids to feel some normalcy for at least the day."

I checked my watch to see that it was almost time. Ashley usually stayed behind to finish up her work for the day, and to prepare for the next day. It could usually take a half hour to an hour. I figured Michael would wait until all the kids were gone before he brought them all here. I wasn't even sure what to tell the girls. The school would be closed for the rest of the week, but I wasn't about to tell children that young what had happened. I didn't want them to live in fear.

It made me feel angry as I thought about this. Harry Potter had worked so hard to make sure that our kids wouldn't have to grow up with this, and people continued to do it anyway. I had my suspicions on who had done it, and they'd all been kids when You-Know-Who had taken over. They had likely been terrified all the time, so why were they still doing it? Was their hatred more important than letting small children grow up in a war free world?

I doubted it was Don and Xavier again, but I had a feeling it was the other people who had the same views as them. At first I'd thought it had been them, but then I'd heard Maisie had been attacked. They would never attack her or let her be attacked. They'd always been loyal to her in school, even when she'd been too much. If anyone had ever tried to bully her with them around, they would defend her. Maisie had even told me at Ashley's party that she knew they'd never do anything to her, even all these years later.

Keith had gone back to our place to check it over with Ben. They'd cleaned everything up. No one thought that we would have to stay at the Hoofers for long, and we didn't want the girls to go home to the house destroyed. Now he was by my side, holding on to my hand tightly. He hadn't said much since he'd come over. I just knew he was grateful to Ben, and upset that he could have lost me that day.

There were a couple loud pops and suddenly Ashley, Michael, Hayden and the girls appeared.

"Hi daddy!" Alyssa yelled excitedly and she ran to her fathers arms. She was such a daddy's girl.

I let go of Keith's hand to hurry over to my girls. I think they were surprised when I hugged them both to me. Neither protested however. Usually I didn't greet them this way after school, but it was almost a wake up call to me. They knew I loved them of course, but I felt I didn't say it enough. They could have lost their mother that day, and I never wanted them to think otherwise, especially Michelle. Someday she was going to grow up and find out that I'd been a teen mum. I didn't want her to think I loved her any less just because I was so young. My biggest fear was that she'd worry that she was an accident when that wasn't the case at all.

"Mummy, I can't breathe," Clarissa told me and I loosened my hold.

"I'm sorry sweety, I just missed you. How was your day?"

"Good! Did you know that my name starts with a C?"

"Yes I did," I said with amusement now.

"It's all she will talk about," Michelle told me. "Alyssa didn't make a big deal when she found out her names start with an A you know."

"Well I like it," Clarissa said to her.

"Don't fight girls," I told them.

"Mummy, why are we here?" Michelle asked me. "We never come here after school."

"We're going to have dinner here," I said. "Ben's parents wanted to have everyone over. Why don't you two go play with the other kids."

Just as I was saying this, I heard Ashley telling Minnie and Hayden to take all the other kids into the playroom. The Hoofer's had converted their old den into a playroom for the grandchildren. Of course Minnie who was very opinionated protested this, and I almost smiled for real. Before I was just faking it. Minnie always had to ask why for everything, and she usually could see past it all. She was eight however, she was getting to that age where she didn't believe the lies we told them. Hayden was the same way. He questioned everything and demanded answers.

It was one thing I disagreed with Ashley and Ben about. They usually told him what he wanted to hear, and I didn't think it was a good idea. I felt like they wanted to please him because Rachel abandoned him, so they gave into his demands. Ashley told me it was because they wanted an open and honest relationship with him, but he was nine. He didn't need to know everything. He needed to be a kid still. I thought it was more important to treat him like a little boy and not an adult.

As we talked that night about who could have been behind the attacks, I stared at my best friend. I wondered if I should mention to her that she was likely pregnant. It was just what I could see in her face, but she looked as if she'd gained weight. She was so thin that anytime she gained weight, it was noticeable. What kind of world would she be bringing this new baby into? Would we catch the attackers before she had the baby?

How could she be pregnant and not realize it? Why was she lucky enough to get pregnant again when I couldn't? She already had four children and now she'd have five. I was still hoping to have my own little boy and she had three. However, perhaps it was a good thing I was having trouble getting pregnant. Did I really want to bring another baby into this world? Maybe it would be better to wait until the attacks stopped. Maybe there was a reason for why I couldn't get pregnant at the moment. Ashley was right in any case. It really didn't matter if my next child was close in age to Clarissa.

"Are you okay?" Keith asked me. "You're suddenly really quiet."

"I'm just wondering if I should tell Ashley that she's pregnant," I told him.

Keith smiled at me and then kissed me. He pulled me close and I rested my head against his shoulder.

"Of all the things you could be thinking about right now, that is what you're thinking about?" He asked me.

"It's related to the attacks," I told him. "I hope we stop them before the baby comes. I don't want any of our kids to grow up in that kind of world."

"Michael says the attacks were sloppy," Keith told me. "He thinks it will be a few months at the most. They found a pink ribbon at our place. So whoever did it was female."

"Unless it's one of the girls ribbons," I said. "All three of them wear ribbons."

"True, but can trace magic from the spot and from the ribbon," Keith told me. "The Aurors can detect that kind of thing. Besides, it was dark blond hair, not light. Our girls have really light hair."

"So Ashley could be right about Nicole, Melanie or Lydia," I said. "They have dark blond hair. My bet is Nicole. I can't see Lydia or Melanie doing the dirty work. Can't they trace the magic back to her if they have her hair? Isn't there some kind of DNA testing like in the muggle world?"

"I honestly don't know Ellen," Keith said. "It's something I've never given much thought to. Ben or Michael could answer that better than I could. I don't think they can trace her magic since she is overage, but maybe they can do DNA testing. I'm just glad you're okay. I'll never make fun of Ben for being overprotective again."

I smiled at him. "I told him the same thing. I think everyone feels that way. We all thought he went overboard but he was the smart one. We all let our guards down except him."

"I don't think we have too much to worry about," Keith told me. "I think we should keep our guards up, but I really don't think this group is going to last long. Even though all of this happened today, Michael seems quite confident."

I hoped he was right. I didn't want us to have to go into hiding or to even move. I just wanted the girls to enjoy their childhood. I wanted them to maintain their innocence for as long as they could.

We were able to move back home shortly after that. Keith and Ben had done a great job at fixing everything, even our telly. Everything looked the way it had before the attacks. I was grateful because I didn't want the girls to notice anything out of place, and I wanted to put that day behind me.

One morning, I woke up throwing up. As I wiped my mouth off, I glanced at myself in the mirror and I saw it. I knew right away that I was pregnant. I had that look that I recognized in other women, and while I gazed at myself, I wondered just how far along I was. I didn't think this was new, but I had taken a pregnancy test in the summer. It had been false. However, as I took off my nightgown, I stared in the mirror. I was further along than I realized. How had I not noticed this? Was I so down on my failure to get pregnant that I'd ignored the signs? I thought I could be about the same as Ashley was, maybe I was further along than her. Was I finally going to have my little boy?

I decided to keep it secret just to be sure, especially with everything that was going on. However, as soon as I could I bought a pregnancy test and I made an appointment in the maternity ward for St. Mungos. I decided against even telling Keith yet. I wanted to know for sure before I mentioned it because I didn't want to disappoint him.

However, once I did the test (which was positive) and after my appointment, it was confirmed. I was having my third child, and I knew deep down that it was going to be a boy this time. Keith was going to have his son. Ashley and me were going to have our babies together again, but it wasn't just the two of us. I hadn't mentioned it to Shelly yet, but I was going to. She was pregnant as well. So all three of us were going to have kids the same age. How did that happen in our group?

I couldn't wait to tell Keith the good news. I decided it was best to keep it secret from the rest of our friends for the time being given what was going on in our world. I didn't even plan to tell the girls until I was really showing. I only had a bit of a baby bump, but nothing that anyone would notice too much. Most days I hid myself anyway. I was self-conscious about my body since I'd had Clarissa. I wasn't fat, but my stomach didn't look the same as it had after my pregnancy. I used to love showing off my body, but those days were over. So no one would question why I wore baggier clothes.

One evening, I sent the girls over to mum's so I could tell him over dinner. I spent the day planning an elaborate dinner for him. I wasn't a fan of cooking, and sometimes I considered getting a house-elf to do it for us. That day though, I actually enjoyed it. The last two times I'd told him I was pregnant, I'd been in tears. This time would be different.

The moment he walked in, he seemed to know something was different. It wasn't often that I set up dinner in such a fancy way though.

"What's going on?" Keith asked as he took in the fancy table cloth and roses on the table with his favourite meal set out.

"What makes you think something is going on?" I asked. "Maybe I just wanted to have a romantic dinner for us."

"Perhaps," Keith said with a grin as he came over to give me a hug and kiss. "I just don't believe that. Not when it's a week day. So is there some good news?"

As he asked this, he rest a hand on my belly and I smiled at him.

"I wondered about that," he said and then he kissed me again. "You have that glow. So does this mean that you and Ashley will be pregnant together again?"

"And Shelly," I said. "But she doesn't know it yet. I'm giving them time to figure it out themselves before I say anything."

Keith laughed. "I never knew of a group of women to get pregnant together so much. I guess it's good. None of our kids will be lonely."

"I just hope it's a boy," I said as I too put my hand on my belly.

"Ellen, you know that I won't be disappointed if you have another girl, right?" Keith asked. "I'd love a boy too, but I love our girls, and I will love the new baby if she is a girl. I know you've been stressing out about not giving me a son, but I won't care if you don't. I love you and of course the girls."

"I know, but I do want to give you a son," I told him. "I want us to have our little Elliot."

"And if it's another girl?" Keith asked.

"You choose," I said. "I picked out Michelle and Clarissa. It's only fair that you get a say in the name."

"I've only liked the name Cadence," Keith told me. "Cadence Rose."

"That's a beautiful name," I said.

I actually liked the way it flowed and I could even imagine myself saying it. I almost felt excited for another girl because of it. We grinned at each other. I was so glad this time we were talking about it happily. The last two times Keith had reassured me that we'd be fine. I was twenty-four now though. I wasn't sixteen or even nineteen. Clarissa and Michelle were also in school now too. Now I felt happy that there would be a five year age difference. When I thought about Ashley trying to take care of a toddler and twin boys, I felt overwhelmed myself. The girls would be in school, and I could still do my work with a newborn around.

"I don't want anyone to know yet," I told him. "I'd like to keep it secret until I am showing a little bit more. I don't even want to tell the girls yet. Let's just wait. I'm hoping Ashley will figure out she is pregnant, and then when she does, I can tell her about mine too."

Keith nodded and gave a shrug. "I'm not really worried about that. We'll keep it secret for as long as you want. I'm just glad to see you so happy. You've seemed unhappy lately. I want to give you everything I can Ellen, even that little boy. I know I'm not Ben, and I can't provide for the way he does with Ashley, but I do my best."

"It's not about what Ben can provide Ashley," I told him. "I just feel she gets everything she wants out of life. It comes so easy to her. I'm not in love with anymore in case you're worried about that."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Keith said. "And I know you're not in love with him anymore. I'm not worried about that. I just feel that you're jealous of the house that Ashley has compared to us."

"I am," I answered. "But it's because it just seems as if she has always gotten everything out of life. If it was anyone else I wouldn't feel this way. Hell, if it was another girl with Ben I'd feel that way. It's just Ashley that I feel this way about."

Keith knew that back in the day I'd been jealous that it had been Ashley who'd gotten the guy, and not me. He knew most of my jealousy issues when it came to her. He always came to her defense just like everyone else did though. I didn't want to sit around and badmouth my friend, I just wanted someone to see it from my point of view. The only people who could were the ones who hated her, and I didn't want a bitch session about her.

Keith laughed. "Ellen, you've always been competitive with other girls. It doesn't matter what it is about. You used to get that way about Michael even though you never had any interest in him. The reason it bothers you so much about Ashley is because she is your best friend. If the two of you hadn't become friends, you wouldn't give a damn. Sarah is quite accomplished as well, and you've never cared. I'm sure Ashley has the same insecurities when it comes to you."

"She does, but they are just silly ones," I said. "She's just jealous because I am prettier and more outgoing. Her insecurities when we were kids were nothing compared to mine."

"Ellen," Keith said still amused. "You've told me this so many times. Love, you need to stop working yourself up when it comes to her. You love her, and you know it."

"I never said I hated her," I said.

"I know, but below all that envy is admiration for a girl who has always been there for you," Keith said. "I don't even know why we're talking about this tonight of all nights. You made this beautiful dinner, so lets enjoy it and talk about something else."

I smiled at him. Every word he said was right. As much I complained or thought things against my best friend, I did love her and appreciate her. He was also right that we needed to be celebrating my news. I enjoyed the fact that we had a secret from everyone.

One thing I disagreed with Ashley about was the fact that she was letting Maisie stay with them. I didn't even think Ben was too happy about it. For her though, he would do anything to make her happy. I had some suspicions about Maisie. Michael had basically confirmed that Don and Xavier hadn't been involved with the attacks, but I could still see he was unsure about them. They hadn't been involved with the first attacks, but that didn't mean they could be in on the plan later on. What if they all knew that Ashley would feel sorry for Maisie and let her stay with him? I hated the idea of her being near the little ones.

"Don't you think Ben would have thought of that?" Keith asked when I brought up my concerns about this. "You were all for defending Maisie before. What has changed your mind?"

"I'm terrified that they're going to get at our family again," I answered. "Especially now with a baby on the way. I can't stop thinking about how I was home alone and pregnant and it could still happen."

"Ben, Michael and Ashley strengthened the charms on both our places," Keith told me. "If someone who means any harm shows up, the alarms will sound and they won't be able to apparate away. So they can't get far. They would be going off if Maisie had malicious intent."

"I still worry," I told him. "She baby-sits those kids. She looks after the twins while Ben goes to the Ministry. A lot of the time I go over there and I pretend I want to hang out, but I'm actually keeping an eye on her."

"I get it Ellen," Keith told me. "Just don't stress yourself out too much about it. Michael and Ben wouldn't let her near those kids or even Ashley if she was a danger. The twins are Michael's godchildren after all."

"It wouldn't matter if they weren't," I said. "He's protective of all the kids. I know I am probably just thinking too much into things, but it's hard not to. Ashley has always had this trusting people thing and we've all always worried it would lead to trouble. It has already."

"Any of the people she trusted who betrayed us, we trusted as well," Keith replied. "If it will make you feel better, I'll talk to Ben about it. I just really don't think we have anything to worry about. I always assumed Maisie was a fake back in school. She just wanted to fit in with the Slytherins. The only two people who would talk to her were Don and Xavier though. Once they left, she was very lonely and I don't think she wants to be back in that place. She doesn't have the same resentment for us that Nicole or Melanie do."

"It will when it comes to my pregnant friend and her kids," I told him.

Keith nodded and told me that he would arrange a boys night with Ben. So I dropped the subject for the time being, but I considered even bringing it up to Ashley. She'd likely get defensive about it, but as I thought about Alyssa and the twins, I knew I had to. It was better to be safe than sorry. There were people that she just should not have invited to her party. It wasn't hard for people to find out where we lived, but they did get other information. They had to know that I'd been home, and they likely knew Ben was at home too. I didn't like to think that people would want to attack two little ones, but these people had proven in the past that they didn't care about families.

My opportunity came up at Hayden's birthday party. I was busy preparing food and drinks with Ben's mother when Ashley and Ben came in the kitchen discussing her. Hayden had just finished opening his presents from his friends. The kids were now outside getting ready to test out his new broomstick. I figured this was the best time to bring it up, and I also wondered how Mrs. Hoofer felt knowing that she was living there with her grandchildren and son.

"I'm sorry, but I kind of wonder about your decision with that. Are you sure it's safe to leave her alone with the kids?" I spoke up.

"She had veritaserum in her drink," Ashley answered. "Even though Michael vouched for her, he still didn't like our idea of letting her stay here with our kids. He brought veritaserum and she was more than willing to let him give it to her. She doesn't know anything, and she doesn't talk to any of them anymore."

"Good," I said with relief. I should have known they would resort to that. "I know she was attacked and everything, but it still worried me. I guess old habits die hard. I just don't want someone who is a danger around your kids or mine."

"She wouldn't be able to be here if that were the case," Ben said. "Anyone who is a danger to us wouldn't be allowed in. We'd have been alerted the moment she came in if she had malicious plans."

"Why didn't that work when you had your party?" Mrs. Hoofer asked and I wondered the same. Ben did say that his charms hadn't worked as well as they should have. He'd had Ashley help him strengthen them after the attack. Perhaps they hadn't been powerful enough. He was a great wizard, but his charms were his weakness for some reason. I actually thought it looked good on him. I loved seeing Ashley being better at something than he was.

"Because it wasn't their original intent," Ben answered. "Everyone who came just came for a party. It wasn't until after the party that they made their decision. That's why I believe it had to be one of the people who got kicked out. They were upset that they were given the boot. I'm willing to bet that someone knew we had this party, and they approached one of them and got the information about where we lived, and where Ellen was going to live. Lydia has always been a bitch, but I can't see her turning into a Death Eater like that. I don't think she or whoever did it realized the extent of what they were doing until after it happened. She probably just thought they were going to do minor damage."

Ashley turned to me and raised her eyebrows.

"You seemed so sure it wasn't her before," she said meaning Maisie, "so I'm surprised you're questioning it now."

"I know, it's just when it comes to the kids I am going to suspicious," I explained. "But are you sure that wasn't their intent? We do know that they still talk to Nicole and Melanie."

"If Melanie and Nicole are involved," Ben said. "If it was them, then likely what happened was Lydia or whoever else complained to Melanie and Nicole about what happened. They probably told them they could get revenge on us and asked them for some information. Lydia would have been more than happy to give that information if she knew it was out of revenge. I hate the girl, but I just doubt her intents were that evil. Maybe she even thought that they were just going to wreck the van, but not do anything evil to it."

What Ben said did make sense. Lydia would never want Tara hurt either. I knew she missed their friendship, and she likely regretted going after Aaron. She wouldn't send someone to go hurt Tara, but she would want revenge against her. Tara had stuck up for Ashley and Ben.

"Maybe you should become an Auror," I said since he was looking for a career change. He'd do well in that department. He was powerful and smart enough. "What you say makes sense."

"No," Ben said firmly. "It's not something I'm interested in. I don't want something dangerous, and I don't want another job that will take me from the family so much."

"But how can you be so sure that Melanie is involved with this?" Mrs. Hoofer asked going back to the original topic. "Or even that Nicole girl? I know she did wrong in the past but isn't Melanie muggleborn?"

"This group isn't just targeting muggleborns," I answered remembering all that I'd heard about the attacks. There had even been pureblood enthusiats who had been attacked. I'd heard that even the Nott family had been attacked. No muggles except maybe Ashley's parents had been attacked. "Even some pureblood enthusiasts were attacked. Haven't you noticed that muggles seem to be safe this time?"

"So it's basically revenge of the outcasts?" Ashley asked me and I shrugged. I wasn't sure if it was outcasts, but just people who felt they'd been wronged and they wanted revenge.

"I don't know. I think it's just whoever they have a grudge against. The attacks are so random. You know even Edward was attacked? He might not have called us mudbloods anymore, but he still had his views about muggles and muggleborns. He just kept it to himself because he knew people wouldn't stand for it. Carter Nott was attacked as well, and everyone knows the Notts hate muggleborns as well. Carl used to openly call people mudblood in school. Remember him?"

"Not really," Ashley answered but that wasn't a surprise given how shy she'd been in our first year.

"He was a seventh year when we were first years," Ben explained to her, so he must have been thinking the same thing I was. "He was in Barry's years. Several of the Notts were attacked. It does seem rather random when you think about it."

"So why Nicole and Melanie then?" Mrs. Hoofer pressed on.

"They've had grudges against us for years," I answered.

"Nicole has hated us since we turned her in, and she had to go to Azkaban. Melanie has hated us since everyone turned against her. We kicked her out of the party after seventh year, and I think she's been holding onto that resentment since. She's never forgiven me for getting with Ben," Ashley continued.

"And you think she'd be willing to go against your families?" Mrs. Hoofer asked.

"Chances are she has this resentment for us, and she joined someone who wants to do these attacks," Ben said. "I still think she found the connection through Don and Xavier, even if they know nothing about it."

"Why?" Ashley asked Mrs. Hoofer. "Nicole has already shown that she would betray us."

"I know dear, but you could also be wrong about them," Mrs. Hoofer said. "It could be any of the people who were at the party. I just don't want you to point the finger at people who may be innocent. It sounds like it could make sense because you hate each other, but you could be completely wrong."

"You could be right," Ashley said. "I just hope the Auror's find out what's going on soon. We can stop speculating about all this, and blaming innocent people."

"We should join the party," Ben said as he levitated one of the trays. "You two are right. This is just a waste of time."

But I wanted to keep talking about it and I didn't think it was a waste of time. I just wanted to know who did it. I was surprised they didn't either. Ashley could have lost her husband and sons that day. She could have lost me as well. Didn't she want to know who'd attacked her family and friends? What if they hadn't checked her van that day? She could have driven my girls and her children home in it. Was she just agreeing with Ben and his mother that we should stop talking about it?

I sighed and levitated a tray as well. It was something I was going to obsess over until it was over.


	10. Regrets

Part Two

Regrets

"I'm surprised you've invited me over," Shelly told me as she sat down on my couch beside me. "You usually don't."

It was true that I only really talked to Shelly or Sheila if we had our parties, or if Michael was around with Shelly. Usually it was Ashley who invited the twins. It wasn't that I didn't like them. It was actually the opposite, I didn't know too many people who actually disliked the Andrew twins. I'd just never been as close to them as my friends were. A childish part of me was jealous that they had an opportunity with Ben and I hadn't. I would have even taken sex with him, but he hadn't even been willing to give me that. For the most part though, I'd just never really thought of a reason to hang out with either twin.

"Well we should change that," I said. "You're dating one of my best friends and I have always liked you. That's not why I invited you here though."

"So why do I have this opportunity then?" Shelly asked with a smile.

"I think you're pregnant," I answered. "I even bought you a muggle pregnancy test. I did the same when Ashley was pregnant with Alyssa."

"I'm not pregnant," Shelly answered with a wider smile showing perfectly white even teeth. "We're always careful."

I felt like I was taken back to more than five years ago when Ashley had said the same thing. She'd been in denial about her pregnancy too. I felt amused as I grabbed the test from the living-room table and handed it to her. "Humour me then. It won't hurt to try right?"

Without a word, she took the test from me and left the room. I couldn't wait for Michael to find out. It was one of the reasons I decided to tell her. I'd also seen her drinking, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to the baby. Michael deserved to have a family of his own however. I knew he still felt lonely at times. After everything he'd been through, he needed some happiness in his life. A son or daughter would do that for him. He was very good with children, so I knew he'd be a good father. Shelly would make an excellent mother. I truly believed that they were meant to be together, and when I thought about it, I'd always known they could end up together. It was the same with Sheila and Denver. It had just taken them a lot longer than Ben and Ashley to realize it.

It took a while before she returned.

"Goodness," Shelly said as she sat down. "You're right. How did you know?"

"I can always tell," I told her. "It's very rare that I'm wrong. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a gift but ever since I got pregnant with Michelle I can tell."

Shelly nodded, "I think I heard something about that with you. It's a nice gift to have. At least you won't be caught off-guard when it comes to yourself or your daughters. I just wonder how Michael will react. We haven't been together for that long."

"Are you kidding?" I asked her. "Michael will be excited. He's wanted a family of his own since I had Michelle."

"Even longer than that," Shelly said. "He's wanted a real family since he was a young boy, but we haven't even been together for six months."

"Trust me, he'll be thrilled," I told her. "Besides, you two are like Ben and Ashley. You're meant to be together."

"It's too soon to judge that," Shelly answered.

I was surprised to see her so unsure. The Andrew twins had always been confident. Ever since the day I'd met them I'd admired how they could talk to anyone without fear. They would even talk to the Slytherins in our first year when there was still some hatred. They had no problems with approaching boys that they liked. They'd never had problems with telling people off if they needed it. So to see Shelly so unsure of herself and her relationship just seemed odd.

"How can you be so insecure? You're never insecure about anything," I stated.

"It's different this time," Shelly told me. "Any boy I dated before was just a fling. I never took them seriously. At Hogwarts we were so young. When we were in America, it was just all fun and games because we would never see those boys again. If a boy said no, I could move on and find someone who would say yes. It was rare, I don't mean to sound as if I have an ego, but I do know I'm pretty. I do really like Michael, and I know he really likes me but it's such a short time to know if it will last. A baby complicates things even more. I'd be mad if I weren't worried."

"Michael told me that he smelled you in Amortentia," I told her.

"I could smell him too," Shelly answered. "That potion has been wrong before. I know Michael is going to be happy, but we wanted a no pressure relationship. A baby puts pressure on it."

"Ten years from now you'll be married with at three kids," I said to her with a smile. "Don't worry about it so much Shelly. You know Michael is going to be thrilled and you know he loves you already."

Shelly smiled again. "Maybe it will turn out that Sheila is pregnant. We can raise our daughters together."

"Sheila isn't pregnant," I said. I'd just seen her not that long ago, so I knew she wasn't. "But guess who is again?"

"Ashley?" Shelly asked and I looked at her with surprise. I was going to mention myself, but perhaps it was more noticeable about Ashley then I'd realized. I was hoping it was so we could all celebrate together. Perhaps she even knew and she'd Michael or Shelly or both. I was just surprised she hadn't mentioned it to me. I was always the first to know when it came to any kind of news with her.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

Shelly shrugged. "I didn't. I just figured if anyone would be pregnant again, it would be her. She was telling me not too long ago that they'd like another and they're hoping to have one more girl. I suppose that was her way of telling me that she is."

"She doesn't know," I said quickly. "So don't tell her. I want her to figure it out herself. I wasn't talking about her anyway. I was meaning myself," and I smiled as I put my hands on my stomach. "So all three of us are pregnant together."

"Ooh," Shelly said excitedly. "We're going to raise our kids together. Who would have thought the four of you would have kids the same age. They're going to be good friends in school. I hope they're all girls! They can be like Alyssa, Clarissa and Mackenzie!"

I laughed. "Well no offence, but I want a boy this time. Maybe we'll all have boys together."

"I can live with that too," Shelly said. "Ooh I am excited now. You know, I did notice I've been gaining weight, but I didn't give it much thought. Michael loves cooking so I thought maybe I was just eating too much. I figured soon I'd just ask Ashley if I could join her on her runs, but this is brilliant! You're right, Michael will be so happy," and then she looked serious. "Perhaps you should tell her soon. She was drinking when we hung out. You don't want her to drink too much alcohol."

"I'm going to drop hints. Don't tell anyone else either," I said.

"Why is it so important for to figure it out?" Shelly asked. "It might be safer to tell her. You know she'll feel bad if she makes the baby sick."

"If she doesn't soon I will," I said. "I just feel this time she should figure it out on her own. If it gets to a point where I feel I should tell her, then I will."

"Okay because Michael wants to have a Halloween party at her place," Shelly said. "It won't be good if she is drinking if she's pregnant. Are you sure that she is?"

"Yes," I answered. "I can tell, besides she has a bit of a belly lately. You know how skinny she is, even after three kids she is still thin," I added the last bit with some annoyance and Shelly raised her eyebrows at me.

"Still? After all these years Ellen? Seriously?" Shelly asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked but I didn't know why I was questioning it.

It was something I'd never really talked about with too many people, but the Andrew twins could always pick up on things. They were good at reading people. At one time, Lindsay had been able to read people too, but she must have lost that ability after a while, or she'd just stopped trying. If she could still read them, I didn't think she'd be in the situation she was in now.

"You and Ashley have always been jealous of each other, but I thought you'd grow out of it by now," Shelly answered. "You look beautiful and you're not even fat."

"I'm bigger than I was before I had Clarissa," I said.

"But you were always so tiny, and now you have a figure," Shelly said. "Ashley gets too skinny at times. You know Ben worries that she has an eating disorder?"

"I know. We usually watch out for that. She just eats super healthy and she exercises a lot," I said. "Ben doesn't let her skip meals. The only one she could get a way with skipping is lunch, but I don't think she does. Even if she did, it wouldn't do anything. It's not that I wanted her to get fat, but after having twins, you wouldn't think she'd go back to normal."

"She isn't exactly her old size either," Shelly said with a shrug. "Gosh, I hope I won't be one of those women who get depressed like that. I think your figure changing after a baby is a good thing."

"It is," I answered. "It's just the way I feel when it comes to her. I'll take the stretch marks over not having my girls, but I just don't get how she manages to look so young and thin when she has four kids, and she works with little kids all day."

Shelly laughed. "Because you look so fat and old Ellen," she said. "You really shouldn't feel this way when it comes to your friend."

"Haven't you ever felt competitive with Sheila?" I asked her.

I'd actually never heard of them fighting with each other, but there was no way that they hadn't. Siblings always fought, but I imagined with pretty twin girls that they competed. They had likely fallen for the same boy at one point.

"Oh yes of course," Shelly answered. "We used to fight all the time, especially at Hogwarts. We look the same, so it was even harder than what you and Ashley went through with Ben. I mean, why did a certain boy like one of us over the other? Sheila always got better marks than me too, and it irritated me. I couldn't figure out why it seemed she was so much smarter than me. I was so upset when I found out that Denver liked her more than me. He was the one that we both really liked, but for years he only had eyes for Ashley. When he finally focused on us, it was Sheila he chose. I was so angry and I ignored her for a while. She came so close to ending her relationship with him for me, but I didn't want that either. Then one night, I ran into Michael and I forgot everything. I had a crush on him back in school, but I didn't see the point since he was so much in love with you and Anne."

I was shocked to hear her say all of this. Back in the first year, most people had believed that Denver would end up with one of the twins. Most were shocked when it turned out that it was Ashley who he liked. I wondered if the twins had liked him even back then. I asked Shelly this and she nodded.

"It was from the very beginning of our friendship with him. We agreed we wouldn't go for him, and then when we noticed that he liked Ashley, we encouraged him to go for her. We both figured we'd move on since we were so young back then, but we never really did. It was one of the reasons why we slept with so many boys. Neither one of us were ready to settle down at some boring job after Hogwarts, and so that's why we went to America. We both figured we'd meet new people at the same time, and maybe we could move on from Denver," she explained.

"But at least you shagged him," I said thinking of my regrets that I'd never at least had a chance with Ben.

"It made it worse," Shelly said. "Yes we shagged, but he did it because of how pretty I am. He was able to say he slept with both of us. All he saw me as was a shag mate, and nothing else. I wanted more. It would have made it worse for you if Ben had only shagged you and then moved on. Trust me."

"How did you- you know what, never mind. I guess you're right about that," I said. "At times I do wonder though."

"You're better off Ellen, I remember how bitter you were back then. You would have been more depressed about it. I can't stop thinking about how depressed I felt about Denver, and I am glad that you didn't have to go through that. Besides, things would probably be awkward with you two now. It can be for Denver and me."

I thought about how I'd been worried about our friendship and I knew she was right about that. Chances are Ben would have felt awkward around me if we had slept together. At times I thought it seemed he was awkward around the twins. So I gave a small nod.

"I want to tell Sheila about this," Shelly said. "I think I am going to get going Ellen, but I'll be back soon. We need to talk about how we're going to raise our babies together. I want them to be like Alyssa and Clarissa no matter what gender they are. I promise I won't say anything to anyone about Ashley, but you should say something soon. You don't want her drinking too much. I know you'd hate to have that on your conscious, and so would I for that matter."

She didn't realize just how right she was about that.

A few days later I decided to tell Ashley about my own pregnancy. I figured it was the best way to drop some hints about her own. She was stressing at the moment because Don Zent wanted to meet up with Maisie. The suspicious part of me wondered if this was all a set up. What if it had been their plan had been this the entire time? We all knew that Don and Xavier wouldn't want Maisie hurt, but they could have staged it. Maisie could have told them that we'd been friendly with her, and they would assume that Ashley would help her out.

I regretted bringing up my worries to her though. We were watching the kids swim in the pool. I was impressed about how well Clarissa and Alyssa could swim so well. We had them in swimming lessons, and it definitely showed. Michelle had only just started her own lessons, so she hadn't swam that well at four.

"Or maybe it's just an innocent meeting," I said quickly as she looked over at me with worry. "I have something that will take your mind off all that, at least temporarily."

"What's that?" She asked as she focused on the pool again. She pulled out her wand because Michelle and Hayden were leading the twins over to the deep end. They had life jackets and water wings, but I didn't blame her for worrying. I grabbed my own wand just in case.

"I found out I am pregnant again," I said.

She looked over at me, and I saw her face light up. I knew she'd been hoping I'd get pregnant again. Ever since my confession, I'd noticed her watching me with worry, especially if I was around the twins. She was happy for me, and it showed in her face.

Congratulations!" She said as she looked me over. I could tell she was wondering just how far along I was. I really wasn't showing that much yet.

"I am thinking at least six or seven weeks," I lied thinking I could get away with it for now. I usually didn't show too much until after my sixth month. I was only at the beginning of my fifth month. I was good at hiding it. I figured in a three or four weeks I could no longer lie. It was usually the beginning or the middle of my six months when I seemed to pop out a lot. "I just really hope that it's a boy this time. Don't get me wrong, I'll love her and I know Keith will love her if the baby is a girl. I just really want a little boy this time."

She smiled at me but didn't say anything. I figured she was hoping for the same thing for me.

"So I was thinking," I continued. "You and Ben want one more kid. You should start trying. Maybe they can grow up like Alyssa and Clarissa."

"We do want another one, but I don't know if right now is the best time," she answered. "Just things with Hayden and Maisie and everything else, I'd rather wait a little longer. All of our kids will be friends no matter what. Michelle is friends with Alyssa and Clarissa even with the age difference."

"I know, it's just fun watching them grow up," I said and then I decided to drop Shelly's news. She hadn't said I couldn't tell anyone, and I knew Ashley wouldn't spread it around. "I thought it would be great if you had another one too, because Shelly is pregnant too."

"What do you mean Shelly is pregnant too?" She asked. "Michael hasn't said anything."

"I don't think he knows," I explained. Shelly had told me that she'd planned to make him dinner like I had for Keith, and then tell him. "I guessed it, just as I guessed it when you were pregnant. I told her to take the test, and it was positive. So I was thinking maybe you could have another as well. Then all three of our kids could grow up together."

I glanced at her belly hoping that could be a bit of a hint. She always noticed when she gained some weight, so I was surprised she hadn't noticed that she had a bit of a baby bump now. I figured it was just the stress with Hayden's attitude, Maisie and the attacks that she wasn't paying attention. Maybe she even figured she was just getting fat, and so she was exercising it off. She didn't seem to notice that I was staring at her belly however.

"I don't think right now is the best idea," she said. "As amazing as it would be for our kids to be like us, I can't get pregnant just because the idea sounds nice."

"Well, I think you'll need to change your mind," I told her with a shrug.

Ashley just laughed but didn't say anything. She just looked out at the pool again. I wondered if I should just say it but I figured I'd be enigmatic about it instead.

"I'm serious," I continued. "I would think by now you would understand why, but I'll let you do that on your own. Anyway, don't say anything to Michael about it. I think Shelly wants to surprise him with it."

"He's going to be thrilled," she said excitedly "He's wanted a family of his own for so long."

"You know, I could see Shelly or Sheila ending up with Michael," I told her wondering if she knew about Shelly's crush on Michael, or even Denver back at Hogwarts. "When we were in Hogwarts, he was always talking to them. I'm just surprised it took so long."

"I think it's better that way. Not everyone is lucky enough to marry the one straight after Hogwarts. Ben is fine now, but sometimes I think we were too young," she said. "I don't regret my family or anything, but look what happened. We're just twenty-five and we have all this responsibility."

"And even more," I muttered hoping that she would get it. "I think you're right. Michael needed some growing up to do. I often wonder if I hadn't gotten pregnant with Michelle if Keith and I would still be together."

"What do you mean? You two seem so happy together," she said with surprise."You really don't fight with each other. I thought you loved him."

"I do love him, and I can't imagine being with someone else, but Keith sometimes shows those restless signs that Ben does," I explained. "He never really had another girlfriend besides me. After we had Michelle, I noticed that he would often look at other girls or he would seem depressed. I overheard him telling Dan that he wished he'd experimented with more girls before he'd met the one. He said he wished he'd had Jared's attitude in Hogwarts, or even Ben's. We all know Ben wasn't innocent before he met you. I just think you have a point about being too young when we all got together. Seventeen seemed so old to me when we were kids, but now it's so young. I often worry about Timmy and June. They're nineteen and engaged already."

As happy as I was for my little brother, I'd told them to wait when he had come to me for advice. I loved June and I could consider as a little sister like Ashley did, but I just didn't think they should marry yet. I figured they should wait until they were together a bit longer. I didn't want either one of them to have regrets. Ben had his regrets for a while and I was sure Keith was having his considering what I'd heard. I didn't think Ashley did, but sometimes I did about getting married so young. The last thing I wanted to see was my little brother go through it.

"I just hope our kids aren't like we were," Ashley said.

I knew automatically what she meant by that. I was terrified that Michelle would come home pregnant at sixteen. What if she thought it was okay because I'd been the same way? They were both so beautiful already. I was sure they would blossom like I had when I was twelve, but they would be even prettier.

"I'm having the talk with the girls," I said and then I put my hand on my stomach where I hoped my son rested. I didn't want him to be like Jared had been, and still could be. "And of course the new baby. If we have a son, I hope he isn't wild."

"We weren't exactly wild," Ashley said. Speak for yourself. I couldn't help think to myself. She didn't know exactly what I'd done when we hadn't hung out. I'd slept with so many different boys, but I had even tried smoking marijuana. Michael and I had smoked pot together a few times. I knew Ben had tried it in his fifth year and was open to it afterwards. I wasn't sure about her though. She'd been innocent compared to me. "We just did everything too young. I know they're going to drink and everything. We'll tell them not to, but they will at school. We did. I just want them to be careful. I could have ended up pregnant from Jared. I also don't want Alyssa to think that if she hasn't had a boyfriend by fifteen that something is wrong. Look at what happened with me."

"I think you're going to have the opposite problem," I said as I glanced over at Alyssa. Even though she was four, I thought she was even prettier than my own girls. She'd inherited Ashley's eyes, but the rest of her features were all from the Hoofer clan. I thought she was almost similar looking to Brianne. I couldn't help but think she was lucky. Ashley had grown into her looks, but she was no beauty. Alyssa would never have the insecurities that her mother had. She would have a line of boys.

We watched as she jumped into the pool. It made me nervous whenever the girls did that. They were good swimmers but it was still scary anyway. I raised my wand a little higher, but Alyssa just swam over to Clarissa confidently.

"The boys are going to be in love with her, she's already so beautiful," I said. "It's the same with Michelle and Clarissa. They are even prettier than I was, especially Michelle."

"Yes, it's definitely going to be interesting to see how she looks ten years from now," Ashley said as her gaze fell on Michelle.

I had a feeling that Michelle was going to be tall. She was going to be one of those leggy blondes I'd always hated back at Hogwarts. It was one thing that had annoyed me about Nicole before she'd shown her true colours. I wasn't sure about Clarissa yet, but it was just a feeling I had about Michelle.

Our conversation was interrupted moments later when Michael and Maisie arrived. It turned out that both Don and Maisie were innocent in all this. Deep down, I knew that it hadn't been them. I was the one to first defend them after all. However, it was different when Maisie was around my kids and Ashley's kids.

We also learned that it was Lydia who betrayed us. Melanie and Lydia had gone to Nicole over it. I wondered if it was Nicole who had been at our places then. Michael and Maisie couldn't give us too much information, but I was fine with that. Now all they had to do was catch them. Surely if they had more information, it wouldn't take much to catch them. So for the first time in a few days, I was able to relax.

I felt bad when I received a message from Shelly that Ashley drank quite a bit at her Halloween party. It made me nervous to bring it up, because I should have told her rather than hint at it. Ashley would likely be very angry if I mentioned that I knew she was pregnant, and that I hadn't mentioned it before her party. I tried to comfort myself that I had told her not to drink at the party, but it wasn't enough. In reality, I wasn't a very good friend because I should have mentioned it. I just hoped no harm would come to the baby.

Something had happened with Maisie and Don at her party too. I didn't know the full story except that Maisie invited Don and Xavier over, so Ben kicked them out. It didn't exactly surprise me. While the boys were innocent, I knew he would never want them in his house. Not after what had happened in school. They'd helped get Michael's parents killed, and they'd helped with the attack on Ashley. From what Timmy told me, Ashley had been okay with them being there and I couldn't believe that.

Once the charms they put on their house recognized someone as friendly once, it would again. So there was a chance they could get back in and what if they were persuaded to attack? They had in the past. The only reason they'd done the things they had in school was because of their fathers. They were older not, but if someone threatened them, they could forget all that. Slytherin's usually looked out for themselves first. It was why I didn't understand how Nicole or Peter Pettigrew were sorted into Gryffindor.

"You can't beat yourself up over it," Keith told me Halloween night as we got the kids ready to go out. "I agree you should have said something, but it doesn't help to be this guilty over it. She's been pregnant twice already, I am surprised she hasn't seen the signs. Ben told me that she has been throwing up lately."

"I think it's just with everything going on lately," I answered. "I just really hope that night didn't harm the baby. I think I should tell her tomorrow. I'll have to deal with her anger if she gets upset. I just have a really bad feeling."

"So do I," Keith admitted but then he glanced over at the girls who were giggling as they put on their costumes. They were going as princesses. All the little girls seemed to be going through a princess obsession lately. I wished they would have been more creative about it. "But we can't act nervous around them. I want them to have a good night."

"About Ashley?" I asked with surprise that he was having a bad feeling.

"No, just in general, and I think that's where some of your stress is coming from too Ellen. You knew she was pregnant with the twins and she had some drinks," he told me.

"She only had a few drinks and it was why I brought it up to her," I said. "Shelly and Timmy told me that she was falling down drunk."

"Mummy, can you zip me up?" Clarissa asked as she hurried over to me.

I zipped her up and then looked over her costume. She grinned up at me and I pushed away my nerves. Keith was right, we needed to have a good night for them. Keith walked over to change the colour of her hair. It was a charm I'd never been able to get down.

"Thank you daddy," she said. "Do you think I look like a princess now?"

"Yes," he answered. "You are both very pretty princesses."

I stood up from my kneeling position and stretched. My back was already starting to hurt with this baby. I thought that my belly had grown just in a few days. I would have to measure it later, but it wouldn't surprise me if that were the case. With Clarissa, I'd stay small but then I popped out rather quickly and everyday it seemed I was getting bigger. From what I heard, it was an inch per week, but sometimes I thought I was the rare case who just grew at a different pace than most women.

"What is the baby going to be for Halloween?" Michelle asked and I looked at her with surprise and then I looked at Keith who also stood up. He looked surprised as well. We hadn't told the girls about my pregnancy.

"How did you know?" I couldn't help asked her.

"You have a belly now mummy," Michelle informed me.

"I don't want another baby," Clarissa told me. "I'm the baby."

"Soon you'll be a big sister though," I said. "You're sister is right, I am pregnant now."

"I knew it!" Michelle said excitedly. "I remember when Ashley was pregnant and the others too!"

I supposed it wasn't that much a surprise she would guess. The women in our family (and I did consider the Hoofers an extended family of mine) were always pregnant. Michelle was used to it by that point. She'd seen other pregnant women. Around the house, I had no problems with revealing my stomach.

"When will I be a big sister?" Clarissa asked.

"The end of February," I told her.

"And Auntie Ashley?" Michelle asked. "When will she have the baby?"

"She's not having a baby," Clarissa said. "Alyssa would have told me."

"Maybe Auntie Ashley didn't tell her," Michelle said. "She has a tummy too. I saw it when we were in the pool. Right mummy?"

I glanced at Keith wondering if I should tell them the truth. He gave a small shrug looking as if he didn't really care. I didn't see what the harm would be. Perhaps if one of the girls said something, it would save me from saying it... but I sighed. I couldn't do that. I had to be honest with Ashley. The news had to come from me.

"Ashley doesn't know she is pregnant yet," I finally said. "So don't say anything yet."

"Why doesn't she know?" Clarissa asked.

How did you explain that to a child?

"She hasn't taken the test yet," Keith said quickly. "Now lets get ready to go. We want to get out early before all the candy is gone."

"Ooh yes let's go," Clarissa said quickly. "I told Alyssa that I'd have more candy than her. Let's go Michelle!"

"I'll get the most candy!" Michelle shouted. "I'm trick or treating for the baby!"

Clarissa and Michelle rushed off. We were going to meet up with Ashley, Ben, Michael and the kids at Ashley's mothers, and then we were going to go to my mothers afterwards. She wanted to see the girls and give them some candy as well, and then likely visit with them for a bit.

I was surprised to see Alyssa dressed up as a witch. The girls had been set on being princesses.

"She decided she wanted to be a muggle witch," Ashley said when I questioned this. "I was all for it to be honest. She thought it was silly that muggles think that witches are actually funny looking."

"I get a wand too," Alyssa said quickly and then she pointed her wand at Ashley's mothers kitchen table. "Accio table!"

I almost expected it to work. Underage magic could be powerful at times, and William could control his magic.

"Why didn't it work?" She asked with frustration when nothing happened.

"I can!" William said but Ashley hurried over to stop him. Likely he could have.

"No magic tonight William," she told him and she looked at Alyssa. "Honey, I told you, you need a real wand. Besides, that's a very powerful spell. You won't learn that until you're in your fourth year."

"It's time to get going," Michael said and then he looked at us. "I only have a few hours."

"Be good, and make sure you bring me back some candy," Terry told the kids.

We were supposed to meet up with Jaime, and her son Graysen as well. Michael was basically on Auror duty that night. I didn't actually believe anyone would come to this town to attack, but we all figured it was better to be safe than sorry. As we walked around with the kids, I eyed Ashley. The men were talking in low voices ahead of us. The kids were crossing the lawns with Jaime and Graysen while we stood back. I wondered if tonight would be a good idea to bring up her pregnancy.

"So things are probably going to be hard without Maisie won't they?" I asked. "She was basically a maid for you two."

Ashley just shrugged. "We managed without her. I never liked the idea of her being a maid anyway. She just insisted on it. Ben does think we should get a house-elf though. I'll think about it for now, but I think we're still okay."

"What if you have another baby?" I asked.

"When I get pregnant again I'll look into it," she said. "Right now we're fine. Ben is home all day. When the twins are sleeping, he does the household chores."

"But he'll be going back soon?" I said.

"Didn't we tell you?" She asked. "Ben quit. He isn't going back."

"Oh right," I said distractedly. My eyes on the boys. The girls were doing a good job at making sure they stayed with them, but the twins were two. Jaime was distracted by Graysen who was crying. They could wander off. Michelle had always enjoyed being the big sister though. Cameron usually didn't go too far because he was shy, but William was the opposite, he would wander off. If he did, then chances are his brother would follow. "You did say that. It's just with everything going on lately, I forgot about that. I still can't believe it. He put his life into getting that job, and now he's given it up."

"I think he just latched on the idea because of Slughorn," Ashley answered. "He didn't think of what that would do. He could handle school work, but he still had freedom. I'd rather he be happy then at a job he hates. Besides, he can always go back."

I nodded but I didn't say anything. While I didn't want Ben to have the breakdown that he had last Spring, I didn't agree with him quitting. He worked so hard at it only to give up after a few years. Healers hours eventually lessened the more senior they became. All he had to do was put in his years and it would have paid off in the end.

"He might once all the kids are in Hogwarts," Ashley continued.

"That could work," I said but I didn't agree with it. He would be older by then. I felt it was going to be something he would regret later on, but I didn't want a fight with either Ashley or Ben. I know I'd have a hard time supporting Keith if he quit.

"What's going on?" Ashley asked sensing something was wrong.

"Nothing, I am just distracted by everything that's going on," I said and I glanced at my watch. I wasn't comfortable staying out for much longer either. Chances are the town would be fine, but I just had a horrible feeling.

"Me too," Ashley told me. "We should get back in soon. I'm not not comfortable being out here."

"Mummy!" Alyssa said as she and the other kids rushed over. "People keep thinking I am a real witch!"

"You do look like one," Ashley said with a smile. "We're going to head back to grandmum's now, okay?"

"No!" Alyssa said. "Just one more house."

"No, we're going to get going," Ben said as the men joined us. "Michael can only stick around a little longer before he has to go back to work."

"I'll walk Jaime home," Keith said as he nodded at Ashley's sister who was holding onto a tired Graysen.

"I don't need-" she began but he shook his head.

"I'm not comfortable with a woman walking home by herself with a baby," he said. "I can carry his candy for you. You have your arms full as it is."

"Sure, but we grew up in this town. Nothing bad has ever happened here," she replied. "I should have brought his stroller but I knew he'd hate it with the twins around. He wants to walk like they do."

"Well we'll have to have a play date soon again," Ashley said.

"As long as they don't do you know what," Jaime said.

Jaime didn't want magic around Graysen. He wasn't even a year yet, so he wouldn't understand it. She was very stubborn about it though. It bothered Ashley because she did want to see her nephew more, and for the kids to know him. He was close in age with the twins. I thought it would be funny if it turned out he was magical too. Jaime accepted Ashley, but she didn't want the magic at all. She'd have to learn to deal with it if Graysen had magic too.

"How would she react if Graysen had magic?" I asked Ashley as we turned to head back to her parents place.

"Mummy I want up," Cameron interrupted.

Michael hurried over to lift up however. "I'll carry you mate," he said.

"She'd have to learn to accept it," Ashley told me. "I honestly can't say what she'd do. She loves that little boy though, so I don't think it'd be a big deal. I just wish she'd let him play with the twins more. I can see a lot of Cameron in him. They'd be good friends."

"She might change her mind when they're older," I assured her. "William still tries to do magic, and kids can't control their tempers at times. That's likely all she is worried about. Once they're older and they can keep it secret better, I am sure she won't mind as much."

"I hope so," Ashley said. "Are you going to stay for a little bit?" She added when we reached her place.

I shook my head. "No, I'm just going to meet Keith at mum's. I doubt he'll come back here. He'll probably just apparate to mums. We're both so restless about being out right now. It's why he was so insistent about walking Jaime home. Your mums place has the charms, but I think we'll both be comfortable once we get home again. We'll see you tomorrow. I'm just going to take the girls to mums as soon as we get inside."

"No!" Clarissa said obviously listening in on the conversation. "We want to see Mrs. Alexander!"

"You saw her already," I said. "We can come back some other time. Your grandmother wants to see you."

The girls loved visiting Ashley's mothers place. We often let them stay overnight. She acted as grandmother to all the kids as well. In fact, Minnie spent a lot of weekends at her place. Out of all the kids, Minnie loved spending the most time there. I thought she went over more than Alyssa and the twins did.

"We'll have dinner tomorrow," Ashley told me. "I can make it for everyone," and then she looked at Clarissa. "I'll invite my parents over and you can see them then. How does that sound?"

"Okay," Clarissa answered.

Neither of us realized that wouldn't happen. That Halloween night was the night that would change all of our lives forever.

"Ellen, you can't go and you know it," mum told me as I paced back and forth. "Think of that baby."

"But what if they need more people?" I asked.

"Ellen, I know you want to help, but think about your unborn child. Keith would not want you to be there," mum said.

I knew she was right, but I hated sitting at home and doing nothing. I checked my message parchment frequently. Ashley had messaged me, but she'd stopped a while ago. I had seen my last message from her disappear but she'd never replied back. What if she'd done something stupid and had gone as well?

There was a huge fight in Godric's Hollow. They needed every available wand. From the sounds of it, the group had attacked a Halloween party down there. Things got out of hand after that. Keith had taken off as soon as we knew, but he had told me to stay. The last thing I wanted to do was put my unborn child at risk, or to let the girls grow up without their mother. So as hard as it was to sit at home with my mum, I did so.

"Perhaps I could even go and help-" she began but I shook my head quickly. "No, stay here please. Especially if they need me. Someone has to stay with the girls."

"You're not going to Godric's Hollow Ellen," Mum said. "I will personally put the body bind on you."

"I didn't mean for Godric's Hollow," I said. "You're right that I shouldn't go, but they might need me somewhere else. Besides, I don't want you to go."

The girls were sleeping. I'd sent them to bed shortly after Keith had gone. As far as they were concerned, he'd gone out to visit a friend. The last thing they needed to know was that some fight was going on. I felt it was better to stay here instead of going home just in case.

"Would you just sit down please?" Mum asked me. "It's not helping matters for you to get yourself worked up. Babies can feel stress."

"It's hard not to feel stress when my husband and best friends are out there," I said. "Nobody has answered any of my messages."

"We don't even know if the fight is that bad," Mum said. "Just because they needed people, it doesn't mean anything."

"Why would they needed every available wand if it wasn't bad?" I asked her.

"Just in case it did get bad. They probably just wanted more people to prevent a big battle. Look at what happened with Hogwarts. They didn't have enough people at first. It would likely intimidate that group when many people show up," she told me.

"Well I hope you're right," I said as my message parchment buzzed.

It was supposed to be from Ashley, but it was her mother writing from her parchment. I felt my stomach sink as I read that Ashley had gone as well.

We're getting worried here, and so is Alyssa. The twins went to bed, but Alyssa wants to know what happened to her parents. She knew something was wrong when Ashley left. Could you maybe go to their place to see if she went there? Perhaps she went home and she didn't want to wake the kids of we went to bed. I just need to know if my daughter is okay.

"She went," I said. "I should have told her that she was pregnant. She wouldn't be there right now if I'd told her."

"Is she okay?" Mum asked and I shook my head.

"That was Darla. She wants me to go to Ashley and Ben's to see if they went home. They're worried and so is Alyssa," I said.

"Ellen, I want you to promise me that you're not going to Godric's Hollow," Mum said.

"Mum, read the message," I said and I showed her my parchment. "I'm just going to over to their house. I'll write you when I get there, and I'll keep writing if you want me to. I won't go. You're right. I don't want anything to happen to the baby. Maybe they're all over there, and I can find out whats going on. If Keith gets back, tell him I'm at Ashley and Ben's."

Mum sighed and then leaned over to hug me. "Every five minutes Ellen," she said.

"Okay mum," I said wondering what she'd do if I didn't write back. I didn't want to find out. I didn't want her to try and find me in Godric's Hollow only to find out I was still at their place. "Don't do anything stupid yourself."

I quickly wrote back to Ashley's mum that I would see what was going on, and then stood up. I turned on the spot as I thought about their living-room. When I appeared, it was to find that the lights were dimmed. Usually they dimmed the lights if they weren't home at night. So that told me that the house was still empty. I made sure to write mum as soon as I appeared and then I decided to walk around the house just in case they were home and went to bed. I had my doubts, but I figured this was better than telling Ashley's mum they were still fighting when they weren't.

All the rooms were empty. I sent a message to Ashley's mum once I'd checked every room. I couldn't believe the size of the rooms. Alyssa's room was bigger than mine and Keith's. I actually believed she had the best room out of all of the kids. She had a walk in closet the size one of the rooms in Ashley's parents place. She had a nice window where if she sat at, she could see the entire backyard. She could see right into the pool in the summers. She was going to love it when she was a teenager. My teenaged self would have been jealous of her.

I headed back down the steps and into the living-room. Just as I got to the bottom of the steps, there was a loud crack. I pulled out my wand instinctively, but lowered it when I saw that it was just Jared with Ashley. It took a moment to realize something was wrong as he lowered her to the couch, and then he collapsed.

"Jared!" I exclaimed and rushed over. He was sobbing.

Only one thing could make him cry like that. She was dead. The tears started to stream down my cheeks too as I rushed over to my best friend. She already looked quite pale, and she'd had a tan remaining from the summer.

"She's not-" I began as I knelt down beside him and her.

"No," he said, "but something isn't right. I had to get her out of there."

Something wasn't right with him either. His leg didn't look right.

"I think they shattered it," he said as he noticed me looking. He wiped at his face. "I was just so worried about her that I forgot about it. I don't even know how I managed to apparate us here."

"What happened?" I asked and I looked at her again. She was breathing but she was out. She looked even skinnier than usual. What if something had happened to the baby?

"She was doing really well at first," Jared answered. "She was under a disillusionment charm, so it gave her an edge. The witch she was fighting with managed to hit her with something, I don't know what. Maybe she stunned her, but it ended the disillusionment charms she'd put on herself, Denver, Morgan and Don-"

"Don Zent?" I interrupted.

"He's on our side," Jared said quickly. "Once she went down, I rushed over. I was angry but that witch wasn't finished with her, even when she was down. She kept hexing her and once I reached them, I realized it was Ashley. Denver lost it and so did I. We managed to take down quite a few of them, and then I lost track of things. As soon as I could, I grabbed Ashley and I apparated here. As I lifted up Ashley, they hit me with something."

"You need to get to St. Mungos," I told him.

"I will when I know she's okay," Jared said.

I grabbed my message parchment and messaged both my mother and her mother. It had been more than five minutes since I'd sent a message to my mother, and I was worried that she would do something stupid. I quickly apologized for not getting back to her sooner.

It's okay Ellen. Timmy is here, and I was going to send him over there if you didn't respond. Just let us know how she is.

"I don't even know if she was safe to apparate," Jared said, "but I couldn't leave here there. I should have gone to St. Mungos, but it was easier for me to bring her here. I figured since Ben is a Healer, he could help."

"Did you see him down there at all?" I asked.

"He was fighting. I don't even know if he knew that she went down. Michael knew she did, but Ben wasn't close enough," Jared said.

"And Michael?" I asked.

"He's an amazing dueller. I would never want to get into a fight with that bloke. He was able to fight so many of them all at once. I don't understand how he was able to do it. Once he saw that Ashley went down, it was even more intense," Jared explained.

There was a loud crack and Ben suddenly appeared. I quickly moved aside as he rushed over to Ashley. He pulled out his wand and murmured some spells. I wasn't sure what he was doing. I didn't know if he wanted to wake her up or if he was checking her over. The look on his face nearly brought me to tears. He hadn't even looked that terrified when her leg had been shattered. This look was a combination of terror and devastation. It made me feel even more guilty because I should have said something to her. If she knew that she was pregnant, she wouldn't have gone. What about the baby? Was it hurt?

"Ben, what's wrong with her?" I whispered.

"I have to get her to ," he said. "I don't know what they did to her. She's still alive, but who knows for how much longer."

"Can you apparate her?" Jared asked. "I don't know if I should have, but I had to get her out there."

"I'm putting spells on her just in case," Ben answered. "It's not the best way, but we need to get her there now."

"I should have taken her straight there," Jared said, "but I couldn't. It was easier to bring her here because I'm familiar with this place, and you're a Healer."

"It's fine Jared," Ben told him. "I appreciate that you got her out of there. She shouldn't have been there in the first place."

Without another word, he pulled her into his arms and disapparated away. I started to sob as soon as they left. Jared moved to get closer to me even though his leg was likely shattered. He reached up to take my hand.

"She'll be fine Ellen," Jared said. "She's a strong girl."

I didn't want to tell him that wasn't the only reason I was crying. I just moved closer to him instead. "I should get you to St. Mungos too. You need to have that leg looked at."

"You don't have to," Jared said but I shook my head. I needed something to do, and the least I could do was take him to the hospital. I'd be closer to Ashley and I could find out what was going on that way. I helped Jared stand up. Once he was leaning against me, I turned on the spot as I thought about the reception area of St. Mungos. It was quite busy when we arrived. Likely everyone there had come from the battle. Two lines had formed, one was for people who were seriously injured and another was for the minor injuries. I assumed Jared's shattered leg would be considered minor, so I awkwardly took a spot in that line.

While we waited, I pulled out my message parchment to let as many people know as I could what happened. I sent a message to mum first before I moved on to Ashley's, and then everyone else. I hesitated before I messaged Jaime as well. Ashley didn't want her sister to know about the attacks, but this was something she needed to know.

"You don't have to wait with me," Jared told me. "I know you'd rather be in the waiting room for Ashley."

"I'm here anyway," I answered. "We're almost at the desk."

I saw some people from school arriving. I felt nervous when I saw Lindsay carried in. We hadn't exactly agreed at Ashley's but I didn't want her hurt either. I hoped she was just stunned.

It was a relief when we finally reached the desk. We were sent to the Spell Damage Floor and I wondered if that's where Ashley was. I hoped whatever was wrong would be easily taken care of that night. Perhaps we'd even have our dinner in a few days. I blinked back tears as I helped Jared to the Spell Damage Floor. I didn't truly think it would be that simple, not when she was pregnant.

"Ellen, you need to get a hold of yourself," Keith told me. "It's not your fault."

It was two days later, and we were about to go over to Ashley's and Ben's. They had kept her overnight at St. Mungos, but because Ben was a Healer and because the hospital was so crowded, they let him take her home. He wanted her in their bed where she'd be more comfortable. She was going to be okay, but we were waiting for her to wake up. As long as he kept everything up for her, she'd be fine. Their room looked like a fancy hospital room. There were times when we thought she'd wake up because she mumbled but she hadn't.

She'd lost the baby. If I had just said something to her the night before her party, it wouldn't have happened. I'd been so stubborn about letting her find out on her own, but it had been wrong. I should have told her. If I'd been a better friend, I would have told her so that she wouldn't have been drinking at her party. She would never risk the baby. She was always so careful during her pregnancies.

"It is my fault," I said. "I'm surprised Ben doesn't hate me."

I'd confessed to Ben the next day that I'd known about the baby. Instead of getting angry with me, he'd embraced me. He'd told me that he didn't blame me in the least, but I wondered if he was holding back because he was devastated. I knew he was going through a lot with Ashley and losing one of his kids. He likely didn't have the energy to get angry with me.

"Ellen, it's no ones fault," Keith told me. "Ben even told me that he didn't want you beating yourself up over it. She shouldn't have gone at all, but she did. Now we just have to work on being there for our friends."

No one could convince me that it wasn't my fault. I should have told her, and that's all there was to it. Because of me, she had drank at her Halloween party, and then she had gone to a battle that she'd had no business being at. Now her baby was gone and I knew when she found out, she'd be devastated.

Keith wiped my tears away and then kissed me. "Ben thinks she might wake up today. She doesn't need to see you crying."

I had a feeling Ben was going to try and keep it from her, but she needed to know and not later. She needed to know right away so she could start to heal. She also needed to know that it was my fault. Either that day, or very soon I could lose my best friend. All the jealousy and resentment I'd had for her was gone now. All that seemed petty to me now. I wished I had a time-turner so I could tell her that she was pregnant so we could prevent this.

The girls were still at mum's. Mum was really upset too, and she wanted me to write as soon as there was any news. I knew it was bothering the girls that they couldn't come home. They also sensed something wasn't right. I'd made the mistake of crying in front of them the day before. They'd never seen me cry. I'd lied and told them that I was emotional from the pregnancy but I didn't think they believed it.

"Are you ready?" Keith asked and I nodded.

"As ready as I can be. I just hope she wakes up," I said.

"Ben wrote and said that she talking more and more," Keith said. "He invited everyone who wants to see her."

"Is that really a good idea?" I asked.

We left the house and crossed the yard to go to their's.

"No one can stay long," Keith said. "Ben said they can stay long enough to see her awake. We can stay as long as we want, but everyone else has to go."

"I want to be able to give her mum some news," I told him.

Every hour or so, Darla was writing to find out what was going on. Hayden was at her place now and he knew something was wrong. He'd even written to me to see what was wrong. She definitely had a lot of people who loved her, so I hoped this would be a wake up call to her. She always took care of everyone else but not herself. She never seemed to realize how much people cared about her. Hopefully this situation would help her realize it.

"Even my mother is asking about her and they've only talked to each other a few times," Keith said.

I had so many people writing to me that it took forever for me to respond back. I'd written to everyone that I'd give them news when I could, but it still didn't stop them from checking up with me. Jared was writing to me constantly from his room at St. Mungos. The damage to his leg was worse than he realized, but apparently the apparation had made it worse. So he was going to be there for a while yet. It was a lot worse than Ashley's had been.

Upstairs in their bedroom, it was full of Ben's family. Michael was there as well as Hermione Weasley, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. I wasn't that surprised to see Hermione but I was surprised about Ron and Harry. I didn't think Harry knew her outside of taking her home. It surprised me even more to see Don and Xavier there. The rest of the people were old friends, but I couldn't believe that Ben had let Don Zent in his house again.

"I'm so glad that the two of you are okay," Mrs. Hoofer said as she hugged both Keith and me at the same time.

I didn't bother to mention that I hadn't been at the battle. I just hugged her back. I wanted to get closer to Ashley. She had a lot more colour in her cheeks than the day before. She still had her pregnancy belly, and I felt guilty the moment I looked at it. I felt the tears in my eyes again but I blinked them back quickly. I watched as she muttered a little bit.

"What about the kids?" She suddenly muttered.

I moved closer. It was the first time she'd said anything that made sense.

"What will they do without me? What about Michael and Ben? Are they okay? Would whoever hit me take me out while I was down?" She continued.

Everyone had been into their own conversations, but as she talked they stopped and moved closer.

"She's moving more and talking," Michael said excitedly.

Ben rushed over and took her hand. "Ashley?" He asked but he sighed when she didn't respond.

"Guess she's still out," Michael said sadly.

I wondered how he was feeling about all of this. There was a time when he'd felt nothing but resentment for her. That had changed of course, but it had taken a long time. He was close to her now. I often wondered if he felt guilty for back then. He didn't like to talk about it or anything else that he'd done that was stupid back at Hogwarts.

"I told her to stay home. I wish for once in her life she would listen," Ben said and he ran his free hand through his hair.

"You know that Ashley couldn't stay home like that," I said even though I agreed she shouldn't have gone. She was like me though. If I hadn't been pregnant, I would have gone. Mum had to talk me out of it.

"She was fighting a pretty good fight you know," Don told Ben.

"She helped take down the leaders. If it weren't for the four of you, we might not have ever captured them," Harry spoke up. "We couldn't get to them. Every spell we tried couldn't get through to them, and when we tried to get to them, their guard would come after us. I don't where they kept coming from."

I hadn't known that about their fight. No one had given me much details about the battle. I hadn't asked either though. It explained why Harry was there though. I was surprised she'd been a help to take down the guard. I imagined they would have been skilled in duelling and she was terrible at it.

"But why were their leaders just standing there and not fighting?" Denver asked. "I don't get it. Why would they just observe the fight? It doesn't seem planned out well. Why wouldn't they have the alleyways blocked? We were able to hide that alley well, but why didn't they plan better?"

"Well I don't believe they were expecting the fight to end up in the square," Harry told him. "They just wanted to attack your party, but they weren't expecting you to fight back. I don't know why they stood back. Voldemort did it because he wanted me, but I don't know their motives. We'll find out eventually. All I can come up with for now is they wanted others to do their dirty work first. Once enough people were down, they were going to enter the fight. They didn't want to risk being taken out when there were too many people. I just wish I knew what kind of barrier they used. Not too many are that impenetrable."

I couldn't help but wonder that too. It did explain how she'd managed to help though. She was skilled in charms, so they were able to sneak up undetected. I hadn't heard who the leaders were, but they had to have been idiots just to stand there. If they wanted to wait and fight, why not hide out like You-Know-Who had? Why stand in the open? They must have been too over-confident about their abilities.

"A very strong shield charm maybe?" Morgan asked.

"Most shield charms aren't that strong. They can deflect minor hexes and jinxes, but there are others that it won't protect you against," Harry said. "Whatever they were using was strong enough to keep out some of the strongest."

"They could have all performed the shield charm at the same time," Hermione answsered. "It is possible for a spell to be that strong if many people perform it all at once. I would think a shield charm would take on strength if many people cast it at once. I've never heard of anyone doing it before but I believe it's possible."

"Too bad we didn't think of that before," Ron said and I didn't know if he meant for the Battle of Godric's Hollow or the Battle of Hogwarts. He seemed to be talking more to himself anyway.

Ashley moved around more in her sleep.

"Why can't I open my eyes?" She muttered.

Suddenly her eyes opened and I felt relief. Ben had said that she wasn't in a coma, but what else could it have been? I knew that people in coma's could end up with brain damage if they were out for a long time. Thankfully she hadn't been. Whatever it was she was in, I was just happy to see her eyes open. Ben moved closer to hover over her.

"Thank god," he said. "What were you thinking? Why did you go?"

"I had to," she answered, her voice sounded a little hoarse. I hadn't noticed it before when she was mumbling.

She gazed around the room, taking in everyone that was there. She looked surprised to see so many of us. She was likely wondering what Harry, Ron, Hermione, Don and Xavier were doing there. Ben had kicked out Don and Xavier Halloween night. He still didn't like them, but I believed he must have been grateful to Don. Ashley tried to sit up but Ben stopped her.

"Don't try to get up," Ben said.

"What happened?" She asked. "What did she hit me with?"

"You were hit with several jinxes," Ben said. "The Healers wanted to keep you at but I told them I could take care of you here. Once we knew you were going to be okay, they let me bring you back here. You just need to rest for a few days."

"What happened with the fight?" She asked.

"It ended shortly after you were taken out," Don answered. "Once you went down, Denver here lost it," and he nodded at Denver who was standing beside him. "I never thought he had it in him. He managed to take out several people at once. Morgan and I joined in as well, and then Jared saw that it was you who went down and he took more of them out with just one spell."

"And then I saw what was going on," Michael spoke up. "We were already fighting with anger as it was, but once you see someone you love down, it changes everything. I fight for a living, but it's never been that intense. So many of us were angry because we'd all lost someone, and that's what ended the fight. Most of them fled. We'll be looking out for a lot of them for the next few days. Once they all realized the intensity of how we were all fighting, they got scared."

I wondered what he meant by that. Who had we lost? As far as I knew, everyone was okay. There hadn't been any fatalities. I thought people had just been injured. I glanced sharply at Keith. Was he keeping something from me?

"I think he just means in the past," Keith muttered to me. "No one died that night, they were just really hurt. I think he just means they were fighting for the ones we have lost."

I nodded hoping that he was right. Ashley was obviously wondering the same thing.

"How many others were lost then?" She asked. "Anyone we know?"

"Never mind that now," Ben told her quickly. "You need to get better right now."

"That means people we know are dead," She said to him. "I can't relax when you say something like that."

I knew he was talking about the baby, but he didn't want to tell her with everyone there.

"We'll talk about that later," Ben assured her. "I promise we'll talk about it, but you just woke up."

"So why are so many people here?" She asked accepting this as she took everyone in.

"We wanted to make sure you were okay," Brenda responded to her. "We heard you'd been hurt."

"We fought alongside you," Morgan added. "We had to be sure you were okay."

"And I wanted to thank you," Harry said explaining my unasked question. "If it hadn't been for the four of you, we might not have caught the leaders. We couldn't get to them. We didn't know that alley was there because you'd blocked it. I'm sorry to say that I don't know Godric's Hollow as well as I should, so I didn't know that alley was there. If we did, we might have been able to plan an attack on them."

"It seemed like it caused more trouble than good in the end," she said and I didn't know what she meant by that. She didn't know the truth yet. She must have meant the fight.

"Well," Harry said with hesitation. "It was chaos at first, but we were fighting with our emotions, they weren't. Many people on our side thought they lost someone in this fight or in the past. There are still open wounds from the Battle of Hogwarts."

She looked around the room again and then her eyes widened with worry.

"Please tell me Jared is okay," she begged.

"He's fine," Ben said quickly and he squeezed her hand. "He's in with a broken leg, but he is okay. They shattered his leg the way they shattered yours. He wanted to be here, but he couldn't. Believe me, the moment he's released he'll be here."

"Speaking of which," Hermione said. "We should let you rest. I expect we'll see you again soon, but we should let you have your peace and quiet now."

I stood back as everyone said their good-byes.

"I'm just going to go get some drinks for everyone," Keith muttered to me. "Ashley sounds like she needs some water. I'll be back."

I nodded. I waited until everyone left and then I went over to sit on the edge of her bed. I could feel the tears in my eyes again. I was going to tell her the truth. I knew Ben didn't want her to know yet, but she needed to know. He couldn't keep it from her. I didn't know much about miscarriages, but I knew it took a toll on women's bodies. I was sure there would be some signs of it. I was surprised they hadn't had to do anything to her afterwards. Usually even in the wizarding world they did some kind of procedure. I doubted Ben would want her to miscarry later on given what she'd been through. Perhaps he was waiting to do the procedure for what she was awake. She did still have a baby belly.

"I feel so guilty," I began and Ben looked at me sharply. He knew what I was doing.

"Ellen," Ben said with some warning but I shook my head. He was the one who usually said it was better to rip off the band-aid. It was better than prolonging the persons suffering, and I was sure deep down at that moment he knew it.

"She needs to know Ben," I insisted and I reached to take the hand that Ben had dropped.

"Who died?" She asked.

Ben sighed and then looked at me. He gazed in my eyes and at first I wondered if it was with resentment but then I realized he was signalling that he wanted to tell her. So I gave a small nod.

"Ashley, you were pregnant," he told her and I could see the tears in his eyes now. "The Healers believe you lost the baby."

"I knew," I confessed and I let out a sob. "I could tell that you were pregnant but I wanted for you to find out yourself, but I should have said something. I knew you were having the Halloween party. I should have told you just so you wouldn't be drinking. It's why I kept telling you not to drink, but I should have just said that you were pregnant! And then last night, you went out to that battle. If you'd known you were pregnant, you wouldn't have been there."

Ashley gazed at me and for a moment I thought I saw anger in her eyes, but it changed and I couldn't read her. Would she tell me to leave forever? Would she hate me for the rest of our lives? I was the reason after all. I should have told her that she was pregnant. We wouldn't be in this situation if I'd spoken up.

"I'm so sorry," I said closer to tears now.

"It's not your fault," she said which surprised me. "I'd noticed some of the signs, but I ignored them too."

Her expression changed to sadness and then she started to cry. Ben moved to embrace her, but so did Michael. I moved in afterwards. It was only the second time I'd seen Michael cry, and I'd never seen Ben but I could see the tears in his eyes too. I couldn't remember the last time we'd had a group hug like this. I wondered where Keith was with the drinks. I wanted him there.

"I'm so stupid," she sobbed which caused me to start crying harder. It wasn't her who was stupid. It was me.

"No," Ben said. "You didn't know about the baby. Even I wondered because you were puking, but I didn't say anything. I'm a Healer, I know the signs. You've been pregnant before, and even then I knew the signs. We all should have paid more attention."

"But I am the mother and it's my body," she said. "I could tell right away with the twins that I was pregnant. I should have known this time. I should have stayed with the kids."

That wasn't entirely true, it had been me who'd told her about the twins, but she'd said she'd wondered about it. I hated how she was putting the blame on herself when it wasn't her fault. She shouldn't have gone because she was bad at duelling, and she wouldn't have gone if she'd known that she was pregnant.

"Where are the kids?" She asked Ben.

"Hayden is at Tasha's and Alyssa and the twins are still at your mums," Ben told her. I was surprised. As far as I knew, he was at Ashley's mothers. Unless Ben didn't know he was there now.

"Speaking of which, I promised your mum I would tell her how you are," Michael said and he pulled back from us. He pulled back from us and pulled out his message parchment.

"I want them back here," she said.

"Not yet," Ben said. "After a few days they can come home."

"No," she answered with tears in her eyes. "I want them back here."

"Tomorrow then," Ben said. "For now, I just really need you to rest okay? You can't be any good to them if you don't rest up."

"How could I have lost my baby?" She asked.

Because I am a terrible and selfish friend. I thought as I gazed at her. I'd always been so jealous of her, and I'd let this happen. What if deep down I'd wanted this?

"I don't know honey," Ben said sadly, he hadn't been able to show his emotions too much over this. He'd thought he'd lost his wife too, and he still tried to remain calm.

"I'm so sorry Ben," she apologized.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said. "Look, you can't work yourself up. It's why I didn't want to tell you yet. I wanted you to rest first before I broke it to you."

I wondered if that was a jab at me, but I felt him touch my hand. He glanced at me and squeezed it before letting go. So he wasn't exactly blaming me.

"Is anyone else-" she began but he shook his head.

"A lot of them are injured but none of our friends died thankfully," he told her.

She nodded and then sighed. She laid back down and then stared at the ceiling. She closed her eyes for after a few minutes. No one spoke at her first. Soon it sounded as if she was sleeping by her deep breathes. Ben caressed her cheek and then looked at me.

"I know you wanted to wait, but she had to know," I told him.

"I know," Ben said. "I know putting it off isn't a good idea. I'm just also worried about her recovery process too. She's awake, but she's still going to be weak. I'm just worried the depression will make her sicker."

"I wish I had a time-turner," I said. "Right now I'd go and tell her if I could."

"Ellen," Ben said. "You're pregnant. You can't work yourself up like this. As I told Ashley, I noticed the signs too. She tried to blame the throwing up on the alcohol and the food poisoning, but it was everyday. I see her naked everyday. I could see the differences in her body. I saw she was gaining weight. I could done the tests on her. I know the spells. All of us are guilty of not paying attention.|

"But I knew for sure," I replied.

"No, you didn't," Ben said. "Only the tests confirmed it. You only suspected it. Perhaps you should have, but you said you wanted her to figure it out on her own. You couldn't have known she'd go to the battle. I don't blame you in the least for that. She shouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have wanted her there pregnant or not or even if we didn't have any of the kids. She never thinks of her own safety, only of everyone else. She didn't care about herself that night, she went because she wanted to help and she wanted our kids to grow up in a would without wars. She didn't think about how the rest of us would feel if she died. I was sure she felt that the kids would be better off without her if we had no wars."

"But I knew she'd drink at the Halloween party," I said. "I could have prevented that and this."

"Ellen, you could have, but you didn't," Michael said as he joined my side as well. "This is not your fault at all. Even if you should have said something so she wouldn't drink, you can't blame this on yourself."

"I'm still a bad friend," I said. "She shouldn't have been drinking."

"I don't want you beating yourself up over this," Ben said. "It won't change anything. Ellen, I'll admit that I am somewhat annoyed that you didn't anything before the Halloween party because of the drinking, but that's it. I am not angry with you though. I most certainly do not blame you for the miscarriage at all. As I said, I noticed things too, and I think she did as well. She had the morning sickness after all."

"The alcohol could have hurt the baby too," I said. "Even if she hadn't gone."

"Yes, but not after one night. Even as drunk as she was, I don't think it would have caused much damage. It's definitely not recommended for a woman to drink while pregnant, and they should avoid it at all causes but one night won't hurt," Ben told me. "So even if you should have told her, it likely didn't hurt her or the baby."

"I've been feeling guilty about that as it is," I said. "I was going to tell her after Halloween, but then that happened. Even if you say it's okay, I'm always going to feel guilty about it because this could have been prevented."

"I could have put the body-bind on her before I left to prevent her from going, but I didn't," Ben said. "We can sit here and talk about what could have prevented it, but it doesn't change anything. Now it's my job to support her through this, and it's your job to remain healthy for your baby."

"And I'll help out both of you as much as I can when I am not helping Shelly," Michael said. "We'll be here for each other as we've always been. I don't want to hear from Keith that you haven't been taking care of yourself."

"Same here," Ben told me. "I'll be checking up on you when I can."

"Where is Keith?" I asked realizing that he hadn't returned with the drinks.

"I'm here," Keith said as walked in with a tray. "I was downstairs talking to Morgan and Denver. They feel guilty about this. They think they could have protected her better."

"You didn't tell her about the miscarriage did you?" Ben asked him. "I don't want people to know quite yet. She doesn't need everyone reassuring her all the time at the moment."

"I didn't mention it," Keith told him. "I figured that was something I'd leave up to you two."

I couldn't help it, I started to cry again. Keith came over to embrace me. It was something I would always feel guilty about.

I had to try my best to cheer up once the girls came home. I didn't bother to mention to them that she'd lost the baby. How did you explain to children those ages that anyway? If it came up, I'd figure it out, but for the time being I left it alone. They closed the school for a week after the battle, so I had my hands full with the girls and the work that I had to do. I wrote to Ashley as much as I could, but I stopped going over as much after she woke up. I couldn't face her when I was pregnant and she wasn't anymore.

I remembered when I'd been so jealous that she'd had twin boys and I couldn't get pregnant. Now I wished we could go back to that time. I never wanted this to happen. I was actually thankful that I had the girls to distract me from my sad thoughts. They were both always happy, and it was hard to stay sad around them. They were the sunshine in my time of guilt and sadness for a friend.

I almost cried in front of the girls once, but it was when Alyssa came over. Usually she came over everyday, but it was the first time in a while. Apparently Ben had sent her over because she didn't want to leave Ashley's side, but he wanted her to still have some fun.

"My mummy is sad and tired right now," she informed me looking sad herself. "Something bad happened Halloween and I don't know what."

"Want to play Snakes and Ladders?" Clarissa asked her.

"I guess so," Alyssa said without enthusiasm.

"You can go first," Michelle told her. "It will be fun. You're mummy will be okay. She probably just has a cold."

"It's not a cold," Alyssa stated. "She's not sick. She's just very sad and sleeps a lot. She tried to play with me, but she couldn't. She can't play with the twins no more too."

Hearing all that caused tears to go in my eyes. I had to look away before they noticed anything. I just summoned the board game, and then helped them set it up quickly.

"Are you going to play mummy?" Clarissa asked.

"No," I said trying not to look at her. "You two just keep Alyssa busy."

"Are you sad too Aunty Ellen?" Alyssa asked obviously sensing it. She'd been around too many sad people lately, she could probably pick it up.

"No," I told her quickly. "I do have a cold. I think that's why Michelle thinks your mummy has one. I'll take a potion and I'll be okay. The three of you play."

I quickly left without looking back. I didn't want Michelle to say anything that would contradict me. I had a feeling she knew more was going on then I let on. I didn't want her stressed. Ashley might have believed in telling Hayden things, but I wasn't so sure about that. I went into the living-room to watch the telly while I worked on an article, even if my heart wasn't in it.

"Mummy?" Michelle said about a half hour later and she sat down on the couch with me. "What happened Halloween night?"

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"I know something did," she said. "Is it why Ashley is so sad? She went somewhere and something happened. Alyssa says something bad happened that night. She said there was a fight. She heard things. You're sad too. I can tell. What happened?"

"Ashley was hit by a jinx when she was there, and it has made her tired. I'm just worried about my friend, so it makes me sad," I told her.

"But why is she sad? Does it hurt?" Michelle asked me.

"Yes, it hurts her but she will be okay soon," I answered.

"And the baby?" Michelle asked.

How did I explain that one? Did I tell her that the baby was okay?

"I don't think she was pregnant after all," I finally said. "Don't say anything to Alyssa. She's worried as it is."

"Okay," Michelle said. "I hope she'll feel better soon. Alyssa is worried. Should I tell her it was just a jinx?"

"No," I answered. "Let Ashley answer her questions. Don't tell her anything. Just be a good friend to her. Don't say anything to Clarissa either."

I decided to write to Ben to tell her what I told Michelle later on however. They could tell Alyssa the same thing, or they could be prepared just in case Michelle asked one of them about it. It seemed a good enough story for a six year old to understand. They knew about hexes and jinxes and they knew some could hurt people. Even Clarissa knew that, but unless she asked, I wasn't going to say anything about it.

Ellen. I wanted to write you as soon as I found out because I know how guilty you've been feeling. Ben suspected something wasn't right, so he checked me over again. I'm too tired to do anything, and at times I've thrown up. He thought I was just working myself up from my depression, but that's not it at all. The Healer who checked me over made a mistake. I didn't lose the baby. They didn't follow the right protocols. I was supposed to be sent to the maternity ward afterwards so they could do the procedure. So I am still pregnant, but this pregnancy is going to be a lot harder on me then my last two. I have to stay in bed half the time, and I can't lift any of the children. I haven't seen you or Keith for a while, but I would like for you two and everyone else to come over soon. We want to share the news with everyone. So we're having people over some night, we have decided when yet. Can you come over soon? I hope so. Please don't feel guilty anymore. I should have read the signs better, and even Ben says he noticed.

I read over her message twice and then I pinched myself. I'd had dreams that Ashley had come over to tell me that she was still pregnant. I was afraid that this dream as well, but I wasn't waking up. Keith entered the room with a couple bottles of butterbeer for us.

"What are you doing?" He asked when he saw me pinching my arms. "Why are you pinching yourself?"

"Am I dreaming right now?" I asked him.

"I don't believe so," he said. "Could I really answer that truthfully if you were? Why?"

I read Ashley's message to him and he grinned.

"Nope, I don't believe you're dreaming sweetheart. She's really okay and so it the baby," Keith told me happily. "I am so happy for them. Ben has been trying to hide it for her sake, but he's been quite upset. I imagine he's ecstatic right now. We'll have to go over soon to congratulate them."

"I've been avoiding her because of my guilt," I said. "Especially since Alyssa is picking it up. She's always picked up on their emotions though."

"That explains the other day," Keith said. "Remember that? They must have known for a few days at least. Alyssa said that Ashley wasn't sad anymore. I thought maybe she was just moving on for the kids, but that could be it."

I remembered now but I'd assumed the same. Alyssa had said that she was happier but still tired, and they had to be careful around her.

"Mummy isn't even allowed to pick us up," she'd said. "Even the twins are being careful and they always kick her!"

"Well I am glad," I said. "And I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I still feel guilty but it's not as bad."

"I just can't believe the Healer said she'd lost the baby without checking first," Keith said looking angry now. "She could have miscarried for real."

Jared came over the next day. I noticed he had a limp and I wondered if he would always have that when it rained the same way Ashley did. I was just relieved to see him. I'd been worried about him as well because apparition had made it worse, so I felt guilty about that as well.

"Don't worry about it," Jared told me when I confessed my guilt. "I think my apparition to Ashley's made it worse than yours did. They fixed it and I should be fine in another week or so. They wanted to keep me longer but I told them I'd leave on my own if they didn't discharge me. I think they were happy to see me go. I wasn't the easiest patient to take care of but I had to see Ashley. I would have come to see you afterwards but I was walking around on it at her place, and it made the pain worse. I had to keep it elevated for a little bit."

"I'm just glad to see you're okay," I said. "I've been worried because they didn't make her stay as long as you had to."

"She was stunned afterwards. I was still moving around on mine, and like I said, my apparition made it worse. She's not exactly heavy, but lifting her up and apparating her when I was in pain is what did it. I doubt yours made it worse. I wanted to thank you for getting me there and staying with me," Jared said. "I haven't treated you very fairly over the years, especially with our break up. You didn't have to take me."

"Jared I've been over that for a while, and I imagine I wasn't the best girlfriend when I was obsessed with Ben," I said. "I haven't seen her since she woke up. How is she?"

"Well she's a lot happier. From what I heard, she was depressed but I don't blame her. She gets tired too easily. Ben told me she sleeps all the time. When I went to visit I had take her upstairs and she practically fell asleep in my arms. This is going to be a hard pregnancy for her. I'm worried about the toll it's putting on her," Jared told me. "I don't understand why it's doing this to her. It must be something about one of the jinxes. It could even be from the torture curse. She said that Charlie put the torture curse on her twice."

"That's awful," I said. "I didn't know she'd been tortured. That's probably what it is."

"And whatever else that witch put on her," Jared added. "Once she was passed out, that witch kept hexing her. I kind of wonder if she's the spawn of Bellatrix Lestrange. It's the kind of thing she'd do."

"Whoever it was is just a coward," I said. "Who hits someone while they're down?"

"We took care of her," Jared said with a smile. "All of us who were there hexed that bitch. I don't even know who it was. We went to school with her, but she was older. I don't even think it was a Slytherin."

"Well we've already learned that it isn't always Slytherins," I reminded him.

"Are you going to visit her soon?" Jared asked. "I'm sure she'd like to see you."

"I know. I've been feeling so guilty so I haven't been able to see her. I know that sounds bad," I said.

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" Jared asked with confusion.

I quickly explained how I'd known about her pregnancy but hadn't bothered to mention it.

"It's not your fault Ellen," Jared told me. "The two of you have to stop beating yourselves up. She's feeling guilty about going even though I agree she shouldn't have gone. It's not good for either one of you to feel this way. Neither of you could have known this would happen. You're pregnant and so is she. You should hang out together and keep each other from getting too stressed."

"I'll go soon, I really should. I hope she doesn't think I'm avoiding her," I said even though I was.

"I doubt it," Jared answered. "She likely just thinks that you're giving her space but she does want to see everyone. I'll go see her again soon. I still have to rest my leg if I'm going to do anything. It won't heal if I keep on it. After she fell asleep I had to chase the kids around for a bit. Mind you, carrying her up the steps didn't help either. She's not heavy, even with the baby weight, but it still put strain on it."

"How much longer?" I asked him.

Jared shrugged. "They told me to stay off it and rest it. I should be good in a week but if I keep walking on it, it will prolong it."

"Well put it up with you need to," I said. "Stay as long as you want, and we'll help you home if you need us."

"I'll just apparate. It doesn't bother it now if I apparate. I just can't walk on it," Jared told me. "So how far along are you? Shelly is pregnant now too so Michael is moving in with her soon."

"I'm due in February," I told him. "I think Shelly is probably due about the same time. So our babies will be close. I hope we can get them to play together a lot. I'm glad that Clarissa has had a best friend since she was born. They are close to Mackenzie too, but I think it's always going to be Clarissa and Alyssa."

"I just can't believe you and Ashley are pregnant together again," Jared said. "I was surprised the first time, but I never expected it to happen again. Ben thinks it happened that weekend they made up. He said before then they hadn't had sex in months. It seems to have taken awhile for her symptoms to have shown up. I thought there were signs during the first three months."

"Every woman is different but I think she's just been under a lot of strain lately," I said. "She has to deal with Hayden's problems and then there were the attacks and everything else. Mine came late too. I think I was stressing so much about the attacks and my inability to get pregnant that I'd missed the signs."

We ended up letting Jared stay for dinner. The girls loved him, but all the kids did. He was very good with children and I hoped someday he'd have a family of his own. If he could just settle down with a girl, he'd be able to have a family of his own. I knew that William and Cameron absolutely loved him. William often asked Ashley to go over there. Jared told us that he was considering taking the twins for Ashley and Ben just to give Ben a break.

I ended up going over to their place shortly after his visit. I could see the strain on Ben's face instantly. He'd had to take over everything in the house because Ashley couldn't do it.

"I don't know how she did it," Ben told me. "It's hard to keep up with all four of the kids, but to also keep up with everything else. She tries to help, but I don't want her to. Alyssa and Hayden don't like to leave her side for very long either. All four of them are stressed by this. There are mornings when we've woken up with all of them in our room."

"Jared and Alyssa told me she's a lot happier now," I said and I gave him a hug. "I'm really sorry Ben, I should have been here sooner. I felt so guilty that I couldn't look her in the eye, and plus I had the girls at home too with the school closed."

"I don't blame you," Ben said with a shrug and then he looked at me sharply. "You'd better not be still beating yourself up over it either. You can't be stressing that much when you're pregnant. I'm already worried about one pregnant woman, I don't need you to be working yourself up either."

"I'm better than I was," I said.

We headed up the steps.

"So how bad was it? From what Alyssa said, and even Hayden wrote a few times, she was very sad," I said.

Ben sighed and stopped at the top of the steps.

"I've never felt so helpless in my life Ellen. I've never seen her that depressed before. I couldn't even think about my own pain about the loss because of it. I could tell that she was trying hard to be there for the kids, but it was hard for her. It was why I didn't want them home so soon, but she insisted. With her depression, I couldn't say no. I thought I was going to lose her. I was terrified she wouldn't be the same woman that she was before the pregnancy again."

"You do know she won't be," I said. "Even though she didn't miscarriage, this will change her forever. It's going to change all of us."

"I know, but it's better than what would have happened to her if she'd truly lost the baby. I could see it already changing her. I was terrified she'd end up bitter or something. Ever since she changed in our second year, she's been optimistic about most things. I could almost see her changing back to that whiny girl that used to annoy us so much," Ben told me. "Anyway, let's go check up on her. She'll be happy to see you. She had a nap this morning, so she should be awake."

However, when we entered their room, it was to find that she was fast asleep. All the medical equipment they'd had were gone now. The room was back was to normal now. I figured Ben would have wanted to make everything as normal as possible for both her and the kids. I felt disappointed to find her asleep. Now that I was here, I wanted to talk to my friend. I thought he'd said that she'd already had a nap. Was it really normal for her to sleep this much?

"Is it normal for her to sleep this much?" I asked. "This can't be normal Ben."

"I've been talking to Healer Smeck about it. She said for the pregnancy it will be like this," Ben told me.

"And afterwards?" I asked.

"She's hopeful that Ashley will be back on her feet. She won't be back to normal right away, but after a few months she should be back to her old self," Ben answered me.

"But why is it like this? I mean, I know I've been tired with mine. I get tired now but this is different. Jared told me that when he came for a visit that she basically fell asleep in his arms," I asked wondering if a spell had something to her and the baby. I hated to admit it, and I was worried how Ben would react especially with what he had just me. What if it would have been better if the baby had died? Perhaps the pregnancy was actually slowly killing her because of what had happened that night. "What if the pregnancy is making her sick? I mean, I hate to say it but what if it would have been better if she miscarried?"

I waited for Ben to tell me off, but he just shrugged looking defeated.

"I wondered the same thing at first," he admitted. "I mean, what if the pregnancy is slowly killing her and she dies in childbirth? I've talked to the Healer about it though. She said it's not that. She would have known from the start if it was too dangerous for Ashley to remain pregnant."

"So what is it?" I asked with relief. Not only because he wasn't angry, but because the pregnancy wasn't killing her. I knew he would take a depressed Ashley over a dead one. So would I.

"Her body used so much of her magic to protect her and the baby when she was getting jinxed. It basically drained her of her magic. Now her magic is protecting the baby, and it's tiring her out," Ben explained.

"She's not going to lose her magic is she?" I asked with shock.

I knew magic was an extraordinary thing, but I'd never heard of it doing that. When I thought about it, it did make sense. I'd heard of underage kids using magic to protect themselves. People also managed to use their magic during both battles to save their lives. This case seemed different though. What if her magic protected her and the baby until it was born, and then it disappeared?

"I asked that too," Ben said. "I think if it came down to it, Ashley would prefer if it kept the baby alive."

I knew that Ashley would take that over the baby as well, but I still had to know. It seemed a shame that she would lose all of that, especially with her talent in charms. She'd once told me she was grateful for the magic because she wouldn't have everything she had now. I knew she'd be upset to lose the magic even if she would take the baby's life over her magic.

"But is that going to happen?" I demanded when he didn't give me a direct answer.

"It shouldn't," Ben answered. "It would have happened if she'd been hit more, but Jared and Denver were able to stop it in time. At the moment, all of her magic is taking care of the baby. She probably couldn't perform if she wanted to. It's why Healer Smeck doesn't want her doing any, and we should also keep it to a minimum around her as well. She even wants her to do an at home birth."

"So she'll get her magic back after she has the baby?" I asked and he nodded. "When? Will she still be as powerful as she was before? Can she still go into Experimental Charms?"

"Probably a few months after she's had the baby she will be able to. Her body will need to heal and her magic will have to restore itself again. Healer Smeck said that she'll still have to be careful but she said there is no reason why she'll have problems," Ben said. "She seems optimistic and so do the other Healers I've talked to about it. They all said from the tests we've given she is actually healthy and her magic is fine. It's just using all of its source for that baby."

"But why does the baby still needed to be protected even now? I understand while she was getting jinxed, I mean she was tortured and then hit with god knows what. But why now?" I asked. Had the torture curse done harm to her body?

"I don't understand it myself," Ben said. "I guess it could have done a lot of damage and it's not taking any chances. Maybe it just wants to make sure the baby is protected until it's full term. I don't have the answers myself. It's not what I studied when I went into Healer training. Magic can be extraordinary and so can the body. If they both get out this alive, I'll never take anything for granted again. I regret that I was ever a git."

I knew he was talking about last Spring, and it was the last thing he needed to be stressing over. We'd all moved past it, but I knew he still felt guilty for putting the kids through all that. I could even understand better now why he had quit being a Healer. Given how I'd felt the last couple of weeks, I hadn't been in the mood for my work. I wasn't planning on quitting, but I could understand his overwhelmed feeling with everything going on. I was lucky enough to work at home to see the kids and reassure them. Keith worked nine to five hours. I couldn't blame Ben anymore for putting his family first. However, he wouldn't be able to when he was stressing about the past.

"There's no point in dwelling on that now," I told him. "Right now you need to take care of your wife and children. You can't fall into the self-pity at the moment. Just remember that we'll be there if you need us. Don't take on too much on your own, but now is not the time to fall into self-pity either."

"I know," Ben said. "I just wish she would have listened and stayed at her mothers. I know she is dwelling on it herself, and I don't want her to feel bad about it. She was even a big help with capturing the leaders, but I just wish she hadn't gone. If I had a time turner, I'd go back and tell her to stay home. I just hate seeing her go through all of this, especially when she thought she had miscarried. I'd never seen her so depressed. I couldn't even think of my own loss about the baby because of how sad she was. Now we know the baby is fine, but she's so drained."

"She's stubborn though," I reminded him. "Honestly, I was tempted to just go anyway. My mum had to talk me out of it many times. If she hadn't, I could be in the same situation. We can play the "what if" game all we want, but it won't change anything. All we can do is be here to help her. It's just so strange seeing her this way."

Ben glanced over at her and sighed.

"Well I am glad you didn't go. You could be in the same situation, or even worse, you could be dead," he said. "It's going to be a rough few months, but I'm thankful that I can be at home with her."

"Well we'll try to help when we can," I told him. "I'll come over more."

"As long as you're still taking care of yourself and the girls," Ben told me. "Don't sacrifice your health for us," and then he looked at her again. "I'm sorry she's asleep right now. I know that you really wanted to see her, and she wanted to see you. I'll make sure I write to you when she has more energy."

I glanced at her feeling sad. I still felt that this was all because of me. We should have been sitting together and talking about our futures instead of this.

When she was finally awake long enough for me to visit with her, it was hard for me to make conversation with her. I'd visited a few times after my visit with Ben, but we hadn't talked much. We'd just made small conversation but then she'd fall asleep. Things felt almost awkward between us, and I couldn't remember the last time things had. We'd always been able to talk to each other, even after we'd been in a fight. This was probably the worst thing I'd ever done to her, and I'd betrayed her a few times and I'd thought mean things about her. On the day of her house-warming party, all I could think about was that I didn't have and what she did. Now I didn't care. I just wanted her and the baby to be okay.

As we sat in silence, I tried to think of something to talk about. I thought about her family. I knew her mother hadn't seen her as much as she wanted. As I thought about her family, I remembered that she had some Canadian relatives. I doubted they knew about what had happened to her. Did she even talk to them anymore? I decided to ask, just to break the awkwardness. I didn't actually care, but maybe it could start a conversation between us.

"Do you ever hear from your Canadian relatives?" I asked her.

"Sometimes they send a letter, but they don't keep in touch as much I wanted them to," she answered.

I nodded but didn't say anything else. I'd been hoping to hear some kind of story, but it didn't seem I would, so I tried to think of something else to say. I just wanted us to talk as easily as we used to. Perhaps she secretly was angry with me but didn't want to admit it. She was a good enough friend to keep that to herself. She knew I was feeling guilty about it.

"Why?" She questioned.

I just gave a small shrug. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't think of anything else to say. So I decided just to ask if she was feeling tired. I didn't want her to fall asleep since our visits were always so short as it was, and I did hope we'd find something to talk about. I just wanted my old friend back. I would even take the whiny friend back.

"So are you feeling tired yet?" I asked her.

"Not yet," she answered. "I had a long sleep this afternoon. I'm hoping to stay awake tonight. There are some people who want to come see me. I'd like to see them too. I just hate the pity I get from people."

I wondered if she was thinking that I pitied her. It wasn't that I pitied her, I just felt guilty and I hated seeing her the way she was. I preferred the energetic Ashley who tired me out. Even when she was pregnant she could be energetic. She'd gotten tired with Alyssa, but there were times when she was still energetic. I remembered her asking me how I could have so much energy at her baby shower, but in reality it was the other way around. I'd been so tired when I went home I slept for the night. Keith had to take care of Michelle.

I glanced at her and I could see it in her eyes that she thought I too pitied her.

"I don't think they pity you," I told her.. "They just hate seeing you like this. You've always been an active person full of energy. I always wondered how you did it with teaching and then taking care of the twins. Now you can barely move without losing your strength. I don't pity you either in case you're thinking that. I just hate seeing you like this, and I can't help but feel responsible."

I'd promised that I wouldn't bring up my guilt around her to Ben and Keith, but it was hard not to. I felt horrible because she wouldn't be in this condition if I'd just told her the truth. Even if she wanted to leave, her mother would have reacted the same as mine had.

"It's not your fault," she answered. "If I'd listened to Ben, I wouldn't be in this position."

"I should have said something before your party," I insisted. "I knew you wanted to drink. I wasn't a very good friend for that. You had no clue, but I could see the signs in you like I could in Shelly. The alcohol could have even done something to you. I just thought you'd guess on your own. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. Even if you hadn't gone to that fight, I still should have told you before the party because you should not have been drinking."

Ashley yawned and I wondered if she was getting tired now. She looked it.

"How is it that you can always tell anyway?" She asked ignoring the rest of what I said. I guessed she didn't want to hear it even though it was the truth. "I can never guess when someone is pregnant early on, but you always know. Even when I found out about the twins, you knew. You knew it when Tara was pregnant, and when Tasha got pregnant."

"I don't know," I admitted. It was something I couldn't explain myself. I decided not to correct her that it had been me to tell her to take the test with the twins too. Perhaps she'd forgotten about that. "It's just something I can tell by the face. I even knew before I took the pregnancy test that I was when I looked in the mirror. I can't explain, but once you get pregnant your face looks different. It's not just the pregnancy glow people get, but something else."

"Well there is no point in blaming yourself for it," she told me and I guess she wasn't ignoring it after all. "I am doing that enough and even Ben is. He definitely has no reason to blame himself. I make my own decisions in life. He told me to stay home with the kids, but I didn't. I went anyway. The Healer said that alcohol likely didn't harm the baby. I told her about Halloween and she has been doing many checks. She said that our main concern right now is that I might give birth too early. All that is from the spells I had to take from the battle. I'm surprised the torture curse didn't do anything. I thought it was because of that. I'm just glad that my baby is still alive, even if I do lose my magic."

"He told you?" I asked with shock. I didn't think it was something he wanted her to know yet in case it stressed her out.

"No," she said. "I overheard you and Ben talking about it. I haven't talked about it with him yet. If I do lose my magic, I'll be upset for sure but I'll take my baby's life any day over having magic."

I nodded. "Ben does want to talk to you about that, but he's scared to upset you more. He knows you'd pick the baby over the magic, but he's worried you'll get more stressed worrying about it," I explained.

"It's just strange how one decision can change everything," she said. "At one moment I was taking my kids trick or treating, and then the next I can't even pick them up."

I could see the sadness in her eyes from this. I couldn't imagine what that would be like. They were getting too heavy for my to lift up, but I still tried anyway. The twins were toddlers, and I couldn't imagine not being able to lift my girls when they were that young. I would feel bad that I couldn't comfort my own kids when they cried at that age.

"I know,'' I said. "But it will work out for the good in the end, you'll see. I've noticed that in life. Things can seem like they are really bad, but then they turn out to be good. It's just hard to see it at the time."

I could tell that she disagreed with me about this. I'd felt the same way about Ben and me for the longest time. I'd been so depressed about her and Ben being together and I never thought things could get better, but they had. I know a crush was completely different from almost losing your baby, but I was sure once she had the baby, things would change.

"I know it's hard to see now," I said, it was all I could say because I really couldn't tell her how things would get better. I decided to change the subject to later that night. She was finally inviting people over for the first time since the accident. "So who is coming over tonight?"

"Michael and Shelly, Denver and Sheila, Jared and I think Hank and Stan might be coming over as well. Jess, Anne and Erica too," she said.

"What about Sarah?" I asked since she was with Hank now.

"Probably her too," she answered.

"So the old crowd basically," I said glad that we'd see our old Hufflepuff family. I was glad that after all these years, we still talked to each other.

"They've all been wanting to see how I've been," she said. "They've all been writing to me practically every day. Thankfully no one knows that I thought I lost the baby. Jared knew, but no one does."

I thought about when Jared had brought her back. He'd been so devastated about it. He'd been over a few times since and he was still upset about it. He was at least walking a lot better. Michael had basically forced him to relax. He wanted Jared to get better before he and Shelly moved in together. He hated the thought of him being by himself and healing, so he'd made him relax so he could move out.

"I never thought I'd see Jared cry," I told her. "Anyone else I would believe it, but he broke down completely."

"When?" She asked with complete surprise.

I was shocked that she was surprised. She had to know that he cared about her a lot. He still loved her after all these years. He'd risked his leg just for her.

"It was Jared who brought you back here. Even though his leg was shattered, he still apparated on it to bring you here. I was here because your mum had told me where you'd gone, and she wanted me to tell her if you'd go straight there after the fight," I told her.

"I thought I went to ," she said.

I guessed Ben hadn't given her the details about afterwards. It wasn't really that much of a surprise since he was doing everything he could to keep her happy and relaxed.

"You did," I answered. "Ben came home afterward, because he went back to your mums and she told him that you were here. So he came here and he took you to St. Mungos and I took Jared. Before Ben got here though, Jared was really broken up about it. He was scared that you were dead. He knew he should have taken you to St. Mungos, but he didn't have it in him. He just thought of this place right away, and then he couldn't apparate again. I could see that you were breathing, but I was scared to move you. Ben came and then checked you over, and took you."

"I couldn't have been there for very long, I was home the next day," she said confirming that Ben definitely hadn't given her the details of that night or afterwards.

"No, you were there for a night," I told her. "Then Ben brought you home. They only let him because he's a Healer. You were out for two days."

"Two days? I thought I was home right away because all those people were here, and Jared was in St. Mungos," she said.

"No, they just kept coming over to visit. It was the first time Harry could get away from the Auror office to see you. Hermione wanted to make sure you were okay too, and so did Ron, so they all came when Michael said that you'd been stirring. We'd all been watching to see if you'd come out of it. At first you just slept, but for about two hours before you woke, you were starting to move and then you started to mumble. You kept asking for the kids, and Don, Ben and Michael, and then you asked if they were just going to hit you while you were down," I explained. I hadn't been there for the first two hours, but Ben had told me about it. I decided not to add that she'd been muttering for a lot longer than that.

"I said that out loud?" She asked.

"Yes, and then you were saying you wanted to open your eyes," I told her. "and then you did."

"I remember that part, but I thought I was just thinking," she said. "I didn't realize I was speaking out loud. No wonder I was so thirsty and my eyes were so dry. I didn't realize I was out for that long. I thought it had just been a few hours."

"No," I said. "It was a scary couple of days. You mum was so upset, and the kids knew something was wrong. They knew because Ben and Michael hugged them and everyone before they left, and then you did. Alyssa said she knew something bad was going to happen. Hayden wanted to come back sooner, but we wouldn't let him. He knew that there had been a fight in Godrics Hollow and that you'd been involved."

"He's been overprotective lately," she said. "So has Alyssa for that matter. I am worried about her. I don't think she's been sleeping. She looks tired and then she crawls into bed with me. Same with Ben for that matter. I don't think anyone is going to relax until the baby comes."

I knew that Alyssa was worried and she didn't sleep much. She was happier that her mother wasn't sad anymore, but she hated that she stayed in bed all the time. She came over a few times just to tell me about it. I'd heard her telling Michelle and Alyssa about how worried she was. I didn't think Ashley had even told the kids about the baby yet. I doubted she'd tell them to keep it a secret, but Alyssa hadn't mentioned it. I figured she would have. She did look very tired, and Ben confirmed there were nights when she'd be up most of the night.

"Do the kids know yet?" I asked her. Maybe if she did tell Alyssa that the pregnancy tired her out, she would sleep better.

Ashley shook her. "Hayden does but I haven't told Alyssa or the twins. I will soon. I am going to be showing soon enough, I already kind of am. At least once I tell them, they'll relax a little more. I think it will make Alyssa feel better."

I was glad to see she was thinking the same thing. I wasn't surprised that Hayden knew, in fact, I believed Ben had told me the same thing.

"It will at least explain things," I said with a nod. "Are you feeling tired now?"

"Not yet, I hope I have a good night," she answered but I thought she might be lying. She looked tired, but she was also stubborn.

It did end up being a good afternoon, and I hoped we'd have good days like this more often.

Later that day, Shelly, Michael and Jared came over before they went over to Ashley's. We would go over a little later after my mother came to take the girls. Michael, Jared and Keith went into the kitchen for some drinks while Shelly and I stayed in the living-room.

"Ellen, if we'd just told Ashley, this wouldn't have happened," Shelly told me after they had left.

"I feel guilty about it," I told her.

"Keith told us and I know you do," Shelly said, "but Ellen, I hate being in this position. I feel horrible too. I should have said something to her at her party. I can't stop thinking about it."

"Neither can I," I said and I thought saw some anger in her eyes. "I don't blame you if you hate me. You only kept quiet because I told you to."

"I don't hate you Ellen," Shelly said, "but I'll be lying if I am not slightly angry. I was very angry with you at first, but Michael told me about how bad you felt. I could have spoken up at any time at her party. It's not as if you made me take the unbreakable vow. I saw her taking those shots and I should have said something. I've been angry with myself too."

"All of us are blaming ourselves when we should be supporting her," I said. "She blames herself and she was depressed for a week before they found out. I couldn't even bring myself to visit her."

"It's why I've stayed away. I can't look her in the eye and tell her what happened," Shelly said.

"Shelly, she doesn't need to know that you knew. How can that fix anything? She's already worried about my guilt in all this, she doesn't need to worry about you too. We just need to be there for her and that's it," I told her and I glanced at her to see that her baby bump had grown. "And you can't stress yourself out about it when you're pregnant. It's something that Ben and Keith have been telling me, but I haven't been taking their advice too well. I just can't stop thinking about it either," and I felt the tears in my eyes again.

"So take their advice," she told me and she put a hand on my knee. "I'm sorry honey. I wanted to tell you off, but I can't do it. Michael wanted to talk to Keith before we went over to Ashley's later, so I was going to take the opportunity to do it, but I can't."

"It's something I think about before I fall asleep and when I wake up," I told her. "I don't blame you for being angry with me."

"Talking to you about it has made the anger go away," Shelly said, "I can see it in your eyes. I'm always going to feel guilty, and so will you, but Michael, Keith and Ben are right. We can't keep beating ourselves up about it. Even if we weren't pregnant we shouldn't. Ashley would hate it too."

"She hates it that I feel bad about it, and it won't be any use to tell her about you," I said. "If you don't want her to know, we don't have to say anything."

"I'd prefer if she didn't," Shelly said. "I watched her do shots and I didn't stop her. We even made a big deal about me not drinking because of my pregnancy, and I knew she was pregnant. I felt horrible after her party and then Michael was crying because she'd lost the baby. I was so relieved to hear that she actually didn't."

"Well just be prepared for her to be tired tonight," I told her. "We spent the day together and it was the first time we actually could without her falling asleep. I just can't see it lasting long. I avoided her at first, but after I started to visit her I couldn't stay for very long because she would asleep. Today was the first time we had an actual conversation. Ben and Ashley want people over tonight, but be prepared for her to be exhausted."

"I just can't imagine that," Shelly said. "She's always been so energetic. I remember at Hogwarts when she was Head Girl, even with everything she had to do, she was still able to take care of everyone else. I'd feel tired just from walking around that castle at times. I couldn't figure out how she was able to take care of four kids at once, especially with toddlers. I feel tired out sometimes when Michael takes the boys."

"I just hope it comes back after all this," I said. "This is going to change all of us forever, but one of things I've always liked about her is that she can be so childlike at times. Most people lose that, and it will a shame if she does."

"She won't be the same after this," Shelly told me. "But maybe that's a good thing. I've always liked Ashley, but she has this impulsiveness about her. This will maybe teach her to think before she acts. Sometimes I think she should have been a Gryffindor for that reason. Most people in Gryffindor, including my own sister are like that. I wonder if the hat wanted her in Gryffindor too. It considered Slytherin for me, it's why I don't think we're actually muggleborn. The hat would see that we were half-bloods."

"The hat only considered her for Hufflepuff," I answered. "And there have been muggleborn Slytherin's. It just doesn't happen very often, but the hat can't ignore those traits."

Shelly just shrugged. "Anyway, I don't expect her or Ben to be the same. In fact, I think Ben will be even more protective than he was before, but you really can't blame him can you? I think even Michael would be over-protective and he's never been. I think when it comes to Ashley and the new baby, everyone will be for quite a while."

I couldn't help but agree with her about that. I knew I would be too. That child was going to grow up with everyone following him or her with a butterfly net. Everyone would be anxious anytime Ashley went anywhere for a long time. I imagined Ben wouldn't want her to go anywhere by herself for a while. Even when she was ready to do magic again, he would be anxious about it. From then on, if I knew a girl in my life was pregnant, I would tell her right away. I couldn't chance another Ashley.


End file.
